Yeah...that didn't happen.

http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/Fanon

Plain and simple, I fucking Kevin Smith. He always writes the stupidest stories.

Even if this isn't canon, I've lost a tiny bit of respect for KS. There's no point to this, it's not clever and it's not funny...it's just retarded.

Even if this isn't canon, I've lost a tiny bit of respect for KS. There's no point to this; it's not funny nor clever...just retarded.

He is too fat to fly and too stupid to write a good story.

Ya know, someone always has to piss in the cornflakes.

Batman, the Goddamn Batman, has on a fairly regular basis, been king bad-ass for years, and he's survived all kinds of cruddy attempts at writing him.

Now Smith comes in and decides Batman has to be a pussy and be all soft and shy and girly.

Because that'll get press, and fanboy outrage, and make his internet penis swell.

Call me crazy but I think Batman would plan for that, just in case.

Geez, love the fanboy reaction...

Personally, I think it's funny.

Meh, doesn't change a thing. Kinda humanizes Batman a bit, and it wasn't like this happened while fighting Darkseid in Final Crisis, but rather when he was just starting out, like when Bruce in Batman Begins makes the very boneheaded jump from the police building after first contacting Gordon in his make-shift catburglar outfit. There will be plenty of opportunities to reaffirm Batman's bad-ass persona. I don't think this will reach "Goddamn Batman" level of internet meme-age.

I do wonder if I can re-read Batman: Year One without thinking that Batman has a distinct aroma to him in that scene.

Pretty ridiculous. But just another thing to add to my personal discontinuity like, well, the whole of Dark Knight Strikes Back.

Dark Knight....Golden Showers

This must means that Batman is so damn awesome that his awesomeness even used to make him piss himself...

never thought i would see the day when some writer would make batman wind up pissing himself in the comics and let alone dc editorial okaying that. and figured if it ever got the okay it would be done by kevin smith since that seems to be what he does when he writes comics. his crazy sense of humor. wonder how long before dc says its not cannon batman never peed himself

I have been reading this series since the beginning and all I can say for it is that it has all of the good and all of the bad aspects of watching a train wreck in slow motion. A train wreck involving a drawbridge.

I have been reading this series since the beginning and all I can say for it is that it has all of the good and all of the bad aspects of watching a train wreck in slow motion. A train wreck involving a drawbridge.

I'd like to know why the guy next to Batman is holding a bowl over his head.

kevin, hate to tell you...but you're not funny anymore

now pissing off an entire subculture because of your insipid so called sense of "humor?" thats a fosho

What!?! This makes All Star Batman and Robin the second most embarrassing moment in Batman history. Silver Age Batman is barely in the running now.

Kevin Smith has lost it. I haven't seen a nerd fall this far since George Lucas, and even then, Obi Wan never had a bladder spasm in the prequels.

"Bane gave me a chop to the solar plexus once, and a 12-foot brownsnake coiled in the back of my pants right then and there. Swear to god.

Alfred wasn't too happy about cleaning that one up."

Not cannon and yes, it's really really bad, so bad that you have soil yourself to see if you are awake.

Kevin Smith is just a douche bag who does whatever he can to try and stay in the media eye. This, Felica Hardy rape or fucking airline seats.

I know that things like this are done purely to piss fanboys off, fanboys are some of the worst people on the planet, and deserved to be messed with. The problem that comic companies don't seem to get is that these aren't just things that we can laugh off, they're fucking infuriating, and deeply insulting to the readers.

The existence of Squirrel Girl is a similar problem, yes, it's funny when you say as a joke that she can single handedly stop Dr. Doom and Thanatos: but when you make them official stories just to fuck with fanboys, it's not funny, it's infuriating.

Superboy Prime is another good example, a straw-man fanboy with unlimited power makes a good joke, but actually putting it in you comics is really fucking annoying. Do these people even want us to buy comics.

I'm sorry. what exactly is the problem here. Isn't Batman human??? It's funny and realistic and I like it.

The fact that Batman called it a "bladder spasm" makes it even better. Good for Kevin Smith, humanizing Bats even more.

Never in my entire life of reading comic books have I wanted a retcon on anything more than this.

I will gladly see Batman make a deal with the devil to prevent his bladder from spasming in exchange for Jason Todd. Win-win.

"we all know that Batman is the all time badass, but to be honest, its just KS attempting to make "somewhat" of a splash while writing for Batman. brass tacks though, its just unadulterated crap... OOOOOOO Batman peed himself, big fucking deal. besides batman's contingency plans have prepared him for all disasters."

Of course I peed my pants, everybody my age pees their pants. It's the coolest! You ain't cool unless you pee your pants

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YRc5hlDm-C0

I actually kinda like this. It humanizes the Batman a little, moves him away from the 'Batman always wins because he has eleven backup plans for everything' that annoys me so much.

Yeah...I like Kevin Smith,and I've enjoyed almost all of his DC stuff till now,but this was crossing the line. This is Kevin Smith LITERALLY pissing on one of the greatest Batman moments of all time. This should have been stopped at the editorial level...assuming DC still has one these days.

I think it's hilarious. Batman fanboys aside, I think Bats needs to get taken down a few notches. He's ridiculous now, with the whole "Batman always wins" bullshit, and the fact that they're using him more than Marvel uses Wolverine.
-
I don't see why anyone would be upset that Bruce was a little overwhelmed on one of his early adventures. He's human. Shit happens.
-
Or, in this case, piss happens.
-
BWAHAHAHAHA!

I love the Batman. He's my favorite hero, and this...

This is funny.

It adds a bit of humanity to the character of Bruce Wayne, something that is often sorely lacking.

Also, the guy holding a bowl over his head? I'm guessing that's a welding mask.

Seriously, guys? You know, as a general rule, it's pretty damn hard to find a bigger Batman fan than me. I know they're out there, but I'm pretty sure I at least rank...and I'm okay with it. Here are some things to remember: a) it's just a story. Sure, it's supposedly "official", but really...do you expect anyone to ever mention it again? You can accept it or reject it as you see fit. It's not like it happened in the Batman title proper, or Detective Comics. Not even in Justice League. b) It helps if you read the page that came before this one. He was trying to illustrate a point to Baphomet (the guy with the bowl on his head) that some of the finer points of being a vigilante have to be learned...for all you really know, he made it up just to make the guy feel better.

I mean, really...of all the things to get your panties in a bunch about.

According to Kevin Smith, Batman is joking: http://twitter.com/ThatKevinSmith/status/19859330420

quick, somebody inform ComicsNix about this!!

I don't doubt Batman wet(s?) himself. I just don't think he would ever admit it to anyone.

Screw you, Kevin Smith. Screw...you...

I wouldn't change this for the world.
The fact that it's being said by an exquisitely rendered, very classic Batman makes it priceless. This is Batman the global icon stating that he piddled himself.

The outside underwear is so nobody sees the pee pee stains! ugh, I hate me.

Realistically, it makes sense. But we also avoid Krypto taking shits and Black Cat being brutally raped... ...ohyeahkevinsmithtotallymadethatlastparthappentoo...

Chris Sims's response to the entire issue:
http://www.comicsalliance.com/2010/07/29/worst-of-the-worst-batman-the-widening-gyre-6/

To be fair, I think Kevin Smith was trying to humanize Batman a little and be funny.

Unfortunately, he failed at both.

But, I don't believe he was trying to do any harm.

It's not out of the realm of possiblity that Batman would be a little scared the first time out. I think Darwyn Cooke handled that perfectly with his Superman Confidential story (Superman was a little scared before something happened to him, because it was something new to him and he wasn't aware he could handle it).

Honestly, this is on DC. I realize they want Kevin Smith to write for them, but this never should have seen the light of day.

I'm actually okay with this. Batman: year One has Bruce Wayne almost getting killed by a bunch of hookers and then getting his ass stomped by a handful of kids stealing a TV. This isn't the veteran ass kicker who can get away with anything just because he's Batman. At that point in the story he's just Bruce Wayne in his Pajamas.
James Gordon is a bigger badass in that story than Batman is.

So yeah I can accept the fact that be may have had a bit of an accident when he almost blew himself up during one of his first times out.

At least we now know that the only man who can make Batman have a bladder spasm is himself.

Maybe Kevin Smith has his own bladder problems and is trying to make himself feel better.

"Sniff, see? see? Batman does it."

Soujah boy is a rich wanabe anime nerd. Batman pissed his pants. I don't want to live in this world.

Now, now, there's a fine line between humanizing a character and stupidizing a character.

My dad once brought home a Hobo who claimed to actually be a millionaire and set him to live with us. That's human...but pretty stupid. In this comic Batman brings to his secret hideout and reveals his and his fiance's secret to a gun wielding masked vigilante named Baphomet. After just meeting him. It's not only profoundly stoopid, but greatly out of character.

It's one thing to have Batman piss himself, but it could be dignified. Look at him in the panel. He's embarassed. I liken it to being a veteran and pissing yourself in the battlefield. He should be able to say it ith a serious face. It's not dramatic new insight or humanization. It's a piss joke.

Minding my own business (I was looking at the Green Lantern light-up prop that was out that year, 2003, perhaps?) when one of Smith's "entourage" (yelling loudly "Comin' through!!) pushed me in the back headfirst into a glass dealer's case at Wizard World Chicago. You know how wide those aisles aren't at Rosemont (maybe six people across).

I was "neutral to slightly negative" on Kevin Smith before this. I thought he was doing a disaffected send-up of fanboys and that most fanboys just weren't smart enough to see that he was mocking them all the way to the bank back in the early 00's

Now I have only contempt and disgust and disgust is what I feel for this Bat-peeing stuff. Don't care that much for the Bat, but I keenly suspect that Smith cares far, far less than I do.

I hate you, Kevin Smith.

It's stuff like this is why I don't read Marvel or DC superhero stuff anymore.

Too much stupid crap like killing young children, and not enough escapism.

Am I the only one disturbed that out of all the things in the comic to spark an outcry of fandom rage... it's this?

Spider-Man having a drunken one night stand at his own aunt's wedding? I didn't hear hardly a twitter.

Peter Parker's roommate gets raped by The Chameleon (in a book aimed at ages 9 and up, no less) and the whole thing is treated as comedy? A few voices of protest, but nothing major.

Or hell... in this same issue, Kevin Smith fridges YET ANOTHER beloved girlfriend character for the sheer sake of making the hero even more miserable. (Remember Guardian Devil, anyone?).

And you people are getting pissed off (no pun intended) over Batman having a reflexive response to intense heat near his crotch?

*sighs* That pretty much sums up everything that's wrong with comics today, right there.

So "Goku" is a different song?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dS0xzQafxjI

he's obviously trying to troll all the over zealous batman fans out there...

....

-rigs up a house "Saw" style-

excuse me, i need to go and kidna-er, "visit" kevin smith.

I used to think Kevin Smith was funny,
but lately his writing is just crap. This is
the icing on the urinal cake.
It's not funny, it's not "humanizing" so
much as just making Batman pathetic. A crass
attempt at toilet humour... I guess this is
what we should expect from KS these days.

Kevin Smith tried to make a splash and pissed off a bunch of fanboys. After a steady stream of backlash, he's now all wet. Kevin just needs to take a shower, play some Wii, and relax with a glass of lemonade.

Ehhhh. I don't think anyone's getting overly mad about this, but I
do think this is just dumb, weird and not very Batman-y. It's just kinda disrespectful to mess with such a classic scene. If Smith wants his Batman to pee then let him pee, but at least have him do it in his own crappy story.
I do, however, present an alternative to the phrase 'batshit' as a degree of insanity; Kevin Smith is batpiss insane.

Eh, I don't see the problem. Batman has gone Chuck Norris at this point; ludicrously overpowered and overblown by fans and people failing to be funny. He's awesome, sure, but god damn, the guy can have ONE flaw.

I think this is awesome. Batman is a guy. He's Bruce Wayne and anything that lets the air out of Frank Miller, one of the most over rated writers in the history of over rating, is great in my book.

Okay, seriously, what the hell happened to Kevin Smith? I am really starting to hate the guy.

Personally, I find it rather funny that everyone expects Batman to be the poster-boy for Grim 'n' Gritty when he actually spent most of his existance NOT being either of those adjectives. Look back through the vast majority of Batman's history and count up how long incidents like the "Rainbow Batman" suits and "Bat-Hombre" went on, or even the mildly-dark-ish 80's version, versus the current "Goddamn Batman" phase. Technically speaking, his current über-dark persona should be seen as the aberration. :P

Man, I love me some Kevin Smith. the comic was great. I love how all you "Fanboys" that didn't even read the issue have your panties in a twist over it.

You know, I could get behind this if it was funny at all. But it just isn't. The delivery of the joke is really poor. And I just don't really see the point in it. There are plenty of awesome Batman stories and one-shots that humanize him in a variety of ways. Do we really need this? Couldn't Smith have at least come up with his own scenario for Bats to piss himself in instead of ripping of Millers work for it (come on Smith, it was one of the only good things Miller ever did! Don't ruin it!)? I used to be a fan of Smith's stuff when I was a teenager, but now I go back and watch his movies and I'm pretty disappointed. However, I can see that he totally has a love of piss and shit humor, which ultimately is only funny if you're really immature and think Bayformers is comedy gold. Or if it's in Venture bros. because they can make that kind of humor funny instead of lame.

Ladies and Gentlemen, presenting... the Death of American Comics!

Witness the destruction wrought by 30 years of inbred fan-fiction-level smug ironic self-congratulatory douchiness.

Stan Lee, Otto Binder, John Broome and Al Feldstein were or are real men. The douchebags who write the current crap are a lot of spoiled immature ghouls feeding off the creativity of the real working writers who actually created the icons we love.

This can start a new list Top Ten superheros that need to be taken down a notch, Batman would deft be high up on that list. Higher than the Punisher but lower than Wolvie.

Well, THERE'S a new entry for "Most Bizarre Article Titles to Show Up in My RSS Feed"

The problem is that after a character has been written for so long, a certain amount of terrible stories will be written about them.

This is the second worst decision in the history of the Batman universe, right behind the dumbass who decided bringing Jason Todd back would be a good idea.

So let's see if understand this properly. Kevin Smith wrote Batman:

1. blowing up some rich guy's house with crazy amounts of plastic explosive...
2. just so he could drop the "Scary Batman" act on a bunch of old rich people...
3. for the evil crime of, what? Voting against the New Deal or something?

And people wonder why Lex Luthor hates superheroes...

@ Matt Morrison:

But, see, however poorly those other examples were executed (and I haven't read those stories, so I have no opinion on them, though I must admit that your "for the children" stance is kinda pissing me off), those are plot points with the potential to add something to the work and/or the character. It may not be a good something, but it's something. This is worse, because it is a moment that both adds nothing to the character and actually detracts from one of the best superhero comics ever written solely because Kevin Smith thought it would be funny. Anyone who reads Year One after reading this will immediately and unavoidably think of Batman's underpants filling up with urine when they get to that part in Year One, and considering that that part is maybe the defining moment of the whole story and one of the most mythic moments in the history of superhero comics, that's a damn shame. And that's not even considering the fact that nothing on that page makes a lick of sense anyway. Why is Batman essentially talking like two different people on that page? Why does it look like he's wearing a coat on one side of his body and the traditional cape and cowl on the other? Where the fuck are Batman and Baphomet supposed to be standing? Why is Batman telling a vigilante he just met about the time he peed his pants? Why does the "searing heat" make him piss himself? Most importantly, even assuming that Batman DID piss himself in exactly the way described, WHY DO WE NEED TO KNOW THAT!?

Good thing he was wearing his BatDepends. Batman is always prepared!!

I was gonna write a good issue of Batman
But then I got high
(OooooOOOOooooo)
He was gonna whoop on Joker's ass
But then I got high
(LaaaDaDaDaaaaaaa)
But now he pissed his pants
And I know why
(Why man....yeah-HEEEEAAAHHH!!)
Because I got high
Because I got high
Because I got high
(LaDaDa...Da-Da...Da-Da)

I think what Kevin Smith was trying to do was work out exactly how much impotent internet nerd rage is needed to meet civilisation's energy requirements.

Judging by the comments I think he's managed to generate 3.59 MegaVegases.

I fail to see the relation with "humanity". I mean, I've had stressful moments in my life and I think I peed myself last when I was like 5 years old. Even Nicolas Cage characters don't pee themselves.

Anyway, I don't think this thing's frustrating, it's just bad.

This shit is not in cannon; DC stories are only cannon if Dan Didio descends from Mt. Sinai and decrees so. I have heard no such thing from Dan.

Ah, to be a fly on the wall when Frank Miller hears about it...

"Online fans are a cowardly fickle lot. So my writing must be able to strike nerd rage into their hearts. I must write the creature of the night, humanize him, make them think it's terrible because it's against what they want..." And as if in answer, a toilet flushes... "Piss! That's it! It's an omen! I will make Batman piss himself!"

I like how everyone assumes Batman is telling the truth.

I don't know the context here, but I wouldn't put it past ol' Batsy to spin a little white lie if it inspired some other do-gooder.

Even if it wasn't a lie, this is talking about when Batman was a rookie. He was one of the very first people to take up a mask and do crime-fighting. I think you have the right to piss yourself in your first pyrotechnics gig dressed as the thing you fear most in front of the most dangerous men of Gotham, especially if you have no idea whether or not it will work.

Sorry, but no, this is NOT the worst moment in comics of all time. It's not even the worst moment in Batman comics of all time. This is a comment made to humanize and humorize a character who's become so invincible that nothing can destroy him, which is always the reason given by people who don't like Superman. This is not a moment that can only be fixed by a two year retcon of a 23 year old event. This is also not a moment that can only be counteracted by Batman making a deal with a devil. This is not a moment that takes a whiny bitch punching on an energy wall and reverberations making continuity shifts. So all humorous hyperbole aside, no, this is NOT the worst moment in comics. Take a chill pill and read any of the other 20 Batman comics out there if you don't like this one.

I think the healthiest way to look at this is that yes, it's really stupid, and yes, Kevin Smith is going down in flames as a writer and a person, but who cares? Fiction is fiction, and because of that, you can ignore what you want. Unless bladder control becomes Batman's new fatal flaw, which I find extremely unlikely, it will never be mentioned again.

Personally, I'd like to see Batman get taken down a peg or two, but instead of having him lose control of his bodily functions, why not just let him lose a fight once in awhile?

Just imagine if the Joker hadn't said "where does he get those wonderful toys?" and instead said, "Hey . . .did you guys smell something when he came in?"

Totally changes the tone of the movie.

I guess he thought he was being funny and/or edgy. But way to shit all over a classic Batman moment. The DC editorial team are at fault for letting this crap get by. It's a cheap gag, but the kind of one I'd expect to see if I were reading a high school kid's Batman fan-fiction piece.

I couldn't finish Kevin Smith's last Batman storyline. It was written so poorly, he made it all feel swarmy. I avoided his second attempt, and judging by this page, I'm really glad that I did.

He's done some decent comic work before. Put him on Howard the Duck or something...

According to webMD bladder spasms can be the result of recent injury or trauma. At that point just about everyone in Gotham had kicked the crap out of Batman, so it could be the sudden jarring sensation coupled with the injury would have caused an accident.

And really, the fact that he didn't break character, didn't stop and look down or even react kind of adds to the moment doesn't it? That's how committed he was to the mission he chose. Thirdly haven't heard about stuff like this at one time or another? From real EMTs, firemen, soldiers or police who reacted to an extremely stressful moment? What if he vomited afterward? Would that have really and truly been any different?

I said after "Mallrats" we need to KILL Kevin Smith.

I warned you all.

Why is DC trying to destroy Batman? The Bruce Wayne garbage, the endless extra characters 'Defending' Gotham and now this.

It's like they saw how Marvel made Spider-Man unreadable and now want to follow that strategy.

So when you go out to kill Kevin Smith, please stop by and shoot Dan Dildo...Doodoo...whatever the hell his name is.

Holy crapping fly cow. I understand about trying to bring out a more human side of batman... But this is just cheap joke!

On a slightly unrelated topic. Did anyone around here read the Green Hornet (and Kato) books that are also written by Kevin Smith? Are they any better (or worst) than his Batman stuff?

Leave it to Smith to take all the "cool" out of comics and bring them down to 4th-grade puerile humor. Not even funny, 4th-grade puerile humor.

I use to be such a huge Kevin Smith fan. Until "Jay and Silent Bob Strikes Back," came out and killed every once of love I had for him.

Now everything he does just ruins my day.

I'll say the same thing I said over at ComicsAlliance: I don't blame Kevin Smith for this- I blame the multiple levels of editors that allowed this to see print.

How many people oversaw this and not one of them said it was a bad idea to retcon a scene from "Year One"? How many editors does DC have, especially for the Batman titles? I would think they would do everything in their power to make sure every comic and every appearance in every title fits nicely within the "Batman character".

It would be interesting to see how many times a Batman appearance wasn't approved in a certain book because "Batman doesn't say things like that", yet the editors allowed this dialog to see publication.

It's like blaming a child for playing with a loaded gun when the parents should have kept it unloaded or locked it up so the kid couldn't get to it.

The fridging of Bats' girlfriend bothers me WAY more than the peepee. Although the peepee is very much something Garth Ennis would write. Kevin Smith should start writing for Dynamite and leave existing superheroes alone.

How long has it been since "Clerks" came out?

Why is he still around?

Damn Kevin. Please keep the childish bullshit for Jay and SIlent Bob. WTF.

I think it's funny. I could believe Batman pissed his pants on a mission. Shit can get scary.

Look, everyone relax. Smith has always written things like this, if you don't like it or him don't read it. Smith is the consummate potty mouthed ten year old with an ability to humanize that is pretty spot on. This one is a bit of a failure to be sure but it is nothing to get hysterical over. ALSO This is not ACTUAL history.

Geeks like us get a bad rap because we get to serious about things like this. If being a nerd means over reacting to ONE comic by ONE man than I would rather not take part anymore.

And this is a problem because?

So let me get this straight somebody writes what has generally been called an awesome addition to the Batman story and you are going to for lack of a better term piss all over it because of one small line of text...

Its not like he came out of the closet, it was simply a very human reaction get over it....