 |
By Chris Cummins
Even though James T. Kirk was killed back in 1994's Star Trek: Generations, Trekkies have held out hope that William Shatner would return one day to the captain's chair. Given J.J. Abrams penchant for secrecy, there's always a chance that old Kirk will show up in the new Star Trek for a cameo. (Just don't count on it). If Shatner never voyages into the final frontier again, he's still given fans plenty of awesomeness outside of the 23rd century. A rundown of the facts: he's Canadian, he gives recording studio engineers a hard time when they inappropriately correct his delivery, and his acting style is so remarkable that the adjective "Shatnerian" is now part of the public vernacular. The guy is nothing short of a treasure. To paraphrase Fatboy Slim, we've come a long, long way together, and now we should praise him. That's what this list is all about. From various acting gigs to his dubious musical pursuits, here's a look at eight of Bill Shatner's most memorable non-Starfleet gigs.
9) Shatner's Raw Nerve
The spiritual successor to both The Charlie Rose Show and Dr. Phil, Shatner's Raw Nerve is free of the self-aggrandizing that plagues most talk shows. You knew Shatner was great at paintball and horseback riding, but at interviewing? Who would have guessed that he'd be a natural? Sitting down with celebrities ranging from Judge Judy to Leonard Nimoy, he puts his over-the-top persona aside and attempts to get to the core of his guests' personalities. In the series' best installment to date, Shatner gets Kelsey Grammer to open up about his difficult relationship with his murdered father. As both men reveal personal details of their lives, viewers are left feeling more as if they are at confession than in front of their televisions.
8) Airplane II: The Sequel
These days, Airplane II: The Sequel is remembered amongst fans of highbrow sitcoms as being one of the first projects from Canadian TV visionary Ken Finkleman (The Newsroom). The rest of us recall it as a shameless cash grab highlighted by William Shatner's self-effacing performance as a Kirk-esque space commander trying to get Ted Striker's Mayflower One lunar shuttle to land safely. Jump to 4:54 in the above clip to see his famous "blinking and beeping and flashing" meltdown scene. Then spend the rest of your day driving your co-workers insane by quoting it.
7) Commercial Pitchman
Here's a prediction: years after Shatner's death media analysts will issue a report claiming that he was the most effective pitchman in the history of advertising. His straightforward approach to presenting product information (and that perfectly coiffed hair!) promote trust within consumers that results in sales aplenty. Now does anyone know if I can get a Vic-20 at Best Buy? By the way, if you happen to be working with the Shat on a commercial, you should check out this for some quick dos and don't's.
6) T.J. Hooker
As Thomas "T.J." Hooker, William Shatner taught us just how tough it was to be a divorced detective who gets demoted and is forced to work the beat. Armed only with his skills, his gun and a paunchy figure that helped him intimidate the bad guys and get the ladies; Hooker fought crime in 91 glorious, violence-packed episodes. Joining Shatner for the crime-stopping fun were Heather Locklear and Adrian Zmed. That's a smoldering hat trick of televisual sensuality if ever there were one.
5) "Nightmare at 20,000 Feet" from The Twilight Zone
Pre-Star Trek, Shatner's best-known role was in this installment of The Twilight Zone. Directed by Richard Donner and featuring a script from Richard Matheson (who adapted his own short story), this episode stars Shatner as a man recently released from the nuthouse who swears he sees a gremlin wreaking havoc on the wing of the plane he is flying in. Frantic to get his wife and fellow passengers to believe his claims, he is pushed to the brink of madness. Cool monster suit too. Nearly 50 years after its initial airing, "Nightmare at 20,000 Feet" remains a landmark moment in sci-fi television and arguably the series' finest moment.
William Shatner's musical career is a joke whose unexpected punch line came in the form of his 2004 album, Has Been. Unlike the campiness of his previous musical experiments, the release is a sincere and at times touching meditation on life and aging. Written by Ben Folds and High Fidelity author Nick Hornby, the standout track "That's Me Trying" is a spoken word letter from a clueless father to his estranged daughter. Attempting to reconcile with a child whom he obviously wronged, he suggests that if they get together they shouldn't "talk about any of the bad stuff" and "just pretend that the past didn't happen." By the time the chorus -- sung by Folds and Aimee Mann -- kicks in, you'll realize that you're listening to the best song about a shitty father since "Cats in the Cradle." It's brilliant for sure, but there is one musical moment from Shatner that edges it out of the top spot on this list...
3) Boston Legal
WIlliam Shatner has been more than cool enough to parody himself later in life, and never so clearly or relentless as his role as lawyer Denny Crane in Boston Legal. The sex-crazed, trigger-happy, right-wing and borderline insane role of Crane had Shatner in a giant swan outfit, arrested several times (usually for soliciting prostitutes), having constant sleepovers with co-star James Spader, shooting several people (a few on purpose), keeping a sex doll of co-star Candiace Bergen, sleeping with a little person who may have been his daughter (and later simultaneously sleeping with her mother, Delta Burke)... and that's pretty much just the tip of the iceberg. Even if you didn't like law show, Shatner's role as Crane was always hysterical, and rightly earned him an Emmy (and several more nominations).
2) Incubus
Imagine watching Carnival of Souls after being hit on the head repeatedly with a hammer. That's a perfect approximation of the Incubus experience. For no reasonable reason, this film was performed entirely in the artificial language of Esperanto. Long though lost, the film resurfaced in 2001 and found a second life as a would-be cult film. The laughable plot has something to do with angry succubae, but the movie's biggest draw is to see Shatner ham it up in a foreign tongue. What's the Esperanto word for "sabatage" anyway?
1) "Rocketman"
You knew this was coming. Emoting his heart out with the help of a cigarette as Bernie Taupin dry heaves backstage, a hopped-up-on-goofballs Shatner proceeds to "sing" Elton John's classic about astronaut ennui. Exactly what he was trying to achieve here other than to promote peyote and/or Quaalude use remains a mystery, not that it matters. What's important to remember is that truly shithouse bonkers moments come along once in a lifetime, and when they do you should cherish every insane moment. The best part of this video? Jump to 2:14 and marvel at Shatner emerging from his own ass.
Honorable Mention: "Get a Life" Saturday Night Live sketch
Because you Topless Robot readers are such magnificent bastards, here is a special bonus for you: William Shatner's classic "Get a Life" sketch from Saturday Night Live. It was left out of the main list since it is explicitly Kirk-related, but hilarious enough to be added here as a postscript. Unless you were teased mercilessly after this aired about your love of all things Trek. In which case you should just watch the "Rocketman" clip again.
More links from around the web!
