Dude... It's just a movie. If it sucks, they'll just reboot it with Ratner running the show. Wait... Oh UGE PILE OF SHIT FUCKIN@%#!% LSAJG1#%!%HL MY EYES JKJ%!%#$% MY EYES HAVE EXPLODED@#$DWV WLKEWHL Fc cg q wdf ;a @#%% 5.

My bad, you're right.

i feel you pain. i am committed to watching this movie, but only out of obligation to the GIJoe, and not to the movie. this is truly yet another let down in how cool something could have been and shall never be. let us pray to be wrong and for it to be kick ass, but lets not kid ourselves.

also, i think the tubes in his face will be for the rocket launchers they'll try to put there. yeah, that should go nicely with everything else they're doing.

What's worse is that, if you look at the figure in the link, the mask is actually transparent plastic.

So CC will be wearing an awful Halloween/fetish mask.

i'm totally sorry that your eyes exploded, but i really did think you needed to see that.

OMG! That is so AWESOME! Total WIN!!!1! Best Cobra Commander EVAR!!!11!

I'd say the worst part about it is the purple blazer.

OMG! Best Cobra Commander EVAR!!1! Total WIN!!!

What? Ew...no. *huddles in the 80's in a land of sweet denial*

aak7268, I just noticed that. That means the cartoon version of the crappy toy is actually the superior design. It looks like his head under the clear mask is Vader's from ROTJ - taking a page right from the George Lucas Book of Modern Film and the Raping of Cash Cows (now available in paperback at your local book seller).

Oh god, the toy looks like Darth Vader sans helmet.

This is becoming comical. Are Hollywood producers that far up their own asses that they think their shitty reinventions are superior to what millions of people have loved for nearly 30 friggin' years?

I don't hate the design. I don't exactly love it, either, but it does have a certain sort of G.I. Joe feel to it, though in any event I'm finding all this outrage rather amusing given earlier complaints about Joseph Gordon-Levett looking too young to play Cobra Commander.

@Matt@Rob: It's like Monty Python's Killing Joke. Instead of laughing yourself to death, your eyeballs get depressed and commit suicide.

Not only does Cobra Commander look like Vader sans helmet, his suit looks like a silver Spider-Man suit. At least the Baroness looks good.

What does this mean to my glorious Joe collection should i sell now or keep thinking things will be ok
NOOOOOOOOO JOOOOOEEEEEE

Everyone think for a moment let's not go see this that way they make no money and maybe Hollywood studios will stop raping our childhood. Also I think the crazy eyes are the only thing I like on this.

As I've said before, I'm a huge G.I. Joe fan, but I've LOOOOOONG since given up hope that this movie is going to be good, or that they're going to make good decisions. This is just more of the same. Does anyone know who the costume designer is? Is it the same person who worked on TMNT 2: The Secret of the Ooze? I would not be surprised.

Hmm, this could work...

...assuming that's what was under the mask/hood/helmet, and connected to it in some way, that is.

--LBD "Nytetrayn"

My buddies and I figured it out: Cobra Commander looks like a Mortal Kombat villain designed by Todd McFarlane.

In 3rd grade.

There was something unnerving about the hood. It wasn't scary. It was just spooky. It reminded me of the short story "The Minister and his black Veil." This design is just gross.

Seconded.

My eyes.

Darling they are also freemason's lodge! The last week's the holy spirit spoke massive about several things I needed to understand to me. Included this term of my parent's and the backround of truth. They wanted to raise me up as a follower of their beliefs.But I denied and failed.So they kicked me out of their community and their family I beieve. Now everything makes a lot of sense, darling.

Please please do not worry!!!! Everthing is going to be alright with and for Us!!! We belong together. I pray that the eyes whom are watching Us will be blinded by the Holy Fire of The Most High as long as we need HIS protection in this area and this way!!!! I just wanted You to know that I understand a bit more about those things then in our beginnings. :) ICh LIEBE DICH!!!! And nope, I didn't knew nothing about their beliefs!They never shown to me or talked about. I was just and only "their child".

BUt my Lover could we please stop looking behind? Today everything is different for me. Iam renewed by the Lord and YOURS for all times.
And for sure all I wanna be is by YOUR side until WE die!!!
And hey I see a bride wild and amazing, just a very happy time for both of US united!!!!

Ich liebe DICH RAM! come home to me!!!! Kiss, kiss, kiss!
Forever YOURS!!!

You're being a little generous with you say that "the other characters look like their movie counterparts". I know they're not meant to be spot-on likenesses, but that Duke looks more like the cartoon character than Tatum -- although note that he has classic Joe's trademark scar. And that Heavy Duty could be a number of black actors, but never in a million years would I say it's Adewale Akkinye-lablahblah. Maybe Michael Dorn?

No darling!!! I picked up that item with Esther not to talk to YOU!!! But to speak to the ppl outside to cover themselves to make sure that nobody understands what we are doing right now because i feel many eyes are watching this movement of GOD right now!!!

Ram ich liebe Dich!!! Please, see my heart. Iam totay YOURS!!!!Darling,please dont doubt!!! I have no reason to do something like that!! Im YOUr bride waiting for YOU to arrive!!!! Im kissing Your lips my MAN, my LOVER!!!

Kiss, kiss, kiss, all my LOVE and passion to YOU! :)

Spidy64 — I TOLD YOU, WOMAN, NOT ON THE SITE

And that Heavy Duty could be a number of black actors, but never in a million years would I say it's Adewale Akkinye-lablahblah. Maybe Michael Dorn?

Looks more like a young Cuba Gooding Jr. IMHO. WAY too light-skinned to look like whatshisname even at a glance.

Oh well. At least Destro looks like a real happy fuckin camper.
Also lil' Baroness still looks sassy and I feel a lil' dirty.

DARN that poor likeness on Heavy Duty! I was hoping to unofficially start my LOST Action Heroes collection with Mr. Eko!

LOL at Rob's "woman."

Uugghhh. . .You know, one of the great things about 80's childrens programing is that in many ways the simplest concepts really did work the best. SUCH AS . . . a bad guy whose face you NEVER saw either due to a dark blue hood or a mirrored face plate mask. Talk about something that is psychologically powerful- for both children and adults. Now, thanks to the wizards of the Hollywood puss factory, we're left with some dude in a mask that looks like it was specifically designed by a fetish artist to facilitate prison face rape. Watch me run with my kids to get in line for this smoldering pile of used Cherokee hair tampons.

....That Weems guy looks like Fresh Prince's Carlton made it into the movie, but that'd probably be an improvement.

I'm glad I was never a fan of this, really. I feel awful for the people who did grow up with this, like I should give them all a big collective hug or bake them cookies of something.

Sorry, guys.

The only entertaining thing about this movie is the nerd aneurysms it seems to cause on a daily basis.

Rob, you have an odd girlfriend. An odd girlfriend with a broken caps lock key. And love oil, apparently.

I bet they're actually happy to see these toys. Most people who resided in rubber rooms would be.

I love GI Joe has much as any 20 something trying hold on to my youth but come on... is it really 'rape' or 'exploitation' to resurrect a franchise that was intended to be a vehicle for selling toys? Does anyone think that Hasbo was franchising a GI Joe movie for the sake of art or do we all agree that they recognize that the kids who watched their show grew up to be fanboys and now have their own disposable income to throw away on crap like this.

It's too bad. This movie could have been amazing. Imagine:

An affectionate parody of the cartoon played completely straight. Gung-ho and Shipwreck without any shame and nobody noticing how stupid they look. Groups of Joes and Cobra troops firing lasers at each other at a distance of 30-40 feet, no cover, and nobody getting hit. Some insane and stupid plan like a weather dominator made of three pieces of equipment (yes, just pull from Robot Chicken but play it completely seriously).

How awesome would that be? We were all kids when we loved it, and we want the same thing, but we're old enough appreciate how idiotic it all is. Play it straight and wry like Monty Python. Instant classic.

But no. No, we don't get something that awesome. We get this.

Excuse me while I wipe my eyes off of my keyboard.fasjdf;lkjewrjoidsf a;wef j awg;wlsdvfohadsfhaegl s,vzxv

I'm just glad that Destro is wearing his helmet. That means that at some point in the film he'll be wearing it as well.

I have high hopes for this film. I know that there will be a lot of differences from the comic that I grew up with, but as long as they get the spirit right and throw in some in-jokes along with the action, I'll be happy.

And I am REALLY hoping that the photo of Zartan is just him diguised as an army guy and that he'll look more like his comic interpretation by the end of the film.

Doc

MOTHERFUCKER. Every goddamn movie thinks it has to explain away every mother fucking thing. I can see the meeting now, "But WHY does Cobra Commander cover his face? Let's explore that. But a shiny mask wouldn't keep him alive...so let's explore that. Fuck it, let's have Corey Feldman knock his mask off in the fourth movie, showing his true face. Fuck it let's make Cobra Commander look EXACTLY like Jason X and put the Joes in space."

Patton Oswalt bears quoting again; " I DON'T GIVE A SHIT WHERE THE STUFF I LOVE COMES FROM, I JUST LOVE THE STUFF I LOVE." How did they fuck this up!??! I don't know...how did Halle Berry end up in a trash bag costume? What were the series of fucking decisions that led to fucking up a black, skin-tight suit? God fucking dammit. I AM SAD.

I believe they were trying to go for the look of a Cobra Snake with that mask (hence the tubes on the side). At least thats what my first impression was.

What Big Hollywood has done to your closeted, nerdy childhoods I'd like to do to that Baroness.

Kiss kiss kiss!

There's a phrase on the internet for this...

God, what is it...

I see it on all those cat pictures... OH RIGHT

DO. NOT. WANT.

So Lord Voldemort is going to be in two movies this summer!? Sweet!

Goooooo Joe!

Avada Kedavraaaaaaaaa!

Cobra Commander looks like he is either the bottom of a catapillar, or has gutted one to wear as a mask...silence of the fuzzy lambs?
And what is with the yellow bird Joe logo? Aren't they a REAL AMERICAN HERO?

I can't wait to see the new G.I.JOE™ movie, with the Joe Team®, against Cobra®, fighting with Special Weapons™ like the Speed Suits™ and vehicles®©! Maybe they'll use ninja® fighting styles, and weapons like nun-chuks™ and throwing stars®©™! It's the original battle between Good™ and Evil™!
Cobra Commander® looks totally wicked™!

Yo Joe©!

*NB: use any of these words without review by my Legal Team™, and I'll sue your asses into Oblivion™.

Now I go back to punching myself in the face until this is all over.

Judging by CC's costume, he'll be able to grow massive in size due to the steroid toxin's or 'venom' pumping through his bloodstream, but it'll knock his intelligence down to slurred growled one-word sentences like "boooomb" over and over. He'll be led by a campy uma thurman playing the ugliest poison ivey known to man. It's up to George clooney, and the joes directed by joel schumacher, who'll be as giddy as a little-girl-with-a-hallmark-hannah-montana-valentine's-card-as-the-only-proof-her-mother-loves-her at the sight of the joe's in their new ass-plated armor, but will argue like hell with the costume designer that since snake eyes has a molded mouth, he should have nipples. And ass-plates. NIpples and ass-plates for everyone!...Escept the girls. he'll just make them look fat and unappealing, because he knows the only thing fanboys go for in a movie, is ass-plates, man-nips and crotch shots. of men.

I thought by now that the old standard of the clueless hollywood exec, or the director that has no idea of what movie he's making, but goes and does his own thing died out decades ago. The people involved in making this movie all appear to be about the same age- young enough to know what is going on. You should be able to approach any of them and simply say 'shipwreck', or 'panthro' and be able to see the instant glimmer of recognition in those dead, souless shark eyes.

Or is california so full of hipster people so self concious of their own image that their childhood was spent trying to build a tolerance to mike's hard lemonade, designer sunglasses, axe body spray, and radiation from the bathroom light as they spent hours trying to accomplish the perfect look, that of a just awoken douchebag.

Or is it that they just don't care, that instead of spending the money to hire the writers and directors that knew what the public wants, they go for the cheapest hire, content in the knowledge that even though it's a piece of crap, because of the trusted name, we'll shell out big bucks complaining of being raped in the face for two hours, but yet, we paid for it then go on to make sequels, each worse than the piece of crap before it, raping the fanboys dreams of a good movie until our dream can eat a watermelon whole, and have it fall out the other end untouched.

Then wait a few years for the 're-imagining'

Ugh Cobra Commander looks like Jason X and Batman & Robin's movie Bane had a love child. This is the only character I really wanted to stay true to it's roots

how do i join ur email so i can get weekly and/or daily updates or both
per437@aol.com

the only thing i can think of seeing the new cobra commander is...REEEEETRRRRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTT!!!!!