Earlier this week, the New York Toy Fair was held. This annual event is where toy companies display their wares for buyers from stores like Toys R Us, Target, and more, hoping that these companies will order their products -- and only then will they begin production. Thus, there are plenty of action figures planned by toy companies that never come out, because corporate toy buyers look at boring like numbers and ratings, and rarely do they base any of their decisions on how freaking cool a movie was. Thus, the action figure landscape of the last 30 years is littered with could've-beens and should've-beens -- so much so that we've already covered 10 action figure toylines that were too awesome to make it to toy store shelves back in September. Since the NY Toy Fair was held earlier this week, displaying all the wondrous promise of toys to come, we thought we'd take another look back at some of the toys which were promised and then cruelly denied us.
9) Thundarr the Barbarian
Thundarr was an incredibly fun and popular early-'80s cartoon that was spawned out of the minds of comic book legends Jack Kirby and Steve Gerber, among others. What sucks is about Thundarr is not one but two toy companies dropped the ball with the license. First Mego got it and planned a series of 3 ¾-inch figures, but -- in an act that made children first question the existence of God -- Mego decided to make Love Boat figures instead. After Mego's demise, Remco threatened to make a series of Thundarr figures that would be in the same scale of He-Man but also never delivered. Thankfully, Toynami finall made some sweet Thundarr figures in 2004, but it would have been nice to have them when, you know, the cartoon was actually airing.
8) Logan's Run
In the late 1970s, Mego snapped up just about every science fiction license around after the company famously passed on the Star Wars license and failed to make a million, jillion dollars. This included the1976 feature film Logan's Run and its TV series spin-off. Mego seriously considered making figures of Sandman Logan 5, his gal pal Jessica 6, their android chaperon REM and jilted ex-wing man Francis 7, but Logan's Run ended months before the NY Toy Fair that year and that officially turns off your life clock in the toy world.
7) Man From Atlantis
Man from Atlantis was basically a TV version of Aquaman in a very '70s kind of way. When the original TV movie aired, kids across America began emulating the character's unique swimming style (and subsequently drowning). Kenner was quick to snap up the rights to this and planned 3-inch action figures along with a killer toy version of his sub, the Cetacean. Sadly, the follow-up Man from Atlantis TV series was so terrible it seemed like everybody involved wanted to be fired and was all but forgotten before the NY Toy Fair.
6) Watchmen
In 2001, DC Direct was planning on making comic-accurate figures of Alan Moore's seminal Watchmen graphic novel. The first series would have included Dr. Manhattan, Silk Spectre II and the Comedian, but shortly before their release, DC and Moore got in their famous kerfluffle and Moore blocked the sale of the figures. DC Direct finally got to make Watchmen figures for the movie adaptation last year, but if you only want the comic version, you're screwed.
5) V
When the first V mini-series debuted in 1983, it scared the shit out of us -- which also strangely resulted in a strong desire in us to buy toys. LJN planned a whole series of 3 ¾-inch action figures and their vehicles, but the whole thing ran out of steam when the resulting lower quality, weekly television series made the whole thing seem less cool. While the current incarnation of V may spawn action figures, it will have a surprising lack of red spandex, overly tight jeans and big hair.
4) The Dark Crystal
Jim Henson got a little dark with this 1982 fantasy film, and while it has grown in popularity over the years, parents at the time were a little leery of it and took the kids to boring old E.T. instead. The same can be said with merchandising, with orders soft toy maker Aviva (a division of Hasbro) shelved these awesome Dark Crystal figures. NECA later made a couple of figures of the Skeksis, but no Gelflings.
3) Maxx FX
Maxx FX was the brain child of toy inventor Mel Birnkrant. The concept was simple -- Maxx was a special FX makeup man who could make himself into any movie monster including Frankenstein, Dracula, Jason and the Alien. Unfortunately, Matchbox toys also thought it would be a good idea to market a plush Freddy dolls. Everybody but the big brains at Matchbox realized the gigantic problem withtucking children in with a cuddly kid killer and the resulting blowback sent the initial release of Maxx straight to the clearance aisle.
2) The Last Starfighter
The Last Starfighter was 1984 film that had the timeless message "play lots of videogames and eventually, it will pay off big time." Although the movie was quite fun, it never really got its due; adding insult to injury, Galoob never got around to releasing these action figures. While they wouldn't have set the world on fire sales wise, they'd have been welcome to wash away the overall ickiness of the Ewoks cartoon.
1) Alien
While Kenner did manage to (just barely) squeak out an AWESOME 18-inch figure of the titular Alien from Ridley Scott's sci-fi horror movie, it sucks total rocks that their 3 ¾-inch line of action figures got canceled. Sure, it's kind of baffling that Kenner would want to make toys based on an R-rated horror film no sane parent would let their child see, but kids didn't need to actually watch the film to know that Aliens were totally awesome. Plus, what kid wouldn't have wanted a 3 ¾-inch Tom Skerrit? Kids love Tom Skerrit!
Hello,
I too have always wanted V Action figures..
So what did I do? I learned how to make custom figures AND MADE MY OWN..
For your viewing pleasure:
http://s656.photobucket.com/albums/uu281/fschalk/The%20Visitor%20Collection%20Custom%20V%20Action%20Figures/
Frank
Strange, but I do have a strange Alien figure with that "cool" mechanism that raises a mohawk of big fucking spikes when you lower its head and looks like it was built to run on all fours. It's bigger than 3 3/4", though, and if I remember correctly, there was a whole series of those things - a winged "Alien King", a bog-standard Alien and some others.
Hey rob, how bout a list of the rarest, sought-after, and most awesome nerd toys ever made? 40-year-old virgin stuff. I'd nominate the 1979 kenner 18" alien figure.
No way dude, they were made. They are among the rare and sought after toys in nerddom. They only made one run and they couldn't sell them at all because, obviously in 1979, marketing this monstrosity to kids was a challenge. Its a 1979 kenner 18" alien figure; you can google it. ONe recently sold in mint condition on ebay for 2K. I know cause I HAVE ONE and I wanted to see if it was worth anything, and just one that has all the parts on it is worth 200 bucks on ebay... or was at the time I looked it up. Check it out!
Kenner made the 18 inch alien in 1978 I think... and I GOT ONE and I STILL HAVE IT! Joy of joys. It has a working extending inner mouth that separated and was just right for biting the heads off star wars figures, which were its favorite food item in my house back then. It has a removable transparent head piece that covered glow in the dark spots on the side of its head and a (prototype?) human skull face. Nowadays we dont see any human eyesockets visible under the transparent head shield, so its kinda neat to see how it was probably originally conceived.
I remember that when I saw it at the store I freaked the fuck out and demanded that fucking santa claus should buy one right the fuck then before the store sold out. Little did I know that they would still be unsold on the shelves for months after christmas and put on clearance so they could be bought and saved and then sold on ebay for 2 grand 30 years later.
I remember seeing them on the shelf after christmas and wondering why the fuck weren't they sold out? Did they get another shipment in or something? Were the kids in my town just so fucking lame that they didn't want an 18 inch tall alien with glow in the dark brain and working inner mouth?
...Two points:
1) DC should have released those <I>Watchmen</i> figures years ago and told Alan Moore to ether a) shut the fuck up and take the check to donate to a charity, or b) shut the fuck up anyway and get the fuck lost. The photos of the prototypes we saw floating around as early as 1998 were much better than a Mego or anything else on the market at that time, and Moore did a major disservice to his fans by putting the nix on their production and release. They're probably top on my list for reasons someone should kick the shit out of Alan Moore and shave him bald, just so they can hang his beard and ragmop over someone's mantle like the ears, tail and horns off a bull.
2) The 18" <I>Alien</i> was a mascot around the <I>Daily Texan</i> entertainment offices for several years, after one of the editors left it behind as a going-away gift to the entertainment writers when he graduated. We had a lot of fun coming up with new ways to pose the damn thing so that it would shake up the faculty advisors who'd drop down to bitch at us for printing "Fuck" and "bullshit" in our reviews and articles. I think posing it with this giant medical emergency Fleet suppository took the award for the most suggestive pose.
Wish I had one of those, but if I wouldn't spend $65.00 USD for a marked-down "Clover" from <I>Cloverfield</i>, I'm damn not willing to spend several hundred dollars for one...
If you want to see more of the Man from Atlantis there are detailed pics at plaidstallions.com
I'm almost positive the Alien toys ended up in the 1979 or '80 JC Penny Wish Book, although they were sadly never produced (could'a been Sears or some other catalog from a now-defunct department store. Whatever). I pined for those for nearly a year before concluding they were never going to be made available. God-damned market economics.
Years later I went nuts when McFarlane got the license and bought wayyyy more xenomorphs than I'll ever need.
Do the 'Death Blossom' maneuver.
"First Mego got it and planned a series of 3 ¾-inch figures, but -- in an act that made children first question the existence of God -- Mego decided to make Love Boat figures instead."
Is justly followed by...
" After Mego's demise,"
Becuase, whether it is related or not, making Love Boat action figures leads only to failiure and death.
Oh, but for a plastic Ruby Rhodes! I would imagine him desperately yelling for Corben as he meets fiery doom!
I can't get over how incredibly detailed those Maxx pieces would've been, especially at that time in history.
Say, were any Max Headroom figures ever planned?
You'd like to be in the meeting where Love Boat figures became a good idea?
Shit dude...I'd have loved to be in the meeting where THE LOVE BOAT became a good idea....
I actually have the Maxx FX Freddy Kruger set and a 12" "V" alien from LJN. Complete with removable human mask and flicking tongue
They waited until we had jobs, disposable income, and gaping nostalgia.
SOMEONE MAKE A GUNSTAR NOW. I've been saying this for decades.
I would have loved to be in on the meeting where Love Boat figures became a good idea.
I was in second grade when Dark Crystal was released but I really don't remember any parent backlash about it. I saw it in it's first run, I think at a drive-in. I do know that for a year or two following it's release all the girls in my classes were nuts over it. And on a somewhat disturbing note, a pair of them look entirely too much like the gelflings.
When I saw the word Maxx at #3, I thrilled at the thought someone would try to render Sam Keith art in three dimensions. Yeah, I know there's a figure of the big purple guy, but so what? There's lots of hyperpituitary mooks on the market. I want Sarah and her dad and a bunch of issses.
I LOVED The Last Starfighter! I used to smile like a little goon at the end when they kiss. I was such a goober.
Sure, wasn't there a short-lived line of "1984" figures? I have the Winston Smith in a bucket somewhere...no, wait, my bad. That's Aragorn from the Bakshi LOTR, so it's ALMOST like having a John Hurt action figure.
thank you so much for this.
forget Alien, i want Tim and Eric action figures.
The guy on the right in the Watchmen picture looks like J. Jonah Jameson on steroids.
Doesn't that Logan's Run action figure look strangely like (the late, great) Henry Gibson as a younger man?
During it's short and troubled time, N2 Toys showed a lot of great lines of "toys that never were" including their FIFTH ELEMENT figures.
I nearly wept when I saw the Black-on-Black V8 Interceptor at N2's room at Toy Fair back in 2000. My dream brought to plastic-y flesh!
I hold N2 Toys president Ron Hayes promise: the second Interception off the line or the prototype version.
I'm still waiting, Ron...
Does that Dark Crystal line have the first ever Build-a-Figured?
N2 Toys had some amazing figures and prototypes during their brief existence, especially those FIFTH ELEMENT figures!
I nearly wept when I saw the Black-on-Black V8 Interceptor at N2 Toys room at Toy Fair back in 2000! A dream made plastic-y flesh!
I still hold N2Toys president Ron Hayes to his promise to me: 2nd off the assembly line or the prototype would be mine.
I'm still waiting, Ron...
We have a 5 foot tall picture of Tom Skerrit my wife got at a garage sale 5 years ago. It's awesome. People always comment on it, don't think we'll ever get rid of it.
How about the fact that it only took the toy companies about 20 years to finally put out "Big Trouble In Little China" action figures?
Oh man if I could've had a plush Freddy doll when I was a kid? Fuck add some bunny ears and my childhood self would have been all fucking over that..
Best friend that never fucking was...screw it...I'll make a sock monkey/Freddy/bunny myself!
well, there is also the Eugene Ionesco
(in)Action Figures for 2010's
'The Bald Soprano' by Brat Productions
- though i admit that was a parody.
was there a Billy Blastoff space chick planned?
I woulda eaten that up (when i was 4).
I want Tom Skerrit, I don't want Brad Garett.
I want Tom Skerrit......
Boo! Got a ghost? Skerrit!
God almighty, Maxx FX is so fucking awesome it's ridiculous. Captain Action meets Hammer Monsters + 80s Horror favorites ? It's like the blueprints to an efficent water-fueled engine. Fuck Matchbox. Fuck them with a rotten spoon.
It's is hard to tell in the photo, CrackerJacker, but that was supposed to be the inner jaw that pops out of the Alien's mouth.
And I still mourn the fact that I RETURNED my 18-in. Kenner Alien! Not because of fear but the damn thing broke early on. To go back to the TRU of 1979/80...
Galoob, I should crush you to gorya dust!
Oh wait, it's far too late...
I would date all your moms for Dark Crystal, Last Starfighter and 3 3/4" Aliems figures.
THIS.
why awesome toys like Maxx FX got the can while Mary "Phatass" Jane and MissFUCKINGLion got released is way beyond me.
incidentally, wouldn't it be more scarring for the kids to actually get their first glimpse of a female anatomy gone wrong instead of a monster plushie toy? the inner child-nerd rages to no end...
agreed. my parents were equally sane when they let me watch Aliens on HBO at the age of 4.
My Dad was totally sane when he took me and my sister (we were 11 years old at the time) to see Alien and yes we freaked the fuck out but we also loved the movie! I loved so much that my university thesis was "Anti-Motherhood Idealogy in the The "Alien" Franchise". I don't remember which company it was that did put out an Alien doll which had a working mouth but if my Dad had seen it anywhhere he would have bought it for me.
Yes! I had to google garthim, but once I realized what it was I want to buy one.
I don't like the V figures much but it reminds me of another '70s comics that also had lizzard faces but I don't remember the name.
And oh man... I just had a laugh reading this:
"Thundarr was an incredibly fun and popular early-'80s cartoon that was spawned out of the minds of comic book legends Jack Kirby and Steve Gerber, among others. What sucks is about Thundarr is not one but two toy companies dropped the ball with the license. First Mego got it and planned a series of 3 ¾-inch figures, but -- in an act that made children first question the existence of God -- Mego decided to make Love Boat figures instead."
Also, check out my history of the action figure that I wrote if you will (these were really released): http://actionfiguresbuff-jon.com/the-history-of-the-action-figure/
Jeez...has poor John Hurt EVER gotten an action figure?
I wanted V toys SOOOOO bad as a kid. The kids in the mini-series are even playing with (prototypes of?) them.
Sad to see that those Watchman figures due to Dc not getting it through their heads to not tick off the legend whose work the figures are based on off. thus the figures died though the prototypes are in george brewers office. as for Logan run and last star fighter a tragedy the last starfighter never even got prototypes for figures Logan's run the figures were due to the thing being a head of its time. as for Aliens. at the time Kenner did not know the movie was R. only when kds freaked over the Alien did they wind up having to kill the line.
P.S. Zach, you actually wanted the second series of TV Tick figures? I loved the show but those figures were awful.
Those Last Starfighter figures are the bee's proverbial knees.
They did produce a 12" V figure, as I recall. It had a removable face.
On a semi-related note, someone please tell me NECA will be making a Garthim...
The Ship from the Last Star Fighter would have been awesome
I have a friend who would sell his soul for a Rocket Robinhood action figure.
It's true. When I was in school all the girls were nuts over Tom Skerrit. When NKOTB hit town, everything changed.
I'm personally sad the Nocturnals action figures (based on the Dan Brereton comic) never came out, but that's pretty obscure. Also, Road Warrior Wave 2 with Interceptor. Also, The Tick (TV show) Series 2. At one point, N2 Toys was just kicking me in the nuts every Toy Fair.
Does the xeno in the last picture have "Amazing light-up-head divots" resulting from the jaunty little cigarette that its smoking?
those particular watchmen characters in the picture have me thinking bad thoughts involving a three-way.
Oh, how I weep for all things Man From Atlantis. That sub was SO COOL. That would have been a treasured, treasured toy for sure. I loved that show. Thankfully, I haven't seen it since 1978, so the memory hasn't been tarnished by evil reality yet.
But I still REALLY want someone to release the music from Man From Atlantis. The pilot film, by the way, is available on DVD. I babbled about some of this on my blog: http://thatneilguy.blogspot.com/2009/11/man-from-atlantis.html
Now Logan's Run toys would have been cool, too. I remember when I lived in LA in the late 80s, you could see the rotting carcass of the hovercraft from that show (as well as the Landmaster from Damnation Alley) parked behind a fence in a lot on the way in to Hollywood from the valley. I will not go into details about the costumes and props I made for myself, inspired by the TV show. And sadly, the crystal in my hand is now deep, deep black.
I know this probably means nothing, but there is a Revoltech Alien coming out rather soon.
How I wish I had the spaceship from The Last Starfighter...
TotalComments: 54
Nerd news, humor and self-loathing.Edited by Rob Bricken
