By Rob Bricken in
Daily Lists, Movies
Monday, Jun. 1 2009 @ 8:00AM
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Godzilla movies aren't know for their intricate pots, amazing special effects and captivating character development. What we expect when we tune into a Godzilla movie is to see two guys in monster suits whacking the hell out of each other and stepping on cardboard buildings while screaming Japanese flee in terror. We know Godzilla is cool, from his laughable but endearing early years, where his rubbery jaw flapped freely in the breeze, to his more recent films where he looked much more dangerous but was nonetheless cheered on by viewers as he destroyed poor Tokyo once again. The big variables in a Godzilla movie are the monsters he fights and pals around with. When the likes of King Ghidorah, Mechagodzilla, Rodan or Gigan show up, you know that Godzilla is about have a showdown with his equals. But some of the other monsters he's faced over the years -- even some of the popular ones -- range from odd but awesome, to strange and amusing, to bizarre and embarrassing.
14) Hedorah, a.k.a. The Smog Monster
Hedorah was pretty darn bizarre -- it was a monster made of pollution that looked like a pile of gloop. But Hedorah was so powerful and terrifying that it nearly gets a pass. It killed thousands of people, dissolving some of them down to the skeletons. Godzilla won the battle, but not without losing an eye and having a hand eaten away to the bone. Yikes! This is also the movie where Godzilla decided to reveal he could fly. *sigh*
13) Zilla
This lame, mutated iguana -- better known as the "star" of the utterly horrible Godzilla American remake with Matthew Broderick -- was laughably beaten in mere seconds by Godzilla in Final Wars, tail-whipped into the Sydney Opera House and then roasted with atomic breath. Meet the true King of the Monsters, Hollywood!
12) Gabara
Gabara had the misfortune to star in probably the most bizarre Godzilla movie of all time, All Monsters Attack (a.k.a. Godzilla's Revenge). He wasn't even real; the whole movie was a child's revenge fantasy in which Gabara was the stand-in for the bully who was picking on the kid. With a goofy face, orange hair, long neck and an annoying, laugh-like roar, it's no surprise Godzilla entered Imaginationland to kick Gabara's scaly ass.
11) Mothra
Mothra is one of Godzilla's oldest enemies/allies, and is well-loved. But let's face facts. She's just a giant moth in a world of radioactive-powered dinosaurs. She is always promoted as being this amazing protector of the Earth, especially by her creepy twin fairies, but her grand entrance is generally followed a few minutes later by Mothra, ablaze in atomic breath, crashing into the Japanese countryside. The big advantage she does have is that she's like a phoenix, constantly being born again so she can come back and take more of Godzilla's abuse.
10) M.O.G.U.E.R.A.
Hey, know what's a lot less cool than Mechagodzilla? A Mechagodzilla rip-off that looks like a portly weevil and gets defeated twice by SpaceGodzilla, then destroyed by Godzilla, who M.O.G.U.E.R.A. was trying to help! Great going, G-Force.
9) Ebirah
If Godzilla ever gets a craving for Red Lobster, Ebirah best scutter away as fast as his yummy legs can take him. Does butter come in water tower-sized containers? Okay, so maybe Ebirah was actually a shrimp, but that doesn't make him any less delicious with a bit of drawn butter.
8) Megalon
Megalon, a giant cockroach thing, is reviled by some for starring in one of the lamest Godzilla films and for not living up to the already low standards of Toho movie monsters. One thing that can he said for him is that he stands out among the crowd of dinosaur-like mutants that often crossed Godzilla's destructive path. He was also the unfortunate recipient of one of Godzilla's most infamous mind-boggling offensive moves -- the floating dropkick!
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29 comments
Comments
Poe Ghostal said:
If the criteria was how "bizarre" the foe was, I probably would have awarded the #1 spot to Biollante...
Some other random Godzilla-universe kaiju: Gezora (blue giant squid-thing--makes an appearance in Godzilla: Final Wars) and Shockirus (giant mutated sea louse from the beginning of the Return of Godzilla, a.k.a. Godzilla 1985).
Exactly how Jet Jaguar was able to increase his size hundredfold, and from where he drew the mass to do so, is a haunting enigma that has given me many a sleepless night. There's such a thing as the law of conversation of matter, people!
Anon said:
Poe Ghostal: Pym particles?
Bill said:
Pym Particles it is! If it's good enough for Giant-Man, it's good enough for me, damn it!
Glorious Cheese said:
The Smog Monster's always been my fav.
Dr. Shoggoth said:
Don't forget that Biollante, through the use of mad science, is also that scientist's daughter.
Alex said:
I would have put Jet "Jagaa" at the top of the list and Megalon after him. But thanks for disturbing me with your interpretation of the Mothra larva.
(I will have the "Mosura" song stuck in my head all day,too.)
Kid Nicky said:
Poe,don't you remember? He "programmed himself to grow in some way." They couldn't have made it any clearer!! :)
The Shisa statues are part of Japanese folklore,and the buildings weren't cardboard,they were detailed plaster models. Not everything in the world can be learned by 30 seconds on wikipedia.
Sean said:
i have 2 Kaiju suggestions for this list.
1) I would have put King Kong on this list. Okay maybe not a true Godzilla kaiju, his presence in the Godzilla universe just unnerves me. I mean, not that having a giant ape with a thing for blondes is wierder than the stuff on this list, but he just never felt like he belonged in the same stories as Godzilla.
2) Raymond Burr. Dude was almost as big as 'Zilla in Godzilla: 1985. And I heard his halitosis was just as powerful a weapon as Godzilla's atomic breath.
sal said:
"Godzilla vs. Biollante was a good Godzilla movie..." = Oxymoron
Ranchoth said:
Hedorah melted the flesh off of Godzilla's hand? Jeez, how do I not remember that? I even remembered that Godzilla killed him by ripping out his...uh...did they ever *really explain* what those those spheres were that he tore out of Hedorah's carcass? I mean, I know what we're all thinking, but...
Bah. Anyway, I also wanted to say that Ebirah will always have a special place in my heart, if only because I first saw his movie in the first episode of MST3k I ever saw, on Thanksgiving, when I was maybe...10? Younger? I think we actually had lobster there, to boot.
You just can't put a price on memories like that.
Finally seeing the famed topless clip from The Terror of Mechagodzilla might be worth a few bucks, though.
Casey Jones said:
Best. List. Ever.
That Jet Jaguar MST3K song still cracks me up to this day. Bahahaha!
On a related note, after watching it again, I'm almost certain that the designers for the Spider-Man movie stole Jet's helmet for their lame ass Power Rangers Green Goblin's look.
It's uncanny how much they resemble each other.
Beany McPickles said:
@ Casey Jones: Gobby was the first thing I thought of when I saw Jet Jaguar.
Kevin said:
Holy crap! I never connected Jet Jaguar to Green Goblin, but you're right!
Brion said:
Man did this bring back memories! I use to watch Godzilla all the time when I was a kid.
But how cool was Godzilla knocking out the american version in seconds. So badass!
That song about Jet Jaguar is hilarious. Another show I use to watch every week. MST3K. I miss those good old days.
Kurono-K said:
Godzilla movies kinda suck.
chad said:
cool list for that is the one thing about godzilla is that his foes tend to make fans wonder what the creators are smoking and the low standards they follow though would have had mothra number one followed by her larvea
Rattrap007 said:
No Gigan? The dude had a saw blade down the middle of his torso and scythes for hands! He is at least as freaky as Megalon.
Also no Ghidorah, Battra, or Anguirus?
ZeroCorpse said:
Anguirus represent!
Seriously, though, I always LIKED Godzilla vs. Megallon. Jet Jaguar was just as cool as he was hokey, and that's pretty awesome.
Oh, and I always thought he grew by shunting material from alternate dimensions, or actually switching bodies with a form from a dimension in which proportions are far greater than in ours. While giant Jet Jaguar was fighting Magallon and Gigan here (and really, you can't fault him for losing. It was two-on-one) the smaller body was in the giant universe taking its place. In that dimension, the scientist probably said, "He programmed himself to shrink in some way!"
MalloClam said:
I don't care what anybody says, Megalon has always been my favourite kaiju. Come on, he's a giant beetle who shoots lightning out of his head and has drills instead of hands. What's not to love?
Gleeman said:
I'm disappointed at the lack of King Ghidorah on the list.
And Jet Jaguar == Green Goblin, holy crap! Didn't realize that until it got mentioned above...
Anonymous said:
Jet Jaguar:
HE MOTHER NEVER LOVED HIM
John davis said:
LOL, that was back in the day when TV programming actually had value. SOmething hardly seen today with all these stupid, pathetic reality shows!
RT
www.online-privacy.vze.com
Proof Reading said:
it is true! Godzilla movies aren't know for their intricate pots!!
Television Spy said:
You had me at Mathura.
GalvaTRION said:
I put that Jet Jagah clip on youtube :)
Bizarre... honestly, they're all bizarre. This is why I love Dai Kaiju Eiga. Japan's monsters have that extra bit of insanity.
Kevin said:
I thought Gigan and Ghidorah were more badass than bizarre, but I guess it's a broad definition.
Kevin said:
And crap, my habit for leaving out letters strikes again.
"pots" *sigh*
Dr. Shoggoth said:
Ranchoth, those sphere pulled out of Hedorah were either eggs or its eyeballs, depending on who you ask.
Gruhn said:
For the true Godzilla fan here is a glimpse "Behind the curtain" of the Myth, The Legend, The Monster. http://www.webdonuts.com/2009/06/godzilla-speaks/
