Oh let's see, a fantasy world where the inhabitants look like a cyclopic Hamburger Helper mascot atop a toilet plunger? I think Tralfamadore from Vonnegut's Slaughterhouse 5 ta1kes the cake on that one.

Although, kidnapping someone with the awesome name of Montana Wildhack was a pretty smooth move. Totally changing my name to that.

The Real World. It TOTALLY sucks are a fantasy realm. No elves, no dwarves (apart from those little guys with a genetic thingy which stunts their growth, but they don't count. No beards or axes.), no halflings and, damnitall, no magic. I mean, what kind of fantasy world is this.

I mean, what other fantasy realm would have CARS for a start. Apart from something by Piers Anthony, of course. Ok, what fantasy realms apart from /anything by Piers Anthony/ would have cars. And even then Piers Anthony would put other things in - badly, I grant you, but they'll be there. In the Real World there's no Incarnations of immortal concepts - or if they are, they're not telling, and what's the point in that. No, the real world is like a bad Piers Anthony novel, and that's saying something.

The Real World. As a fantasy realm, it's the pits.

Mirrodin.

Thanks Magic: the Gathering for this little gem. In 2003, Wizards of the Coast released their 50th expansion set (50. the big 5-0. The Golden Anniversary) set in the "magical" world of Mirrodin. In a world of magic, I mean the title of the game is magic, they decided that this world would be made of metal. Really. With murcury seas and razor grass.

This product failed on multiple fronts. On a fantasy flavor front, There's not a lot that can be done with this, and it screams "scifi".

"Hey what if the world was made of metal?!!!!!! Wouldn't that be COOL!!!!!!!"
"Maybe. What kind of story would take place there?"
"The world is made of metal, then there's this robotic wizard see, that makes things metal. R0xr!Eleventy!"

Who greenlighted that crap?

On a second front, Magic pro tour players who dont give a rip about flavor were equally pissed at the mechanics this world introduced because it broke the tournament environment and resulted in emergency bannings. Called "affinity", it made the tournament scene 1) affinity, and 2) decks made to beat affinity.

Even better than my musings is this article from psygno that reviews the book by Will McDermott:
http://www.misetings.com/?itemid=779

"McDermott is bad. McDermott is wrong. There needs to be a word that means worse than bad or wrong, like badwrong – or badong. McDermott is badong. And I will stand for the opposite of McDermott: Gnodab."

The Mushroom Kingdom (from the Super Mario Brothers games)

By far one of the most senseless worlds ever created, the Mushroom Kingdom is completely absurd when you actually take a step back to look at it. The only thing that makes any sense in the whole damn place is it's name. It's called the Mushroom Kingdom because lots of fucking mushrooms grow there. Also, the people who live there all have mushroom head things. But is the ruler of this land a Mushroom person? No, they're a human. Princess Peach to be exact.

And if ever there was a more inept ruler, I don't think I've ever heard of them. It seems that the Princess' sole job is to be kidnapped routinely by a ruler from a bordering land named Bowser. How Bowser hasn't managed to take over the Mushroom Kingdom yet is beyond me. He certainly seems to have no difficulties whatsoever with abducting the head of its monarchy.

But let's look at the land itself. For the most part, the entire place seems to be made of bricks. There are little floating blocks everywhere, a castle at the end of every block, giant bullet machines that fire off randomly everywhere and carnivorous turtles in all different colors that kill you if you so much as touch them. Talk about a shitty place to spend a holiday.

Did I also mention that every 20 to 30 feet are so there are bottomless pits that send anything that fall into them to their doom? Yet no one even thought of putting up bridges or even guard rails for these things.

And lastly, let's not forget the absolutely retarded plumbing system in the Mushroom Kingdom. Large green pipes seem to stick up out of the ground at random (some of them are even floating in the sky). Many of them are infested with man-eating carnivorous plants and the sewer systems themselves are filled with more bottomlss pits and killer turtles. Whoever was involved in the planning of the sewers should be fired.

Still don't believe me that this place sucks balls? Just look at the place from the point of view of its citizens:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/12409138@N08/2711950463/

Twilight World
Sure it's on Earth, but it's the stupidest vampire fantasy ever. The vampires don't have fangs, they don't burn up in sunlight. Oldies but goodies like holy water, coffin-sleeping, crosses and mirrors are disrespectfully staked by Mormon-porn author Stephenie Meyer.

The only thing these vampires seem capable of doing is turning every woman on the planet into mindless, shrieking fanatics which sets the feminist movement back 40+ years.

The Star Wars Galaxy

Simple reason: how original is it to have almost all your planets have only one environment.

Hoth: Arctic
Dagobah: Swamp
Tatooine: Desert
Coruscant: Planetwide city
Endor: Forest
Kashyyyk: Forest
Felucia: Swamp
Geonosis: Rocky Desert
Mustafar: Volcanic

Only a couple of planets like Naboo and Alderaan seem to have some sort of variety in their planets.

Eragon.

Give me the prize.

The fantasy real from "Legend"

The world from 1985's "Legend" is like a Frankenstein's monster made of recycled fantasy elements plucked from Lord of the Rings, fairy tales, etc. Intended to be a masterpiece, it instead became a monstrosity. Though originally concieved as a study of the nature of good and evil, the movie ended up being a goofy film featuring:

1. A shirtless Tom Cruise hopping around the forest.
2. Obnoxious "elves" that do nothing but get captured and piss everyone off.
3. One of the least-threatening villains ever:

The villain in this movie is intended to be a Satan figure who attempts to destroy the forces of good by killing unicorns. His costume is possibly the least inspired villain design ever: He's just a big red guy with horns and cloven feet. Yeah, that's subtle. He never really does much throughout the movie, other than a ridiculous scene in which he DANCES with the ditsy protagonist, Princess Lilly. There are also fairies, goblins, and pretty much a never-ending rainbow of cliches. Legend is a boring movie with a nonsensical story and a mythology that lacks any creativity whatsoever.

Spira - Final Fantasy X and X-2:

Seriously, imagine living in a world where they have amazing magical technology yet you have to walk everywhere... Then between cities are single path canyons and valleys TEEMING WITH HORRIBLE MONSTERS that will kill you.

They have figured out how to magically fill a sphere floating in mid air with water and how to breathe in said giant fishbowl to play underwater basketball/rugby for half an hour but can't get around to taming or hunting down the creatures that threaten their lives if they leave the city?

Lest we forget this is also a world with three tiny continents yet 5 sentient life forms. Humans, Ronso, Guado, Hypello, and Al-Bhed... No wonder they're always fighting, there's not enough room for everyone. On top of that the dead walk the friggin earth and the inhabitants seem to be completely blind to someone being alive or dead.

The only way to get rid of a ghost is to have the local priest girl come around and send your dead loved one to hell basically.

Now if day to day life didn't sound like a total pain in the ass yet, there's also the matter of the city sized monster who's sole purpose is to wreck your friggin' day until the local virgin priestess kills herself to get it to go away for a few years.

Yeah Spira... a life of constant hell if you ask me. Even the friggin cacti are jerks!

Krynn - From the Dragonlance series.

Oh, sure, it starts out fine. It's your basic fantasy realm of elves and dragons, dwarves, goblins and ogres. The even house a new race of halfling that is even more annoying than the original. And hey, who doesn't love a world that is basically designed so that evil has just as much a chance as good in seizing the day?

But then, the writers get tired, want to move on. So, what do they do? Big epic battle with Chaos itself that ends with all magic on the planet going byebye. That should have been the end, right there. I would have been fine with that. But no, they release book after book in this boring Age of Mortals, despite the fact that nobody wants to read a fantasy series without magic.

But, that's the worst of it, right? Wrong. The original authors got cajoled into coming back, and guess what? It was all fake! The ending battle with chaos, magic vanishing, it was all some big cosmic joke by the forces of evil. Kill off one kender, and it'll be all gravy again. We promise, this time.

Ugh. It's enough to make me tear my hair out.

Oh this answer seems so obvious I'm not even sure I should write it down.

C'mon now.

Silent Hill.

No, seriously. First off, in most fantasy realms you have to deal with some serious bull shit from either annoying cliches, boredom, or science rape. But there are also some upswings. Hot guys/girls are rampant and you might get to watch someone explode someone's head with magic (or do it yourself!)

But there is no chance of high-wheeling adventure or hot dates in Silent Hill. The whole point of the place is that it's your own personal living hell.

You WILL feel the warmth of your own urine soaked pant leg slap against your shin as you run from a wall of man-eating cockroaches.

You WILL find that the only sound more terrifying than your companions gurgling scream is the silence that immediately follows.

You WILL dishonor your family with your girlish prance-running as a mannequin monster riding a giant scorpion with your mother's face on it hunts you down to tell you that you were never loved.

So yeah. Silent Hill.

Fuck that.

The Pokemon world

Whats with this place???
there are millions of things wrong with it but to keep it short here just a few
1.To catch a wild animal you must first beat it half to death with one you have already caught (which is a good thing to teach the millions of little kids watching it) then throw balls at it
2.Someone some were has created a cloning machine and every one just ignors it i mean come on were are all thes nurse Joys comeing from???
3.Brock is a pervert
4.The biggest bad guy has the biggest gang in the world (Giovanni and team rocket) and all they do is just steal other people Pokemon

Been said once but I'll say it again, Star Wars. I’ll limit my attention to the Battle of Hoth.

From multiple viewings of the events of this epic conflict I can surmise that Colonel Sanders with a bucket of chicken, tub of coleslaw and one badass string tie could have mounted a more serious defense than the collective efforts of the Rebel alliance.

Despite the final outcome of the skirmish, I found that Princess Leia was able to spectacularly coordinate a full frontal fashion assault with enough white and beige to make Mon Mothma rethink her seasonal colours. Despite Leia’s best efforts the actual battle plan appears to be more a Chinese fire drill than a Sun Tzu treatise on combat tactics. Six prepubescent teens in Ugg Boots armed with potato cannons and the parent’s satellite dish barely qualify as opposition to the organized yet somewhat deficient assault of the Imperial Walkers.

For those of you who have not read Machiavelli or Miyamoto Musashi there are certain principles and tactics that are usually adhered to in the theatre of combat. In the case of the Rebel Alliance, you’d figure a fighting force with faster than light capabilities could have come up with a better defense than what amounts to trench warfare. Think about what you have at your immediate disposal besides Rebel canon fodder. An ion cannon that seems to be able to disable an Imperial Star Destroyer yet cannot be aimed less than a 100 000 clicks away, this might have proven a formidable weapon against the oncoming walkers moving at 2 metres per minute. Instead you set up an Ahab inspired assault by way of harpoon. Like the great man Ahab discovered “Arrr I be dead”.

Lucas must have been fantasizing about two Frenchmen pillow fighting when he wrote this one. Onward to the walkers, this seemingly laser invulnerable mechanical marvel somehow become hopelessly crippled when a simple snow speeder wraps a cable around its legs causing it to fall down. Then and only then does the armour become vulnerable to attack. Sadly this tactic proved too little too late. Maybe a little kamikaze action should have been the order of day. Die in a half assed defense of an igloo with a whale gun and a fur coat or just drive my skidoo into the Imperial Walker with kiloton nuclear warhead strapped to my back.

Lest we be critical without recommendation, let’s make a few suggestions. Perhaps the Rebel efforts of digging their own graves might have been more effective than digging a moat. An investment in a mine field might have demonstrated more useful in defense to a land assault instead of pulling a move from Kelly’s Heroes when Donald Sutherland shoots “pretty pictures in the air”. Finally the obvious, if you’re going to dig a trench, dig a really big trench the Walkers can’t walk over. Lets face it the Rebel Alliance can travel at light speed, but they can’t put metal in the microwave. If this was a fashion war my friends and the Imperial troopers won.

People, people, people... PLEASE... stupid fantasy worlds? Come on there is only ONE that should be on this list... this world comes with EVERY, not just some, but EVERY STUPID, INANE, ASSINE, LAME, OBSCURE, and every other descriptive term one could consieve.What type of world is this you ask? Why the fantasy world of PORN!!! Yepper the magical "masterbation-land" where EVERY pizza order, broken pipe, vampire, videogame, movie, book, cartoon and Holiday you'll ever know has and will be "porno-ized" into a beautiful land of T&A and money shots! Raiders of the Lost Cock, Boning Private Ryan, Poke-a-hot-ass, Blazing Saddles (oh wait that's not porn!)... Blazzing Saddle Sores (better). There is no fantasy world as stupid as this nor none GREATER! Hail to thee fantasy world of porn... hail to thee! (What other fantasy world promises blindness and eternal damnation from most religions?)

Oh, by the way I'll need a XXL shirt (fat guys like thier porn with In-N-Out Double Doubles and animal fries).

Thanks!

When i think of stupid fantasy worlds, one sticks out like a sore thumb, and that is Bizarro world from Superman comics. Its the home planent of Bizarro,the super backwards clone of Superman, and bizarro versions of everyone from lois lane to baman. It's shape is a cube(get it cause earths a sphere) and it's called Htrae(get it cause its earth backwards) and its bizarre(get it cause.. well.. um.. actually that ones pretty self-explanatory). Now i can barely handle the backwards talking antics of bizarro when he appears in the comics, but a planet of them? with all their backwards talk and endlessly repeating the word bizzaro, its a wonder superman does push all of Htrae right into the sun and save the universe from this cubed world of stupidity! But why bother trying to explain why bizarro world is so stupid, when i have a citzen of bizarro world to explain it. here is an actual passage from a citizen of bizarro world : "goodbye! Bizarro world am smart. Bizarro world is smartest! Bizarro is greatest hero, we hate him. On bizarro world, robot topless is smartest best website, we hate it too, we hate everyone, dont come visit! hello!"..

my entry into this contest of the stupidest fantasy worlds is simple: the weekend. now, i understand it's not a conventional world, but think about it. its the last bastion of hope and disappointment for the working man (or woman). monday through friday we do our jobs, some in a cubicle, some in factories, or wherever, dreaming of this mythical weekend. we dream of all the things we are going to do, making extravagant plans in our minds. and then, when the weekend comes... POOF! nothing turns out the way we thought, and while we might have had fun, it still doesn't live up to the fantasy. plus there's no topless robot to entertain us! and when monday comes, the vicious cycle starts all over again...

The Ultimate Marvel Universe.

This fantasy realm goes beyond unnecessary and becomes completely redundant. As if retelling the same stories is creative, Marvel, at best, acknowledges the total lack of continuity it continues to perpetrate on loyal readers, while making an unapologetic grab for more cash at the expense of those too bewildered to even try to begin understanding what the hell is going on within the established story lines.

As marginally clever and entertaining as a remake or a Special Edition, Ultimate Marvel surpasses those concepts and achieves unforeseen levels of "There Are No New Ideas" by being comprised of multiple titles "updating" the same old stories, and all at $3+ a pop. Factor in trade paperbacks and ripping yourself off(along with the readership)never made so much sense/ cents.

THRA - THE DARK CRYSTAL (film)

What needs to be said here? An all muppet lineup of completely stupid characters. The saddest part is the best (if you can use that term) character was fizzgig - some kind of mutant dog with no legs and all mouth that really just resembled a gigantic hairy vagina with teeth.

I'd have to say the Pokemon world.

Sure, it's animal abuse at its finest (and most fun! Ask Michael Vick!) But the real reason Pokemon has the dumbest world is because of its professors.
Come on. The men of science in Kanto, Hoenn, and Joeblo (or whatever) always think they have discovered every species. Of course they wouldn't know, because they keep sending 10-year-old kids to do their jobs for them. Apparently they never travel, because scores of "new" and "undiscovered" Pokemon live out in the open, sometimes just feet away. The brightest people on the planet don't collaborate with other scientists and they don't investigate claims? Aren't those the things that make you a scientist?
They probably have trouble naming them, too.
"This thing keeps yelling 'Bulbasaur!' What should we call it?"
They also have no sense of distinction between the real and supernatural. everything must be the fault of a Pokemon. Things just don't HAPPEN!
It's a good thing people don't seem to get sick in the Pokemon world, because these "Scientists" would probably end up killing you because of neglect than actually saving you.
Or they'd think a strange new dark Pokemon is attacking your mind.

I was just saying to my girlfriend this morning, in the pokemon world, would Michael Vick be a pokemon champ?

Gor.

Gor is a planet orbiting the sun directly opposite the Earth, but it also inexplicably shares the same topology of earth. In addition to this, Gor shares analogues to just about every indigenous or historical culture that has ever existed on Earth because why the hell not? Who doesn't love simplistic caricatures of foreign or archaic cultures? This world is created and maintained by an all-powerful race of aliens who blah, blah, blah, blah. The setting and details of Gor do not matter. They don't matter to the fans. They don't matter to the critics. They probably don't matter to the author. All that matters is this: The most startling and horrifically fascinating aspect of the fantasy World of Gor is that someone invented a fantasy world more misogynistic than the pulpiest of pulpy 1930's fantasy pulp. In a genre where chain mail bikinis and women-as-furniture was once par for the course, the pseudonymous John Norman was bold enough to ask, "Hey, why can't I write an endless series of books wherein one of the primary themes, if not the core tenet, is women are sexual chattle?" Gor is just like earth, but in Gor women are wanton sex slaves. This city is just like Rome, but this time women are wanton sex slaves. This culture is like the Vikings, but this time... and so on. This is a series of books which was meant to be read with ones hand planted firmly down the front of ones pants.

That in and of itself does not make Gor the stupidest fantasy setting, though... Okay maybe it does, but the really scary thing is this was a bestselling fantasy series between the late sixties and the late eighties. If you've ever wondered why the fantasy genre is looked down on by the general population and women in particular, well there's your reason. Gor is so stupid and broken it helped cast an entire genre into a feculent literary ghetto. If you've ever had to weigh the tradeoff between dating and books with a dude holding a sword on the cover, if you ever had to defend the merits of sword and sorcery, if you've ever had to fight to link the fantasy you read with good fantasy there is a sad, maladjusted philosophy professor in New England who bears more than his fair share of the blame.

DC Comics Universe

I know, I know, Marvel has an extremely strange view of science (as seen by the origin stories of their most popular characters) but hear me out. In DC's world, grown men who should be running their multi-million dollar company instead dress up as bats and kick the crap out of clowns, penguins, and cats. The police do nothing about this masked vigilante. An alien flies about with no regard whatsoever to air traffic patterns, beating up citizens based on his own standards of justice. This same individual causes huge amounts of collateral damage, and never bothers to clean up after himself.

This is a Universe that became so screwed up over the years that they had to do some fast thinking (Infinite Earths!) to cover their asses.

And let us not forget: they gave the currently insane Frank Miller control over the goddamn Batman.

Earth from The Illuminatus! Trilogy -

George Dorn, a reporter for a leftist conspiracy magazine, is broken out of prison by Discordians (followers of chaos) led by Hagbard Celine, a man with a golden submarine who smuggles drugs to finance his operations. They travel to Atlantis where they meet with a talking porpise named Howard who helps them fight the Illuminati, the shadow group that controls all. They also go to Chicago and meet with John Dillinger who faked his death in 1934.

The dastardly plan of the American Medical Association, who are a evil rock-and-roll band is to incite a mass human sacrifice to give that "life-energy" to a group of select individuals, including Adolf Hitler. This would make the selected ones immortal (as well as not dead in Hitler's case, I guess). Also the AMA are four siblings who are four of the five top members of The Illuminati. The "kill-innocents-to-ressurect-Hitler" plan is put into action at Woodstock which is being held in Germany, when "hibernating Nazi battalions" are awwoken at the bottom of a nearby lake.

This clockwork plan is stopped by Hagbard and Dillinger along with Yog-Sothoth (from Lovecraft mythology), a 50-foot
Eris (from Greek mythology), and porpoises. All four members of the AMA are killed in this battle.

Hagbard, Dillinger, Eris, Dorn, and maybe Yog-Soloth are on Hagbard's submarine when they are attacked by Leviathan, a single-cell pyramid-shaped monster that has been growing for millions of years. The characters are so shocked by this turn of events that they question if they are just made-up characters in a book. Then, they give Leviathan the sub's on-board computer to communicate with to ease it's loneliness. Hagbard then revelas himself as the final member of The Illuminati. His real belief was that everyone should be free to do whatever they want, whenever they want.

It also inspired a card game about warring conspiracy theories.

Earth, specifically Scotland, from the film Doomsday

A horrific plague breaks out and decimates the human population of the UK. England sets up a wall around Scotland to contain the disease, and those left inside die from the plague. Except, that is, for those who have a mysterious immunity to it. Clearly someone saw 28 Days/Weeks Later, but that's not really the ridiculous part.

Those that survive splinter into two factions. The first we encounter is a savage group of Mad Max inspired cannibals. Despite wildlife still roaming the country side, these people decide that the only meat worth eating now, is that of humans. The only exception being people from their own group... even hordes of psychopaths have a code of honor it would seem. The only apparent reason for this turn of diet, is that it makes for a gruesome and gory death scene.

The second group is somehow even more absurd. 20 years after being cut off from the modern world, the other survivors decide that medieval times were the best times, and so they revert back a thousand years or so. A crazy Malcolm McDowell rules over a group of authentically dressed serfs, and sends his armored Knights out on horse back to capture whomever they might find, and force them into Gladiator fights.

Now I can't really say how I'd turn out after 20 years of quarantine in Scotland with no contact from the rest of the world. But I can't honestly say that becoming a crazed cannibal or medieval peasant is what I would naturally evolve into. I suppose it's not outside the realm of possibility that 1 or 2 people might lose their shit and decide that they are Sir Knight of Eatingpeopleshire. But most likely I'd probably go Dawn of the Dead and try and make a Mall my own until I ran out of food. At which point I'd probably try to start up a farm and join whatever small community of people I could trade my pigs and barley with. It might be rough, but it's certainly better than living under the iron fist of King Linderman or The Night Rider Hannibal.

The website Topless Robot.

now send me my shirt god damn it.

McDonaldland.
There are several VERY good reasons why this is the stupidest world ever:
Hamburgers grow out of plants.
Two different factions of borderline-retarded thieves attempt to steal your burgers (Hamburglar) and your fries (Gobblins).
Talking McNuggets giggle as they slide down your throat.
Grimace: Two arms? Four arms? Make up your fucking mind.
CosMc -- Google it and be horrified.
Big Mac. Two all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions on a sesame-seed bun AND a nightstick. Eat this, Rodney King!
Mayor McCheese -- tasty and ineffectual politician.
Ronald McDonald. A vapid spokesclown with a predilection towards little children who has apparently been replaced every five years for reasons unknown. Ick.

Tumble this all together with the fact that McDonaldland was a blatant RIPOFF of H.R. Puffinstuf's also very lame universe. (Witchie-Poo? Really?)

The Saturday Morning Cartooniverse.

Here we have a hyper and intrusive geographical tantrum of sugar hangover colors and Dr. Seussian architecture, populated with obnoxious, misshapen creatures with grating voices, all prancing their way through a series of repetitive melodramas designed to sell cheap toys and cheaper foodstuffs to impressionable, lobotomized youths.

In The Saturday Morning Cartooniverse, teenage boys shape-shift into sports cars, anthropomorphic turtles use slapstick karate moves to defend the world from squealing brains and retarded rhinos, and any series that's been around more than twenty years will inevitably be reinterpreted by creepy infant fetishists who believe that any character can be improved by slapping a diaper on him. (Muppet Babies at least met the viewer halfway with an anarchic, anything-goes narrative style; did the world need Lil' Kid versions of Scooby-Doo, Fred Flintstone and the Tasmanian Devil?)

Only in The Saturday Morning Cartooniverse can one expect to be accosted by something calling itself Cloyster, which appears to be an ashtray sculpted by LSD-crazed baboons.

The Saturday Morning Cartooniverse alone forces innocent viewers to contend with such godless, haunting concepts as a bulbous Pac-Man in a derby hat powering up by consuming Styrofoam spheres so that he can feast upon the flesh of Technicolor spirits, or a Roid-O-Rooter barbarian in a furry loincloth singlehandedly defending an entire world from an army of comically inept and hapless fuckups whose names all consist of their gimmick plus "Man" or "O."

My mind would not be filled to bursting with Fruity Islands Cereal jingles, "It Does A Body Good" catch-phrases and wildly inappropriate Kim Possible sex fantasies if I'd never been subjected to the manic, nonsensical nightmare dreamscape that I like to call The Saturday Morning Cartooniverse.

And in lieu of therapy, I hope to procure a Topless Robot T-shirt.

Pray for Mojo.

Xanth (Piers Anthony's Chronicles of Xanth)

It's hard to say what part of Xanth is the stupidest.

The fact that everything - landmarks, creatures, plants - is based on a bad pun is perhaps the most obvious point. The pun-based "humor" is bad enough in and of itself but attempting to visualize some of the things Anthony describes is likely to inspire levels of horror H.P. Lovecraft could only dream of.

While one might be able to cope with Night-Mares (black, female horses charged with delivering bad dreams) or the With-A-Cookie (Withlacoochee) River, only the stoutest of fantasy fans can picture The Dogwood Tree ("Its' many leaves resemble the faces of dogs, and its' roots are like doglegs. Its' fruits are hot dogs") without flinching.

And speaking of unnerving imagery, another stupid aspect of Xanth is that anything can breed with anything else and create a crossbreed child. What's wrong with that? It's a magical world - anything is possible. Well, yes - but do you really want to think about the logistics how zombies and dragons can mate and give birth to a zombie dragon? Or what the children of that zombie dragon will look like once it gets the hots for a centaur dwarf?

Another obvious contender is The Adult Conspiracy - a magic spell permeating all of Xanth which prevents anyone under the age of 18 from being able to hear curse words or know about sex. So, basically Xanth is just like the town from Footloose only even more repressed and with centaurs and ogres.

Then there's Xanth's mageocracy government - which gives ruling power to the person with the most powerful magic talent. This isn't quite so illogical or stupid as the law which requires that everyone who lives in Xanth must have some form of magical talent - no matter how useless - or be exiled into our world.

See, in the twisted logic of Xanth, they would much rather keep the total jerk who could make colored spots appear on the wall rather than the nice, hard-working boy who doesn't use his magical powers to drum up work for his house-painting business.

But for my money, the stupidest part of Xanth is the subtle sexism and unsubtle sexual humor that permeate the world even more than bad puns. Even ignoring the obsession with panties (and the gods know I want to), there's not much else that needs to be said about a series where the female protagonist of the first book had a magic power which caused her to cycle between being an intelligent, ugly bitch and a beautiful, submissive bimbo depending on the time of the month. Seriously.

The Real World (MTVuniverse)

This fantasy world only has just over a dozen cities in it with names like "New York", "Miami", "San Francisco", "Austin" and "Paris". These cities are only inhabited by 18-25 year old attractive men and women. There are only seven important people in each town that live together in an incredibly over decorated apartment/abandoned warehouse/floor of a Las Vegas hotel. The inhabitants of this Real World drink more alcohol than humanly possible, switch sexual preferences based on who is in the hot tub with them, scream obscenities at housemates for no reason other than trying to get on "The Soup", sometimes they have to work (you know to prepare them for the "real world"... even though they will just go on and become reality tv game show sluts), Inhabitants have annoying hard to pronounce fake names like "Trishelle Cannatella", "Tonya Cooley", "Coral Smith", "Arissa Hill", "Flora Alekseyeun", "Jacinda Barrett" and "Judd Winick".

This fantasy world works very hard to disguise itself as the real world. It goes to great lengths to make sure it's world has many of the same details as our world. They have at least one minority in each city (two if you count homosexuals)... shit the Real World sucks... I can't go on.

Lamest Fantasy World – Quack Pack’s Duckburg.

By THE PR0F3550R

When DuckTales premiered in 1987, Disney took a gamble at the time to bring Carl Bark’s wonderful “Duck World” to life through an animated series. Immediately children of the late 80s and early 90s found a show that was smart, funny, entertaining, and charming. So much so, that it and other high class shows like TailSpin and Gummi Bears along with movies like Little Mermaid and Lion King began a rebirth and new found love for Disney that had not been seen in decades.

DuckTales brought to life an entire anthropomorphic fantasy world where dogs, ducks, chickens, pigs, and other “Animal Farm-like” animals interacted with each other, had cross-species relations, and even occasionally ate non-anthropomorphic versions of themselves. It was a very immersive and fun world that clearly established itself as an animal version of our human Earth.

Then came Quack Pack… A slapstick, IN-YOUR-FACE, and TO-THE-EXTREME 90s aberration. Quack Pack itself is not a bad series and did have some humorous storylines. Plus it was nice to see Huey, Dewey, and Louie as teens now living with Donald who finally finished his naval duty and was ready to return to civilian life. Throw in Daisy in the mix and what could go wrong? The Answer: Everything.

What could have been another amazing series turned out to be a 39 episode failure. Why? I guess you could blame the obsession with the 90s for everything that is TO-THE-EXTREME. I mean TO-THE-EXTREME gave us some of best loved jerks like Sonic the Hedgehog and his even more IN-YOUR-FACE rival Shadow, Megaman’s TO-THE-EXTREME rival Bass/Forte and his future version Megaman X(treme), G.I. Joe Extreme, Ghostbusters Extreme and the Sega Genesis to name a few.

I think most of us could forgive the fact that Huey, Dewey, and Louie were now EXTREME teenagers without their duck-accents and the fact they were TOTALLY IN-YOUR-FACE made them much cooler than the resourceful and genuine kids they were in DuckTales who went on amazing adventures with their Uncle Scrooge. We could even forgive Hawaiian Shirt wearing Donald Duck and holier-than-thou Daisy Duck. We could even forgive the absence of Uncle Scrooge and the other DuckTales alumni.

But the one thing we could not forgive was humans in DuckBurg!? Seriously, what were they thinking? How did humans take over an entire city? Where did all the other anthropomorphic characters go to? Why are Daisy, Donald, his nephews and a few others the only animal folk? Why would a city populated with humans be called Duckburg? I’m sure Carl Barks was ready to commit seppuku as Disney continued to bastardize his beloved creation.

I guess you could assume they were the same freaky humans like Comet Guy from Darkwing Duck, but he has four fingers and was an alien from a planet of Super Heroes so that theory is scratched. Could it be there were transported to an alternate reality like Chip n’ Dale Rescue Rangers where anthropomorphic animals live with humans? Nope because one thing Chip n’ Dale established is that the animals have their own world like in the Rescuers, but in front of humans they appear as regular animals. How about the Bonkers’ world where cartoons interact with humans? Again Bonkers world is like Roger Rabbit’s world, they are cartoons that work with humans, not true anthropomorphic animals from their own world with their own evolutionary history and society. What it basically comes down to is that Disney was on a downward spiral again. They forgot what made them great again and in the span of a decade began to kill all the good will they had gained that eventually lead to them desperately seek out something successful, i.e. Pixar. What Disney did to Duckburg and Carl Barks’ vision is downright criminal. Quack Pack could have been another success; instead they bastardized the established 40 year old cannon. Quack Pack came and went and no one is clamoring to own this bastard version of Duckburg.

Four Lands (Terry Brooks, Sword of Shannara series)

Xanth (Piers Anthony, Xanth series)

Mars (Edgar Rice Burroughs, Barsoom series)

Castle (Atari's game Adventure)

Weekend (as described in comments, above, by Poptart13)

The United States of America, where we talk about fantasy worlds for a shirt. One word... Lame.

Whatever fantasy world George Lucas lives in that made him think he should write the last three Star Wars without Lawrence Kasdan's help.

Well, here goes my turn:

The world ruled over by the Goblin King in Labyrunth. First, let's look at the "king" himself, it's Ziggy freakin Stardust. Which on his own is frightening, at least when singing. But seriously, a villain? Let alone who rules over a world that is basically a giant maze? Other than being an obvious tourist trap, literally, the world could not be self sustaining, no crops or industry, because there's no room to put them and nobody could find their way to work.
Second, the idea that a girl who looks like a 15 year old Jennifer Connely would be into books and re-enacting fairy tales. Please, this chick wouldn't find the time.
Which leads to three, she defeats said king, simply by reciting a monologue. Really? That's all it takes. Simply recite from a book and I defeat you.
Which leads to the finale, the world crumbles and she is standing in the home, and aside from the owl, makes you question if she hallucinated the whole damn thing.

Lamest? Easy the Fantasy world of HOWARD THE DUCK, the movie.

'Nuf said where's my shirt?

This may be beating a dead horse (or at least a dead author) but I would have to go with "The Wheel of Time." This perposterous fantasy land has been riddiculed already, but here are some of the finer points:
First let's look at the map. It's a goddamn square of continent. Because Robert Jordan was just that lazy. His contintent is the exact dimentions of a standard sheet of paper. It must have taken it five whole minutes to make the first one.
On the subject of the map, there are about seventeen different countries, with widely different cultures even though there is NOTHING ISOLATING THEM FROM EACH OTHER! It's like there were two bored guys leaning on opposite sides of a fence, and one was like: "I'm going to cover myself in tatoos," and the other guy was like "f* you, I'm going to eat everything with chopstick for no damn reson" And everyone is white, with some minor refference to "tricksy black people" living in some other, far away continent, which is also square.
The invaders who show up in book two have giant, three headed cat-lizards that they ride around. And that is the least stupid domesticated animal they use. And they all wear samurai armor, for no damn reason except to distinguish themselves, as if riding a five-assed toad wasn't obvious enough.
The spanking thing. 'Nuff said.
The main character has three wives, all of whom are depicted as "fierce, indipendent spirits" who are fine with this, because it's their "destiny to share him." And these are the LIBERATED women of RJ's world. One is the damn queen of a country, for crying out loud.
Also, all of the evil creatures and wizards live in a single, evil mountain, where the devil lives. The devil's going to escape, but rather than going up to the evil mountain and making sure he doesn't, everyone's going to spend ten book randomly waring with each other, kidnapping people, and spanking them.
Speaking of the devil, there is a vauge, guiding religious philosphy concerning "the creator," but no one in this strict, dark ages style fantasy EVER GOES TO ANYTHING RESEMBLING A CHURCH. There's like one crazy guy running around claiming to be a 'prophet,' and that's it.
And don't get me started on the werewolf people.
And this nonsense goes on for thirteen books without anything actually happening.
AND THEN there are the tower of all powerful magician women who are supposedly controlling the world, but are too busy spanking one another to getting around to it! It's like a wiccan sorority house!
And every time I think I've found the worst thing about this fantasy setting I remember somethinhg WORSE! So yeah, The Wheel of Time: Worst Fantasy World Ever.

How did I overlook the tags... Bad Ideas and Self-Pleasure... Good form sir, good form.

Demolition Man.

3 Seashells? What. The. Fuck. How do you make toilet paper obsolete?

Never mind the broad dumbing down of society, etc necessary to present this distopia. I'm talking about a lack of mother trucking toilet paper, a technology so awesome we used to raid the tombs of mummies to get after it.

Whoops, that was supposed to be for the lack of technology contest.

Whoops, that was supposed to be for the Stupidest Lack of Technology in Scifi contest. Re-posted there.

DEJA VU for Original Nintendo. In this game, you are a man who wakes up with no memory. It seems that someone has actually given you amnesia and is now framing you for murder. You need to come up with enough evidence to prove your innocence without being caught (or murdered via thug, prostitute, alligator). You travel through various places in the area searching for clues. I have played this game endlessly. My brother and I racked up hundreds of hours on this game. We've explored every nook and cranny. To this day, we still have not completed the game. It has been 18 years.

I see a lot of newer games, and I think that misses the point of this weeks topic. I remember being frustrated with "Ninja Gaiden" as well, and I nearly answered "Ghosts and Goblins" for the NES (because that game was physically impossible), but I'm-a go even more old school NES on ya: "Trojan."

Everyone else had all these high scores in "Nintendo Power" magazine, so I practiced for weeks and weeks to find every hidden item, every jump-boost, every weapon, how to best beat every boss. I finally achieved what I thought was a damn good score (in retrospect, it was the highest score allowed by the game), and that same month, "NP" had an article where they showed us the ending to certain games, essentially saying, "We're done with these, nothing more to see here, we'll never discuss these games again."

One was Castlevania. Another was Trojan.

I sent my score in anyway, and never heard back. I was around 10 years old, and devastated. How could a multi-million dollar corporation let me down like that?

Ah, youth....

... oh, and the stupidest fantasy world ever is "Twilight" by Stephanie Meyer.

Alright I think that the stupidest fantasy world ever is: sponge bob square pants's world. Now before anyone goes "sponge bob is amazing" I agree I like the show, but the world that he lives in makes no sense. Okay, a sponge that has eyes a nose a face and wears clothes is already f*cking creepy. He also lives in a pineapple, A FREAKING PINEAPPLE, what the hell? It would get all soggy and mushy and stuff. and his friend (patrick) lives under a rock and his so called friend that hates him (squidward) live in a face! HOW THE HELL ARE KIDS NOT GETTING NIGHTMARES? Oh my God I wish I was there for that pitch meeting it probably sounded so dumb. OH and I swear that this show was made because Stephen hillenberg (creator) looked around and saw: a sponge, his friend named bob, a starfish, a rock, a squid, and an easter island head. It's mind boggling how well this show did but I guess I kinda wish I had the brain of a 3 year old so I could of came up with it first

Etheria.
I watched She-Ra and He-Man growing up and I swear, when Adora showed up outta the fucking blue as Adam's twin sister, I thought "Lame!" Total, and I mean [i]TOTAL[/i] fucking rip-off of both Sleeping Beauty AND Star Wars. Young girl stolen away by evil forces, 'awakes' true identity, has a twin brother, fights the dark side.
And Cowl?
Bow? I've never seen a more gayer man in my entire life. Check out his porn stache. That's one for the ages.

the world of margaret atwoods oryx and crake.

it would seem that somewhere down the line humanity gets the bright idea that genetic engineering is the shit, and goes way, way overboard. while some of the things that do get genetically engineered sound actually pretty good, albeit disgusting (case in point are the chickie nobs, which are essentially giant living warts made out of chicken breasts) some of the things they created were absolutely retarded. take the wolvogs for example, half wolf half dogs that were designed to be FERAL UNTRAINABLE GUARD DOGS for the corporations doing all this gentic engineering. just think about that for a second, what situations would be good for having a guard dog that tries to kill everyone, not just everyone that you wanted to keep out? imagine waking up in the morning, going to work and having to dodge the packs of killer wolves (that look adorable, which is where the half dog comes in) in order to get into the office. another of the brilliant, brilliant pieces of genetic engineering they created was a "snat" or snake-rat. yes, they actually did decide that it was a good idea to splice one of the most dangerous and venomous animals in the world onto one of the most resiliant, populous and hard to kill animals. and then to give it massive fangs dripping venom and let them loose everywhere.
don't be alarmed the sound you just heard was you crapping your pants.
and even all the retarded genetic engineering aside, the actual world itself it stupid. everything is segregated between giant corporations who build themselves cities, and the rest of the world. only you can go between them pretty much at will (granted it's harder to get into the cities then out). the cities themselves, apart from being filled with ravenous dogs also each have their own KGB to spy on you and make sure that you're not doing anything they don't like. and going by all descriptions apparently the world outside these cities filled with ravenous packs of poodles and secret police is a desolate wasteland filled with hookers and strip clubs. this gives an interesting choice, do I live in a city where my boss actually buys ravenous dogs to try and eat me alive and then spies on my personal life when I survive, or do I live out in what seems to be post apocalyptic ruins from every bad sci-fi movie ever made? except it's not interesting because you're screwed either way.

and this all BEFORE the world gets nuked to hell and back by a virus that causes you to literally melt in horrible agonizing pain. after the apocalypse the few survivors of this now have to deal with the same packs of cuddly wolves and the nightmare inducing venomous rats with giant fangs, and now they also have to deal with another of the brilliant pieces of genetic engineering which happen to be pigs the size of buffalo, who become feral and highly aggressive. if they can somehow eke out an existence in this torrid wasteland surviving on what few scraps of food the killer animals haven't already eaten then they also have to survive the crazy killer homeless man with a lasergun who happens to be the main protagonist who seeks out to eliminate everyone that he deems a threat to some MORE genitically engineered humans that he decided to adopt as pets.
which brings me to the actual plot of the novel, which consists entirely of said crazy homeless guy reminiscing about the good ol' days when he used to watch child porn and executions (which incidentally, where the only two forms of entertainment available in this already crapsack world)on the internet with his best friend. he then hooks up with his favorite child porn star who's all grown up, and then his previously mentioned best friend creates that nasty virus I mentioned before (remember, the one that causes the horrible, painful melting?) so that he can kill off humanity for no real apparent reason.
you know that you have the worst fantasy world ever when there is literally no change in how bad it is before and after the freaking apocalypse.

the world of margaret atwoods oryx and crake.

it would seem that somewhere down the line humanity gets the bright idea that genetic engineering is the shit, and goes way, way overboard. while some of the things that do get genetically engineered sound actually pretty good, albeit disgusting (case in point are the chickie nobs, which are essentially giant living warts made out of chicken breasts) some of the things they created were absolutely retarded. take the wolvogs for example, half wolf half dogs that were designed to be FERAL UNTRAINABLE GUARD DOGS for the corporations doing all this gentic engineering. just think about that for a second, what situations would be good for having a guard dog that tries to kill everyone, not just everyone that you wanted to keep out? imagine waking up in the morning, going to work and having to dodge the packs of killer wolves (that look adorable, which is where the half dog comes in) in order to get into the office. another of the brilliant, brilliant pieces of genetic engineering they created was a "snat" or snake-rat. yes, they actually did decide that it was a good idea to splice one of the most dangerous and venomous animals in the world onto one of the most resiliant, populous and hard to kill animals. and then to give it massive fangs dripping venom and let them loose everywhere.
don't be alarmed the sound you just heard was you crapping your pants.

and even all the retarded genetic engineering aside, the actual world itself it stupid. everything is segregated between giant corporations who build themselves cities, and the rest of the world. only you can go between them pretty much at will (granted it's harder to get into the cities then out). the cities themselves, apart from being filled with ravenous dogs also each have their own KGB to spy on you and make sure that you're not doing anything they don't like. and going by all descriptions apparently the world outside these cities filled with ravenous packs of poodles and secret police is a desolate wasteland filled with hookers and strip clubs. this gives an interesting choice, do I live in a city where my boss actually buys ravenous dogs to try and eat me alive and then spies on my personal life when I survive, or do I live out in what seems to be post apocalyptic ruins from every bad sci-fi movie ever made? except it's not interesting because you're screwed either way.

and this all BEFORE the world gets nuked to hell and back by a virus that causes you to literally melt in horrible agonizing pain. after the apocalypse the few survivors of this now have to deal with the same packs of cuddly wolves and the nightmare inducing venomous rats with giant fangs, and now they also have to deal with another of the brilliant pieces of genetic engineering which happen to be pigs the size of buffalo, who become feral and highly aggressive. if they can somehow eke out an existence in this torrid wasteland surviving on what few scraps of food the killer animals haven't already eaten then they also have to survive the crazy killer homeless man with a lasergun who happens to be the main protagonist who seeks out to eliminate everyone that he deems a threat to some MORE genitically engineered humans that he decided to adopt as pets.

which brings me to the actual plot of the novel, which consists entirely of said crazy homeless guy reminiscing about the good ol' days when he used to watch child porn and executions (which incidentally, where the only two forms of entertainment available in this already crapsack world)on the internet with his best friend. he then hooks up with his favorite child porn star who's all grown up, and then his previously mentioned best friend creates that nasty virus I mentioned before (remember, the one that causes the horrible, painful melting?) so that he can kill off humanity for no real apparent reason.

you know that you have the worst fantasy world ever when there is literally no change in how bad it is before and after the freaking apocalypse.