The 17 Least Appropriate Playmobil Sets for Children

By Rob Bricken in Daily Lists, Toys
Wednesday, July 29, 2009 at 7:57 am
9) Safe Crackers
Few toys get released that feature crime without punishment, but that's what we have here. These two savvy safecrackers can accomplish their goal and get away scott-free... if your parents were too cheap to spring for the police set.

8) Haz Mat Crew
This subject matter is rarely served up to children but that's what makes it special. Children can spend hours cleaning up nuclear waste and wondering if the other Playmobil figures will develop cancer or grow extra arms out of their backs.

7) Rescue Jump Team
When a Playmobil figure decides he wants to end it all by leaping from a plastic building, these guys rush to the scene to save the day. Complete with an inflatable air mattress to break the fall, it's a shame this set does not actually include the jumper, the ledge or Martin Riggs.

6) Cleopatra
A figure of Cleopatra seemed like a natural for Playmobil. She's an historic figure kids would know and was automatically cool because she was from ancient Egypt. What kids might not have known was that their Cleopatra set was a memento of the queen's last moments before she allowed herself to be fatally bitten by a poisonous asp. Lovely.

5) Operating Room
There's something inherently disturbing about maniacally-grinning children's toys armed with sharp, shiny implements and preparing to carve into someone's brain. (Kind of like Puppet Master!) Even network medical dramas have taken to broadcasting surgeries in full, gory detail that are not for the squeamish, so it's natural that kids would want to reenact Grey's Anatomy in the playroom. Does this set come with the ghost of a dead patient who's boffing the doctor?

4) Knife-Throwing Circus Act
Some people like to blame all of society's ills on children's entertainment instead of bad parenting. Jimmy learned his murderous ways by playing Grand Theft Auto, you see? So, when Bobby leans the kitchen table against the wall, straps his sister to its surface and begins hurling Mom's best steak knives at her, who's to blame? Playmobil and its Knife-throwing Circus Act set, of course. And for good measure, the circus act also included guns. It was one of the Playmobil sets that came with markers, too, so you could color on the blood.

3) Vulture & Cow Carcass
Watching a gaggle of vultures pick clean the bones of a dead ox as a bunch of banditos cheer them on sounds like an hour of fun to me!

2) Moose & Wolves
Animals aren't just the cute, fuzzy entertainment at the zoo. Kids might as well start learning early on about the harsh, sadistic ways of nature. To illustrate this fact of life, here's a pack of wolves brutally taking down a moose. Call the Discovery Channel!

1) Axe Man
This Playmobil axe man sure ain't the lead guitarist of a heavy metal band. Rather, he's the hooded executioner whose dull blade will be the last thing felt on the necks of your condemned playpeople before their heads roll off the dining room table, across the tile floor and down the nearest heating vent.
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