Back in the 1980s, American kids hadn't yet fully experienced the wonderful madness of Japanese toy designers that would become more commonplace a decade or two later. One of the early tastes they got was the short-lived but popular M.U.S.C.L.E. toyline, a collection of little pink (and sometimes other colored) wrestlers that Mattel imported from the very bizarre
Kinnikuman series in Japan. While
Kinnikuman was an epic tale of galactic wrestling told through anime and manga, Mattel ditched the story, characters and even most of the references to wrestling to instead focus on the basic idea of MILLIONS OF UNUSUAL SMALL CREATURES LURKING EVERYWHERE!!!
Kinnikuman would later be presented in a form closer to the original as
Ultimate Muscle in the western world.
The addictively collectible M.U.S.C.L.E. figures didn't just depict typical grapplers that resembled the Iron Shiek or Andre the Giant (although those were included, too). No, many of the little creatures that stepped forth onto living room carpets looked like the product of an LSD-influenced tryst between David Lynch and Lewis Carroll. It's hard to narrow down the freakiest of the 236 lovable freaks in the M.U.S.C.L.E. toyline, but these are the 30 we feel best epitomize how much detailed craziness you can pack into a 1.5-inch sculpt. Many thanks to
Nathan's M.U.S.C.L.E. Page for the photos.
30) The MountainThe Rock was a great wrestler, but he never went up against a whole mountain.
29) RollermanNever, ever punch him in the chest.
28) MapmanMapman is really taking his theme to the limit.
27) Screw KidYou really don't want to know what his finishing move is.
26) BikemanHis father loved his Harley just a little too much.
25) Black HoleThe hole in his face is meant to represent a dimensional portal which sucks in his opponents. But it looks more like someone just punched a window in his skull.
24) Big RadialWe used to have something like this on our school playground, until overcautious safety regulations forced them to replace the tire pyramid and tire castle with crappy plastic equipment that took all the fun away.
23) PersonalmanYes, as in "personal computer." If only this dude would leap into a Mac Vs. PC commercial and wrestle them both.
22) Bam Bam JiRandomly, he's half tree. Let's hope he doesn't get into a fire match with Kane.
21) King the 100 TonWhatever this guy is supposed to be, in the
Kinnikuman manga he had the ability to shift his weight from almost nothing to a whopping 100 tons. Those would be spikes sticking out of his boy, turned into child-safe nubs.
20) One Million MagnitudeHe's meant to represent a volcano, but he looks more like a guy who had his head chopped off and then grew eyes on his neck.
19) Oil ManThe scariest True Lube mascot, ever.
18) SunigatorWhile a turtle who is part sneaker and has tiny, useless flippers for arms may not seem very intimidating, Sunigator was a shapeshifter who had a much more fearsome form up his sleeve (which you'll see later in this list)...
17) Planet Man He's literally a whole solar system. I don't think that match is going to fit in Madison Square Garden.
16) PinchmanAt least when Pinchman retires from wrestling, he can easily transition into a career as a home repairman.
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