By Rob Bricken in
Daily Lists, Video Games
Tuesday, Dec. 9 2008 @ 5:06AM
By Todd CiolekIt's hard to write a compelling story in the world of video games, where budgets, demographics, and pesky gameplay all take a cruel toll. Fortunately, it's much easier to write a merely complex story. If you pile on the plot twists and preposterously broad revelations, the gaming public, used to low narrative standards in its entertainment, probably won't complain too long or too loud.
However, there are times when games go to incomprehensible new heights in their attempts to shock the player or make a statement. And it's then that these overwrought stories achieve a strange sort of brilliance, becoming shining masterpieces of unhinged plot mutilation. We're taking a spoiler-intensive look at nine of these little gems of insanity and preparing ourselves for the angry responses about how we just didn't get these literary wonders. But don't think that we really hate any of these games. They may be stupid, but at least they're memorable.
9) Sin and Punishment
Many old-school fans and hygienically deficient self-styled "hardcore gamers" know the developer Treasure for making action-shooter marvels such as Gunstar Heroes, Radiant Silvergun, and Ikaruga. Treasure is not known for crafting richly textured storylines, but that doesn't stop the company from devising all sorts of bizarre plots to move their games along. Sin and Punishment: The Successors of Earth might be the most perplexing. You could blame an awkward English translation and some flat voice acting, but that's too easy an answer. Sin and Punishment is really batshit crazy to the core.
It's remarkable that Sin and Punishment's storyline is so complex, as its cutscenes run perhaps a half-hour in total. Within those 30 minutes there's a tale of two teenage rebels, Saki and Airen, and their anime-girl mentor, Achi, taking on an international empire and the creatures it attempts to control. Along the way, Saki turns into an enormous mutant while Airen runs across Achi's vengeful former friends, hallucinates herself forward in time, and finds out that Achi is, in fact, evil. It's all utterly confusing from the game's opening moments, which plunge the player into the thick of the conflict without bothering to explain what the hell Ruffians are or who Redan is. Maybe it makes sense if you've watched Evangelion twelve times through.
To further complicate things, Sin and Punishment was never actually released in America back when it hit the Nintendo 64 in 2000, and people who imported it didn't have any translated instructions to give much-needed backstory about how Ruffians are rioting animals that were genetically engineered as food sources. Not that this really explains anything. Sin and Punishment came out for the Wii's Virtual Console in America just last year, but it again lacked an English manual, so an even wider audience now has no idea what the hell is going on.
8) Tales of Symphonia
In terms of plot, Tales of Symphonia sticks to a basic RPG tale of kid heroes, self-sacrificing heroines, and evil angels. It's incomprehensible not because of storyline contortions, but because of the game's insistence on making up words at every possible opportunity. It's one thing to flavor a fantasy setting with new terminology, but Symphonia can't stop doing it or choose names that are self-explanatory. Conversations often devolve into talks about how the Desians made exspheres for the Chosen in the town of Tellamaruth but without a Key Crest. At least it's delivered by the voice of Robin from Teen Titans.
This habit persists throughout the Tales franchise. Even the latest game, Vesperia, inflicts long explanations about "blastia" and "aer" and how these relate to "bodhi blastia." No wonder the Tales games are prized mostly for their combat systems, which allow lots of button-mashing without forcing you to keep track of your blastia exsphere magical key crests bodhi desians aether syntho reconst flavo-fibes aaaaaaahhhhh.
7) Deus Ex
Only the staunchest, thinnest-skinned Deus Ex fans will deny that the game is convoluted, but many will argue that crazed structure is the point of it all. Deus Ex is so much a tribute to conspiracy theories and cyber-neo-future nonsense that it's practically a constant parody. The game and its oft-derided sequel send secret agents to consort with the Illuminati, the Majestic 12, the occupants of Area 51, the makers of a pandemic virus, resistance cells, artificial intelligences, and the architects of that new world order that makes every right-wing militia member tremble in fear deep inside his Montana bunker. At its best, Deus Ex is a complex examination of the interplay between technology and politics. At its worst, it's the sort of thing a teenager would write after a weekend of reading Bruce Sterling's lesser novels and visiting too many UFO websites.
Deus Ex has the good graces to snicker at itself sometimes, though it also feels like an invitation to take none of its plot twists seriously. Attempts at straight-faced drama are further broken down by the cartoonish voice acting. The lead, J.C. "Subtle Initials" Denton, was given a monotone voice so that players could interpret it as they wanted. This backfired, as it's hard to see J.C. as anything but a boring douche.
6) Star Ocean 3: 'Til the End of Time
Let's say you're tri-Ace, and that you've made players sit through a few dozen hours of Star Ocean 3, which, despite billing itself as a sci-fi RPG, in fact starts off more like a forgettable Star Trek: The Next Generation episode where Data has clichéd adventures on a planet of uninteresting, medieval-age elf aliens whom Star Fleet is forbidden from influencing. How do you suddenly make such a game interesting? Well, you can start by swapping the tedious fantasy staple for a tedious space-opera staple, as the heroes escape a boring backwater Planet of the Elves and find that a mysterious fleet is bent on destroying the galaxy.
But why are strange beings attacking all civilized space? The answer requires a lot of endurance for science-fantasy claptrap, but it turns out that the entire setting of Star Ocean 3 (and by extension, the previous two Star Ocean games) is really an elaborate virtual-reality game played by the denizens of another dimension known as 4-D space. The heroes learn this after crossing into the apparently real world and learning that the Milky Way sector of this game is scheduled for deletion, because, as the prime villain puts it, they're "just data."
From there, the game sort of mumbles its way to a resolution in which the galaxy is saved and a proud statement about sentience is farted out. It might've been an amusing twist in a satire, but Star Ocean 3's big reveal comes across as a Matrix swipe, a desperate attempt to enliven a staid RPG, and an insult to the few people who've ever cared about the plot in previous Star Ocean games. Serves them right.
5) Indigo Prophecy
We're reluctant to pick on Indigo Prophecy too much, as even the game's director admitted that he made a mistake in the third act. The first two build up an imaginative adventure game driven by cinematic viewpoints, the protagonist's degrading mental health, and a murder mystery involving surprisingly realistic characters. Then the game whips out an ancient legend that grants the hero world-saving psychokinetic powers, and it's all aboard the next bus for Dragon Ball Z City.
Some of Indigo Prophecy's appeal came from its mixture of supernatural events and gritty urban stages, but there's a difference between showing ghostly flickers in a mirror and pitting your flying Neo stand-in against an ancient Mayan, who's a few years ahead his civilization's alleged doomsday of 2012. Add in some secret societies and a messiah child (minus a polygon Eddie Murphy to protect it), and you've got a game that can match any incoherent anime-RPG. At least there's no evil angel boss.
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20 comments
Comments
NeoXorn said:
First!
Hey, how about fighting games?
The stories presented there are really goofy.
NeoXorn said:
Goofy as in complicated
Jason said:
Probably should have included Final Fantasy Tactics.
Hugo said:
I remember playing metal gear 2 on ps2. What an overhyped piece of software that is, with it's five hours of cutscenes for each half-hour of gameplay. There was actually a huge text file in the game, "Tome of plot contrivances", which would only begin to elighten the player about the clusterfuck involving Snake and the physical states of matter, the reincarnation of another character into someone's arm, Revolver ocelot - that's a character's name, wtf - a white-haired hermafrodite, a gay vampire, a russian she-dude with hairy armpits, a ninja, a sisterfucking, parrot-petting computer hacker and a ecologically correct giant killing robot.
Adam Epp said:
Great picks for the top four. I've always thought that Chrono Cross starts off with a great plot, but that it just becomes a big mess by the end. Final Fantasy VIII is probably the best (or worst) representation of Final Fantasy, although Square-Enix is doing their best to further complicate FFVII with loads and loads of unnecessary sequels. I've never played MGS2, but the hype over the story and eventual end-product, from what I've heard, are worthy of derision.
But I'm really glad to see Xenosaga at the top of the list. I liked the series, don't get me wrong, but so...complicated!
@Jason: Final Fantasy Tactics is more deserving of a nod in a list of games with the worst translations ever. Its plot is convoluted, yes, but it seems worse than it is because of the terrible translation.
Dan Marek said:
I remember going over to my brother's apartment when he was playing the last Xenosaga game and asking him what's going on when one of the character's experienced a flash-back sequence involving – no it can't be – Jesus Christ. What followed was my over-excited brother retelling me the contrived events of the first two games in a fashion reminiscent of the way in which middle-aged women relate overly complicated soap operas.
Good list.
Uncle Soaky said:
Despite all the stupid characters, confusing storyline and probably one of the worst plot-twists in games (kill all the characters from the first game? Really?) I still love Chrono Cross, don't ask me why, I just do. What I don't understand is why anybody thinks Final Fantasy Tactics for the PSone is hard to follow. Sure, those spelling errors and messed up sentenced structure sometimes sucked but that doesn't make the story confusing; it just means that the people at square needed a thesaurus. Was it because it was a reaallly long game that most of you never bothered to actually remember anything? Or is just because most of you are kind of retarded.
Dylan H. said:
No matter how ridiculously complicated you may find FFVIII, the story flowed beautifully from a gaming perspective, and it packed a bigger punch than any other game in the series.
cb said:
FF8 wasn't just complicated, it was dumb. And I'm a huge FF fan. I didn't like it that much. I almost want to say FF7 was too complicated but at least that was about 10x more memorable and interesting. 7 isn't my favorite FF but it's better than 8.
Anonymous said:
Wow, and I just finally started playing Xenosaga 2 after beating Xenosaga a few years ago. Loved the first one, but the new one's opening was so boring with so many terms from the game only that I couldn't remember to understand what was going on.
Now I have to decide whether or not to keep playing or not, lol.
I never beat FF8, but I loved it for as far as I got, which was right up near the end. I enjoyed the world setting, loved the SeeD school and all that stuff.
Tristriam said:
WHAAAAT?!?!?! NO KILLER 7? Tell me why there's no Killer 7.
SR said:
Your comments about the plot of Chrono Cross are spot-on, but I do have to admit I really, really dug the combat system. It was almost absurdly customizable. And instead of ever-depleting mana that you have to replenish with potions, you would build up your MP points during each fight by punching bad guys in the face. How cool is that?
You probably could have added 20 more titles to the list from the JRPG genre alone, but I have to put in a plug for my favorite underappreciated game, Vagrant Story. I've played it through 5 times and I'm still not sure which of the many backstories the game gives (and then takes away) for the lead is actually the real one.
varrior said:
This one hit the nail right on the head with Chrono Cross, I can't believe that game was considered the "sequel" to Chrono Trigger. More like, they had another game being made with the same battle system (not even) and said, "hey, to make more money, let's call it Chrono Fill-In-The-Blank! Oh, I know, the word "Cross" sounds cool!" Seriously, the only connection to the game was the fact that the ghosts of the three main heroes from the last game suddenly show up at the end of this one. Supposedly the DS version of CT fixes it so it makes more sense, but somehow that seems almost an impossible task.
Yes, the battle system was good. Too bad a good battle system is useless without a good plot to back it up, otherwise nobody gives a shit about the game. And having thirty main characters equally contributes to the shite. The reason people loved CT is because they were able to connect with the eight main characters.
Tempus Fugit said:
I second the Killer 7 comment, but would like to also nominate the Legacy of Kain series. True, most everything makes sense by the end of Defiance, but holy hell there are a lot of twists and turns before you get there, and I mean that in a positive way.
Jason Allen said:
Metal Gear Solid 2 is clearly absurd, but you gotta admit that "Fission Mailed" was a stroke of genious.
Arcane said:
I just realized I wasn't paying attention to the story at all when I beat FF8. I vaguely remember the orphanage scene and then it's all a blank. I know I beat the game, but poof, it's gone. This is what I get for focusing on characters who get zero development 30 minutes after you meet them.
Dude mcdudeypants said:
Dude - super smash bros brawl. I couldn't figure out what the fuck was going on at all in the story mode
noirakita said:
Xenosaga is my favorite rpg series, but yes, it's very confusing, but I don't really mind. being confused makes me want to play the trilogy again and again. I've played it now once a year since the third one was released and I always learn something new. KOS-MOS is my favorite video game character ever, and the wonderful albiet weird surprise of her having Mary Magdelene's soul was very cool since Mary M. is one of my favorite bible people. but yes, it is very very confusing, but I'm not going to hate it because it is.
Then again, I couldn't get through Final Fantasy VIII or Star Ocean III because the plot was loosing me. I know many people who liked FFVIII and I look at them like they were insane.
and I personally like FFIX the best, but then It wasn't as rough and tough as FFVII, and although a great story with awesome characters, I personally perfer the cutseier, lighter IX.
...and I personally like Random battles and turned-based rpgs. I'm probably the only game left who does...*sniffs* :-p
noirakita said:
Xenosaga is my favorite rpg series, but yes, it's very confusing, but I don't really mind. being confused makes me want to play the trilogy again and again. I've played it now once a year since the third one was released and I always learn something new. KOS-MOS is my favorite video game character ever, and the wonderful albiet weird surprise of her having Mary Magdelene's soul was very cool since Mary M. is one of my favorite bible people. but yes, it is very very confusing, but I'm not going to hate it because it is.
Then again, I couldn't get through Final Fantasy VIII or Star Ocean III because the plot was loosing me. I know many people who liked FFVIII and I look at them like they were insane.
and I personally like FFIX the best, but then It wasn't as rough and tough as FFVII, and although a great story with awesome characters, I personally perfer the cutseier, lighter IX.
...and I personally like Random battles and turned-based rpgs. I'm probably the only game left who does...*sniffs* :-p
ZeroCorpse said:
First of all BLECHHH! The PS2 version of Deus Ex?!?! Ugh. Talk about a translation that ruined the entire feel of a game..!
Now, if I may add a game to the list, I'd have to offer up -Bloodnet- for your consideration. It was a cyberpunk vampire point-and-click adventure. It was deep, convoluted, full of puzzles, and required a good bit of lore on the part of the player. You had to know your cyberpunk references (Gibson, in particular) and your history. You needed to recognize classic literature as well. All that talktalktalk was on top of a turn-based combat system that more often then not left you with dead party members. Oh, and you also had to balance your vampiric thirst and remain human, thus there was a time limit to solve the game and save yourself.
Yeah. But I still liked it.
Another one that was RIDICULOUSLY complicated, but WONDERFUL all the same, was Star Control II (now freeware called "The Ur-Quan Masters"). This game required you to keep track of the galaxy, mapping and taking notes on every planet worth visiting in an amazing number of star systems. Why keep track? Because you could only mine a planet once (as far as I know) and it wasted fuel to travel there again, not to mention you had to narrow down your search for other signs of life in the galaxy, and for hidden treasures such as rainbow worlds. You had to keep track of fuel, keep mining planets, avoid some HARD fights, recruit aliens to your cause if possible, solve the problems of alien civilizations to gain their trust, avoid running into several species who travelled around the galaxy, and meet a damned DEADLINE to save the human race and everyone else in the galaxy. Choices you made early in the game could literally destroy your ability to finish the game... But you wouldn't know that until you FAILED!!!
And yes, it was still very, very awesome and I suggest you go download it right now. It's available for Mac, PC, and a bunch of other platforms.
