Why do we love apes so much? Perhaps because they're so human-like -- which is why ape characters are so often good or evil instead of, you know, just throwing poop. Cartoons, comics and pop culture are full of heroic simians and diabolical monkey villains; people don't make movies about hyper-intelligent koalas or giant killer goats, but make a movie about an ape and you've made a fortune on DVD sales alone. Clint Eastwood wouldn't be caught dead in a movie with a mischievous grasshopper, but he did two movies with an orangutan named "Clyde." For some reason, people just love seeing apes getting into trouble, wearing human clothes, and solving mysteries. So where does that lead us? To the best ape heroes and villains ever!
THE 5 GREATEST APE HEROES:
5) Cornelius from Planet of the Apes
Charlton Heston would have been nothing without Cornelius the chimpanzee behind him. Blah blah Ben Hur, blah blah Ten Commandments, they're all small change when compared to the relationship between Heston's Taylor and Roddy McDowall's ape man. For him to be seen with a stinking human took some ape balls, and then to go into the Forbidden Zone took even more ape balls and probably a naked red ass too. In the third movie he was killed, but he's probably in ape heaven now, swinging on a tire swing and eating ants with a stick.
4) Diddy Kong from Donkey Kong Country
While he's now been downgraded to a punching bag in any Smash Brothers game or a generic driver in any Nintendo racing game, people forget that Diddy Kong was a hero in his own series for a while that was surprisingly good. He was able to break free from his family stigma of kidnapping women and chucking barrels at Italians in overalls to chasing down a crocodile who stole bananas. It's the monkey equivalent of Darth Vader turning his back on the Dark Side, and throwing Emperor Palpatine over a railing.
3) Gorilla-Man from Agents of Atlas
There should be an unofficial rule in comics where any team of heroes needs to have an intelligent ape on it ("intelligent" being the key word). The Justice League has Congorilla, Tom Strong's team has King Solomon, and the Agents of Atlas have Gorilla-Man. Cursed with apparent immortality and a talky mouth, Gorilla-Man whups a whole lotta ass for the sometimes-evil-sometimes-not Atlas Foundation. He's the only ape on the list of heroes who can actually bring the fury of a mad simian down on his enemies (Diddy Kong doesn't have much mad fury, he's really little).
2) Lancelot Link, Secret Chimp
None of the other apes on this list could balance a successful spying career with the hard life of a bubblegum psychedelic rock musician. But Lancelot Link traveled around the globe, fighting other apes in people clothes and still turned up at least once per episode with his band "The Evolution Revolution," which is a much cooler name than "Candlebox," "The Bee Gees," or "Bread." Dear God, Bread is the worst name for a band, isn't it? Which would you rather see, if you got a flyer on the street for these two bands? Evolution Revolution or Bread? Forget that one is only chimps playing fucking instruments, which concert sounds more fun?
1) Detective Chimp from Shadowpact
Lancelot Link and Detective Chimp both solve crimes, but only Detective Chimp has a drinking problem. This might not be heroic, but it is totally awesome. The good detective here is a chimp that dresses like Sherlock Holmes and solves supernatural mysteries, and he hangs out on message boards with Batman, Oracle, and the Riddler. If that weren't enough to put him about Link, he once was Dr. Fate for a little while. And he lives in a bar. And he's awesome.
You've seen the best, now fear the rest, starting on the next page.
This list is sorely in need of Optimus "Boss Munky" Primal.
Wait, where's Cy-gor?
Dexter had a crossover episode once too
Two words: Magilla Gorilla. Another example of a half-assed list. F.
Yes Monkey Rules.Plus he had one Hot cartoon Babe for a girlfriend.
...does Grodd have a mullet in that picture?
My biology hat has me screaming "humans are apes, you morons."
How about a followup article called "12 (more) Monkeys?"
anyone else remember carl and phil-ninja monkeys? they were monkey pizza delivery-simians who were secret ninjas! i saw the series playing at a chuck e. cheese but never could find anything else on them. ninja monkeys who were never late delivering their pizzas - at least worthy of an honorable mention.
These curious george comments are cracking me up!
*sigh* But semantics make the world go round! Glad to see I can retain my faith in nerds, though.
*LOL* How did Curious George make the list? I knew that Mojo Jojo made the list. Why isn't Monkey from Dexter's Lab make the list?
Good, I was gonna throw something across the room if Mojo Jojo wasn't here. :)
If you're very quiet, you can hear Chris Sims breathing even more heavily than usual somewhere in the distance.
+1
Where is the Librarian from the Discworld novels in this list? Or was he disqualified for not being born an ape?
Without having the original submitted draft in front of me, I'm pretty sure that I had Gleek as the "extra bonus ape that is the worst ape to ever happen to human history." Didn't seem to make the cut though.
Thank you! I've been catching up with all the TR stories this morning, and couldn't believe how far into the comments I got before someone mentioned Grape Ape.
On a side note, the Grape Ape coin bank from funko toys might be the best christmas present I got this year.
"I think you mean ape, the orangutang is part of the great ape family"
"I think I know a monkey when I see one, who's the federal wildlife marshall here anyway?"
There is a Distinct lack of Captain Simian.
For shame
Im pretty sure Lance Link is what started PETA's crusade.
No Optimus Primal? And no Donkey Kong?
And Diddy Kong never had his own series...
Kerchak for all answers. On the downside, he's not in a book full of pictures of a man in tights punching robots. On the upside, I didn't have to cite an Erik Larsen creation to contribute!
I'm sorry, but where is the monkey from Monkey Shines? It was channeling the spirit of the woman from Misery for Christ's sake! Now that was true evil in an ape/monkey.
i cant belive you guy's forgot to put grape ape
a monkey is not an ape
Where is the love for the Weisinger monkeys?
TITANO THE SUPER-APE!
BEPPO THE SUPER-MONKEY!
I am sorry that Gleek didn't make the cut, he was hardcore
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/a/a6/Wondertwinsross.jpg
I loved Lancelot Link when I was a kid.
On the subject of awful apes, I nominate that annoying gorilla on Filmation's Ghostbusters. Not the good one, the crappy version made by the creators of He-Man and somehow squeezed out a turd of a moral each episode. The gorilla didn't really do anything particular, it just existed, along with that awful show, and that's enough for me.
It's a shame there wasn't more of Monkeyman and O'Brien. I loved the art. And O'Brien. :)
Ahhh....he was on the list. The first draft, I had Bobo instead of Cornelius, since I'm not a Apes fan. Huge MST3K fann though. Editorial decision.
Tartakovsky may not have created the Powerpuff Girls, but he worked on the series nonetheless as director, producer, and animation director for various episodes and most notably the movie.
um what about Cygor ??from spawn
or Attar from TB Planet of the apes ?
and Thade (pota)
OK here is one for you from way out in left field... Dr. Gory from the tv show Spectre Man... Yes it was a bad ape mask and you could see his lips through the ape mouth , but come on , super genius gorilla taking over the earth from his remote lab on a freaking UFO!!!!
Not to get all Darwinian on your asses, but shouldn't this list read, "The 5 Most Heroic and Evil Non-Human Apes (actually non-human primates) in Nerd-dom"?
Hey, if I can't voice this concern on a nerd website, where can I?
Chim-Chim from Speed-Racer got on my nerves. Why couldnt they ape-proof the Mach 5? Why?
I hate every ape I see,
from chimpan-A to chimpan-Z,
No, you'll never make a monkey out of meeeee-
Thank you for pointing that out, jking. Gori also warred against the students of Cromartie High School in the 2005 live-action movie, and these are tough muthas. Also, he was dressed and had hair like Paul Williams in Phantom of the Paradise, which clearly shows he's up to no good.
I'm also a bit disappointed that Brainiape (from Savage Dragon) did not make it. This is a gorilla topped with Hitler's brain in a jar. That should count for something.
For shame, people! Why have you all ignored Sam Simeon of <I>Angel and the Ape</I>? Grandson of Gorilla Grodd himself! He who once beat the number one villainous ape with the simple phrase "chocolate frosted honey bombs"! Not even Batman could accomplish such a feat!
Hardly famous but I always enjoyed Congorilla in the DC Comics.
King Gorilla would have been a great choice. And speaking of apes that like to rape, what about Rape Ape from the single solitary episode of The Xtacles?
People, people, please. For MOST EVIL ape, I humbly suggest BrainiApe from Savage Dragon. He's only a large talking gorilla with telepathic powers and THE BRAIN OF ADOLF HITLER. Anything more evil than that? I don't think so.
Yeah, cause, you know, he was only mentioned in the actual article. Pretty esoteric there.
This reminds me, I wonder if we'll ever see King Gorilla on the Venture Bros again.
Thank You! I thought I was the only one who ever watched that show! ("Gotta get that thing fixed", indeed!)
I know that its pretty esoteric and wouldn't make the top 5 but I'd like to give a shout out to King Solomon from Alan Moore's 'Tom Stong.'
You know. I was going to ask why Grodd never wore clothes, at least for hygenic reasons, but I think your post just answered that.
Right on target as usual, Bunchester, re: all three points---Zira, Dial M, and especially King Kong. Frankly, I expect his inclusion on the "Villain" list was less an honest assessment of the writer's feelings about Kong than a deliberate attempt on his part to include the character (honestly, is there a living soul who would read this article and NOT expect Kong to show up?), but do so in an unexpected way. Also, said move would doubtless spark controversy and debate. In any event, always glad to see you pop up there, Pipe-Smoking Negro!!!
Am I the only one who hates monkeys/apes. Honestly, I can't stand them.
Man, why don't they bring back good shows? Like BJ and the Bear. Now there's a concept I can't get enough of, a man and his monkey.
Hello!? What about Mikhlo, Igor and Peotr, Marvel villain,Red Ghost's Super-Apes???? They should be on the top of the list! C'mon a super strong-durable gorilla, a shapeshifting baboon and a oranguatan that controls gravity and magnetism!! Plus they broke with Red Ghost and took over a zoo in kansas and made it their headquarters. And they're awesome.
Hello!? What about Mikhlo, Igor and Peotr, Marvel villain,Red Ghost's Super-Apes???? They should be on the top of the list! C'mon a super strong-durable gorilla, a shapeshifting baboon and a oranguatan that controls gravity and magnetism!! Plus they broke with Red Ghost and took over a zoo in kansas and made it their headquarters. And they're awesome.
Exactly what I was thinking.
...Geez, no love for <I>Marvel Apes</i> in all this?
Godzilla was still a villain at the time of Godzilla vs. King Kong.
What, no love for MST3K's Professor Bobo, son of Koko and heir to the lineage of Godo, Mogo and Chim-Chim!?
I was very glad to see a significant lack of the JLApe. Yipes.
Teen-Ape from the "Mulva-Zombie Ass Kicker" movies, anyone? And the most evil monkey in the history of evil monkeys is the one in Chris's closet on Family Guy! But then he turned out to be not so evil.
Teen-Ape from the "Mulva-Zombie Ass Kicker" movies, anyone? And the most evil monkey in the history of evil monkeys is the one in Chris's closet on Family Guy! But then he turned out to be not so evil.
Mojo Jojo actually succeeded in a 10th Anniversary Special and found a way to make the world a better place with some reality warping machine: saving the whales, ending global warming and hunger and giving everyone puppies.
Then he got bored and went back to crime.
Cornelius should have been in the top three. and would have replaced diddy kong with dial m or the original Donkey Kong. plus King Kong should have been in the good catagory for he was just trying to adjust to his souroundings. and glad to see Grod and Mallah on the bad list for Grod is one of the evilest comic apes ever as for Mallah only he can do a barret as an ape though his love for a brain in the jar a little creepy and boarderline Beast ality
Hell yeah Grodd! Mallah is a nice addition to the list. Him and the Brain are a pretty hilarious duo. Their gay, interspecies, evil romance is one of the funniest things in DC.
fun fact, Craig McCracken created Powerpuff Girls, not Genndy Tartakovsky.
on a side note, the villain Monkey met in one of his episodes named Simion was pretty badass since he could make matter purely from thought.
I like Cornelius and all, but honestly, I think Zira had more balls than him. And come on, their kid started the whole ape uprising!
That's not a good thing.
There was really an episode called "Surf Monkeys Must Die"? That's awesome! I love a good Troma reference.
The Art Adams Grodd reminded me of Monkeyman from Monkeyman and O'Brian fame. Decent comic with a short run (I believe), but then I mark for anything with Art's art in it.
If I didn't know that, I'd probably have to turn in my nerd-card...or at least have a corner clipped off or something. I was, more or less, quoting the late great Julius Schwartz, father of the Silver Age; who, in turn, was more or less generalizing his primates, I'm sure. Point being, in all the quotes about it I ever read about, he said "monkey". People still got the point, so I doubt he really much cared about the semantics.
Yeah, JLU even had Tala bonking Grodd. That's all kinds of skeevy, and surprising for a kid's show.
No Doctor Gorii from SpectreMan? What, a mad alien gorilla wearing blonde wig and pink doctor suit is not evil enough for you?
Ahem, anthropology nerd hat on: apes and monkeys are not the same thing. You realize that, right?
What do you expect? He's raised by a monkey rapist in a yellow hat.
Fuck yeah! DC Apes for the win!
I think, if I remember correctly, Gorilla Grodd ate the Brain as well after beating the living shit out of Monsieur Mallah. "Salvation Run," pretty fun mini.
The mad scientist Dr. Gori and his evil assistant Karras did not make this list!
Most Spectreman fans know that Mojo Jojo was inspired by the character Gori!
Don't forget that Grodd got laid more times than anyone in the DCAU not named Batman.
By human, or human-looking, women, to boot.
Captain Simian was a Sunday morning favorite. Where else can you see a cyborg ape pull his brain out of its housing and slap it around while saying with Malcolm McDowell's voice, "BAD BRAIN! BAAAAD BRAIN!" Comedy gold.
I have that issue of Superman/Batman where they fight Grodd. It was great.
I'm pleased to see Detective Chimp got the top spot. He is badass, and I need a DCUC Detective Chimp in my collection.
I agree entirely! Dial M for Monkey is brilliance.
I cant believe you forgot Goliath from Project X.
In PLANET OF THE APES the real relationship was between Taylor and Cornelius' wife, Dr. Zira. Cornelius is cool and all, but he is in no way as significant as Zira.
King Kong a villain? That's open to interpretation, but I contend that he was an innocent victim dragged from his homeland and exploited. If somebody hauled my black ass from my homeland and did that shit to me, you had better believe I would escape and fuck some shit up out of sheer spite and hatred. In my book Kong is definitely a hero.
And as has been noted previously, the omission of Dial M for Monkey is a glaring oversight.
I have six tragically overlooked words that did not appear once on this list: CAPTAIN SIMIAN AND THE SPAAAAAAAAAACE MONKEYS! What if the crew of the Enterprise were monkeys? You get episodes like Apelien, Invasion of the Banana Snatchers, Planet of the Humans, and Surf Monkeys Must Die! Uncle Phil as Gor Illa! Malcolm McDowell as the diabolical brain-launching Rhesus II! It was the perfect alphabet soup of goofy geeky goodness!
No Cy-Gor from Spawn?
Cy-Gor is a fictional character from the comic book, Spawn and featured in his own 6 part mini-series Cy-Gor. He is a part-man, part-gorilla meshed together with cybernetics to create a dangerous killing machine. His real name is Michael Konieczni, and he was once a friend of Al Simmons.
Gorilla Grodd is teh shit!
I never understood the nerd obsession with apes. Toyfare used to be all about that. Maybe it's because I always found them ugly instead of cute.
Where does Hitman Monkey fall into this?
I agree, Agent Monkey should have been on the list.
I have to take issue, how could you ignore Rex Mantooth, Kung-Fu Gorilla? Women want him, men want to be him, and he stopped Oprah from ruling the world.
There's actually a reason for that...and that reason is Julie Schwartz. As the (apparently true) story goes, Julie thought that everything sold better if you put a monkey on the cover, which is actually mostly true (and something Marvel is taking advantage of right now). So if a title's sales started to flag...taa-daa, monkey! The silver age is FULL of DC monkey madness.
Is Dr. Zaius evil? I just assumed he was misunderstood. He's actually a hero in a weird way in that he's trying to protect his people by committing acts of inhumanity because he knows that humans will be the downfall of apes.
Is Donkey Kong evil or good? I think he was originally as in he was a video game version of King Kong. He then retired and became Cranky Kong so that Donkey Kong Jr. could be a neck-tie wearing hero in Donkey Kong Country. So I guess Donkey Kong Sr. never truly became a pure hero.
What about Charlie the Karate Chimp? (http://www.thekaratechimp.com/charlie.htm) If there was ever a natural-born hero it's Charlie. From the official site: "In 1998, the Chuck Norris Board of Directors tested Charlie and he was given the global designation of the first and only Karate Chimpanzee Black Belt. He is certified in American Karate and Honorary Black Belt in Tang Soo Do. In 1989 Charlie was Service Trademarked for his martial arts ability."
Look at him in action: http://www.metacafe.com/watch/1050/karate_chimp_amazing/
Charlie the Karate Chimp needs his own TV show or at least a team-up with Chuck Norris.
About the band Bread... at the time, "Bread" was a pseudonym for "money."
Tens of thousands of geeky/nerdy young got laid because they had one or more albums of Bread, and the music just screams romantic sex. Okay, so maybe this worked for a couple of dozen nerds, but you take what you can get.
So, you use Mojo Jojo, thus proving you are conscious of Genndy Tartakovsky's work...
... and decide NOT to include Dial M for Monkey?
For SHAME...
Wow, first Detective Chimp (who's awesome), and now Grodd. Great to see some much needed DC love this morning. DC is the #1 spot of comic apes.
Fun fact: Curious George is also a Satanist
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Nerd news, humor and self-loathing.Edited by Rob Bricken
Episode I: The Phantom Metal... Someone replaced the music and dialogue of the new Phantom Menace trailer with death metal and death metal singing, respectively....
