Friday, Jan. 8 2010 @ 7:57AM
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5) Cornelius from Planet of the Apes
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4) Diddy Kong from Donkey Kong Country
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3) Gorilla-Man from Agents of Atlas
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2) Lancelot Link, Secret Chimp
None of the other apes on this list could balance a successful spying career with the hard life of a bubblegum psychedelic rock musician. But Lancelot Link traveled around the globe, fighting other apes in people clothes and still turned up at least once per episode with his band "The Evolution Revolution," which is a much cooler name than "Candlebox," "The Bee Gees," or "Bread." Dear God, Bread is the worst name for a band, isn't it? Which would you rather see, if you got a flyer on the street for these two bands? Evolution Revolution or Bread? Forget that one is only chimps playing fucking instruments, which concert sounds more fun?
1) Detective Chimp from Shadowpact
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You've seen the best, now fear the rest, starting on the next page.
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92 comments
Comments
IisAwesomecakes said:
Fun fact: Curious George is also a Satanist
chew chew replied to IisAwesomecakes:
What do you expect? He's raised by a monkey rapist in a yellow hat.
Chad replied to IisAwesomecakes:
I'm sorry, but where is the monkey from Monkey Shines? It was channeling the spirit of the woman from Misery for Christ's sake! Now that was true evil in an ape/monkey.
RunnerX13 said:
Wow, first Detective Chimp (who's awesome), and now Grodd. Great to see some much needed DC love this morning. DC is the #1 spot of comic apes.
Greymattersplat replied to RunnerX13:
There's actually a reason for that...and that reason is Julie Schwartz. As the (apparently true) story goes, Julie thought that everything sold better if you put a monkey on the cover, which is actually mostly true (and something Marvel is taking advantage of right now). So if a title's sales started to flag...taa-daa, monkey! The silver age is FULL of DC monkey madness.
Pandora's Homeobox replied to Greymattersplat:
Ahem, anthropology nerd hat on: apes and monkeys are not the same thing. You realize that, right?
Greymattersplat replied to Pandora's Homeobox:
If I didn't know that, I'd probably have to turn in my nerd-card...or at least have a corner clipped off or something. I was, more or less, quoting the late great Julius Schwartz, father of the Silver Age; who, in turn, was more or less generalizing his primates, I'm sure. Point being, in all the quotes about it I ever read about, he said "monkey". People still got the point, so I doubt he really much cared about the semantics.
Pandora's Homeobox replied to Greymattersplat:
*sigh* But semantics make the world go round! Glad to see I can retain my faith in nerds, though.
Sanjay replied to Pandora's Homeobox:
My biology hat has me screaming "humans are apes, you morons."
Black Snow replied to RunnerX13:
That's not a good thing.
KingOfDoma said:
So, you use Mojo Jojo, thus proving you are conscious of Genndy Tartakovsky's work...
... and decide NOT to include Dial M for Monkey?
For SHAME...
AfterGlow replied to KingOfDoma:
I agree, Agent Monkey should have been on the list.
The Thriller replied to KingOfDoma:
I agree entirely! Dial M for Monkey is brilliance.
SorcererLance replied to KingOfDoma:
fun fact, Craig McCracken created Powerpuff Girls, not Genndy Tartakovsky.
on a side note, the villain Monkey met in one of his episodes named Simion was pretty badass since he could make matter purely from thought.
lurker replied to SorcererLance:
Tartakovsky may not have created the Powerpuff Girls, but he worked on the series nonetheless as director, producer, and animation director for various episodes and most notably the movie.
Arcane replied to lurker:
Dexter had a crossover episode once too
enukid replied to KingOfDoma:
a monkey is not an ape
Me-Mo replied to KingOfDoma:
Yes Monkey Rules.Plus he had one Hot cartoon Babe for a girlfriend.
THE PR0F3550R said:
Is Dr. Zaius evil? I just assumed he was misunderstood. He's actually a hero in a weird way in that he's trying to protect his people by committing acts of inhumanity because he knows that humans will be the downfall of apes.
Is Donkey Kong evil or good? I think he was originally as in he was a video game version of King Kong. He then retired and became Cranky Kong so that Donkey Kong Jr. could be a neck-tie wearing hero in Donkey Kong Country. So I guess Donkey Kong Sr. never truly became a pure hero.
What about Charlie the Karate Chimp? (http://www.thekaratechimp.com/charlie.htm) If there was ever a natural-born hero it's Charlie. From the official site: "In 1998, the Chuck Norris Board of Directors tested Charlie and he was given the global designation of the first and only Karate Chimpanzee Black Belt. He is certified in American Karate and Honorary Black Belt in Tang Soo Do. In 1989 Charlie was Service Trademarked for his martial arts ability."
Look at him in action: http://www.metacafe.com/watch/1050/karate_chimp_amazing/
Charlie the Karate Chimp needs his own TV show or at least a team-up with Chuck Norris.
Dag said:
About the band Bread... at the time, "Bread" was a pseudonym for "money."
Tens of thousands of geeky/nerdy young got laid because they had one or more albums of Bread, and the music just screams romantic sex. Okay, so maybe this worked for a couple of dozen nerds, but you take what you can get.
Gratton66 said:
I have to take issue, how could you ignore Rex Mantooth, Kung-Fu Gorilla? Women want him, men want to be him, and he stopped Oprah from ruling the world.
smashpro1 said:
Where does Hitman Monkey fall into this?
Kevin said:
I never understood the nerd obsession with apes. Toyfare used to be all about that. Maybe it's because I always found them ugly instead of cute.
do4m said:
Gorilla Grodd is teh shit!
Psycow said:
No Cy-Gor from Spawn?
Cy-Gor is a fictional character from the comic book, Spawn and featured in his own 6 part mini-series Cy-Gor. He is a part-man, part-gorilla meshed together with cybernetics to create a dangerous killing machine. His real name is Michael Konieczni, and he was once a friend of Al Simmons.
bort said:
I have six tragically overlooked words that did not appear once on this list: CAPTAIN SIMIAN AND THE SPAAAAAAAAAACE MONKEYS! What if the crew of the Enterprise were monkeys? You get episodes like Apelien, Invasion of the Banana Snatchers, Planet of the Humans, and Surf Monkeys Must Die! Uncle Phil as Gor Illa! Malcolm McDowell as the diabolical brain-launching Rhesus II! It was the perfect alphabet soup of goofy geeky goodness!
Greymattersplat replied to bort:
There was really an episode called "Surf Monkeys Must Die"? That's awesome! I love a good Troma reference.
BuncheB said:
In PLANET OF THE APES the real relationship was between Taylor and Cornelius' wife, Dr. Zira. Cornelius is cool and all, but he is in no way as significant as Zira.
King Kong a villain? That's open to interpretation, but I contend that he was an innocent victim dragged from his homeland and exploited. If somebody hauled my black ass from my homeland and did that shit to me, you had better believe I would escape and fuck some shit up out of sheer spite and hatred. In my book Kong is definitely a hero.
And as has been noted previously, the omission of Dial M for Monkey is a glaring oversight.
DreadZone replied to BuncheB:
Right on target as usual, Bunchester, re: all three points---Zira, Dial M, and especially King Kong. Frankly, I expect his inclusion on the "Villain" list was less an honest assessment of the writer's feelings about Kong than a deliberate attempt on his part to include the character (honestly, is there a living soul who would read this article and NOT expect Kong to show up?), but do so in an unexpected way. Also, said move would doubtless spark controversy and debate. In any event, always glad to see you pop up there, Pipe-Smoking Negro!!!
Pootes said:
I cant believe you forgot Goliath from Project X.
The Flash III said:
I'm pleased to see Detective Chimp got the top spot. He is badass, and I need a DCUC Detective Chimp in my collection.
'Stater Nuts said:
I have that issue of Superman/Batman where they fight Grodd. It was great.
Jason Thorn said:
Captain Simian was a Sunday morning favorite. Where else can you see a cyborg ape pull his brain out of its housing and slap it around while saying with Malcolm McDowell's voice, "BAD BRAIN! BAAAAD BRAIN!" Comedy gold.
Eye-Roller Lass replied to Jason Thorn:
Thank You! I thought I was the only one who ever watched that show! ("Gotta get that thing fixed", indeed!)
Geoff said:
Don't forget that Grodd got laid more times than anyone in the DCAU not named Batman.
By human, or human-looking, women, to boot.
jking said:
The mad scientist Dr. Gori and his evil assistant Karras did not make this list!
Most Spectreman fans know that Mojo Jojo was inspired by the character Gori!
JayWicky replied to jking:
Thank you for pointing that out, jking. Gori also warred against the students of Cromartie High School in the 2005 live-action movie, and these are tough muthas. Also, he was dressed and had hair like Paul Williams in Phantom of the Paradise, which clearly shows he's up to no good.
I'm also a bit disappointed that Brainiape (from Savage Dragon) did not make it. This is a gorilla topped with Hitler's brain in a jar. That should count for something.
Brion said:
Fuck yeah! DC Apes for the win!
I think, if I remember correctly, Gorilla Grodd ate the Brain as well after beating the living shit out of Monsieur Mallah. "Salvation Run," pretty fun mini.
HQ-Man said:
No Doctor Gorii from SpectreMan? What, a mad alien gorilla wearing blonde wig and pink doctor suit is not evil enough for you?
koku said:
The Art Adams Grodd reminded me of Monkeyman from Monkeyman and O'Brian fame. Decent comic with a short run (I believe), but then I mark for anything with Art's art in it.
Jaburo Base replied to koku:
It's a shame there wasn't more of Monkeyman and O'Brien. I loved the art. And O'Brien. :)
BobJ said:
I like Cornelius and all, but honestly, I think Zira had more balls than him. And come on, their kid started the whole ape uprising!
Scortia said:
Hell yeah Grodd! Mallah is a nice addition to the list. Him and the Brain are a pretty hilarious duo. Their gay, interspecies, evil romance is one of the funniest things in DC.
demoncat said:
Cornelius should have been in the top three. and would have replaced diddy kong with dial m or the original Donkey Kong. plus King Kong should have been in the good catagory for he was just trying to adjust to his souroundings. and glad to see Grod and Mallah on the bad list for Grod is one of the evilest comic apes ever as for Mallah only he can do a barret as an ape though his love for a brain in the jar a little creepy and boarderline Beast ality
FigmentJedi said:
Mojo Jojo actually succeeded in a 10th Anniversary Special and found a way to make the world a better place with some reality warping machine: saving the whales, ending global warming and hunger and giving everyone puppies.
Then he got bored and went back to crime.
Buns Malloy said:
Teen-Ape from the "Mulva-Zombie Ass Kicker" movies, anyone? And the most evil monkey in the history of evil monkeys is the one in Chris's closet on Family Guy! But then he turned out to be not so evil.
Buns Malloy said:
Teen-Ape from the "Mulva-Zombie Ass Kicker" movies, anyone? And the most evil monkey in the history of evil monkeys is the one in Chris's closet on Family Guy! But then he turned out to be not so evil.
Adam37 said:
I was very glad to see a significant lack of the JLApe. Yipes.
Weakly said:
What, no love for MST3K's Professor Bobo, son of Koko and heir to the lineage of Godo, Mogo and Chim-Chim!?
The Great A'tuin said:
Godzilla was still a villain at the time of Godzilla vs. King Kong.
OM said:
...Geez, no love for Marvel Apes in all this?
ivan kragoff said:
Hello!? What about Mikhlo, Igor and Peotr, Marvel villain,Red Ghost's Super-Apes???? They should be on the top of the list! C'mon a super strong-durable gorilla, a shapeshifting baboon and a oranguatan that controls gravity and magnetism!! Plus they broke with Red Ghost and took over a zoo in kansas and made it their headquarters. And they're awesome.
ivan kragoff said:
Hello!? What about Mikhlo, Igor and Peotr, Marvel villain,Red Ghost's Super-Apes???? They should be on the top of the list! C'mon a super strong-durable gorilla, a shapeshifting baboon and a oranguatan that controls gravity and magnetism!! Plus they broke with Red Ghost and took over a zoo in kansas and made it their headquarters. And they're awesome.
Charlie said:
Man, why don't they bring back good shows? Like BJ and the Bear. Now there's a concept I can't get enough of, a man and his monkey.
Darth Shoju replied to Charlie:
+1
Stick92 said:
Am I the only one who hates monkeys/apes. Honestly, I can't stand them.
JOE replied to Stick92:
I hate every ape I see,
from chimpan-A to chimpan-Z,
No, you'll never make a monkey out of meeeee-
plagueoftruth said:
I know that its pretty esoteric and wouldn't make the top 5 but I'd like to give a shout out to King Solomon from Alan Moore's 'Tom Stong.'
Yakub Shabazz replied to plagueoftruth:
Yeah, cause, you know, he was only mentioned in the actual article. Pretty esoteric there.
Marjorie said:
This reminds me, I wonder if we'll ever see King Gorilla on the Venture Bros again.
Yakub Shabazz replied to Marjorie:
King Gorilla would have been a great choice. And speaking of apes that like to rape, what about Rape Ape from the single solitary episode of The Xtacles?
Yakub Shabazz said:
People, people, please. For MOST EVIL ape, I humbly suggest BrainiApe from Savage Dragon. He's only a large talking gorilla with telepathic powers and THE BRAIN OF ADOLF HITLER. Anything more evil than that? I don't think so.
Mike said:
Hardly famous but I always enjoyed Congorilla in the DC Comics.
Skemono said:
For shame, people! Why have you all ignored Sam Simeon of Angel and the Ape? Grandson of Gorilla Grodd himself! He who once beat the number one villainous ape with the simple phrase "chocolate frosted honey bombs"! Not even Batman could accomplish such a feat!
Borg-Cylon love child said:
Chim-Chim from Speed-Racer got on my nerves. Why couldnt they ape-proof the Mach 5? Why?
FireKraken said:
Not to get all Darwinian on your asses, but shouldn't this list read, "The 5 Most Heroic and Evil Non-Human Apes (actually non-human primates) in Nerd-dom"?
Hey, if I can't voice this concern on a nerd website, where can I?
mrjest said:
OK here is one for you from way out in left field... Dr. Gory from the tv show Spectre Man... Yes it was a bad ape mask and you could see his lips through the ape mouth , but come on , super genius gorilla taking over the earth from his remote lab on a freaking UFO!!!!
☆☆☆ JaganaR ☆☆☆ said:
um what about Cygor ??from spawn
or Attar from TB Planet of the apes ?
and Thade (pota)
NameofRain said:
I loved Lancelot Link when I was a kid.
On the subject of awful apes, I nominate that annoying gorilla on Filmation's Ghostbusters. Not the good one, the crappy version made by the creators of He-Man and somehow squeezed out a turd of a moral each episode. The gorilla didn't really do anything particular, it just existed, along with that awful show, and that's enough for me.
Potoooooooo said:
I am sorry that Gleek didn't make the cut, he was hardcore
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/a/a6/Wondertwinsross.jpg
Ethan Kaye replied to Potoooooooo:
Without having the original submitted draft in front of me, I'm pretty sure that I had Gleek as the "extra bonus ape that is the worst ape to ever happen to human history." Didn't seem to make the cut though.
Odkin said:
Where is the love for the Weisinger monkeys?
TITANO THE SUPER-APE!
BEPPO THE SUPER-MONKEY!
j said:
i cant belive you guy's forgot to put grape ape
outofstep81 replied to j:
Thank you! I've been catching up with all the TR stories this morning, and couldn't believe how far into the comments I got before someone mentioned Grape Ape.
On a side note, the Grape Ape coin bank from funko toys might be the best christmas present I got this year.
"I think you mean ape, the orangutang is part of the great ape family"
"I think I know a monkey when I see one, who's the federal wildlife marshall here anyway?"
Line Item Veto said:
Kerchak for all answers. On the downside, he's not in a book full of pictures of a man in tights punching robots. On the upside, I didn't have to cite an Erik Larsen creation to contribute!
LBD "Nytetrayn" said:
No Optimus Primal? And no Donkey Kong?
And Diddy Kong never had his own series...
keepoffthegrass said:
Im pretty sure Lance Link is what started PETA's crusade.
King Riptor said:
There is a Distinct lack of Captain Simian.
For shame
astrokender said:
Where is the Librarian from the Discworld novels in this list? Or was he disqualified for not being born an ape?
Baltimoron said:
If you're very quiet, you can hear Chris Sims breathing even more heavily than usual somewhere in the distance.
ryogasasaki said:
Good, I was gonna throw something across the room if Mojo Jojo wasn't here. :)
Rebecca.G said:
*LOL* How did Curious George make the list? I knew that Mojo Jojo made the list. Why isn't Monkey from Dexter's Lab make the list?
Natalie said:
These curious george comments are cracking me up!
gotnoblue said:
anyone else remember carl and phil-ninja monkeys? they were monkey pizza delivery-simians who were secret ninjas! i saw the series playing at a chuck e. cheese but never could find anything else on them. ninja monkeys who were never late delivering their pizzas - at least worthy of an honorable mention.
Line Item Veto said:
How about a followup article called "12 (more) Monkeys?"
Ginsu Shark said:
...does Grodd have a mullet in that picture?
Bruce D. Spruce said:
Two words: Magilla Gorilla. Another example of a half-assed list. F.
Will said:
Wait, where's Cy-gor?
