brains brains brains brains brains
brains brains brains brains brains brains brains
brains brains brains brains brains

He was the Thriller
Even Romero thought so
The Zombie of Pop

I know it is soon but think about the MJ cameo in one of the "Dead" movies. That is why I had to write this one.

Oh shufflin' dead, I
Wonder what goes through your head?
Hoping some hot lead.

BRA AAA AAA AAA INS
BRA AAA AAA AAA AAA AAA INS
BRA AAA AAA AAA INS

Mmm Zoey is nude,
look at the boobies jiggle,
must grab a nipple...

Ax check Boom-Stick check
Mega-Buster, lead pipe too
Frank West would be proud

HOLY FUCKING SHIT!
WHEN DID ZOMBIES START RUNNING?
WE ARE ALL FUCKED NOW!!

Not superficial
Not after attractiveness
I value your brains

A human buffet.
Why settle for just the brain?
It's not a la carte.

I once ate sweetbread
Now give me that sweet-head
It's empty, you meat head

Hey, jingle bells, jingle bells,
Oh what fun it is to feast
On Santa Claus's eyes.

Pretty pathetic attempt, but I'm only joining in for the hell of it. :P

It's not against the rules to rhyme (in a Lil-Wayneian sort of way) is it?

Oh and I fucked it up.

Flesh of the living
Is hard to tear with dentures
Tokyo Zombie

Trailer is here:
www.youtube.com/watch?v=nJEmduNwjKU

Shambling flesh seeks fresh
The fetid remains remain
Still animated

This chick's brain is sweet
But her liver is delicious
Why not have a toe?

Party at the mall
We got an all-night buffet
Hope you like eyeballs.

Done by a chainsaw
All I wanted from the store
Was a chicken breast

Hungering for brains
But can't break open your skull
Where is my bone saw?

Who first should I eat?
The fat stoner with dreadlocks?
The blonde with big boobs!

No motor control
Paraplegics can't escape
We love Meals on Wheels

Max Brooks wrote a book
About how to fight us off
But we've learned to fly

The zombies can run
Not what Romero promised
Thank God for fat kids

Check it out, you guys!
Fat asshole at ten o' clock!
We eat big tonight!

Holy fucking shit
A zombie apocalypse
And you write haikus

I've checked the bottle.
Tide removes the stains of blood.
It does not do brains.

For a first date this
Is not turning out the way
I had hoped it would.

Dancer seeking work.
Flawless choreography.
Missing lower jaw.

Doctor do you think
this is infected at all?
Yes, you have pink eye.

Quit shoving you guys!
There are plenty of entrails
For everyone here.

beneath the October moon
the constant moaning drone
of zombies

* * *

even if I survive
the walking dead
death still waits

* * *

my mother's head
still snaps
as I bury it

I will eat your flesh
Shit, is that a cricket bat?
Damn ginger haired brit!

The bald black dude
just found his pills
they were there.

I'm Michael Jackson
I live off the wall
in this thriller night.

My name is Stubbs
I had some game
it was shitty as hell.

I live in Castlevania
Dracula likes Mickey mania
I can't rhyme with mania

Zombie in deep space
Drifting for eternity
Are there brains out there?

Wandering, aimless,
Trying to stop the hunger
Drops of water tear

They promised Heaven
Or they promised me the void
Nothing about this

We huddle for warmth
And pray the snow stops monsters
Creeping in the night

Day and night they come
An endless river of dead
We can't take them all

Brains get tiresome
Liver is the money meat
'Specially off drunks

Never thought I'd hate
Eating meat, but the Reynolds
Are very gamy

Wandering, aimless,
Trying to stop the hunger
Drops of water tear

They promised Heaven
Or they promised me the void
Nothing about this

We huddle for warmth
And pray the snow stops monsters
Creeping in the night

Day and night they come
An endless river of dead
We can't take them all

Brains get tiresome
Liver is the money meat
'Specially off drunks

Never thought I'd hate
Eating meat, but the Reynolds
Are very gamy

Marvel killed us off
But they don't do that for long
We're back, and hungry

Intelligent life.
Where can it be located?
It's in my stomach!

Yo, she-bitch, let's go.
Gimme some sugar, baby.
This is my boomstick!

Shaq-Fu does not work,
Captain Planet is dead now,
let the invasion prevail.

What's that? You must be
confused. I am not undead,
just Republican.

Death was meant for us
My love is of the way
Like zombies love brains

go ahead and run
they're coming for you barbara
there is no escape

So very hungry
Sniff, sniff. Brains? Brains! KA-CHUNK! BLAM!
Not so hungry now

You are so tasty
I don't even need ketchup
Still need more brains, tho

Where are we shuffling?
Is there brains behind this door?
Damn zombie arms!

Zombies all want brainz
Don' taste so gud akchully
Can haz cheezburger?

"Did you breathe that stuff?"
"If you really loved me, you'd
Let me eat your brains"

Brains flying around
How I yearn for even more
Oh the hunger pains

Where is my chainsaw?
Heads will roll as well as limbs,
On this bloody night.

Wind flowing over,
Legions of Mindless Zombies,
I'm out of ammo.

The zombies belied,
once the economy tanked,
fiat currency

(Too esoteric?)

Maurissa Tancharoen
Was tasty, but now I find
I'm hungry again

(Yeah, I hate me too.)

To: IP lawyer
Fr: corporate head-hunter
Bon Appetite

(OK, I'll stop.)

Brains are good eatin'
Now where can I find a good
After dinner mint?

Always behind me
Chasing slowly and steady
They will never stop

Stomp stomp clomp stomp stomp
Rhythmic drumbeat of undeath
Can I scream in time?

Why must the food flee?
Hiding poorly, whimpering
I just want the brains

Shuffling, like drunks
leaning forward, stupidly
We are all Zombie.

Do not want your brains
vegetarian zombie
Where is the tofu?

Oof! High heel broken.
As they come, my final thought:
Poor choice of footwear.

Hell hath no fury.
Like your comrades in arms, bro.
When you startle the Witch!

Dead People Rise, Walk.
I watch, sigh, and grab my shotgun.
"Come and get some, ye bitches!"

Battle Of Yonkers.
Entire Battalion. Trade It All.
For a nice shovel.

Hail, Mia Jovavich.
You can kill alot of zombies.
Still, you make me rise.

When my bite time comes,
I hope I don't wonder off,
to the fucking mall.

What is it with her?
She broke my heart, then ate it.
Ya can't live with 'em...

What the fuck was that?
Your sister is a zombie!
What the fuck was that?

here i use my brain
to write this lovely haiku,
and now i eat it.

They are coming for me
Locked myself in my room
They won't find me here

Why do they kill us?
Humans lopping off our heads.
We just want to eat.

Tired of running
I settle down for a nap
Nothing could go wrong.

I hate the zombies
I hate the ARGH ACK UGHHH brains...
I am a zombie

Transformers with balls
Big giant smooth swinging balls
Makes me wish for death

Topless robots win
Fight over undead army
Want the movie rights.

Always goes like this:
Us against them, fight till dawn
Wait for the sequel.

Make-up doesn't hide
Rotting flesh and lack of nose
Now I'm like the rest

Why do I eat brains?
Because they are so tasty.
Silly walking food.

Stumble through the night
Blankly look for more victims
Undeath really sucks

[homage to Beavis-n-Butthead:]
nuh uh uh-uh muh
muh-uh-uh muh-nuh-uh-uh
uh-uh-uh-uh-uh

I want to watch Trek
She's keen on Sean of the Dead
We settle: Spock's Brain

I'll rip your balls off
You motherfucking zombies
Then feed them to you

Xbox champion
Killed many zombies in games
Died to first he met

Mother of three kids
Died soon after running
out of baby shields

Military guy
Carrying all the weapons
Will die to save you

Your slutty girlfriend
Will die before we all do
Sure, bring her along

The token black guy
Dies after the slut, before
dues ex machina

Virginal girl
Has to make it to the end
Won't even show tits

I must eat your flesh
There is nothing I can do
It must be eaten

I don't WANT to kill
I just have to, to survive
You understand, right?

Found a rubber doll.
Defintely not living.
Guess I'll just fuck it.

Shotgun made hand gone.
I can't believe I said that.
Zombies can't form words...

I eat that which lives
Although I can not taste them,
they feel warm inside

I got bit today
Now Daddy smells different
He smells delishious

First, some Jonathan Coulton-inspired haikus-

All we want to do
is to munch upon yummy
head meats, no eyes please.

French remix!-

Tous que nous voulons faire
Est mangent vos cerveaux. Nous sommes tout à fait
raisonnable. Aucuns yeux.

Now, some movie haikus-

Zombies all around
Fuck-a-doodle-doo! Pete's "dead"!
Don't stop me now!

Eating all the brains,
I'm eating all of the brains.
What a great feeling.
^
/|\ (Zombie gene kelly will charm his way into your skull)

Now for the "assorteds"

I am a zombie.
I am attatched to a robot.
pirate and ninja left.

Despondent Zombie.
Even with the brains he eats,
He sucks at haikus.

Big see-through zombie
filled with red blood and a smile
His cry is "OH YEAH!"

Keith vs. Zombies
They never had a chance.
But still, Tele Zombies!

Zombies roam the streets.
Searching for the best of meats:
Brains, but bacon ok.

RoboCop is cool.
But ZombieCop is better1
Have we gone too far?

Grunting, dull masses
shuffle through the street, shouting
their desperate cry.

Micheal Jackson dead
Will the Thriller conquer Earth?
Who says I should know?

We approach the end,
Zombie ham approaches us-
"Th-Tha-That's all, folks!"

Flesh falls, still we walk
Organs fail, still we hunger
We are undying, undead

We are walking dead
Ever searching, we hunger
For flesh, organs, meat

They are a legion
We fall each day, one by one
Humans, we are doomed

The dead rise, they walk
The living die, rise again
How long will we last?

No safety in sight
Just keep running, Barbara
Oh look, a farm house

Your mama's so undead
She'd even eat a cow brain
Then who'd be mad?

is that a man's brain
I see in the distance there
oh yes om nom nom

Devastator's balls
are not as juicy as a
brain without body

I once had a face
but then I met a zombie
now I just urgah

what is love to me
zombies cannot reproduce
but i'd eat you out

oh my god that is
a zombie run for your life
oh shit this is dawn

the dead walk the earth
until they meet my boomstick
aw snap what now bitch

bang bang my baby
shot me down because i tried
to eat her damned brains

hit the road to go
anywhere but the cities
in my car I --ergh

keep your love lockdown
especially when she turns
hope to find a cure

Inspired by something my wife has told me.

I love you so much
If you get bit I will kill,
You without a thought

Fat fanboy zombie
Want to give you yellow rose
And rip out your spleen

Shark versus zombie
This shit is fucking awesome
Fulci! You da Man!

Sometimes I wonder
Will they return to normal
If I bite them back?

someone find jacko
make him join us now he can
thriller ain't far off

the four horsemen came
i found their brains quite tasty
john can suck my flesh

maybe if I'm lucky
the movie will come and go
and Bay let me live

close but no cigar
zombies surround but can't win
I have a shotgun

gore is really gross
too bad I'm covered in it
zombie suicide

zoey and francis
made love but tank found bathroom
bill and louis laugh

Not actually about zombies, but based on one time I helped to make a zombie short film (seen here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Uf5C6LQ_Go):

Corn syrup, corn starch
Red food colouring, cacoa
Looks real and tasty!

And in homage to Left4Dead:

Hunters pounce on you
Boomer bile attracts the horde
Smokers constrict you

Must keep Brains tasty
Dino-Riders used Brain Box
Thanks 1980's

The debate rages:
A chainsaw or katana?
I want a shotgun.

Resident Evil
Did not prepare me for this
herbs don't cure bite wounds

Runners suck; Shuffle

Dammit. That's the freakin' point:

Numbers, not speed. Duh.

Racists end up dead.

Mallrats end up on the roof.

The Day ends poorly.

-----------------------------------

They return from graves

"Send more paramedics! BRAINS!"

Nuke 'em all to hell.

Well that was stupid;

There's even more of them now.

We're all gonna die.

"I love you." "You too."

"I've been bitten." "Fuck my life."

"Brains! Brains!" "Die you bitch!"

-------------------------------

If you need to look

up my references, you

aren't a fan. Ass.

I would eat your brains
but your blond head is empty.
Guess its the brunette.

"Here take this," he said.
I hefted the shotgun fast.
"I will come back here."

Dripping, putrescent,
Eyes green with puss and no nose,
She is beautiful.

Viscus fluid drips
from his gapping maw and tongue.
He licks his cracked lips.

Can zombies swim well?
Does it matter, they don't breath.
We are screwed then, man.

See how fast they move
Fluid motions end in death
Then you rise, hungry

Are you well prepared
for the zombiepocalypse?
Do you have a plan?

Zombies have evolved
from slow moving to fast, damn!
We are all so doomed.

Is it a virus?
Who cares, they just want our brains.
How can we stop them?

Did we make zombies
or was it an act of god?
We are screwed any way.

"Brains, what's for dinner!"
That is the zombies loud cry.
When did they get smart?

I had a good plan.
Then some zombies bit me hard.
Thanks mom and dad, sigh.

I love brains so much.
But liver tastes good also.
So many tasty bits.

I think I have more in me too.

Please don't eat me, sir.
I promise, I taste like shit.
Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh

I rise from the ground
smell of dirt and rotting flesh
I will eat your brains

Yes, I am scary
I am a zombie monster
watch me walk slowly

When did it happen?
Did the watchmen guy do it?
I can run fast now.

I know I'll be safe
If I lock myself inside
With no escape route.

Brains are so cliche.
A true gourmand would prefer
The thick, juicy flank.

It's not you I want.
In fact, I am finally
free of desires, save hunger.

I called your name when
they all swarmed me, biting teeth.
Soon, you will feel it.

Here is a lock pick.
You, Master of Unlocking-
Stop biting me please.

I have a banjo.
He has a chainsaw. What now?
Zombie killin' hoedown!

Doors are hard to figure.
They are walls, but they can move!
F*** my zombie life.

Zombies all around,
only one thing to do now!
French: We surrender!

Zombies hate the cheese.
It's a long shot, but can work.
They're dipping my brain!

Haiku (based on a true story)

As a child, I thought
That [i]Night of the Living Dead[/i]
Starred O.J. Simpson.

Look out; it's a trap!
That is not a week-old fish,
It's Zombie Ackbar.

itchy and hungry
Puss in my eye blinds me
Wheres the A1 sauce?

I meant "Damn puss in my eye blinds me" .

With years of training
Killing zombies with shot guns
I am qualified.

Kill something that’s dead?
Only with an old toaster.
Useful for blunt force.

Sorry about that,
Did not mean to chew your leg.
Okay I lied, Yum.

If zombies look sad
when they see a pretty girl,
it's because they're dead.

You look familiar.
Have I eaten you before?
Or are you my wife?

I am just standing
minding my own damn business
jerk guy shoots my head

emily got bit
dude you got to kill her soon
you do it asshole!

brains brains brains brains brains
om nom nom nom nom nom nom
I think I want more

Wow! Zombie strippers
you can eat me anytime!
I get to see tits

3 pm new york
I am the only one here
I am Will Smith bitch!

Attacking my home,
Brain eating zombies lament
Death by cricket bat.

BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM!
Dad! You killed Zombie Flanders!
He was a zombie?

I will not eat brains
Vegetarian zombie
My friends think I'm odd.

This is my haiku
It includes the word "zombie"
Where's my goddamn prize?

Zombies plagued the land
So we cloned Paris Hilton...
All the zombies starved.

Michael Jackson's dead.
Any word on Thriller 2?
What? Is it too soon?

Resident Evil:
"The hell!?! An AI partner!?"
"Damn. Can't kill the bitch..."

Saw transformers 2.
Movie devoured my brains...
Ugh arrg uh rar agh!

Damn Haiku Contest.
The shit I'll do for free swag.
Time at work well spent!

The zombies catch up,
so shot my friend in the leg
Bait for getaway.

Zombies on PCs
Incessantly playing WoW
Remote to the arse.

Walking dead behind me
Oh no! It has bitten me!
Brains! Brains! Brains! Brains! Brains!

The brain I just had
was from an anime nerd
Brains really can rot. :-(

I eat what I can
I ate a kenyan today
We call them, "fast food"

I used to love how
your fingers felt inside me.
But not in this way.

A zombie tragedy

Guns, food, water, booze.
We are set. OW! My ankle!
Bye cruel world. BANG!

An hilarious joke
Phil fears the shambling undead
Put one in his bed

Oh, what the hell. A few more -

Stephen Colbert says:
"Only thing worse than bears are...
...ZOMBIE BEARS! THREAT DOWN!"

Zombies are okay,
But I DO NOT WANT THEM in
Fan Fiction Friday!

-and just to more clearly illustrate my last point-->

My only regret
About my zombie girlfriend
Is the oral sex.

Thank you and goodnight.

I remember blood.
It used to run through my veins;
Now it stains my tie.

I stereotyped
More than just a flesh-eater
Also paint murals

If zombies bite you,
I will shoot you in the head.
It's better that way.

To survive zombies--
Who the hell am I kidding?
No-one ever does.

Hands claw bafflingly
Stumbling, moaning, eyes protrude
Blood drips lividly

Moan (shuffle shuffle)
Moan (shuffle shuffle shuffle)
...mmm...flesh strip poker

I thought I was dead,
But it was much worse than that.
Please, someone kill me.

Beware, Internet!
Zombie Kirk and Zombie Spock:
World's worst slash fiction.

Kindhearted gravestone
Fell upon my cranium
Brains have all squished out
Ending my horror

Rob B must regret
Opening the floodgates for
Zombie Nerd haikus

Enjoy spending all weekend tearing your hair out over this highly entertaining contest, pal!

-Ward

A zombie bit me.
Should I just kill myself now,
Or eat my friends' brains?

I am Capt. Rhodes.
Guts are being torn out by,
Zombies. Choke on em!

When the brain rots out
Zombies do tend to forget
That zombie haikus have 5/7/5 syllable patterns and that's how a haiku works

She will eat your brains
with a heroin chaser.
It's Zombie Winehouse.

Absorbent, yellow,
ad trying to eat your brains:
SpongeBob ZombiePants.

Your brains are so soft
and wet and so delicious
Reminds me of shrimp!

^ Last haiku should read:
"and trying to eat your brains"
(Brains on my keyboard)

I have a problem:
water makes my skin fall off.
--Zombie Aquaman

I am a big shark
I also fought a zombie
You praise me now

To my zombie eyes,
This bloodshed is appalling.
Also, delicious.

News from Michael Bay:
"My next movie? The Zombies."
So zombies suck now.

Zombie Voltron is
much more unsettling than
old Robot Voltron

Zombies came to France.
some thought they could stay alive.
Zombie Daft Punk: Braaaaaaaaaains.

Zombie Rob Zombie
not More Human than Human
Well, not anymore.

The zombie upside
is the possibility
of new Beatles songs

Setup is above
But here the punchline is
All you need is brains

I shot the sheriff,
did not shoot the deputy
Both ate my brain.

These are all funny,
but a somber note for you:
Deadly AIDS Zombies

This gave my sick mind
another sexy idea.
Zombie prostitutes.

What's in your hea-ed
In your he-eh-eh-eh-ed
Zombie, Za-om-bie

1968
We could break windows with rocks
How much we forget

It's true, he's undead,
But still oddly endearing:
Zombie Jon Stewart.

uuuuuh uuuuh uuuuuuuuuuh yaaaaaak blah
gurgle spluuuuuuut brauuuuuuuuuuck brap burp blap
uuuuuh uuuuh uuuuuuuuuuh yaaaaaak blah

Red leather 'neath moon
Eat brains while Jheri curl drips
Zombies dance Thriller

Follow me at Yo Mama Haiku on Twitter

Zombie Doctor Who
Will first save you from Daleks,
Then he will eat you.

Zombie Michael Bay:
Like regular Michael Bay...
That's it. No difference.

Could you pass the salt?
This man's head is far too bland
Shit, I stained my shirt!

From dusk till dawn,
I clutch my rifle,
waiting for them.

My teeth sink in,
She screams in vain,
I hunger for flesh.

Blades get dull,
Guns run dry of ammo,
Hello crowbar...

Luscious lips of strawberry,
Her earlobe taste of Heaven,
Brains will taste the best.

Carl Lewis speed,
Zombies running toward,
Talk your shit now.

we hate sunflowers
i've got butter on my head
i eat plants and brains

(plants vs. zombies inspired. thank you)

I have feelings too
So don't scream and run away
I just want to play

Musical Haiku of the 1980s
(a triptych)

---

My name is Luca,
I live on the second floor
And am a zombie.

*

one night, in bangkok,
an undead thai prostitute
ate a murray head

*

Because of zombies,
As a useful precaution,
Janie's got a gun.

Zombies on the Lawn
Sunflowers Are the Power
We Don't want Zombies

I once played Football
I Have Road Cone On My Head
We are the Undead

Use Solar Power
Build the best plant defenses
Fight Giant Zombie

The pain...
Must have brai-BOOM BOOM
Okay. No more brains. You win.

---

I am a corpse
No please, don't run
I only want a hug

---

I live in a world
of superhuman zombies
at least they're not throwing poo

^ Above "anonymous" poems were mine, computer error.

come on and take it
take another little piece
of my heart, baby

sweet lady fingers
so delicate and tender
good to the last bite

The bottom line is
zombies have a food fetish
that just w i l l n o t d i e !

my zombie lover
your kisses so deep that they
take my brains away

rawr... rawr... groan.. rawr... rawr...
groan... groan... rawr... groan... rawr... groan ugh...
chomp... chomp... chomp... chomp... chomp...

((this was whowhatwhere's rendition of zombies quest for food))

And now, a whole bunch of random haikus about or regarding zombies:

Zombies v. Robots:
Why further useless debate?
Settle out of court!

When there's no more room
in HELL, the dead shall walk the
EARTH! Reserve Space NOW!

FUCK OH FUCK OH FUCK
OH FUCK OH FUCK OH FUCK OH
FUCK OH FUCK OH FUCK!

Death gave me insight
On meaning of all things. Let
me spread the word *BANG*

Zombies not all bad,
They do not discriminate.
They eat anyone.

Wife of many years:
We said 'Til Death Do Us Part.'
Zombie, bite me now!

Call us anything:
Living Dead, Undead, Raised Dead.
But please, not 'Zombies'.

Zombies for Dummies:
Dead rise and feast on living.
Apply blows to head.

Posting Haikus 'bout
Zombies, What's this 'sposed to be,
Typing of the Dead?

why am i in a box
clawing my way out
hunger for living flesh

why am i moaning?,
my words out-gurgling for
warm blood pulsing life.

my skin in shreds, my
warmth no more, my home is my
hate, your death my chore.

It might not kill them,
but I use a flamethrower.
'Cause... Zombies on Fire.

shambling, lurching, I
chase the warmth I somehow feel
brains brains brains brains brains

prick us, do we not
bleed? stone us, come we back..for...
let us in.. your heeeaaaadd.

my girlfriend bitched, but
now she groans, chained to my bed,
gagged, and not alone.

In the endless night
The dead find life to feed on
Their screams fall silent

did you speak the words?
not every last syllable
oh fuck me, deadites!

I've always wondered
why is it that the zombies
don't eat each other?

Fist-full of chainsaw,
Primitive screw-heads abounds.
You want some of this?

Zombie to the left,
Front and right and center, too,
Can you say "groovy?"

Necronomicon
Is a really complex book
Klepto... baretta...

Damn it, what's the word?
To hell with this, I've got guns.
This is my boomstick.

Double-barreled, for
your pleasure, you damn She-Bitch.
Shop smart: Shop S-Mart.

You know those Big Brains?
The ones from Futurama?
Zombie buffet, bro!

sorry I pushed you
to the floor when the dead came
deaf to all your pleas

I just have to run
faster than the damned fallen
while they feast I flee

hand in my head... odd
tic, i'm sure. squeezing my mush
waters my mouth for...

I heard that humans make
Awesome aphrodisiacs.
Necrophilia?!

"an apple a day
keeps the doctor away"
a small lie we're told

like "monsters aren't real"
but grandma's blood stained mouth
and hands, dead and cold

make me believe that
monsters without teeth are fine
thank god grandma's old

"a war to end all
wars," quote the president, as
the plumes filled the skies.

Auuhuhhhhhhhhhhggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhh eugghhhhhhhhh
Aeehhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa uuggggggghhhhhhh ughh raarrrah
guugggaahhhheeerrrr brraaaaaaaaiiinnnnsss uahggggghhhhh

a true total war
man vs. the zombie hordes
this is world war z

African rabies.
Phalanx did nothing for me
the fever rages...

Invasion ending.
Obese hungry from running.
Oh the irony.

vomiting, crawling,
melting and blind, endlessly
aching for more...more...

Screams shatters the calm
Still no sleep for ten days now
city un-living sucks

uhhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh
uhhhh uhhh uh uhhh uhhhh uhhh uhhh
uhhhh uhhh uhhhh uhhh uhhhh

If I choose to run
My ankle will snap in half
So I hunt in packs

Barricade your doors
We will build up our forces
And then you are dead

We wed in spring
I die, I cling
I rise, I starve

I reach for you
You run so swift
I want you so

The flesh i need
Your skin i miss
Come back to me

I see Dead People
The Horde is Coming Closer
I Switch to Pistols

So itchy hungry
Ugly faced Scott is tasty
So itchy tasty

dont touch the children
this aint no video shoot
thriller that asshole

raid the cold chiller
human spleen and liver pate
with cheese and crackers

best place to meet girls
trader joe's for fresh tasty
organic females

My zombie had to be a little bit grammar-challenged:

If I had hammer,
I'd hammer in the morning
All over your skull

How did it take nigh
fifty meandering years
for zombies to run?

Despite the hit song,
cranberries are a zombie's
least favorite food.

I Kept My Intelligence
Not Like All The Rest
I Wear Shades And Pretend Now.

Zombie Restaurant
A Little Extra Zest, Please
Lemon On My Brains

The Worst Place To Be
When Everything Begins Now
Port-A-Potty Doom

Mario Kart With
Zombie Items Would Be
Kind of neat to see

Since they're already
dead, zombies don't need to breathe;
pleasant dreams, NASA.

When they eat us all,
What is left for them to do?
Zombies versus Bears!

Hipsters envy us,
we are the only ones who
look more unamused.

We aren't really dead.
It's just an old voodoo trick.
Oh, scrap the sequel.

Dear movie critics,
we are not a metaphor -
only gore and fear.

I looted the mall
and all that it gave me was
some lousy t-shirt

"They return from graves

"Send more paramedics! BRAINS!"

Nuke 'em all to hell."

^That one wins for me, now mine:

I can't believe I
Just ate a greasy fat guy
My thinspiration

Ace-u! Rock and Roll
Knows no gender or borders!
"HANAKOOO" "TOSHIIII"

Zombies? No big deal.
We seem to have forgotten.
Japan has Gundams.

Argh I'm full of rage
I'm dead but I'm so damn fast
Wait I'm no zombie

He's Grabbin' some pills
She's almost there almost there
He really hates vans

I'm black don't shoot me
I'm a woman but I'm strong
I'm crazy down stairs

This mall looks safe. Sweet!
What could go wrong here? Party!
Oops, bad idea. Damn!

Crashed motorcycle
My love for you my sweet head
Take me home please Gna

Zombies move slowly
Fast Zombies don't make much sense
Hollywood is dumb

I'm sorry to do this... but I feel it needs to be said... People, A haiku is very simple...

First, Five syllables
Then you follow with seven
and then five again

That's it... it's not just a poem with 3 lines, it doesn't have to rhyme (but it can), and you really shouldn't break off where there isn't a natural pause and continue on the next line... It's really the minority of folks fucking that up, but I'm trying to be helpful.

I will submit my own entries later.

Thanks, Grunt... you said it nicer than I would've...

You can’t escape them!
Here comes the zombie cult of
Scientologists!

I do like children.
Billy, that cute little lad?
Scrumptious amuse-bouche.

You must be confused,
I’m not one of the undead.
I am Robert Smith.

Please, have some more rum!
It makes your brains taste of a
Nice Christmas Pudding.

Riesling with Asians,
Cabernet with beefy men...
I love wine pairings.

Am I pale enough?
I’ve been working for awhile
On my coffin tan.

I don’t understand
Why people call it moaning,
I’m singing with joy!

Get off my back, man!
So what if I drag my feet -
Still going places!

You’ve broken my heart.
Ripped it in two, leaving it
Beating on the floor.

I eat organic.
I will only partake in
Vegetarians

Stop running away!
I can only go so fast.
My knees do not bend.

Hey, let’s not stay in...
I’ll take you out for dinner,
keep your carpets clean.

Fancy a chess game?
I’ve a nasty habit of
Playing with my food.

No, moaning zombies
Are not attacking next door.
Lisa’s date put out.

Well-toned and sculptured
Olympic distance runner:
The other white meat.

That's all I've got for now...

OK, one more...

A zombie sighting!
Walking the streets of New York!!!
Oh. It’s HREF="http://www.tmz.com/2009/06/23/doll-parts/">Courtney Love.

Crapola, that got messed up. Let's try this again...

A zombie sighting!
Walking the streets of New York!!!
Oh. It’s Courtney Love.

I got something stuck between my teeth.
It's a piece of chin, i think it might have belonged to my daughter once.
She tasted exactly like her mother.

Shotgun waits in hand
Barricaded in bedroom
I forgot the cat

The wind blows softly
Over blood that fills the streets
Like freshly spilled paint

Vegetarian?
So what, I can be one too,
split open some grains.

Why the movie riffs?
I haven't seen all of these,
just pass me the brains.

--@ticknart---
Gamy Reynold's thigh?
That's nothing, taste Hawking's brains
It's like Cheetah meat

---@Boneshark----
Research tech is slow
Faster Femur Movement II
takes 50 years

--(on my own zombie board game)--
Build the barricades
assemble all our weapons
prepare for the night

Crap, you drew a two
I drew a horde of zombies
we are freaking screwed

Zombie took our dog
It grabbed him this afternoon,
what will we eat now?

shuffle, thump, scritch, scratch
I hear it, it's close, oh god
have to be quiet

Zombies are the shit
Even in Marvel Comics
But won't it get old?

Rotten joints might hurt
Dancing with Michael Jackson
Makes it all worthwhile

Roger forgot his tools
Jumps back to the other truck
His ankle tastes sweet

Ben, Peter, or John,
When in a Romero flick,
Bet on the black dude

Crunch, slurp, what where am
My wiiife? am I eating herrrr?
huhn mmmm eat Crunch slurp

@Grunt

Wikipedia:
No style definitive...
Entry for Zombies.

Seriously, the rules for a haiku are much more involved than just simplistic 5-7-5. You're right, it doesn't have to rhyme, but as for "no break without natural pause," that's so not true.

We're not hear to argue style, but to celebrate the awesomness of zombies through a style of expression that is ever-changing.

And if you want to read up on haikus: wiki "haiku" and "haiku in english".

Science kills witchcraft,
Irony's definition.
Necromancy's Dead.

I cannot be killed
Unless you shoot through my head
Or slice through my neck

Worth admission
Necrotic erotica
An orgy of blood

Do not be a douche,
Never threaten your teammates--
You'll be ripped in two!

can't see the roads, limbs
piled in holocaust, half-wit's
plan which blocks our cars.

How about the Return of the Living Dead examined zombie lady haiku?

brains brains brains brains brains
brains brains brains brains brains brains
brains brains brains brains brains!

Zombies are stupid,
They move ever so slowly,
You can walk away.

No, seriously,
They aren't very threatening,
And easy to kill.

I don't understand,
Why people like those movies,
Easy to direct?

The slower they move,
The more footage you can get,
The less plot needed.

Not hard for extras,
No dialogue or talent,
Just stumble and moan.

Very low budget,
It's usually too dark,
To see the make-up.

Some movies aren't bad,
But most of them are awful,
They can do better.

We need to bring back,
Things like ghosts, mummies, and frogs,
Be more creative.

they gnaw each other,
then wretch it back up, no warmth,
i guess, to fill them.

Zombieland theme park!
how real those zombies look! touch,
go ahead, feeeel one.

i just want your brains
please, let me eat them because
you're not using them

eighty with cancer--
keep pounding her chest! she heaves
last breath, 'let me die...'

I am in ur skull
munchin' on ur brain and stuff
nom nom nom nom nom

Hey, didn't realize that this stuff has it's own genre...

zombies surround me
only one shotgun shell left
I am so damn screwed

I kill another
I must slay many to earn
an evil dead 4

though my legs are whole
and they go very slowly
how did they catch me?

what a feeble, feeble attempt...

toothless gums can't bite
starving zombie wastes away
brush three times a day

Our picnic was great-
Except for when the undead
burst up from the ground.

when the zombies come
you will be good at haikus
but i the chainsaw

i'm trying dammit! i want that book!

arm clenched, prodded, i
lay in an alley, dreams pass
me, men eat men...ahhhh...

previously we
died heroically, but now
the black lantern calls

blackest night zombie?

I've splattered your brains
But I remember the day
We went to the beach.

five cents an hour,
in an oven, i sew shirts.
"topless robot"... huh?

They saved some monkeys
Then twenty eight days later
Jim wakes up alone

I saw them eat her
There was nothing i could do
Don't look for your mum

At first there were few
Now they come by the thousands
now who will save us

Hunger takes over
I must eat your tasty brains
Its just like chicken

parietal lobe
sliced thin like carpaccio
no need to season

my mortality
is shot to hell, not unlike
my face on your wall

frail human brain case
crunches like a candy shell
surrounding ice cream

I haven’t thought much
since he bit me on the neck.
Mostly I eat brains.

brr-aaa-iii-nnn-sss
had only one syllable
when I was alive

Zombies around me
How can I escape them now
My brain must smell good

That guy looks unwell
Should go and help him out, aaargh!
He bit me - neeed braains

we pray now to gods
of blood, small sacrifices
for Hunger and Law.

If I get bitten
Promise to shoot my head please
I'll do the same too

undead attacking Oregon
must flee to Ashland
zombies wont fuck with Bruce Campbell

knock on his door
greeted by Bruce Campbell zombie
were all fucked

Propane tanks
next to Micheal Bay zombie
Baysplosions are in order

read FFF
while Zombies disemboweling me
good thing hell as flowed over

hard to catch humans
when they run so fast
fat zombie

Cook and Cleans
saves my ass from zombies
Jill Valentine Girlfriend

Bit by zombie
didnt tell other survivors
cause im a douchebag

Rob, keep posting on TR
gives the survivors hope
your sacrifice will not be in vain

jay is the weak link
leave camp while hes still sleeping
poor bastard

brains and blood
thrown onto skin canvas
Pollock zombie

Mountain Dew and virginity
makes you immune to zombie infection
WOW players inherit the earth

go to work
coworkers turned to zombies
cant tell any difference

Blind zombie chomps down-
Argh! Another mannequin!
Malls are frustrating.

Moonlit moldy hair.
Enough skin for boobs. I want
to eat her heart out.

so the zombies rose
the geeks inherit the earth
forward planning rules

cracking her ribs in
our quick embrace, one last lust,
as plagues in us aches.

Courage for my lion,
a heart for my tin-man,
Zombie scarecrow says toto wasn't very filling.

(lame?)

Have a escape plan
A zombie apocalypse
No laughing matter

--on getting to the sweet, sweet brains--

Nature ill prepared,
how do they crack open skulls?
a great brain-teaser

a rock to the head
like a knife to open cans
messy but it works

when no tools abound,
stupid skulls sure hold brains safe
zombie jaw-breaker

Hurrr....terrible, terrible puns.

'Z--TV!' we rave,
watching zombies on gameshows
makes everyone's day!

stratum lucidum
I tear you vehemently now
as your sole gives in

Zombie infection broke out in Africa
U2 ended up feeding starving children
Irish cuisine

all worlds we ate of
meat and plant. ourselves we blame,
salted. pass a leg.

lactic acid builds
my gastrocnemius rips
how far can I run

Hunger never sleeps
But my dinner runs away
I must find my feast

The zombies love flesh
So when I hear them coming
I hold in my breath

When the undead came
No one believed the movies
Salvation is gone

The lucky ones died
Were not reanimated
The rest walk forever

I hate barricades
Can no longer avoid them
But dinner is close

Walk the day away
Will shamble on until dawn
Looking for fresh meat

The dog yaps at me
I want it to sit or fetch
It only hears moans

Nightfall brings them out
So all we hear is moaning
When we try to sleep

I always came before
now I'll come to search for you
you'll be in the mall

Have You ever played
A video game before
We’re second only to Nazis

But how often do
You see someone dressed
As one of those on Halloween
The undead for the win.

cook 'em hot enuf,
zombie tastes of chicken. no
one you know, is it?

there is wet thrashing
fingernails grip riverbed
I'm holding your legs

if jesus came back,
i'd cook him too, share him with
brothers, communion.

This scab on my face
Is nothing compared to the
Scab on my dead heart

crushing cold strikes me
translucent hands reach for me
I am surrounded

Where did she run to?
Probably up in a tree..
Zombies can't climb shit.

Wow! I am hungry!
But why this bizarre desire
To feast on your face?

Did you just see that?
It was a friggin zombie!
Wow. We are so screwed.

Meat is so tasty,
Human, of course, used to be
Vegetarian.

Bitten once, twice dead,
Our broken bodies now walk,
From night til' dawn today

Instinct takes over
this desire for your flesh
makes me devour

Tell me why you race
from my curious embrace
Scorned, i'll eat your face

This curse make me cold
the warmth from your body calls
To fix my numbness

The bride was in white
and the groom wore a red rose:
they liked the screaming.

A best man with chains
sealed the chapel doors, and
soon we all feasted.

A fountain of blood
and buffet of hot lobe tarts.
Even played "Strokin'."

How often do you
get to eat mother-in-law?
Best. Wedding. Ever.

Up from quiet grave.
No heaven. No hell. Just me,
alone and hungry.

Will they get zombies
In the cold lands of Canada
Think its time to move

Oh No! No more brains.
What will the zombies eat now?
Wonder how that dog tastes.

Wait, what's that out there?
Do I hear shuffling feet?
I guess it was noth-

Wake in dead of night
Hobbled shuffle through the grass
Zombie on my lawn

Colors fade away
But I can hear your breathing
I must eat your brains

Squeeze the trigger back
Rotting flesh splattered on pants
Need more ammo NOW.

I'm not good at these
So I'll just use Zombie sounds
Errr Raooo Grrrrr Ehhhhh Braaaaaains

Even if you try to
cut off the head with a chainsaw
They canstill bite you

(It's only a flesh wound!)

Zombies roaming earth
decrepit bodies can't beat
Decepticon nads

One nice thing about
being bit by a zombie:
Maybe zombie sex?

WISE FWOM YOUW GWAVES! The
words no one thought would ever
destroy the earth. Sh*t.

The hills are alive
with the sound of Zombies. Oh...
Damn Nazi Zombies.

"DOOM! BRAINS! DOOM! BRAINS! DOOM!
DEATH TO ALL OF THE LIVING!"
Smart zombies suck.

Oh, hi there, Roger.
Who said there were zombies here?
Damn, where'd my nose go?

I see below me
far under the azure sky
plagued city denizens

they are vigorous
sallow eyes staring at me
they are intertwined

naked bodies lie
stacked upon one another
screaming for the top

retching and thrashing
stale torsos stick together
squirm like pale piled worms

today I know that
they have crossed the finish line
I jump to join them

bit by a person
suddenly not feeling so....
OM NOM OM NOM NOM

I revised the one I wrote earlier and came up with more:

If we had hammers
We'd hammer in the morning
All over your skulls

What will Pinky do?
No plans for tomorrow night
Zombies ate his Brain

Break into a house
Eat up all the squishy bits
Brainstorming session

Zombie invasion
Thousands moseying our way
Walk for your lives

We escaped the house
Where'd I leave my weapon, Steve?
The kitchen, moron

As we search for brains
Plants are kicking our asses.
Let's switch lawns, okay?

I thought I had it;
That kill was totally sweet.
Old lady beat me.

Woo, we killed them!
Using acid was awesome
Now, who's cleaning up?

Eternally Dead
Cursed to walk the earth alone
Oh god the hunger

Why do they hunt us
All we want to do is live
Shhh don't make a sound

do you have good aim
the only way they will die
Shoot them in the head

fuck all i can write are serious ones. I wont win unless im funny :(

Zombies everywhere.
Why am I in this big room?
Fuck this, I'm leaving.

Zombies can't hurt me,
for my skin is made of steel.
Oh shit they're Nazis!

Bring it on zombies,
Bruce Campbell is with me now!
I'll swallow your soul.

Can't say what I think.
Brains constantly in my thoughts.
Give me your brains now!

Brains are my life-blood.
Nothing stops me from getting
them except for lead.

I am a Zombie
I eat brains they are fatty
Needs castusp on them

Zombies really suck
With their nasty falling flesh.
Chainsaws are my friends.

and

Zombies without brains
Will become angry and starve.
Eat yummy brains now.

Zombies do not like
Silly poetry contests.
Instead we eat brains.

Mmmm, good food to eat
Brains heart liver and more brains.
And spleens for dessert.

I has chainsaw pleeze?
LOL cats hates zombees
But likes to eats dem.

I eat the living
and I stop to wonder why,
They scream when they die.

You show no respect
for my flesh-eating desires
Therefore you are next.

braaaaaainnnsssss.....

Zombies are scary
but how could we do better?
Undead gorillas.

Brains are like taters
They taste better when they're mashed
Speaking of which, Braaaaaaaaains

Re: ZomBBQ / Flaming car grill provided / Please, bring your own brains.

Just woke in my grave
Can't chase brains like all my friends
No Musculature

How'd they crawl back up?
That's some straight-up Kill Bill shit.
Zombies sure are strong.

What's that at the door?!
Why'd you wish our son came back?
Curse this monkeypaw!

So misunderstood.
Once we were your family,
Now you won't feed us.

Zombies everywhere
Need more rounds for my shotgun
Nevermind, I've been bit

''ZOMBIE EMO''

I keep on eating,
but I am still so hungry,
What a cruel, sad curse

Brains are delicious
A true blue delicacy
When in the Red States

The best weapons hit
Blades can stick in bones like glue
Then you're out of luck

They call us zombies
We would rather be known as
The living impaired

Fuck! I just got bit.
Should I be honorable,
And tell my allies?

Will I get mercy?
Will I get a chance to run?
Or just a head shot?

No! I can resist
These new cannibal desires.
No brains for this guy!

...Yep. Sure won't do that.
...I'm not even that tempted.
...Not even a bit.

Maybe, just a bite.
Then, I will be done with this.
But where should I start?

Five minutes later
Shit! I may have gone too far.
Jane is in pieces!

As the crowd runs in,
I try to explain the scene,
As coincidence.

"There's blood on your shirt!"
The crowd screams. I say sweetly,
"It's just tomato sauce!"

"There's brain in your hands!"
The crowd yells. I smile widely,
"I'm just fixing it!"

"There's flesh in your teeth!"
The crowd points out. I respond,
"I forgot to floss?"

They point the shotgun
Right between my eyes. I gulp.
"WORKS FOR US!" They claim!

see thats the thing when you get bunch of people who think they know something but really don't. you end up with an embarassing collection of group stupidity.

LEARN WHAT A FUCKING HAIKU IS YOU MORONS. jesus, everytime.

idiots thinking its just about syllables and shit. even the example zombie haiku wasnt a haiku.

do I look that bad
why do you constantly run
I just want friends

Your eyes keep moving
but I've just cut off your head
man that's fucking cool

Travelling alone,
if I blow my brains out, could
I still zombify?

[working title: Guessing the Rules
additional entry to follow]

Poking sockets the
living don’t have, zombie love
is a wondrous thing.

[working title: You Are Fucking Dead]

If There's a bald guy
and he suggests the basement
just kill him right then.

We've been friends for years
a zombie just bit your arm?
sorry, time to die.

Moaning in the dark
trapped and clawing at the wood
fuck, coffins suck balls

they blew me in half
but now i can eat their brains
again and again

My pulse stop throbbing / I suddenly crave brains / Cue George Romero.

Unconventional
Holes are everywhere you look
Zombie sex orgy

Blood, puss and semen
Gaahhh! don't aim that at my hair
Zombie bukkake.

"Oh please", we do know what a haiku is:

1. A Japanese lyric verse form having three unrhymed lines of five, seven, and five syllables, traditionally invoking an aspect of nature or the seasons.
2. A poem written in this form.

In English it is all about the syllables; the seasonally reference is not essential to the form and the other Japanese qualities cannot be translated.

We have been writing haiku, and your failure to understand that is embarrassing.

The dead laugh as I shit my pants
when the licker breaks through the window
can't find that goddamned ink ribbon

Soldiers storming into the mansion
tonight we feast
On the bodies of fallen S.T.A.R.S

Umbrella's private Island
Crossdressing vilain
Claire says to Chris "let's get the fuck out of here"

Each time that bitch gets in trouble
a chainsaw-wielding zombie
separates my head from the rest of me

treat your wounds carefully
blue, green or red herb
spicing up your tender meat

Hey, c'mon now, there's no need for hostilities. This is just supposed to be goofy fun. These aren't going to be published as "Examples of a Proper Haiku." Let Rob be the judge if it qualifies as a proper haiku entry and just enjoy reading everyone's entries. I'm an English Professional Writing graduate, but there's no need to go grammar nazi on a contest for a geek/humor website!

"Oh please" is a sad person
filled with cocky angst
needs some zombie love meat up in his ass

That World of Warcraft
I play it all god damn day
Makes me a zombie

Bag over my head
Run from me while you still can
Chainsaw in my hand

I'm Pyramid Head
What a fucking awful name
Still I end your game

Just come and get it!
It is a running buffet
It's all you can eat!

Zombies are better
When they strip and get naked
Then fuck me to death

Billy May's Is Dead
Michael Jackson is dead too
They should do thriller

Homer shot him down
Is this really now the end
Of Zombie Shakespeare?

Barracade the door
For here now the zombies come
We still wish to live

I want to indulge
my love of gray matter, but
I misplaced my jaw.

Zombie craves "More brains!"
Undead Trash has no hoo-ha.
Better drop that nuke.

Oscar for Frodo
Was overdue for zombie
Baby in blender.

Bob makes some good points.
He's not unreasonable.
I say hear him out.

Crap, lost my girlfriend.
Hooray for zombie mayhem!
To the Winchester!

Stop! Don't shoot yourself!
It's just a "Thriller" flash mob.
Hmm, on second thought...

Are Deadites zombies?
Boomsticks don't discriminate.
Shop smart. Shop S-Mart.

Can't score the ladies?
Could be the all-brain diet.
Maybe a breath mint?

Brisk walk, everyone!
What do you mean, "They're running?"
That's total bullsh-aaaghhh!

Brains brains brains brains brains!
How come we always order
What YOU want? Selfish.

--- and one with an, um, alternative meter...

When there's no more room in hell
George will still repeat
Same old zombie formula

Where are the zombies?
The Zed are outside the doors.
We wait for the dawn.

A close encounter
So many friends are dead now
None can see the bite

Human or Zombie
Civilization is dead
Only survival

I was out shopping
When the world started to end
And now I am one

It is just me now
But my buckshot is loaded;
I dare you to move

They ate at her brains
But she was wasted on drugs;
High zombies attack

The snowflakes flutter
Across the poor fallen soul;
Now I feed again

I feed off my love;
Though the hunger never ends,
We are together

We fought against hell
Striving for life, we failed
Immortal are we

Rain washes the blood
The land becomes infected
It was all in vain

Crimson on the wall
Weary are the next movements
Well guarded brains

The smarter the brain,
The more delicious the taste;
I only eat nerds

square: close enough, but no cigar.
hugo: gay sex on the brain much? its called projecting. look it up.

Kireji & Kigo. Thats my point. Don't give me that wikipedia shit saying English 'free form' doesn't need them.

You want to walk away from that thinking you're right, by all means go ahead. That's how it feels to be retarded.

Why don't you just rename the contest "Sadsacks with nothing better to do on their weekends Bastardize an ancient artform with some embarassingly lame attempts at humour instead of finding a woman who would dare allow them put their clammy hands anywhere near her. "

Ya, that's more accurate...

Otherwise I guess I could just use your silly made up rules to make my point:

Stupid Fuckless Geek,

Can Beat You In Any Game,

Dies Alone & Fat.

People get angry,
When arguing bout' haikus.
Little do they know,

Zombies are coming.
And no matter, right or wrong,
They will fuck you up.

I chew on his bone
Swallow his sweet juicy flow
This is not a porn

The women, they cry
Bisexual embraces
He was their lover

I kill all of them
If only I still lived
We could have had fun

--
That was all one Haiku, btw.

They beg and squeal
When they see me. Don't they know,
I'm trying to eat!?

Oh, for you guys being anal, the seasonal references weren't part of the original haiku. Originally, haiku was a parlor game where people would get together and create several lines of a single poem. The first person would compose a 5-7-5 verse, and then another person would compose a 7-7 verse. They'd keep going in that format until they felt their poem was completed.

It was called Tanka.

It was Basho who decided to write tanka by himself, and without the connecting 7-7 verse. He also was the first to include seasons as metaphors for his emotional state of being. The parlor game then evolved into a respectable art form.

It was then Masaoka Shiki who started reading individual verses as a full poem in and of itself. When introducing it to the English speaking countries in the 19th century, he called it Haiku, from the word of the first verse "Hokku".

Thus, the haiku that we write today is not traditional haiku. It is an evolution, and in the English speaking countries, it's evolving to not have a strict syllable structure.

For this grouping, I'm going for a theme of double entendres and whatnots...

Going for my walk.
It's a morning ritual,
And it's always dawn.

I love my boyfriend...
But having him for dinner?
Goes straight to my thighs.

There's no zombie love.
So what if we don't sparkle?
At least we don't suck...

A zombie buffet.
But there's nothing else but brains?
I prefer Brians.

Oh, for you guys being anal, the seasonal references weren't part of the original haiku. Originally, haiku was a parlor game where people would get together and create several lines of a single poem. The first person would compose a 5-7-5 verse, and then another person would compose a 7-7 verse. They'd keep going in that format until they felt their poem was completed.

It was called Tanka.

It was Basho who decided to write tanka by himself, and without the connecting 7-7 verse. He also was the first to include seasons as metaphors for his emotional state of being. The parlor game then evolved into a respectable art form.

It was then Masaoka Shiki who started reading individual verses as a full poem in and of itself. When introducing it to the English speaking countries in the 19th century, he called it Haiku, from the word of the first verse "Hokku".

Thus, the haiku that we write today is not traditional haiku. It is an evolution, and in the English speaking countries, it's evolving to not have a strict syllable structure.

Sorry for the double post, my internet decided to crap out on me. I wasn't sure if it went through or not.

Messed up on one line!
Plese let me reiterate,
My stupid haiku:

"Fuck! I just got bit.
Should I be honorable,
And tell my allies?

Will I get mercy?
Will I get a chance to run?
Or just a head shot?

No! I can resist
These new cannibal desires.
No brains for this guy!

...Yep. Sure won't do that.
...I'm not even that tempted.
...Not even a bit.

Maybe, just a bite.
Then, I will be done with this.
But where should I start?

Five minutes later
Shit! I may have gone too far.
Jane is in pieces!

As the crowd runs in,
I try to explain the scene,
As coincidence.

"There's blood on your shirt!"
The crowd screams. I say sweetly,
"It's tomato sauce!"

"There's brain in your hands!"
The crowd yells. I smile widely,
"I'm just fixing it!"

"There's flesh in your teeth!"
The crowd points out. I respond,
"I forgot to floss?"

They point the shotgun
Right between my eyes. I gulp.
"WORKS FOR US," They claim!

As the group exits,
I make a pact to myself,
"Won't do that again!"

But then I see her,
Jane's sister is here with me.
Looking sad and weak.

I try to comfort,
But after one wiff of her,
I break that promise."

"Zombies on the lawn?
Then try this brand new product,"
bellows Billy Mays

Plants Vs. Zombies
A good game. A better song.
"Butter on my head!"

@Tabitha

So haikus were originally Japanese rap battles.

And I notice that the ones complaining the most about what a haiku isn't have not posted any haiku at all...aside from Grunt's haiku about a haiku...which has nothing to do with Zombies (and I'm sure by further definition of context, isn't a haiku at all).

Haikus 'bout zombies:
Some people just can't have fun.
Too busy bitchin'.

More poems! Separated by neat lines!
----------------

We rot together
Embracing the afterlife
Enjoying the brain

------------

You cut them in two
Not knowing they would come back
Karma takes your life

Serial killer
Your body count will rise fast
You are now undead

-----------

I used to be smart
Won awards for my poems
Lost my brain to them

-----------

The thought that haunts me,
"Heaven is paradise"
Zombies never know

----------

I was prepared
Aimed to kill those zombies
Did not watch my back

----------

I hated this man
But I hesitate to fight
When he walks again

If I live, he dies
If I die, he suffers on
Moral dilemma

-----------

Bazooka tears through
Zombie pieces rain down
Infection spreads

----------

@Matt K, more like the Irish drinking songs, where just anybody gets to tack on a verse as long as it relates to the previous one.

brains are for dinner
brains are for lunch brains are so
good to munch munch munch

Crap. I forgot the cutting technique and seasonal imagery of the true form. But lacking a "proper" sample in the master's lesson, I'll have to muddle through on my own:

Oh please, a fresh skull
Blossoming with pendantry...
Alas, without brains.

I smell living flesh
So begins my long slow walk
I must find that flesh

I know some who run
but my rotting flesh is weak
so I plod and moan

With Nerd references!

----------------

Oh, foolish mortal
Resistance is futile
I am zombie borg

-----------------

Chainsaws are deadly
Unless they run out of fuel
Damn backstabbing hand

----------------

I wanted this death
To live forever, a dream
The cake is a lie

I have one shell left
They have me surrounded now
It's my last escape

Something wrong with me...
I’m not a proper zombie.
I’ve coherent speech.

Poetic zombies.
Tortured just as much undead,
As when they still lived.

Zombie assistant.
Boss asked me, “Give me a hand?”
Gave him my left one.

That zombie is drunk!
Instead of him staggering,
He walks in straight lines.

Zombie Iron Chef!
The secret ingredient?
Why, brains and offal!

The worst part, you ask?
Not the chewing on your flesh,
Zombies smell rotten

I used to have hope
now all I have left are guns.
Let's kill some zombies

From when we first met
You would always have my heart
Now I will eat yours.

Momma zombie sees
Her son playing catch with Timmy
Don’t play with your food

Poor hungry zombie
He just wants to find a brain
But he’s on Fox news.

Here come zombie fish
Ready to eat all humans
Now who is brain food?

Look at Steve Junior
He sure has his father’s eyes
Next, he’ll take his brain.

Zombie Transformers
A plan that’s both sick and wrong
Don’t tell Michael Bay.

Why date a Zombie?
They don’t care about appearance
They value your brain.

So full he could burst
Was the one lucky zombie
Who got in MENSA

When the zombies come
Hide behind a Star Trek fan
Big fat human shield

Dystleix zombie
Always has trouble eating
Where are the niarbs?

Is it still too soon
To make a crude thriller joke
With Michael Jackson?

Zombie cheerleaders come.
And the undead are not the
Only thing that will rise

When the zombies come
The worst place to hide from them
Is at Jenny Craig

Poor hippy Zombie
He will only eat those brains
That comes from vegans

Which brain to eat?
Both of them look so tasty
I am of two minds.

The undead rise
Nobody is scared at all
We don’t even have jobs

Dear zombie Rabbi
Which of the blessings for food
Do I make on brains?

Undead go on ice
What weapon can stop them now?
Find a zombonie.

The dead are coming
And leading them as before
Jerry Garcia

Zombie only will eat
Human flesh that is white meat
Dumb racist zombie

Mindlessly walking
They simply eat and destroy
Not zombies, teenagers.

Question for the ages
Between zombies or vampires
Who is more undead

My inner child
Is crying to be let out
Soon I’ll digest him

I shot his head off
But the zombie has one more
Stupid conjoined twins

Undead roam the streets
I’m safe in parent’s basement
Who’s the loser now?

Nurse/Pyramid Head.
Make little zombie babies.
Fan fics make me cry.

Fast zombies? Where? How?
Show me fast Americans,
THEN I'll be scared.

Trapped and starving,
Zombies everywhere, can I
eat them? Cool, not cool?

Ah, those suck, but I wanted to enter.

"Fuckable zombie"
Fun on warrenellis.com
Not fun without lube.

(If I remember right, that was a title Ellis was never able to come up with a story for. Probably just as well, yeah. I have one, but still.)

(A story for that title, not a fuckable zombie...)

Matt K, I agree with you. This is meant to be a good natured competition, and the entries are all anyone should focus on.

Oh please, my point is that Kireji & Kigo are unnecessary since we are not writing traditional Japanese poetry. Poetry need not strictly conform to tradition.

I am not alone, "fuckless", or fat, and I have already beaten you at one game; the second line of your haiku had only 6 syllables. Incidentally, my "rules" are from the dictionary.

Everyone else, ignore us completely and enjoy the haikus.

Mary-Kate, Ashley
Say they refuse to wear rags.
It makes them look fat.

Newspaper headline:
“Zombies Run Rampant on Earth -
Fat Kids Fear for Life.”

The zombies decide -
Quality *and* quantity.
They hit Asia first.

This guy tastes quite dry...
Have you any Grey Poupon
For Gary Poupard?

I eat my own brains.
Was a masochist in life,
It’s worse when undead.

Ah, huturkducken!
A favorite delicacy,
With layered flavors.

Let me rework that one, in case people get picky with pronunciation:

Ah, huturkducken!
Favorite delicacy,
With layered flavors.

ARGH. One more time...

Ah, huturducken!
Favorite delicacy,
With layered flavors.

Wow, I beat that one down to a horrible death.

Love your pretty eyes
Holding you tightly dear
As I eat your face

Less than one hour left,
Then contest of zombies end...
Yet their threat still looms...

No more blind dates, ever
You pick the worst men for me
This one tastes like ass

Tiresome nerd trend.
Why does anyone still care?
It is getting old.

I'm here to save you
The future looks much brighter
little rage monkey

Stumbling and moaning,
Always questing for fresh brains.
Day in the unlife.

Italian brains:
The human spaghetti squash.
Meatballs found below.

Zombie invasion!
Property values go up
When they hit Jersey.

Pale-faced and ageless,
Wishes she could turn back time.
Zombie gay icon.

And last, but certainly not least...

“Table for one, please.”
“Do you have reservations?”
“No, but my meal does.”

Thank you and good night!

Because I love you
That's why you have to let me
EAT YOUR BRAAAAIIIINS!

Yum yum in my tum
I love brains they tastes so good
Brains I love I hungry

my feet are hurting
from chasing you all today
I want to taste brains

Bad stereotypes
They put on me and my friends
we are just zombies

Yesterday, I asked,
"Will I ever tire of brains?"
I'm pretty sure no.

Motorcycle crash.
Helmet and skull cracked open.
My job is half done!

Zombification,
Never thought it would happen to me,
Oh no, a shotgun!

Like cherry blossoms
Gently falls the ichor from
My extremities.

Black is my love's hair
Red both of lip and cheek, so
Stained with dead men's blood.

To an angry man
Asked, "What's eating you, my friend?"
Then answered, "It's me."

#1
please, raise the dead now
send them after Michael Bay
death to robot balls

#2
my name is tar man
I love chomping on punk's brains
nothing is sweeter

#3
will someone please put
Michael bay and uwe boll
in a zombie pit

I know, I know times up for this one... but I'm WEST COAST BITCHES!!

Billy Mays NOT you,
Human Siders seem messy,
Oxyicute them clean!

Im the walking dead.
It was either do this or
watch the Transformers.

Step drag stumble drool.
The living think they can hide.
I will catch up soon.

Clawing at the doors.
Lost finger nails left and right.
This used to hurt more?

They release their dog
Fluffy tears off my right arm
Flees with it's new snack

Door wide open now.
Their guard dog has run away
Irony not lost.

Survivors shoot me
Twice in my chest, not my head
Won't they ever learn.

Nowhere to go now
They huddle in a corner
Ill eat live flesh soon

Epiphany hits
They stand up and run around me
I'm a slow zombie.

Emit heavy sigh
I roll my eyes in disgust
Right eye popped out

One eye looks down now
the other sees straight ahead
this is confusing.

Still get motion sick
Thought "undead" would have cured that.
Is that a penny?

What was i doing?
Oh yeah following my snacks
Had A-D-H-D.

Tripped. Hit head on wall
Right eye broke off, rolled away
Much less confusing.

Why am I hungry?
Lost my stomach months ago
doesn't make much sense.

No time to wonder,
my meals running back to me
Chased by more like me.

Run past yet again.
Barely even notice me.
I reach out and miss.

Try to go faster
Hard with one eye and one arm
Throws balance way off.

They run across street
One trips on other side.
Im catching up now.

I shamble across
Didn't look both ways crossing.
Never saw that truck.

Bright lights blind my eye.
So close to my next dinner
now there is nothing.

Crap thought 3am was deadline like robot haiku was.

Grab my machete,
charge at the undead army,
tripped and stabbed myself

Oh Zombie babies
I kick ass for the Lord! Yeah!
Dead Alive was great

New Apocalypse
Dead rise up, eats the living
Shotgun to the face

Wow sheila is hot
Walking around, Strutting slut
Gross she's a zombie

My mom told me once
Aim for the head. Dont Think, DO
I had to kill her

ARGHH! SHIT! What a mess!
I should not have eaten it
oh what the hell, BRAAAAIIINNNSSSS

I am on a boat
Eating fish all god damned day
zombies dont swim yay!

Shotgun shells: one left
thousand of them around me
I wont become one!

I am a human
These other zombies are dicks
Let me in, asshole.

Real life zombies suck
Left 4 Dead was much harder
Where is the damn tank?

We're not all evil
I'm gonna watch Judge Judy
Maybe Dead Set too

Let's attack that house
Where did these damn plants come from?
Shit, get the bobsled

Who threw the napalm?
Flaming zombies after us
thanks a lot jerk face

dual wield hatchet
Shotgun with a chainsaw on
I am a bad ass

three weeks in the house
watching my neighbors get killed
haha so much fun

I wonder if that
Fat zombie will chase me?
I hope its lazy

"Za b arra nhag
Za b?" Ahm a gahzazambah
an zangr, arzhahm!
{that be in Urban Dead's zombie language, "Zamgrh"}

Where did my arm go?
And why do I now crave brains?
I can't bend my knees

The zombie army
lurches fowards, looking for
walking MREs.

The zombie army
lurches fowards, looking for
walking MREs.

Can not write Haiku
The words are stuck in my head
No T-shirt for Dep

And I missed the deadline.

Late, but couldn't resist:

I.

My pet zombie man,
Sometimes he tries to bite me,
Bad Fido, no brains.

II.

When Megan Fox turned
Nobody really noticed
Her breasts stayed the same