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So there have been some great cliffhangers. But there is an astronomical amount of Doctor Who out there, and much has already been said about the best. Unfortunately, for every spine-tingling moment of greatness, there are dozens of boring endings that got the job done but aren't particularly memorable. And then there are these, the really terrible ones, the endings that utterly failed to generate any suspense, interest, or excitement, or are just really badly executed. Because it takes a true fan to appreciate the missteps as well as the masterpieces, I present some of the most egregious offenders, from both the old and new series. Obviously, spoilers abound, so be warned.
11) They're All Going to DIIIIIIIIIIIIIIE!!!!!, "Terminus" Ep. 1
Apparently the writer of this episode, Stephen Gallagher, believed it wasn't enough to have some sort of threat on the main characters' lives; somebody needed to tell the audience as much. And they needed to say it loudly, in the most annoying way possible, while wearing poofy '80s hair and a belt buckle the size of a fire alarm. I think it's safe to say that actor Dominic Guard (Pippin in Bakshi's Lord of the Rings!) probably could have done better making up his own dialogue. Or just not saying anything.
10) Unpleasant Journey, "Timelash" Ep. 1
Oh dear. While it's true that Colin Baker is unfairly maligned as a Doctor, his televised episodes undeniably suffer from garish set design, monotonous direction, and some severely overwritten scripts. And though this is probably not the worst production of the entire series (as some fans say), it's really kind of a perfect storm of badness: Paul Darrow's transcendentally appalling performance as villain Tekker, the cheesy repartee, and Colin's mouth opening in sync with the stinger music all add up to something truly, deeply, legendarily awful. Not to mention hilarious.
9) Slitheen Attack, "Aliens of London"
Fuck the Slitheen. That is all.
8) Sontar-HA!, "The Sontaran Strategem"
For some reason, I find these reimagined Sontarans adorable. There's something about those ears, that voice, and that constant frown that makes them look less like merciless warriors than grumpy, lumpy trolls you just want to pet and serve tea to. I don't care about their evil schemes or their military might: these guys seem like they'd be more at home getting photographed with toddlers at the mall. In any event, we will always have the now-infamous chanting scene whenever we feel this episode is void of any entertainment value. Lucky us.
7) Wait...What?, "The Hand of Fear" Ep. 3
While a good cliffhanger should be unexpected, it should also give a clear idea of what's going on. Here, the Fourth Doctor, Sarah Jane, and the alien warlord (warlady?) Eldrad prepare to "descend to the thermal chambers" of Eldrad's planet when...something happens. Really fast. Seriously, I had to re-watch this a couple of times before I put everything together. Spear. Chest. Screaming. Oh, ok. Where did that come from, then? It's ok to leave us with questions, but "what did I just see?" probably shouldn't be one of them.
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