Well, maybe it's a good movie, if you don't know anything about GI Joe and don't give a shit about acuraccy.

That would however contradict everything we've seen concerning the movie so far, so my guess is that the test audiences are made up of idiots.

As Adam Corolla said when he was on Bill Simmons' podcast: a test audience is nothing more than the dregs of Hollywood who are killing time between getting paid to donate blood. Trusting them never leads to good things.

Anyway, best not to get our hopes up - this looks un-salvageable. But, still, it'd be nice....

I was thinking the same thing... maybe they can hire weta or ILM now that Sommers is out to replace CC's head.

I really hope HispanicScriptorama is wrong on this and the rumor is fact.

I still don't understand how they could fuck up GI Joe so badly. Hell the franchise is RIPE for a feature film. It's right up Bay's alley too, Hasbro should have signed him on. Military mastrubation, explosions a plenty, crazy experimental vehicles, EASILY IDENTIFIABLE COSTUMES...

Instead let's make em all look the same, give snakeeyes plastic abs, and make CC look like he's wearing one of those weird clear old people masks.

At this point,I fear its too late...how in the hell could they salvage ANYTHING from this god-awful mess of a movie? Unless the new cut is 2 hours of Sienna Miller as the Baroness doing a striptease,I aint going....

To good to be true. Besides, it's already fimed, it's too late to do much with it at this point.

i don't know if this story is true or not, but i wouldn't exactly take di bonaventura's word for it. he's not exactly gonna say "yeah the movie's a turd sandwich and we're struggling to keep our massive mistake of a directer away while we try and fix this hot mess before it comes out."

whatever the truth is, i'm gonna probably end up sitting through this pile of crap and hating myself afterwords. they should have just tweaked resolute's script for a feature and filmed that.

Caption:
The team winds down after a hard day's work of defeating Cobra.

Hawk: "Yeah, Chili's sounds good, I guess. You guys all wanna go to Chili's?
Duke: "Man, that Cobra Commander dude looked like a doofus, didn't he?
Ripsocrd: "Yeah, but did you see the goofy-ass sneakers on that guy in white? Snakes, you fought with him. Tell them...oh, riiight. Hahahaha"
Group: "Hahahahaha!"

someone should mention to Mr. Lorenzo Di Bonaventura, that all films test well when the helen keller summer camp for wayward teens is the audience...

someone should mention to Mr. Lorenzo Di Bonaventura, that all films test well when the helen keller summer camp for wayward teens is the audience...

I've seen the tracking numbers and Stephen Sommers probably has the sequel contract on his desk right now. It scored high in the coveted boy/man demo and did well with the ladies. It's going to make a lot of money.

Gee, and I got my hopes all up, that they'd fuck up even more, and end up handing the editing over to some whiz-kid, who'd just re-edit the firm into a two-hour string of YouTube poop featuring the Joes.

Because that would be frickin' boss.

"...Sommers not been fired, but that the movie is actually tracking very well among test audiences.

So there's not much hope, alas"

Those last two sentences seem to be at odds with each other. Could it be, that what we've seen isn't representative of the final product? Could it NOT suck?

I'm reserving judgement for myself.

"I'm gonna probably end up sitting through this pile of crap and hating myself afterwords." No offense dude,but THIS is why the fanboys will never win. Dont be Comic Book Guy from The Simpsons-if something looks like its going to suck,DONT GO SEE IT AT ALL!!!! Or at the very least,dont pay money to see it. All that does is encourage the studio heads that think they know how to exploit the fanboy market...like Tom Rothman over at Fox. You know why fanboy movies are so shitty over at FOX??? Cause Tom Rothman knows he doesnt have to waste money or talent on a film that will make twice its budget opening weekend...even if it sucks. Fanboys have GOT to stop paying for crap or this cycle will never end!

I think I'd rather watch my entire family get anally raped than watch this movie...

How is it that all these producers/directors/script writers have NO idea how to make a movie even somewhat similar to the original material?

Writer: "Hey, lets take a beloved comic/tv series and make an abortion of a film out of it and piss off every single fan of the franchise?"

Producer: "Sounds good to me. Let's add a bunch of shit that doesn't belong and try to mass market it to a bunch of stupid fucking morons."

Director: "I don't give a shit how well it does. I've already signed on for the rights to 10 more movies! All the original fans can go to Hell! HAHAHAHA"

If you guys had your way, the G.I. Joe movie would be full of overly-muscled, brightly-colored, ambiguously gay men. This is better. Get the hell over it.

Gotta agree with longbowhunter on this one. I have managed not to go see the crapfest that is Wolverine even though he is my favorite comic character. Havent even watched it for free online yet. I guarantee you that I will not pay for the mispleasure of watching either GI Joe or Wolverine.

It might be worth seeing solely for the screentime Sienna Miller's huge cleavage gets.

Akashi

You know it also could be normal people that look like they should be in the army, dressed like they would be in the army special forces and not wearing mini-mech suits and fighting a crunchberry. That would be where a normal person would have gone with the movie.

Also no Flint= no money from me

That group shot...just....ugh. It's probably at the end of the movie, and someone says, "*sigh, Here we go again..." Then, whoever-is-the-Fall-Out-Boy-of-2009 plays.

Or, same 'dialogue', but just before they go to the "FIH-NAL BAT-TUHL."

I'm going to wait until the reviews hit before I decide to waste money. Wolverine had two Really horrible things happen- the 'native american-moon-animal' speech, and the CG- everything else seemed to work as a dumb-action movie with Wolverine.

And yes- super-colorfully-dressed G.I.Joes? I would've Loved that as much as colorfully dressed X-Men (not colored Piping, stupid X3!!!)- the reason X-Men and X2 did well wasn't because of the costumes- they were Decent comic-book movies. Dark Knight was in its own universe, and Everyone loved that movie. If you have a property, make a good movie out of it- you'll end up spending a similar amount to make it, people will go to the theaters repeatedly, and you will be able to sell sequels, dvds, ANYTHING easily.

the glass is ALLWAYS full: test audiences say it's good!

How hard would it have been just to include some regular Cobra troops?
Navy blue Dickies pants and button down shirt, red mask and cheap blue helmet.
Simple, yet iconic.

sad to say but the GI Joe movie is not going to be improved with a firing or not. and adding certain things would have met having someone true to the source material on board did not happen otherwise Hasbro would have stopped Michel bay from doing transformers

"If you guys had your way, the G.I. Joe movie would be full of overly-muscled, brightly-colored, ambiguously gay men. "

Weird, I thought the whole "(x) is ambiguously gay" meme went out of style in 2005 or so.

The cast is already overly-muscled, so that's not an issue.

The only one of them who wants to bang Scarlett is the mute, so presumably that's already a subtext that can't really be eliminated.

So.... you're basically railing against brightly-coloured costumes. Are you the same guy who comes up with the colour palette of the FPS games that refuse to make their grass, you know... green?

@ DStein

Let's see...

Rape...professional movie makers are idiots...abortion...piss off the fans...fuck the source material...people who actually like this are retarded...

Yep. Here's $5. Thanks for recycling ignorant elitist nerd rage. Mother Earth thanks you.

I really don't know what to think of this film. I claim a limited knowledge and interest in G.I.Joe itself, but as soon as the trailer busts out the shots of them jumping and flipping around in those clunky suits it just absolutely kills the mood.

God, I've never seen anyone wanting to see a movie fail so bad. As someone who watched G.I. Joe back in the 80's after coming home from high school and enjoyed it, personally from everything I've seen it doesn't look that bad. In fact, I'll probably enjoy it. IIRC, everyone bitched about how much they thought Transformers was going to suck (hell, some of you are STILL bitching about it!) but guess what? It turned out to be good! It was my favorite movie of 2007.

So yeah, it may not be the G.I. Joe you remember. But if you've invested so much of your identity into this, then it's time to go out and get a reality check. You have to realize Hollywood will NEVER adapt your beloved franchises 100% the way you want them to. We're lucky if we get something like Watchmen (which according to this site, tunred out not to be the huge hit Warner Bros. wanted). Everybody's got their own concept of whatever a a certain show, book or comic book should be, and it's not always going to completely match with yours. It's all about compromise, because you're not always going to get what you want. You're probably going to say, "You mean we have to settle? Why should we?" Well, yes, you have to sometimes. That's life. If you don't like, go out and make your own damn movie. You saw the fan film piece, so you know it can be done if you want to do it badly enough. Stop whining.

You want to talk about childhood rape? Look at Land of the Lost; they took one of the more ambitious and imaginative Saturday morning shows of the 1970's that had scripts by Sci-Fi heavyweights like Larry Niven, Ben Bova, D.C. Fontana and David Gerrold and shit all over it. The moment it was known that it was going to star Will Ferrell, I knew it wasn't going to be good. However I still held out some hope they might at least treat it seriously. Unfortunately they didn't. Frankly I'm surprised you haven't spent any hate on that movie as opposed the G.I. Joe. Say what you will about this movie, at least they're treating it like an action film and not trying to turn it into a lowbrow comedy. And at least they had the sense to cast some good actors like Dennis Quaid and Christopher Eccleston (as Destro, no less. C'mon! How can you NOT like that?)

As far as Stephen Sommers is concerned, personally I like his films. No, they're not deep, but they're fun. The first two Mummy films and Van Helsing were thoroughly enjoyable films I thought. (Hell, Deep Rising was pretty good, too.) With that in mind, I think he was a good choice to direct this picture just like Michael Bay was to direct Transformers. To me, G.I. Joe - while having some pretty good stories - was ultimately little more than a 30-minute toy commercial just like 90% of all the other 80's cartoon shows that were clogging up the airwaves back then. It was fun, but ultimately mindless entertainment. That's what G.I. Joe is. That's what Transformers is. So with that and mind, Bay and Sommers were perfect choices. Like the Vulcans say, "Only Nixon could go to China."

And finally like Longbowhunter and Dweezilwoffa said, if you hate it that much, don't go see it. Don't be one of those hypocritical fanboys that bitch about it for weeks, then ultimately end up seeing it while grousing about it to yourself in your seat the whole time, then come out even more bitter afterwards. I didn't see Wolverine, and I certainly didn't see Land of the Lost, and I don't regret that decision. So if you're determined to hate this film, put your money where your mouth is. I don't want to hear about you you gave in and saw it anyway. But if you did and it turned out not to be the abortion you thought it was, and that it actually turned out to be good, then so much the better. Though I don't think I'll ever hear you admit it, because you're going ot have to eat a lot of crow afterwards.

Ian — I will see it, in order to review it for TR. I'm not thrilled about it, but in that this is my job, I really have no choice in the matter.

There is one thing I promise, it's that if it is good, I will fess up. I thought The Spirit movie was going to be bad, but I fully admitted that I enjoyed the hell out of it (although I could see why actual Spirit fans would easily loathe it). If Joe is good, I will happily eat crow in this regard.

Man the trailer really didn't help this movie at all. If they just had shown Snake-Eyes being badass for 3 minutes than this movie would have made money.

This thing is going to tank harder than Land of the Lost.

The only one of them who wants to bang Scarlett is the mute, so presumably that's already a subtext that can't really be eliminated.

Allegations of such "subtexts" usually say more about the person making them than the material.

In addition to what Ian said, anyone who considers themselves a Joe fan had better pray that this movie does well, because if it bombs, the brand is effectively going to have been torpedoed.

...Remember once again that Latino Review reported this mess. They're the faux hype site that got all pissy and claimed that Jango Fett was a stereotypical bad role model for Hispanics. I trust reports from them about as much as I'd trust a democrat to give an unbiased review on Sarah Palin's looks.

The Gijoe movie will be the best movie ever. You don't know what you're talking about anymore. It will win countless oscars. It will also help Stephen Sommers win a nobel peace prize. I'm willing to even bet that time travelers from the future will visit us to watch the movie on opening day. This movie will change lives. They will write music about it. They will hold huge festivals in honor of it yearly and in some places daily. Heads will explode in theaters. You can bet that this picture will shatter any records set on opening weekend by any movie ever made and all future attempts will be futile no matter what the property is.

"telezombie"

your name says it all...you're like a zombie!!!! jk...but anyways...idk.