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Ladies and gentlemen, I give you ComicsNix's "Day of reckoning: The Final Days of Jean and Logan."
Jean Grey was cheating Scott Summers. It's been a long time since she sleept the first time with Loga. She got scared the first time but, as the time went on, the fear of being discovered disappeared. Now she's almost telling Scott what she's been doing for the past two years.I can't even imagine how much more awesome the X-Men comics would be if Cyclops' name was Scoot Summers.
"Scott, I have something to tell you." said Jean visibly distraught.
"What is it Jean?"
"It's that.,.." Jean knew if she tell the truth, everything from this day on would be different. This scared her musch, but she wanted to live a happy life with Logan fro now on.
"What is worring you Jean?"
"Scott, you know we've been through many things toghter..."
"Uh?"
"And youhave been such a good husband to me all of this time."
"Jean, what are you talking abou?" Scoot asked nervosly to Jean
"But now, I think this isn't going anywhere anymore Scott..."Yes he wil. After the jump.
"Jean..."
"I dont' love you anymore Scott, I love Logan, and I'm going to Paris with him!" cried Jean with so much pain in her hearth she perspired and loathed herself for what she was doing.
"No Jean, don't say that, I love you!!!"
"It's over Scott, goddbye..."
Jean picked her purse, mounted on Logan's motorcycle and they went to the ariport. Scott got really sad, but got angry, so angry he clutched his hands with so much rage it started to bleed. He dont know what to do now. But it isn't going to end like thi, he wil get his revenge!!!!!!!!!!
Three months have passed last time Jean talked to Scott, she is happy with Loga at Paris. She never been happier her entire life with a man. The two are at the hotel room, in front of the Eiffel Tower. The landscape is gourgeous and and the streets are beatiful. The Arch of Trumph is magnificent too. The birds all fly over it in a dance of passion and lust.Those are some weird-ass birds.
"Jean, I love you mon amour"There is absolutely nothing I can say that will make "Suck a soft and redful hair, it is like a cotton field full of love and desire." even slightly more ridiculous.
"Oh mon héros!!!!" she huged Wolverine so firmly and affectionately. Logan returned the affected hug with so much love he started to kiss Jean passionately. His lips were full of love and joy. The bruteness of that man was so manly and at the same time so tender. He started to move his hands all over Jean body, starting with hair. Suck a soft and redful hair, it is like a cotton field full of love and desire. Them, he reached her back, that was soft too and full of comfort. That back suffered so much pain from the villain, but now he would never let that happen again. He loves her so much.
Them, he reached her nipples. They were full, pointing upwards and were very comfortable. Logan put his face there, and stroked her gently with his cheeks full of beard.Jean's nipples make a good living, but they aren't rich. You know, they're comfortable.
"Oh Logan, you beard hurts me a little, but I like it"what
"Jean, you are so beatiful"
Jean was moving her hands too all over Logan strong body. He was full of hair, and was so virile. His veins were pulsating a lot of blood and lust. She knew what he wanted. Her hands started to move to his manly organ. She felt it, so erect, pulsating life and love.
"Oh mister Wolverine. You 'claw' is so strong! It's made from adamantium?"what
"No cerise, it's pure pansy!"what
She rubbed his big man beast with so much lust. Logan liked it. He stated to moan and moan like a pussy catwhat in god's name is going on
"Do you like amore mio?"When using the phrase "engorging petals" in lieu of "vagina" is the most sensible thing you've written so far, you know something is extremely fucked up.
"Yes Jean, you are wonderful"
They put of their clothes and started to make it out. Logan put his raging beast inside her engorging petals.
"Oh, it's painful! Stop Logan!"It's like Babelfish decided to write its own erotic fan fiction.
"What is it Jean?"
"I never told you, but, I'm virgin..."
"Virgin? How? An Scott?"
"When we were going to the bed, every time he started to unclothe himself to make out with me, I created an illusion, so he never knew it I was never there."Well, that's not weird at all. Although the idea of Cyclops mistakenly dry-humping the bed while Jean reads in a corner is pretty outstanding.
"So you preserved your viginity to me?"You may purchase one of several "Our Love Is Like a Bedsheet Coated in Vaginal Blood" cards at your local Hallmark store.
"Yes Logan"
"Oh my love!!!"
Logan put his manly member slowly inside of Jean's flower. He went on very slowly and amorous, preventing the pain to reach Jean's body. The blood started to flow from her very sex, reaching the white sheets covering the bed. It all started to turn red, like the immense love they had bteween themselvexs.
So the moment arrived. Logan and Jean reached theirs climaxes and they both cummed in joy and passion. Their hearts were on fire, their minds reached the nirvana of pleasure and joyness. The happieness was total, absolute. That was the most unique moment in their lives. Everything went to dissolve and only the two were living on this beautiful world.And, on the list of the Greatest Band Names Suggested by Fan Fics, we add: Penetration Moment
The couple was very happy, but what they didn't knew was tht Scott was observing. Yes, all of the time, he was looking thru the window, watching every movement tLogan and Jean were doing, all of their affection, the love, penetration moment, everything. He coudln't keep that to himself anymore.
When Logan and Jean started to dress themselves up, Scott kicked the dorr and shoot both Wolverine's arms and legs, his torso and his neck.what
"AAAAAARRGH!!!!!" screamed Logan with the fury in his hearth.
"NOOOO, LOGAN!!!!" screamed Jean, with tears sprying all over the now blood covered room.what
"Jean, you bitch, yo see what you made me done?!?!?!?!?!" scremed Scott in pain and rageness passion and hate against jean."I's so mad you! WHOSE RESPONSIBLE THIS?!" Scoot shooted
"NOOOOO!!!" screamed again Jean going to help Logan.That... that's a very specific time frame.
Them, Scott kicked her shouldr, throwing her at the wall. H picked a syringe that was in his pocket and injected the strange and unknwon liquid inside Logan's veins.
"What is this?!" asked Logan.
"This serum will remove yours power and Jean will be mine again!!!" shouted Scott at the height of his madness.
"Stop Scott, you will kill him!!!! Without his healing powers, he will be dead in two hours!!!"
"That's what I want, but before you die, you will see your little whore being mine again!!!!!" shouted again a out of his mind Scott.So I guess we're just ignoring Jean Grey is one of the most powerful psychics on the planet?
Scott grabbed Jean and threw her on the blood filled bed. He started to pull his pants of, and teared off Jean's clothes.
"No Scotte, please!!!!"
"You will see what a man I am!!!!"
He started to push his penis against Jean's labia, causing her much pain. Scott thrusted very hard and fast inside Jean'sa and her screams could be heard from the other side of the street.
"AHHHHHHHHH, it's hurting Scott, stop, you'r e going to kill me!!!Nothing like a bit of sarcasm when you're raping your ex-wife, am I right? Oh, when I said that this story is as depraved as it is poorly written, well, the depravity starts here. You've been warned.
"That not what you like Jean? I'm being tender with with you, but if you want more, so be it"
Scott kept moving on and on faster and faster, bruising all of Jean's inner uterus. Blood started to spill from it, covering all of Scott's pelvic area. He them started to spank her with all of his power. He used his eye laser on Jean and started to roast her skin. Her skin started to open an with all the bruise and spanking she was receiving. Logan could only look with tears in his eyes as his love was being bruttaly shattered in front of his own eyes.Okay. So even if Jean Grey has decided not to use her powers, Scott is currently raping her, shooting his eyebeams at her ass, and skinning Jean Grey alive all at the same time. I really think he'd have serious trouble raping her while multi-tasking like that. ComicsNix, I'M STARTING TO DOUBT THE VERISIMILITUDE OF YOUR EROTIC X-MEN RAPE SNUFF STORY.
The, scott took from his pocket a knife, and started to cut off pieces of Jean's flesh.
"NO, NO, NO....ARGh..NO...STOP!!!!!"And suddenly the grammar has become the least of ComicsNix's problems. Also, it appears that Jean's nipples have suddenly stopped being comfortable.
"Be calm Jean, I'm just cleaning you from the sins you commited, only cutting off flesh that made contact with that pig over there on the ground!!!"
With his eyes lasers. Scott burned patches of Jean's skin and cut off them. He saw all that and got very proud of himself. He started to lick Jean's exposed raw flash with much lust and desire. He them put his fingers inside Jeans exposed flesh on her nipples, and rottated his fingers, causing Jean much pain andsorrow.
"SCOOOOOOTT!!!!!"
Scott them introduced both of his hands inside Jean's womb, Annihilating her vagina and opening her in half, from the vagina to her navel.
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But them, he felt something. What was that, a fetus came out on his arms.
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Scott wasn't understanting. She wasn't supposed to be pregnant, today was the only day Jean and Logan got toghter and made sex.I DON'T UNDERSTANT EITHER
"What tihs Jen? WHAT's THIS?"I hate -- I absolutely hate -- than even while reading something so awful, so unspeakably terrible, that I still have enough basic reason and consciousness to wonder where the leeches and worms came from.
The brutally injuried Jean tried to talk, but was felling much pain. She suffered third degree burns and her eyes were bleeding, filled with pus. Abcesses formed on her internal organs and her arms was covered with leeches and worms.
"Talk WOMAN!!!" screamed a madness ridden Scott, with the alomst dead baby on his hands.What a bitch! Now see, she totally deserves getting raped and skinned and torn apart at the vagina.
With much effort, Jean talked. "Scott, this...is...your....son....."
Scott put his hands on his head. He couldn't belive what has happened. He killed his own son, flesh from his flesh, bones form his bones, blood FROM HIS BLOOD!!!!! Logan, that was hearing and seeing everything got enraged. Jean had told him he was the first. But she lied. She already slept with Scott, and was cheating on him all along. He was weak, but managed to pull himself up.
"Jean, you see what you have done?!?!?" screamed LoganSo. Let me get this straight. Besides all the insanity that Cyclops just wreaked, he came in the room with a bag of maggots and worms, WHICH HE THREW ON JEAN GREY AS HE WAS RAPING AND SKINNING HER? And comics fans call Cyclops boring.
Jean coudn't move her lips anymore, they were being eatten by parasites Scott throwed at her during his slaughtering. Her jaw bones were completely exposed and nerves were outside of her body, trying to move a now amputed arm. A pool of Jean's blood were covering the entire room.
Logan them put his claws out of his wrists and attacked Scott.No, Logan, don't have mercy. It's cool.
"DIE SCOTT!!!!" and them, disemboweled all of his internal organs with one simple cut.
"ARRRGH!!!" screamed Scott, trying to put togeter his bowels inside his stomach again. Logan them proceded to attack his nemsis one more time.
"No Lkogan, please, I killed my son, have mercy!!!"
"I have no fucking mercy for a fucking shit like you!!" and them, with one clear cut form his claws, beheaded Scott's head from his neck. It flied all over the room and fell on the blood covered ground. His head was live for some few seconds, and tried to scream, but couldn't, because he had no throath anymore. Blood got out of his eyes, and he passed out.Cyclops' severed head passed out.
CYCLOPS SEVERED HEAD PASSED OUT.
CYCLOPS SEVERED HEAD PASSED OUT.
CYCLOPS SEVERED HEAD PASSED OUT.
CYCLOPS SEVERED HEAD PASSED OUT.
"Now Jean its time to pay for your sins" shouted a loud Logan. Jean could do nothing, only look as Logan started to eat her alive. Logan was hungry, hungry for love, and he thought the only way he could rettain his love for Jean was having her inside him. He chomped a half of her foot, and proceded from there, smashing her foot bones with his adamantium teeth. The agony was unbearable, but Jean could'nt do anytihng. Her nose started to bleed too, and his auditory senses faded out. She was mute, and now deaf. Only his eyes were working, but she wished they weren't, becuse she was looking herself being eaten alive by her greatest love.Jesus christ, a nosebleed too?! Jean Grey has no luck today.
Logan reached Jean's sex organ, and stopped. He remembered the child that has been withdrawn from her womb, and for a moment, he stopped. What he was doing. Even if the child wasn't his son, he could forgive Jean. She had no guilt in what she did. But it was late, he comdemned his wife to the painful and abhorrent fate of seeing her love and son being destroied. No, it must end now.And that, people, is why you don't eat your loved ones in anger. Because sometimes -- not all the time, but sometimes -- you eat half of them and discover you can forgive them after all.
Logan them, looking at Jean's eyes, said:I want to make a snide comment about how inappropriate Wolverine getting poisoned by adamantium is, but then WE'VE JUST READ ABOUT CYCLOPS TEARING JEAN GREY APART AT THE VAGINA AND WOLVERINE EATING WHAT'S LEFT. So perhaps I can let ComicsNix' ignorance of Wolverine's basic features slide. However, what I won't let slide is EVERYTHING ELSE.
"Sorry Jean, I didn't meant to..." and them, punctured her skull with his blood covered claws, terminating hr agony. It was all over, he was going to die. Only fifteen minutes from now, and he'll be dead. Logan threw himself on the ground, and started to cry, as the adamantium poisoned his body, and them, he died.
The End.
I've said it before, but seriously -- shit like this negates every good thing the human race has ever accomplished. Cities? Literature? Music? Civilization? Not fucking worth this story. If even one human being is capable of writing this, then I'm all for the total extinction of the human race. Seriously, guys, IT'S NOT WORTH IT. THE COST IS TOO DAMN HIGH.
252 comments
Comments
Dragonzigg said:
I think I want to die. No, seriously.
Stiff Shots Photography said:
The only tag this really needs is "Wretchedness." What. He. Said.
Izandra said:
Yeah, this is probably going to be the first (and maybe only) FFF I read, 'cause just scrolling through this really fast (at work), I'm dying from the hilarity.
Will have to read once I get home. Bad grammar FFF is the best.
michele said:
WOW! Do you think I could upload this to my kindle, I might want to read it later? Seriously, this FFF was the best ever. It made me sick to my stomach, (and not only from the poor grammer). Good job!
benhuber said:
I'm pretty immune to FFF by now, but still, my god.
WishForRobots said:
My horror is matched only by my confusion.
Rob, you are truly a mad man.
Kayla said:
This was fantastic. I laughed SO hard.
But what really made me upset was the fact that he said "Arch of Triumph," when it's actual name is Arc de Triumph, and then proceed to have Wolverine and Jean Grey speak French.
And is it just me or did they not go back to a hotel or something and just start fucking right in front of the Eiffel tower?
And couldn't Jean have thrown up that image of the baby? Or of them killing her?
Seriously, Rob, I think I'm never going to be scared from a FFF. This one was the best one ever. So, so funny.
TED-209 replied to Kayla:
Actually, he said "Arch of Trumph," which confused me as well.
The Great A'tuin replied to TED-209:
Arch Of Trump? It's going to be HUGE.
Maro replied to Kayla:
Yeah. I saw "Arch of Trumph" And they spoke french and... I'm just not even gonna go with all the other stuff because it hurts my brain to think about it. The misspelling of "Arc de Triumph" was just stupid.
Michelle said:
I ... don't know what to say.
That is the most fucked up thing I have ever read. I was laughing hysterically at the beginning because it was just so BAD, but then I started to feel violently ill.
What the hell is wrong with people?
chudleycannonfodder said:
This one was so damn entertaining. Thanks for finding it!
And yes, I was also wondering where the maggots had come from.
As for Wolverine dying, it should have been that his advanced age caught up to him, causing him to die, not adamantium poisoning.
Questions I thought of that weren't asked during the story:
1. How did Wolverine not realize that Jean Gray was at least 3 months pregnant?
2. The second sentence is "It's been a long time since she sleept the first time with Loga." If Loga is Logan/Wolverine, then how was it that 2 years and 3 months after that was their first time having sex?
3. Did he confuse Zombie Deadpool's head with Cyclops?
4. Why didn't Wolverine attack Cyclops, when, you know, he was raping, cutting chunks of flesh out of, burning a hole in, and throwing maggots at his lover? It wasn't until he found out that Jean had lied to him about him being his first that he attacked Cyclops. Because, you know, it wasn't like she was a virgin the first time he had sex with her over 2 years ago.
Kayla replied to chudleycannonfodder:
See, she couldn't have been at least 3 months pregnant.
1) She still wouldn't have shown at 3 months (at the most, it'd look like she'd had a big lunch)
2) The baby wouldn't have been formed fully so it wouldn't look like a baby. Around the four month mark is when it looks "normal." Hence my theory that the depravity was all an image Jean Grey projected. Rife with illogicalness.
anHistorian replied to chudleycannonfodder:
"zombie Deadpool's Head" Please don't give the author of this tripe any ideas. The last thing anyone wants to see is zombie Deadpool's head making out with decapitated unconsious Scoot Summers. God I need to go drink now and its only noon.
BDLyle said:
Thanks for the cute little kitty. And the cute little kitty and puppy. You're swell. I'm going to look at them as I gouge my eyes out.
Morganzola said:
The spooning baby animals did very little to quell my nausea, but thanks anyway.
kumano said:
what the F"ck?!?!?! aaa my mind, hurts a lot!!!Rob you really help with the kitties pictures, seariously ='C.
Jinx replied to kumano:
This kitty: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G0tiT7KlACM helped me.
Especially at the part where "Loga" begins to "moan and moan like a pussy cat". I couldn't stop laughing once my mind made the connection, until I got to the worms part... then I said "huh?"
This author sure knows his stuff! The anticlimactic ending was superlative! Logan fell down crying, "and then, he died." Wow, Kafka would have loved it!
I'm sad that Jeanne's musch was hurt so bad it caused pain in her hearth. I think....
Denys Marks said:
Why? Why would you bestow this curse upon us? Are you really that evil?
Niner said:
Dear God.....this was....interesting....
Astro Troy said:
I don't think I have words for how terrible and hilarious this is...
Austin said:
At was the moss orible I has ever red.
Kayla said:
This was so good I had to share it with StumbleUpon.
Muahahaha!
Suz said:
I got stuck at 'inner uterus'.
I mean, I'm not up on current Marvel continuity, so I dunno... do Mutants have outer uteruses (uteri?) now?
Oh yeah, and also maggots? And cannibalism?? And shit, honestly I don't even care about that because I'm (worryingly) more upset about the spelling-how many ways can you get a name like 'Scott' wrong in the same story?
Is it fair that because of this I will no longer be able to think of him as anything but 'Scoot Summers' ever again?
I'm going to go have a drink or twelve now. Don't wait up.
Manwards said:
Brother, that shit ain't canonical.
I really have to do with this what I did with the Pokémon story - read it aloud to my friends, while downing vodka shots in a bar, and see how long we can keep our stomachs on the inside.
Bill said:
I think I should point out that Cyke's optic blasts are not heat based, but a concussive force...he couldn't burn Jean with them; just punch a hole thru her.
By the way, when I saw Jean Greys name attached to a FFF, I was all excited! I thought my favorite comic book hottie was going to get all sexed up or something. A FEMALE in a fan fic sex story! How quaint. But no....I wasn't allowed that. Oh, bitter irony!
R3MY replied to Bill:
This was also a major concern of mine. Concussive force blasts, not heat.
Mary replied to R3MY:
I think I love both of you for being nerdy enough to point this out. Before I had to. So thanks for that.
DekaPrime replied to R3MY:
Great minds think alike I guess. I was bitching about the "Heat Blasts" too. . . but maybe I was doing it to try and wash the taste of this Fic out of my mind.
This is one of those "I passed out and when I woke I was punching a baby being held by her granny at church in front of the pastor while naked" kind of bad fan fictions. Thanks Rob for robbing me of my ability to read yet another of my favorite comics without thinking of sex. You've only got a few more and then you have the set, I'll never be able to think of my childhood again without pictureing violent sex acts.
I think the last two on the list is He-man and Voltron just f.y.i.
Baltimoron replied to R3MY:
Me three.
It also got to me (to the point of snapping me out of weeping disgust and into nerd mode) that Logan couldn't smell Scott lurking outside of the window.
Zade replied to Bill:
Here, go wild http://xmen.adultfanfiction.net/
Jess said:
...At least it was short.
"Scoot Summers" only makes me think of one thing: a dog dressed in a Cyclops costume dragging its little doggy ass across the carpet.
"'I dont' love you anymore Scott, I love Logan, and I'm going to Paris with him!' cried Jean with so much pain in her hearth she perspired and loathed herself for what she was doing."
The interposition of a fireplace aside, I first read this hoping desperately that "perspired" was really "expired." Then I thought about that and what it would mean for the rest of the FFF, so I returned to thinking that "perspired" really was the better option.
Jared said:
I have to admit, the part where Wolverine began eating Jean turned me on a little.
Brion said:
"Suck a soft and redful hair" Might be one of the funniest lines ever.
Man I don't know about this one. It started off great, really retarded...
Than I couldn't even finish reading it, how fucked up is that?! I mean who actually spends the time writing that shit and putting it on the web?!
Great commentary as usual! I need a fucking beer.
Patracolos replied to Brion:
Writing it? Hell who spends any time even thinking about this kind of shit?!
Talisman said:
I..what...but he...huh? I...I think I should be horrified and appalled, but what I mainly am is confused.
Although "Suck a soft and redful hair, it is like a cotton field full of love and desire." is the funniest thing I've read in a long time. I need to use it as a signature somewhere.
Capt Ireland said:
This story makes me feel so proud to be a part of this site! Oh look? A gun. I think I'm going to clean my mouth out! AWESOME!
Kenshiro said:
I wasn't aware that mutant powers made people into latent serial killers with crazy ways of killing people! maybe the C.O.H had a point! Also, well played rob. Well played indeed.
Victor Delacroix said:
The term "dangerous retard" is something of an in-joke between my friends and me. The author of this story clearly fits this label...but I'm not laughing.
Why Rob?
Why?
I thought you loved me. ;_;
general_gee_wiz replied to Victor Delacroix:
He does lvoe (yes, lvoe) you, why else do you think he put the kitties in? To be honest, when I saw the picture of the kitty, my first response was, "Oh dear god, is this foreshadowing? Are furries going to be in this? While I thank god that there were no furries, I extend my hatred to humanity as a whole. It is our fault, really. We created a society that doesn't weed out and destroy individuals capable of the monstrosity. Time to drink myself into oblivion.
general_gee_wiz replied to general_gee_wiz:
And by drink myself into oblivion, I mean tell my friends to read this and then slam a door on my head until I've forgotten I've been exposed to this. I thought that after the pokemon story I wouldn't be sickened by anything. I was wrong.
SLAM!
Oww...my head...
Kaeli said:
I don't know which is worse: How utterly awful this story is, or the fact that I giggled like a schoolgirl all the way through.
I've seriously grown so accustomed to this stuff that I find humor in the fact that Logan had actually eaten half of Jean Grey, and then changed his mind when he got up to her ripped-open womb. It was funny!
All I could think was this:
"Today in the battle of man vs. food....
...food won!"
What have you done to me?!
Raze replied to Kaeli:
Don't worry. I, too, found nothing but humor from this story (horrific FFF habituation, you see). For some reason, I kept hearing Public Enemy's "Fight the Power" in my head from the moment "Scoot" kicked in the door, which made the whole thing a trip. And I'm totally using "Suck a soft and redful hair" as a comeback in a future argument. And as an extreme breast fetishist, the idea of putting myself in nipples seems eerily like my subconscious view of paradise. Oh well. MY PENIS IS MADE OF PANSEY!!!!
Amanduh replied to Kaeli:
I, also, found this story nothing but funny. However, I've also had half a bottle of wine. Apparently that's the optimum amount one needs before attempting to read a FFF!
rasmodeus said:
You found a real winner here. Lots of bad spelling and lots of horror. Funny stuff! As disgusting as the violence is though, I don't think it matches the pure evil of the pokemon FFF.
AfterGlow said:
Haha, that was hilarious, what a freaking retard.
"Have mercy, I just killed my son!"
XD
Halfazedninja said:
My, that certainly took a turn didn't it. As horrific as it was, I couldn't get past the murder of the human language that just occuredhere. I couldn't stop laughing and the pics of the cute and fuzzy animals sent me over the edge.
Well done sir
Rissa said:
I was kind of skimming this story. Then 'his cheeks full of beard' caught my eye and I started actually reading it.
That may have been a mistake.
TED-209 said:
I'm so disgusted I actually removed the Wolverine action figure from my desk. I've read pretty much every depraved FFF on TR, and this is the first one where I actually fear that the author may commit some horrible, sexual crime. Jean is a beloved character, and to have this happen to her as opposed to say, that pokemon, is truly horrific. Thank you Rob, this was the worst thing I've read so far in 2010.
Sean said:
Okay thanks to the placement of that kitty picture I at first thought Scoot was pulling a dead kitten out of Jeane's emaciated flower.
passive aggressive replied to Sean:
because the bag it was in sort of looked liked Jean's "emaciated flower"?
steen said:
"Rob, I have something to tell you." said Steen visibly distraught. "I don't love you anymore!"
But I can't seem to quit you. Were it not for your commentary and the kitties and puppies, I very likely would not have made it through this week's FFF.
You are a curse and a blessing, good sir.
JPyke said:
I rarely read the FFF's, but holy shit. That was hilarious.
Sylvia said:
I thought that I was immune to these now.
Maybe not.
manobon replied to Sylvia:
Exactly. "Jean, Scott and Logan love triangle- no Way will this be as bad as anything involving Pokémon, or the Tomb Raider cannibals."
Yes way, Me. Yes way.
bookfisher said:
While I have reading this, I have been cooking, a nice egg-cake with mushrooms and salmon. Thanks to you Rob and my own perverse curiousness, I have to eat it cold, and with a hangover grrr, a least it was not a roast.
Where is my vodka ?
sykishi said:
that was the first FFF i got all the way thru, and im happy because i got the greatest tidbit ever from it.
CYCLOPS SEVERED HEAD PASSED OUT.
miggles said:
Boy, reading this fanfic made me hungry - hungry for love.
miggles said:
Boy, reading this fanfic made me hungry - hungry for love.
ZADL said:
the idea of Cyclops mistakenly dry-humping the bed while Jean reads in a corner is pretty outstanding.
I had to leave my desk here at work when I read that. I have far too vivid an imagination, and I couldn't stop giggling.
Well done.
bookfisher replied to ZADL:
That part was too good
JennaLynn replied to ZADL:
I agree. That image in my head made me laugh so hard, I'm actually sitting here wiping the tears pouring from my eyes.
Scortia replied to ZADL:
I would have been caught if I had read that part at work. I was laughing incredibly loudly at that comment. Good job, Rob.
miggles said:
Boy, reading this fanfic made me hungry - hungry for love.
License To Will said:
Seriously I laughed so hard when the kitten showed up and the Cyclops' head passed out thing...wow hilarious.
Penuski said:
I'm not sure what I appreciate more - that you gave us kittens to try and soften the blow or that people in the comments section can't help themselves but nitpick on X-men canon the writer got wrong. As if this crazy cannibal grammar disaster cares that Cyclops eye beams are concussive.
chudleycannonfodder said:
http://www.fanfiction.net/u/2194474/ComicsNix
His website says he takes requests. I'm smelling a suggestion that he writes a story about Rob Bricken cheating on Chris Cummings with Josh Wheeedon.
chudleycannonfodder replied to chudleycannonfodder:
Oh, and he's written at least two other Jean Grey stories. Yay?
Bill replied to chudleycannonfodder:
Dear God! She poops in one of them. POOPS!
Ferance said:
I think Rob hit the nail on the head with the Babel-fish comment. it seems like a foreign language translation and considering the setting and the sentence structure i'd have to say that it probably was a french speaking author.
also it has dawned on me that despite my love of the x-men and the abomination this story represents not only in grammar but in the gross misrepresentation of canonical powers, it's the authors primary language that causes me to analyze the story ... What has FFF done to me?
P.S. Wolverine's healing factor keeps the Adamantium poisoning in check (Adamantium being a heavy metal) which i think was pointed out when Magneto ripped it out of Logan's body and his healing factor went all over the top.
stewbacca said:
I think I laughed out to loud-- normally we pass that kind of stuff around at work- but I figure I might get fired if people knew this is what I was laughing at..
Ferance said:
I think Rob hit the nail on the head with the Babel-fish comment. it seems like a foreign language translation and considering the setting and the sentence structure i'd have to say that it probably was a french speaking author.
also it has dawned on me that despite my love of the x-men and the abomination this story represents not only in grammar but in the gross misrepresentation of canonical powers, it's the authors primary language that causes me to analyze the story ... What has FFF done to me?
P.S. Wolverine's healing factor keeps the Adamantium poisoning in check (Adamantium being a heavy metal) which i think was pointed out when Magneto ripped it out of Logan's body and his healing factor went all over the top.
Thatcher said:
I'm thinking Jeans alive and well, getting it on with all the other X-ladies and all of that was shit she put into Scoot's and Loga's mind because she's now a man-hating lesbian. Yeah, that's what it is. Yep. Good. Now I can look at my comic collection without feeling dirty again...
passive aggressive replied to Thatcher:
"she's now a man-hating lesbian"
Please tell me this is NOT a future FFF...
Listy said:
Why? Oh why does this exist?
It just descended into hell. Just when you think it couldn't get worse it just nose-dived. I haven't been so disturbed by a FFF since Lara Croft got eaten, and then at least the cannibals had the common decency to kill her pretty quickly.
captain wacky said:
the write is Frank Miller and I claim my five pounds
BobJ said:
Good gravy. If it wasn't for the image of Cyclop's head flying around the room (and in my imagination he's yelling "Zoom! Zoom!") I could possibly be a bit scarred. Someone actually had to dream this one up. And I'm betting thoughts like these go through his head EVERYDAY. Christ on a skateboard, that's scarey...
Anonymous said:
Jesus christ, a nosebleed too?!
i couldn't stop laughing.. =)
┌∩┐(◕_◕)┌∩┐-josh
Scoot Summers' Severed Head said:
I got better. Just needed to sleep it off.
animesick said:
Jesus christ, a nosebleed too?!
i couldn't stop laughing.. =)
┌∩┐(◕_◕)┌∩┐-josh
MattK said:
'cheeks full of beard'. Probably my favorite phrase out of this whole thing. Also, the image of 'Scoot' dry humping an image of Jean is so awesome I want that made canon within the comic.
DCD said:
This is the kind of shit the Aztecs didn't even get up to.
All this said, if there was a superhero whose MO was to kick in the door and throw leeches and maggots on you I think we could nominate him for best superhero ever. Talk about a crime deterrant...
The Admiral said:
"Talk WOMAN!!!"
I skimmed over this, and even what little I read has left me in tears (of laughter). AND HOW THE HELL DID I MISS HIM BEING CALLED "SCOOT"? That's the funniest thing I've heard in a long time.
So, "themselvexs"--band name or no?
FFFANTASTIC! said:
Hey, how's about Rob take some imagery from this story and make some t-shirts? I think they'd sell great.
Elijah said:
Of all the horror... the worst is my own disappointment that, in all those errors, Logan never nuzzled those comfortable nipples with his "bread."
Spiny said:
Sadly, I can see the guy that wrote this, living in his mom's basement, reading this and raging right now. How could we not know that this is based on the story arc from the Super Secret Special Deluxe Limited Edition X-Men Anniversiary Series #4, Issue #3, pages 10-13... That's where it's revealed that Cyclops has a "maggots-and-worms" beam! It's right there on the pages, people!
And c'mon... if you didn't realize that Cyclops other secret identity was named Scoot, well, there's really no help for any of you...
Aggie said:
You know how parents tell you that if you make a funny face for too long your face will stay that way forever? Well, I'm starting to believe them. Except that my face won't look funny... just horrified.
Jess said:
Is it bad that the picture of the kitten upset me more than the story? The story was horrible, but the kitten in the first picture looks just like my kitten that died last night.
Garyx said:
IIRC according to one of the Wolverine one-shots he can die of adamantium poisoning (I think it´s called "Wolverine - Killing Made Simple") without his regeneration, but I`m not certain about it
Still, crazy as ever. And the Logan eating part was awesome
bookfisher said:
It just dawned on me
How can Jean Grey be x months pregnant and loose her virginity, with blood and all at the same time.
Its plot holes like that you lose in a forest of bad gramma, rape and cannibalism
flipsided replied to bookfisher:
maybe loga's "claw" stabbed fetus baby?
you know, i don't think logic is even worth its weight with this one GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH
lou-bert vs. q-bert said:
For the first time, probably ever, I both laughed at the comedy and wanted to slam my eyes into the corner of a glass table.
This would make a great sitcom,The Adventures of Scoot and Lkogan.
MrSeanMac said:
"I's so mad you! WHOSE RESPONSIBLE THIS?!" Scoot shooted"
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Skeeter said:
Man, at first I was just thinking, "This is bad, but not FFF bad." Then I kept reading...WHY DID I KEEP READING?!?!
Also, adamantium teeth? What?
Red Joker replied to Skeeter:
Thank god I'm not the only one who noticed Loga's new dental plan... to quote Penny Arcade: "That shit ain't canonical brother!"
TWB said:
OUTSTANDING!!!
For some reason I keep thinking of Beary the Bear from South Park's Woodland Critter Christmas reading this line
"and tried to scream, but couldn't, because he had no throath anymore"
edgreen86 said:
WHO RESPONSIBLE THIS !!!
Super King said:
"The author – hi peoples!!! Jean, Scott and Logan are not mine, but should be!!! Shame..."
I demand a graphic novel.
Marvel should hire this guy.
cdawg said:
Rob, if not for your commentary I don't think I would have been able to read this fic.
flipsided said:
stuff like this really makes me wonder, cos isn't the point of fan fic to like.. fantasize... via fiction.. sexually.. about- things you're a fan of?
HOW IS THIS SEXY!?
Hopefully, none of that rape-cannabalism was actually happening. Maybe scott and logan were thrusting/eating/throwing maggots on/burning/slicing air and ripping open the carpet?
and Jean was enjoying the view from the balcony with a glass of red.
flipsided replied to flipsided:
enjoying the view of paris, may i add.
Doc said:
I want everybody to just take a moment to reflect how amazingly perfect the X-Men comic book would be if Wolverine was a cannibal and Cyclops was batshit crazy.
Seriously, doesn't it just warm your heart?
Rob, your editorial comments had me laughing like a fool at my laptop. One of the best set of FFF comments yet.
But now I'll always wonder if Scoot Summers is somehow related to Race Bannon.
Doc
Super King said:
This guy has to be Frank Miller.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5648476/1/Batman_In_the_Bowels_of_Hell
"Batman punched Robin face. One tooth fell."
"Batman and Robin them entered a darkess filled and abandoned warehouse, full of raped manequins, with semen inside them, and it was rainbow colored semen."
"“Don't depair Robin, I have sanake repelant to kill snakes!” and them Batman reached his belt and killed snakes with snake pison. But Bat penis got bitter too, and Batman's penis inflated."
“Who is it???!” Batgirl opnened the door and joker put a gun on her head.
“It's me cute!!!!!” jokes rspilly said.
“AHHH, the Joker!!!!” and she kicked his groins!!! Put Joker is strong, so he picked her by the pussy and pressed harder and harder.
“NOOOO!! My pssuy!!!!!” cried Batgirl. Joker said:
“Tell me what this stone is and hoiw to use or I rape you!!!!”
This guy sure is "talented".
Kaeli replied to Super King:
...now I have to go read that. Why do you do this to me? :) Bat penis indeed!
Kaeli replied to Super King:
Oh my GOD! ... I ... can't even talk about that one.
Why do you do this to me?
Keevel replied to Super King:
“Very good, fareweel Bat fuckers!” and the Devil exited to fuck Joker.
WOW...just...WOW
Keevel replied to Keevel:
Batman and Robin fell down, and their penises exploded, and they dead.
Steve C. replied to Keevel:
The more I think about it, the more I'm convinced this guy's having a laugh. I mean, this shit is too weird to be legit.
Steve C. replied to Keevel:
Holy shit. The X-Men love triangle/gorefest/feeding frenzy is amusing, but this here Batman thing... well, it's some kind of deranged masterpiece, I think. I mean.... Joker has a 30-inch dong. Batgirl's poon is full of bacteria, worms and granola. Batman has a conversation with Hitler being ass-pounded. Snake bites lead to exploding dicks. I kinda think this man is a genius. Or a psychopath.
Steve C. replied to Steve C.:
AND THERE'S A DIMENSIONAL PORTAL IN GENGHIS KHAN'S ASS. THIS IS THE GREATEST THING EVER.
BoredLizzie replied to Super King:
Raped mannequins, huh? Who knew that Pyramid Head had rainbow-colored semen?
Ken replied to Super King:
I never knew Austria had deserts or kangaroos.
I think I should use "Got Erected First Time" for a band name or something.
I was in the hysterical for the first 97 second of then. Them but I found quite iit distrbg afteer that and i couldnt' reed aniemore.
ZaSentaMan said:
My stomach is twisting inside after reading this...HOW AND WHERE DID YOU FIND THIS FFF!?!
sal said:
I checked out at "she is happy with Loga at Paris..."
toplessnerd said:
Although I hate you for this Rob, I do have to thank you for the puppy and the kitties...
Gleeman said:
LOL WUT?
murse-don said:
"cyclops severed head passed out" - priceless. thanks for a good pre-work laugh.
Nomi said:
I had to stop reading three times because I couldn't see the screen through my tears, by the end I couldn't tell if they were coming from laughing so hard, or the pain of reading this thing...
savagemouse said:
Almost passed out from laughing so hard, and then from screaming in shock and horror. From now on if I begin to doubt in the quality of my own X-Men fan-fic, I will return here and remind myself that I can never, ever equal this story's level of terrible, disgusting awfulness on every imaginable level.
R3MY said:
Here are a few of the problems I had with this FFF:
1. "That was the most unique moment in their lives."
Seeing as how Wolverine/Logan has had adamantium both injected into, and then later ripped out of his body, completely had his body reconstructed from practically nothing, and oh yeah had sex with other women before . . . how is this a unique moment?
2. As Bill mentioned, I have a problem everytime I see some using the ol' they-must-be-heat-rays-'cause-they're-red. They're concussive blasts. Simple. No?
3. How did neither Wolverine with his heightened senses, nor Jean Grey being an Omega-level mutant detect Scott peeking in through the window?
[/nerd rant]
p.s. I have to stop reading this shit.
amarygma said:
But, if she wasn't really a virgin, how did she get blood all over the bed?
Uhhh replied to amarygma:
Well, maybe it was that time of the month.
Chew Chew said:
Logan was hungry, hungry for love.
aayjay said:
Oh God. I laughed so hard.
That's what she said:
The phrase "I what to do sex at you" comes to mind. And I badly want Woody Allen, Quentin Taranteno, Rob Zombie, and Uwen Boll to collaborate to brind this snuff masterpiece to life because I'm hungry. Hungry for film adaptation.
demoncat said:
scary to say i kind of figured that would be how jean and wolverine would normaly have sex in the comic but then to have cyclops not only rape jean and commit and abortion as he blew her to bits not only that wolverines healing powers would have managed to undo the drug. not to mention wolverine eating jean the xmen characters have fallen to the evil of fff surprised the writer did not have jean turn into dark Phonix and fry cyclops for the abortion and rape.
Boyle said:
That was the funniest fucking thing I've ever read.
Timothyen said:
Thanks for the kitten, it helped.
The most disturbing part is that this writer felt the story was... polished enough to share with the public.
LadySheeana said:
It says that she ALREADY SLEPT WITH LOGAN five months before she tells Logan she's a virgin. ???
Liz replied to LadySheeana:
Just what I was thinking. XD
Claire said:
I'm usually immune to most FFF, but this one had me laugh-crying so much I now have hiccups.
I don't know what is more depressing: the fact that the horribly gross bits didn't bother me so much or that the thing that bothered me most was the grammar and that he couldn't seem to get his story - or basic biology right.
Jean is a cheater, sleeping with Logan, then turns out to magically be a virgin who is 3 months pregnant? And though she can create a psychic projection to fool 'Scoot' into 'dry -humping the bed' (excellent commentary Mr Rob) she cannot seem to save her or Logan? hmmmm.
WHOSE RESPONSIBLE THIS??
Excuse me while I go seek therapy in the form of an alcoholic beverage...or 10.
HOLY CEASES GHOST said:
This is... wow. This really had me laughing out loud almost the whole time. The only thing we're missing is the image macros. I really like those in the last FFF. XD
Three Times One Minus One said:
That was funnier than a Laurel and Hardy film!
pollardy said:
funny as hell but still, WTF
Alex said:
I have to disagree, Rob. This is not so bad. I mean, yeah, it's gross. Putrid, even. But it lacks the finess, serial killer vibe of the pokemon story. Call me Orthodox, but these trifles are nothing compared to that abomination.
mandrake said:
Doc said:I want everybody to just take a moment to reflect how amazingly perfect the X-Men comic book would be if Wolverine was a cannibal and Cyclops was batshit crazy.
Then it would be Preacher.
erugalathon said:
What the hell is wrong with people? I've only read about 7 or 8 FFFs but this is easily the most disturbing one.
13luemoons replied to erugalathon:
This is my 7th or 8th, and it's not that bad.
The Pokemon story is... wow...
This on the other hand was like... um... WTF?
I would think the Pokemon Story and this tie or at least come close.
I'm planning on becoming immune to everything horrible in this world by reading FFF every week. When the zombie invasion comes or everyone is killed by falling meteorites or something like that, I'll just say, "It's still not as bad as FFF"
urgh said:
Still, he's better than Jeph Loeb.
Tristriam said:
I feel the need to correct the 15000 spelling and grammar errors in this Fan Fiction and then release it to the public. I mean, I'm one of the people who get all OCD about misspelling words. This was torture. I'm doing it.
Tristriam replied to Tristriam:
Oh, and I'm keeping the Whose Responsible This line. It's just too good.
Magicsgame said:
This is oddly similar to Mai-Chan's Daily Life.
(SERIOUSLY, DO NOT READ THAT DOUJIN.)
Ken said:
The two newest members of the X-Men:
Scoot and Loga.
Goddbye.
Akashi said:
Surprisingly, this is the first time I have questioned the existence of FFF.
Why does this need to happen every week?
...Why do I always read it?
What is this. I don't even.
Invader Toph said:
I know this may sound fucked up, but this was funny as hell. I honestly laughed until tears came out.
willroyboy replied to Invader Toph:
you mean your "tears sprying all over the now blood covered room"
Jinx replied to willroyboy:
Actually, I laughed and cried until blood was sprying out into the tear covered room...
Kristen said:
Why didn't I stop? Why?
Even with the healing powers of kittens and skimming so I missed a lot of the horrors I just...
*sobs*
I need alcohol, epic quantities of alcohol. Possibly heroin.
Derek said:
I call for a re-write. Wolverine didn't have Adamantium teeth.
Kris replied to Derek:
Rewrite? I call for a deletion.
Nima said:
Thank you for the great laugh Rob. Is it sad that this FFF lightend up my mood? You know, I wish I could find the infamous pokemon FFF, I read the bear one, but I don't think its the same one. Link anyone?
Izandra said:
This was freaking hilarious, although I do admit after the "depravity ahead" warning, I kinda skimmed and just read Rob's comments. That was good enough for me.
Sigue said:
Wha
Kris said:
I think Chris and I should put "Our Love is Like a Bedsheet Covered In Vaginal Blood" on our wedding invitations. What do y'all think?
j bomb said:
Thank you for the kitten. I really really really needed a kitten.
salfriel said:
dude, i peed myself while reading this, this is hilarious.
it seems TO obvious that it's a troll? no really, he does the "isn't" correctly but forgets the "then" with "them"? sounds to obvious tbh
Robyn Robotron replied to salfriel:
That will happen if you can't wait until you finish writing the story to start masturbating to it.
Adam said:
This was fucking awesome. I want to see this made into a fucking movie. Directed by Joel g'damn Schumaker. And the script has to be letter for letter. And his name is fucking Scoot if I have anything to say about it. And Megan Fox plays Jean simply bc I want someone to eat her dismembered vagina.
Shit, if they'll make Avatar into a movie, why not this??
Jaice said:
"He was full of hair, and was so virile."
... oh man, from this point on I was laughing nonstop...
Mary said:
I had to stop reading halfway through to buy groceries, so I was picking out bell peppers and giggling about "soft and redful hair". Then I got home and read the rest of it and now I hate you and the X-Men and life.
Curse you, Rob. And curse me for not being able to quit reading these horrific things.
Tristriam said:
If this FFF was too disturbing to you because of the bitter and ruthless slaughter of the English language. http://xmen.adultfanfiction.net/review.php?set=read&no=600090690
You're welcome.
Apokalyptika said:
I was laughing hysterically through this whole thing....
then the horror and trauma kicked in and I spent the last hour looking for something to gouge my eyes out with.
I know I shouldn't read FFF...I say that out loud every time...and then morbid curiosity gets the best of me and I need several gallons of brain bleach.
Damn you fan-fic sickos...damn yous all to hell.
Steve C. said:
Okay, seriously... if you check this guy's other stories, it's pretty clear that he's taking the piss and deliberately coming up with the most elaborately depraved, surrealistically retarded stories he can conjure. He might be my new favorite person.
passive aggressive said:
My favorite quote: "No cerise, it's pure pansy!"
What
My 2nd fave: "Suck a soft and redful hair, it is like a cotton field full of love and desire."
What...of course, when I was younger, I had a soft and redful hair. Also, I freely admit to sucking a soft and redful hair, although it may or may not have been located on a different body part..."suck a soft and redful hair" is my new mantra.
What
My 3rd fave: "he had no throath anymore. Blood got out of his eyes, and he passed out."
What
I mean, seriously. I have no throath either, and I am alive and reasonably well, all things considered. Of course, I did read the FFF, so who really knows?
My favorite Rob comment (and this was a tough decision, as there were many worthwhile, not to mention cute, fuzzy pics): "Cyclops' severed head passed out.
CYCLOPS SEVERED HEAD PASSED OUT.
CYCLOPS SEVERED HEAD PASSED OUT.
CYCLOPS SEVERED HEAD PASSED OUT.
CYCLOPS SEVERED HEAD PASSED OUT."
Bwah hahahahahaha! Thank God I was at home reading this. Of course, my 73 year old Dad became quite ill with my cackling and giggling and sniffling and kleenex pulling and nose blowing which were all directly due to reading the FFF. But you know, wah. Deal with it, old man. Or just turn down your hearing aids. Whatever.
I scare myself with my enjoyment of the FFF.
Stiff Shots said:
Best part of the whole sordid affair? Rob's comment "It's like Babelfish decided to write its own erotic fan fiction." That one line made me laugh until I cried. The FFF, on the other hand, just made me cry.
Matt E. Allen said:
I don't know if you can top this one, it was too damn funny.
Barry said:
I laughed as hard as I've ever laughed... until... well... the napalming of the uterus.
What.
The.
Fuck?
Thanks a lot. Pretty sure I'm going to hell now. Damn it all.
HeroPower said:
Jesus Fucking Christ!
Scortia said:
I know I've read too many FFF's in that I'm way more appalled by the plot holes and grammar than by the actual content.
Kal-El Summers said:
First it was Supes getting violated with a Kryptonite dildo and now it's Cyclops going batshit insane and mutilating/raping Jean and then getting decapitated by Logan....
Why, oh why did I read this atrocity all the way through?
You hate me, don't you, Rob?
Leonardo Boiko said:
> He them put his fingers inside Jeans exposed flesh on her nipples, and rottated his fingers, causing Jean much pain andsorrow.
Yes, that would make me very sorrowful too…
Fudge said:
IM SO FUCKING DISAPPOINTED!
he could have done so much more! i mean come on! what happened at the end? it was shit! truly shit! he had his dead son in his arms and a barely violated Logan. Instead of killing off all the characters i propose an alternate ending:
"Talk WOMAN!!!" screamed a madness ridden Scott, with the alomst dead baby on his hands.
With much effort, Jean talked. "Scott, this...is...your....son....."
Scott put his hands on his head. He couldn't belive what has happened. He killed his own son, flesh from his flesh, bones form his bones, blood FROM HIS BLOOD!!!!!
Rage filled Scotts veins he turned to Logan shaking the dead baby above his head whist screaming "MY SON!! MY ONLY SON!! YOU TOOK THIS FROM ME!!" he fell to his knees and cried rage vanishing instantly. Logan laughed AHOHAHEHOHOHO! "you deserve this. thank the lord you killed that cunt turd before it was brought into this world, or else it might have been as big of a shit as you!" Scotts veins pumped red hot rage through his veins, Scott lunged at Logan still grasping the dead baby, he landed on Logans Chest and started punching him the face, but it wasnt enough he wanted to do more than kill him! then a truly awesome idea popped into his head he flipped the crippled Logan over... "this is for stealing my woman" he whispered softly into Logans ear. Logan could feel somehting very large but somewhat soft being pushed into his batcave, he tried to clench his buttocks together but it was no use what ever it was it was pushing its way in deep, the pain was unmeasurable he screamed so loud that the window Scott had been wathing through earlyer smashed glass showerd down over them... Jeans senses were awoken by the noise and although she was unable to move she looked over to see the horrifying sight of Scott slowly pushing the dead baby into Logan's anus, although she was unable to speak her eyse opened so wide with horror that they popped and she died, eye puss splatted all over Scott and he licked it off with a smile. at that moment the police entered the room (someone had also heard the scream and alerted the authoritys, party poopers or what!) "sacre blue" shouted the officer. dispite his initall shock and disgust he found that he had a rageing hard on, the officer hand cuffed Logan and Scott and drove them to his Chateau where he tied them up and made millions of of thier dirry sex videos.
the end
(i know i know shit ending but it gets boring being disgusting)
Wonder Pigeon said:
This was far to amusingly bad to be as disturbing as some other FFFs. I still have nightmares about Pokemon story, and the minutes kid.
Catherine said:
Gaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!
Catherine replied to Catherine:
1. So she's been living with Logan for three months yet they havn't had sex?
2. I don't have a Hallmark near me. Are the cards available to order online?
3. "he was looking thru the window" So many images....I'm going to have nightmares now. Noo! He's at my window!!!
4. "Jean, you bitch, yo see what you made me done?!?!?!?!?!" I swear to goodness that I heard this shouted in the playground so many times when I was younger.
5. "they were being eatten by parasites Scott throwed at her during his slaughtering" I think out of all the FFFs, this sentance is the once that has made me cry the most. throwed? throwed?? throwed???......(breaks down and crys)
directing_dude said:
I read this to my girlfriend, but apparently the hot sex action I was hoping for probably "isn't happening for at least a week".
I blame you, Rob! I blame you.
Voffvoffhunden said:
It would have been a good story, if the characters' motivations were explored a little further. Also, less rape, less death, less cannibalism, less horrible grammar. Oops, no story left!
Caleigh said:
You know, the story in itself isn't that harmful. It's just data, uploaded from someone's computer. Someday we may forget this story as life goes on. What's REALLY terrifying is the knowledge that the author of this abomination is out freely walking the streets somewhere. Lock your doors, people. You never know.
rickicker said:
damn kids with too much goddamn time in their hands! still, caleigh has a point. what kind of a teeny ooh-so-angry-with-my-parents lunatic could possibly spew off something like this? even if it is a request, the fact that he ACCEPTED it shows something of that whacked out brain of his.
hey ComicsNix, do the rest of humanity a favor and put a bullet through that mind of yours!
rickicker said:
sorry, dual post. incidentally, i'm just wondering why is it that a tony stark statutory-raping a preteen robot boy earned three facemelts while this GODDAMN DEPRAVITY received exactly ZILCH?!!!
oh...oh NO!!! Rob!!! have you...fallen to the dark side?!! are actually...starting to ENJOY this?!!!
-facemelt- AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!
akiratrooper said:
This badly needs the facemelt picture. Period.
P.S. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUGH
nick said:
Why do I feel the need to laugh manically while reading this type of stuff?
ZimMan2 said:
Second FFF. Thank you so much for the puppies and kittens, I cannot express how important it was for you to do that. As for the rest of this:
Dear God,
Why? Why did you let this happen? How did you let this happen? How, in a world where uber-conservatives are protected from Kevin Smith calling his movie "A Couple of Dicks," can the rest of us not be protected from the existence of this fan fic?
Sincerly,
ZimMan2.
Seriously, can you burn a word document?
Clariea said:
I laughed so hard at your comments my lip started bleeding!
NeoXorn said:
This shit is sick and awesomely funny! I want more!
Thank you Topless Robot!
Shaun said:
I have never read something that has reviled me so much.
That being said, I laughed so much that I cried three times.
Mews said:
I don't think anything in my life has ever made me laugh as hard as this fan fiction did.
noirakita said:
"It's like Babelfish decided to write its own erotic fan fiction."
Sums it up.
robotfowl said:
Sometimes it's cool to share discoveries. Other times it's not.
Oh my goodness, you should have kept this one to yourself.
Jeweled said:
I can't believe I read the whole thing. Not only are my eyes bleeding from reading this FFF, but my brain hurts so much, I might just perform a lobotomy. But, on a lighter note, the kitty pictures helped, a little.. Unfortunately, the author seems to have confused Wolverine with Gambit... Yes, Wolverine is from Canada, but Gambit is the one who would probably be laying Jean Grey down for some sweet, sweet lovin'... Note to self: Don't read FFF at 2am anymore.. It makes going to sleep way too hard.
Jason said:
I've just found out that the "author" has written tow more of these.
willroyboy said:
besides being grossed out by his lovely discriptions,"engorging petals,logan's big man breast, and blood covered bed" all in all i'd say he accurately portrayed each character and their proper emotions and abilities. That being said......WHAT THE FUCKING SHITFUCK! ARE YOU SERIOUS???!!! So the severed head of cyclops ONLY passed out. it didn't say he died. and apparently with his baby still in his hands cyclops puts them to his head. gotta be a little difficult with your 3 MONTH OLD FUCKING FETUS IN YOUR HANDS!!! and of course the pheonix never showed up during any of the raping...........also...."This serum will remove yours power and Jean will be mine again!!!" this contradicts everything. "she'll be mine again to rape and torture" is what he meant to say...obviously.
Super King replied to willroyboy:
"So the severed head of cyclops ONLY passed out. it didn't say he died."
He must have had one of Ron Popeil's head in a jar thingamajigs from Futurama.
Disney should give 'Comicsnix' absolute control of marvel. I want a movie, action figures, weekly cartoon, etc. of this.
ZeroCorpse said:
I'm going to say the author of this is an 12-year-old French girl who only gets access to Marvel Comics in English.
Poopenshaft said:
This would have been way more horrible if it did not look like the guy who translated Zero WIng wrote this.
Certainly one of your best. My face hurts from laughing.
Enigma_2099 said:
I don't know what's worse... the story or the Engrish...
KurOHDEARGODWHATISTHIS said:
I have read every FFF ever and OH MY GOD WHAT HAVE YOU DONE ROB, WHAT HAVE YOU UNLEASHED UPON MY MIND... how am i still not used to this
Robyn Robotron said:
To all those who mentioned a movie version, I point out this line:
"Everything went to dissolve and only the two were living on this beautiful world."
Don't look know, but it seems to be a screenplay.
Kraxe said:
The only thing that could have made it funnier is if Luugan (Hey, if you can have Scoot) imparted his powers to the fetus to make it immortal, put the fetus back in Jean, sewed her up and they lived happily ever afterwards. At least for the few minutes until Wulveroine died from metal poisoning or a broken heart or ingrown toenail. Jean uses her powers to put Scoot's clearly still living head in a snowglobe for his sins, so that he gets to see how happy she is with her baby in a few months time.
I should add a postscript. The baby performs its own caesarian, climbs out and into Jean's arms, looking like a baby version of Wolverine, then slices the tip off a nipple and starts to drink on mumma's blood milkshake.
Final scene, we focus on Scoot's still screaming face in the snowglobe as the snow continues to swirl around his eternally horrified face. He commits suicide by eating what remains of his own head, with large biting.
DarK Rémi oF DooM said:
Now I'm all excited in manly joyness and lust.
Antipater said:
I couldn't bring myself to be horrified because I was way to distracted by the continuity problems, which were completely hilarious.
GhostsoftheSCUpcountry said:
D to the A to the M to the N.
Have mercy...
wanderamaranth said:
He started to move his hands all over Jean body, starting with hair. Suck a soft and redful hair, it is like a cotton field full of love and desire. Them, he reached her back, that was soft too and full of comfort. That back suffered so much pain from the villain, but now he would never let that happen again.
Does anyone else feel like this was a sequel to an earlier fic? Too funny. I, too, was more concerned with all of the continuity errors and non-canonical actions than anything else. Plus the medical improbability of someone without super strength being able to rip someone in half from the vagina. True, it's not like he ripped upwards towards her neck, he only reached her navel, but still...you'd have to be hella strong to do that. Plus, it takes at least a few hours for putrification to set in on a wound, and Jean's eyes and internal organs were already putrified when he ripped her open. There is no way Jean would survive having her internal organs in that condition, let alone support a fetus while her organs were putrifiying. PLUS, maggots only eat deadened flesh; they don't eat healthy tissue, so having them eat her alive is impossible.
Her jaw bones were completely exposed and nerves were outside of her body, trying to move a now amputed arm.
Were the exposed nerves from her jaw bone trying to move her severed arm? I just don't understand. I've treated people with maxiofacial injuries before; believe me, they've never tried to move a severed arm with their jaw bone nerves. Hmph!
She had no guilt in what she did. But it was late, he comdemned his wife to the painful and abhorrent fate of seeing her love and son being destroied.
Did I miss the part where they got married? What?
Super King replied to wanderamaranth:
"PLUS, maggots only eat deadened flesh; they don't eat healthy tissue, so having them eat her alive is impossible. "
They're all ZOMBIES!
Amber said:
I am still laughing and crying, I can't tell if its because I've lost my mind or if its because of this priceless bit of hilarity ""I's so mad you! WHOSE RESPONSIBLE THIS?!" Scoot shooted"
omfg said:
"He started to push his penis against Jean's labia, causing her much pain. Scott thrusted very hard and fast inside Jean'sa and her screams could be heard from the other side of the street."
idk whether to laugh or cry. I cant even type right, Im shaking with....whatever this feeling is. omg. This person needs to be shot.
Fronkensteen said:
"suck a soft and redful hair"
I nearly died from laughter.
I want this to be my latest Facebook status.
aaand GO.
T-cake said:
Everything was so redful.....
Tater said:
The violence totally brings me back to EO (the Energy Orgone) by Tim Vigil, man, that shit was crazy and I'm not sure if this is worse or not. If you can find a copy of it anywhere I suggest reading it, no matter how heavy and fucked up it might be.
Tetsuo said:
The first thing I thought when wolverine was speaking french was... when did he turn into Gambit? Also Scott's head flying around the room made me imagine it darting all over like a balloon releasing all the air inside and squeaking all over.. which is hilarious. This FFF was equal parts disgusting and hilarious\absurd.
Me said:
OMG! The comments where hilarious, the story atrocious and sometimes I feel like just getting all these awful stories and meshing them into one to create the ultimate depravation....but then again...why bother...there will be others out there willing to stain themselves w/ depraved FF
whitney said:
Did anyone else say the "have mercy" line like Uncle Jesse from Full House in their head whilst they read?
GodlessGirl said:
I'm a hiccupping, snorting, side-cramped mess of laughter, groans, and general horror over here!
Anonymous said:
That was awful, but I loled.
metalmike said:
Amazing,
When one thinks FFF cannot get any crazier or weirder, POW! X-men FFF that goes FARTHER over the edge.
Your commentary is hilarious.
TTMAB7 said:
Thank you for the kittens and puppies.
real_bat_b-word said:
I do not know you, but I do know that you sir, are a hero. Continue being a role model for the children, and your constant struggle to avoid eating your loved ones in anger.
Evil Monkey Pope said:
It reads like the braindead shamebaby of Danielle Steele and Jeffrey Dhamer.
nexi zydrate said:
oh my god.
i currently have the flu and have been laughing so much i need new lungs - could i have jeans i dont believe she needs them anymore?!
Elli said:
This one is terrible, but the rest are just as bad. Going to ComicsNix on FF.net is just...either a good idea for a day of laughs...or...I don't even know.
omgwhat'sthis said:
Couldn't read it till the end. D: I wonder what kind of person writes something this horrible...
DC>Marvel said:
I always knew Cyclopes was a bit unstable.
Jean Grae said:
"I can't even imagine how much more awesome the X-Men comics would be if Cyclops' name was Scoot Summers."
Or Wolverine's name was Loga
SingIntoMyMouth said:
Lol forever
estarmuerta replied to SingIntoMyMouth:
WHOSE RESPONSIBLE THIS?!
Kurrudii said:
Such love for this is being drained from my severed head, soon I will pass out.
I can not thank you enough for bringing back my childhood nighttime lulz.
PTSD Pete said:
Wow. Just. . . wow. You know, I've fought for my country, killed a few people (Iraq was such glorious fun, only not), but I've never been so. . . I don't even know how to describe it. My thoughts and autonomic reflexes actually stopped for a bit before I had to make myself start thinking and breathing again. The sheer stupidity, hilarity, and *attempted* depravity I just read through truly makes me wonder about the wisdom of allowing the human race to continue. And to all those who have posted. . . Thank you. Your callous, usually well-informed, sardonic humor regarding this tripe makes me feel as if I may have found a heretofore unidscovered group of familiar wits and malcontents that have all earned my respect and almost admiration. Rather like a pack of disinterested long lost cousins who show up at a family reunion only to point out that letting Cousin Suzy eat all those paint chips really did make her retarded, and letting her laugh maniacally as she decides to sodomize herself with a turkey baster will in no way fix things. I love you all, and will now retire to my couch to drink copious, nay, Biblical amounts of whiskey, rum, and tequila. To humanity, folks. To humanity.
Anonymous said:
Where the hell did he pull that pocket knife from??
Logan was hungry, hungry for love: Clearly Awesome line.
"She was mute, and now deaf. Only ->>his
So....Jean is also a man.
THE PLOT THICKENS!!
GravyForLeopards said:
It just kept getting worse and worse and worse!!! I feel like I just stepped out of a hurricane. I don't know who I am anymore.
Jinx said:
I think the writer may have watched this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Q_0Ol3RYyU
It's about what I was thinking of when Scoot's severed head was flying around the room...
Scooter Atreides replied to Jinx:
Call me sick, but that was freakin' AWESOME!
Attack Midgit said:
I... I am horribly reminded of Half Life 2: Full Life Consequences. Only without the hilarity.
That is some serious WTF-ry going on there. Person must have been SO out of their minds. It's the only way I can reconcile the grammar and 'plot'...
... or could have just all been trolled. One or another. XD
ruth said:
hi. So here's fuzzy little story that will warm the cockles of your hearts!
I am an artist and I typed in to google just now: "kitten pictures". Your website came up. I don't know if you are so de-sesitized from the culture we now live in, that you must read/write overtly shocking, violently disgusting, (etc.) things in order to be "entertained, but Dear God! What filth! (I had scrolled down the page for the kitten picture thus seeing things I need to bathe from! So did you put the kittens there on purpose to draw children in? Because that (and YOU) is SICK, SICKO, SICK.
Scooter Atreides said:
I don't think there's anything to say about this that you can't find in case studies of severe mental disorders. I'll just add that I can imagine members of Rammstein reading this tale and cringing. Max Hardcore would call ComicsNix a sick, depraved bastard.
Carol said:
ROTFLMAO! This is like too much, what the fuck is wrong with ppl these days? Cant believe what I just read, and even that im still laughin
Andeh said:
Incredibly late to the party, but the author also DRAWS WEBCOMICS including one that eerily mirrors this story (albeit with no sex).
http://comicsnix.deviantart.com/art/Webcomic-Lustful-Passions-157699072
