9 Useful Items for Surviving the Zombie Apocalypse

By T.J. Dietsch in Daily Lists, Miscellaneous
Monday, May 10, 2010 at 8:05 am
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Let's face it, the zombie apocalypse is inevitable. The dead shall rise, whether hell is full or the government finally figures out a way to weaponize human corpses, or just because nature decides it's had enough of us pain-in-the-ass humans. One way or another, you will find yourself facing off against an undead monster just waiting to eat your brains, and you'll thank yourself that you read this list, which will keep you safe in the inevitable zombie apocalypse. Whether the zombies are shambling or track stars, we're operating under the basic assumptions that their bite will turn you, and a shot to the head will kill them. So make this your shopping list in an effort to keep your brains in your head, where they belong.

Daily List suggested by tvtastegood.


9) Riot Gear
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Robert Kirkman has used riot gear over in his Walking Dead comic to great effect, and we can't fault his logic. Zombies have to bite you to turn you, so covering yourself in body armor from head to toe with a hard helmet, baton and shield will definitely keep those beastly teeth and claws away from your skin. Sure, it'll be hot in the summer, but better sweaty than zombie. You can buy your own from sites like Point Blank Armor.

8) Portable Water Purifier
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Aside from dodging the clawing hands and chomping teeth of the zombies, you'll have to remember to keep yourself full of food and water so you don't die of those pesky natural causes. With huge questions looming about how the zombie virus spreads, it would be smart to have a way to purify the water you come across. Units like the First Need Trav-L-Pure Portable Water Purifier can cost a pretty penny, but there are cheaper versions. You can even learn how to make your own, but lugging a clay pot around could be the death of you.

7) Astronaut Food
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With the world in a panic after the dead rise, expect the food situation to go downhill pretty fast unless you hole up on a farm or supermarket. Fresh food will obviously spoil soon enough, but the canned stuff will last a while; the problem with canned food is that it can weigh you down. So do yourself a favor and stock up on plenty of astronaut food -- sure, it's powdered and might not taste great, but it'll keep your ass alive while on the run. You can get everything from freeze-dried ice cream to beef stew on AstronautFoods.com.

6) Shotgun
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Decades of zombie fiction have conditioned us to aim for the head, but unless you're already a crack shot, you might want to go for a weapon that can do the most damage with minimal effort. In other words, get yourself a shotgun. The wide spray of shot -- basically a ball filled with smaller spherical projectiles that spread out upon being fired -- might kill a zombie by taking its head off, but you're also likely to take out its legs, which will slow those bastards down while you make a break for it. Don't play the hero -- it's all about survival. We recommend a semi-automatic shotgun, preferably a tactical one, with plenty of rounds to give more time between reloads.

5) Automatic Crossbow
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The shotgun will work for a while, but when you're roaming the countryside or just trying to defend your homestead from the zombie horde, you won't always be able to stock up on shells. The smart money's on a device that doesn't require electricity or ultra specific ammo, but can still put a hole in a zombie's head. A crossbow seems the way to go, but even better would be an automatic crossbow like this one created by a guy named Duckman who made his own and even offers them for sale. With any luck you'll be able to get your used shafts back from zombie corpses, or even learn how to make your own.

4) Hatchet
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All ammo will run out, no matter how much you horde and try to be conservative, so you'll need some kind of hand-held weapon that can either chop a head off or cave a skull in. Axes are heavy and saws are slow, but a hatchet can really do the trick. They're small, light and can do plenty of damage. There are several ways you can go when deciding on what kind of hatchet to pick up; there's the multipurpose hammer-hatchet which has a blade on one side and a hammer opposite. You can use both for zombie attacks, but also as a basic survivor tool. There's also the ice axe, which has several sharp ends you can use to jab into undead skulls. Head on down to the hardware or sporting goods store to test out your options.

3) Epinephrine
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Take a page from the Left 4 Dead games and stock up on some epinephrine, better known as adrenaline. Whether you snag the classic syringes and vials, EpiPens, or autoinjectors, injections of epinephrine will heighten your flight or flight response to either fend off the undead or run the hell away. Be careful, though, since too much can make your heart explode. They're obviously not available at your local CVS, so you'll probably have to rob a hospital or pharmacy to stock up. Don't tell them we sent you.

2) Solar Car
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Gas siphoning can leave a bad taste in your mouth and, like ammo, fuel won't be around forever. So instead of scavenging to keep your ride going, break into a college or research team participating in solar car races like the World Solar Challenge or the Tour de Soul. Sometimes they look like regular vehicles, but other times they look like a giant blade you can drive. We're not sure if you'd be able to cut zombies off at the knees, but it sure would be fun to try.

1) Atlasball
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If you can't find a solar car, do your best to get out to California and find wherever they store all the props from American Gladiators and steal yourself an atlasball. These giant metal balls with mesh wire between the bars will keep you and all your gear in and the zombies out. We can't think of a more perfect protection, because as soon as they start pushing you, you'll just roll away. Genius, right? Just make sure the safety on your shotgun is on and your hatchet is sheathed, otherwise, it'll be just as dangerous inside the ball as outside.

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