Fan Fiction Friday: Batman, Robin and Poison Ivy in "Breasts"

By Rob Bricken in Comics, Movies, Nerdery
Friday, May 20, 2011 at 4:19 pm
Although the new Bane was revealed earlier today, let's take a look back to Bane's first movie appearance, back when he was a mindless minion of Poison Ivy, as played by Uma Thurman. Then let's forget about Bane, because this story by author Alexander is really just about Poison Ivy and her tits, which you might have gathered from the story's title. Although Alexander would like to point out he's writing about Uma-Ivy, in case you want to envision the proper breasts in your mind.

"I want to show you something little Robin..."

It caught him completely off guard. It had only been a matter of seconds and her tits were suddenly staring him right in the face. The chaos going on around them seemed to fade away as mother nature's natural hypnosis sunk in. As he got lost in erotic thought, there was no decision to be made, her tits were amazing, and he wanted them.

"You can touch them if you want to, go ahead..."

Robin stood motionless, how could he turn down such an offer? It was only moments ago when the call had come in. Ivy, Bane, and her plant army were reigning hell in one of the city banks. The police were useless as usual, luckily Batman and Robin were able to respond before too much damage was done. The second they arrived however, everything went south. Robin and Batman attempted to double team Bane, little did they know that Ivy had brought some plants, whose vines were giving Batman a difficult time. Ivy was throwing money into bags when he landed next to her. Bane had thrown Robin her way, as she instructed him to do. Robin was in a world of pain when he started to get up, little did he know he had fallen into a very provocative trap pre-mediated by Ivy herself.

Really? Robin doesn't suspect that Poison Ivy laid a trap? That's all Poison Ivy does, for fuck's sake. She's a villainess. You think she's just popping her top because she's hoping to get on Gotham Girls Gone Wild? Oh well. Let's continue after the jump.

As he struggled to get to his feet, Ivy slowly approached him, blowing a handful of her pheromone dust his way. The dust filled the air around them, slowing Robin's senses as he breathed it in. It smelled sweet, of flowers, making you want to take a deep breath to get a better wiff such a wonderful scent. Robin was already breathing heavily, the pheromones took effect almost immediately on his senses. 

Ivy and Robin were off to the corner where they wouldn't be bothered. It was perfect, just as Ivy had planned. Robin was caught completely off guard by her pheromones. She blew another handful as Robin looked up at her for the first time. Ivy made sure he got a good look at her body before she said anything to her prey. She watched as his eyes worked from the ground up, admiring her legs, with her tight green latex. The pheromones taking effect as he got to her hips, and ass, both of which were just begging to be grabbed. He took another breath as he looked further up her beautiful form. His eyes landed on her breasts, oh those marvelous breasts. His eyes were glued on those breasts;Robin took a long mental photo of them, Ivy noticed.  He eventually made his way up to see her long red hair flowing down like a waterfall, she grinned at him, her trademark poison lipstick clearly visible. Her green eyes caught his gaze, he got lost in them.

"How nice of you guys to drop by. Why do I always seem to be the only girl at these parties? You and the bat should really make some more friends. ha ha!"

"Hilarious. You'll never get away with this one Ivy. The building is completely surrounded, you think you're just going to walk out of here with all this money unscathed? Get out of my way, I've gotta go help bat...."

She blew some more pheromone dust his way. She aimed it right at him, he breathed in almost all of it in. The sweet smell stayed with him as the pheromones played tricks with his mind, landing on his brain, slowing his senses. He knew was supposed to be somewhere, doing something, but what? His gaze went back to Ivy 

"Gotta what?" Her voice sounded like sweet, seductive, like nothing he'd ever heard before.

"Gotta catch 'em all!"

Still confused, Robin barely got out. "I've gotta...." 

More pheromone dust blown his way,  he had taken three hits of it, a lethal dose. His mind was like mush, he couldn't think, all he could do was look at Ivy. Her voice was like music to his ears, he just wanted to listen to whatever she had to say. How wonderful it was to be with her, he knew nothing about her, but she had made him soo fixated on her that he completely forget about the battle raging in the background.

And then Robin died, because it was a lethal dose. Which means it's fatal, and none of the shit that's about to happen should happen. Sigh.

"Why don't you hang out for a bit? Take a break? You look so tense little Robin! Would you like Ivy to give you a massage? Ill make all that pain melt away...."

Her arrogance towards the situation almost turned him on. She blew more pheromone dust at him, insuring her complete control over his thoughts. He'd follow her every command.

Oh shit! Now he's had an extra lethal dose! He may die twice!

The lack of thought in his mind left only his physical needs to control his body. He wanted to accept her offer, because who knows where a massage with Ivy could go, only to places Robin had fantasized about. Ivy was much older than him, at about 35 yrs old, Robin still a young 19 year old found the idea of being with an a very dominant older woman extremely arousing. And yet his training from Batman still shined through, his subconscious still could tell how dangerous such a situation could be.

So let me get this straight: Batman and Bane are just beating the shit out of each other maybe 20 feet away, and Robin thinks that maybe Poison Ivy's offer of a massage might lead to second base? Oh, Fan Fiction Fridays, your utter incomprehension of basic human interaction never ceases to amaze me.

"No, I really gotta go Ivy...

She saw that coming, but none to worry, she had a backup. She got closer and put her arms around his neck, taking him off guard. Inches away, Robin could smell her perfume, her breasts almost touching his chest, her ass easily grabbable. He knew this was wrong, but he couldn't push her away. 

"Forget the massage, I want to show you something my little Robin..." She had already begun to plant the idea of him being in her possession.

GET IT? GET IT? PLANT? You probably get it.

"...something the Bat probably wouldn't approve of. But you're almost "all grown up" and I think you can have a look. And don't think I didn't see you staring anyway. You're a breast man aren't you little Robin?"

"Yes..., err, I mean.... "

Ivy grinned at how well her pheromones worked and how completely off guard she had caught him. She has been watching the growing bulge in his pants as this situation went on. He's going to easier than I thought as she smirked.

Except that he's going to die any minute, because you gave him a lethal dose of your pheremones.

"Seriously Ivy, I really need to be going..."

This is officially the most polite a superhero has ever been to a supervillain during a battle.

And before he could move, there they were. She unzipped her costume just enough to reveal her wonderful breasts. They were spectacular. If Ivy's pheromone dust hadn't done him in before, this hypnotic site was enough to enslave him for eternity. A whole 20 seconds passed without a word said . Robin just stared, in shock, in amazement, in wonder. They had almost almost a hypnotic hold over him that he just could not break.  

"Go ahead and feel them."

"No, I ...." He wanted to, so badly. He wanted everything about them. The male attraction to breasts took hold over him, he wanted to touch them, grope them, play with them. He wanted to kiss them, lick them, suck on them. And it didn't stop with the breasts. All sorts of ideas began to pop into his mind that shouldn't have been there. He wanted Ivy, he wanted to do her will, he wanted to please her. There was something about her that he found irresistible.

Really? There was something about Poison Ivy that Robin found irresistible? I'm going to go out on a limb here and say it's her tits. Just a guess.

"You know you want to .... and maybe you can even suck on them for a bit..." 

Was she reading his mind? It was all too much.

Yeah. Because Poison Ivy would really need fucking telepathy to make that leap. Hell, maybe she's the new World' sGreatest Detective. "Here are my tits! I bet you'd like to put your mouth on them, huh? BOOM, YOU'VE JUST BEEN DETECTIVED."

Was this real? This was a bank robbery, not a sexual fantasy. He needed to be off fighting Bane, helping Batman, and yet here he was. Staring at Ivy's breasts. Robin had never fantasized about many women, usually girls at school, but never the villains, of course Harley Quinn would show up in a fantasy now and then, but never Poison Ivy. It must be the pheromones giving him these sexual, obedient feelings towards her, and even so, that's just as good of a reason if any to touch her breasts, right? His mind made up, he started to move his hand, upwards and outwards towards Ivy's breasts, towards paradise.

Why "of course" Harley but "never" Poison Ivy? If I was Ivy I'd be kind of offended.



Both Robin and Ivy turn around to see Batman doing battle with Bane and Ivy' plants. 

"A little help?

Robin snapped out of the trance, and started to head over to Batman.

"But wait...." Robin stopped. He turned around to look at Ivy. And there she was, still staring at him, still with her tits exposed. Her gaze, her tits, drew him back in, she was able to put him right back into the trance again, he stopped heading towards Batman, and started to slowly head back towards her, he was going to take her up on her offer, her hold over him was very strong, he didn't even realize he was doing it, his subconscious wanted her, and wanted her bad. 

Robin started to make his way back to Ivy.."Go ahead little robbie, feel them..."  Robin started to reach out to grab them,

"Robin, common!" Batman shouted.

"The rapper? Common? Where?!"

Robin stopped again, and started to head back to Batman and the task at hand. Robin looked back, Ivy seductively smiled at him. And he got back into the fight.

What was going on? he thought. Snap out of it Robin!, get back in the game. But he couldn't, his mind wandered, his fighting was lacking. All he could think about was Ivy, Ivy and those tits.

And that's just the end of Chapter 1. Chapter 2 awaits.

Ivy and Bane had managed to escape when Ivy ordered her plants out of the bank to wreak havoc all across the city. In the chaos, she managed to slip away. Robin went back to the scene afterwards to look for her, to look for a clue. She dominated his thoughts, she was all he could think about. He went back to the corner where he had his encounter. On the ground was a potted plant with a small rose pedal sitting in the dirt. On one side was lipstick kiss mark, and on the other was an email address. Ivy had a computer?

WHAT KIND OF A MONSTER WOULD HAVE A COMPUTER-- oh. Everyone. Everyone has a computer. Never mind.

Back at the mansion Dick went back and forth. Should he email her? Should he just let it go? The sexual tension was building, he started to get hard just thinking about her. He started to masturbate, while thinking about her. He usually masturbated to relieve stress, to feel good, but thinking about Ivy made it all the more better.

Which is worse: the phrase "all the more better" or the thought that Robin apparently occasionally masturbates for reasons other than relaxing and relieving stress? The only reason I can think off is that sometimes he does it just to give Alfred something to clean up.

He couldn't get her out of his system. The way she went about addressing him in such a dominant manner, how easily she manipulated him, how wonderful it would be to please her. And oh the pleasures and rewards of such a venture, not to mention that body of hers with those tits! Robin thought back to the trance she put him in with only her breasts, he thought about that image for awhile while touching himself. He couldn't get her out of his system, he jerked off at least three times just to the thought of her. And it was at 2:30 am he booted up his computer to email her.



I'm not sure what you wanted to get out of me emailing you but here it is.

The truth is Ivy.... I don't think you're all that bad, I know you and the Bat have had some history, but I'm not the Bat, and that's all in the past. Quite frankly, you're all I've been able to think about. It's become an obsession, I can't believe I'm even telling you this....  I've never felt this way before. I want to be with you, I want to please you, I need you. I can't get you out of my mind!  Please, I need more, I want more, I will do whatever it takes. When can we meet again?


Oh, Robin. Did "not seeming like a needy twat to women" never come up in your Bat-training?

Sent. STUPID STUPID STUPID. Why did you type that all? You told her you were obsessed with her? You want to see her tits? What does that mean? You've just met her, you sound like a creeper, fuckkkk. What if Batman finds out? Great, just great.

How could Batman possibly find out about an email you sent to Poison Ivy, referring to her as Ivy in the body of the email, from his own house? Why, he would have to be THE WORLD'S GREATEST DETECTIVE to uncover that subterfuge-- oh. Wait. Never mind.

Robin was about to go to sleep when he heard the "incoming message" sound from his computer. Ivy? At this time of night?

What kind of woman sends emails at 2:30am? Why, if she weren't already a supervillain who had murdered hundreds of people, I would have lost considerable respect for Poison Ivy!

"Hello my little Robin, 

I knew you'd find my message to you. What the bat doesn't know won't hurt him. Especially what makes him jealous. I'm flattered that you've been thinking about me, and probably my tits too? I bet just thinking about them gets your little dick hard. ;)

Come to central park tomorrow at dusk where we can continue where we left off. Leave the Bat behind and this time you can stare for as long as you like. And if you're a good little robin you can maybe even suck on them? You can think of them as mother nature's bosom ;)

Till then my love. 


PS attached is a little present I made for you. Happy fapping"

Is anyone else oddly enraged that Ivy just used the word "fapping"?

Robin couldn't believe it. He opened the attachment right away, It was a picture of her topless. How did she know?


She was playing him like a fiddle, taking complete advantage of his sexual deprivation. he was hard within seconds of seeing her picture. He started to masturbate, to her picture. Her breasts were of perfect size and shape, he stroked his cock, up and down. And did so for the rest of the night, cumming several more times before finally passing out. Why was he so obsessed with her? 

Again, a mystery only the world's greatest detective could possibly solve. Although I still think it might have something to do with her tits.

And why this sudden breast obsession?


Maybe tomorrow he'd find out. He needed to get her out of his mind, and fast before the bruce finds out.

"The Bruce"? Now I have an image of Bruce Springsteen as Batman, and it's totally fucking awesome. If nothing else, this FFF has given us that. Now for Chapter 3...

'What are you gettting dressed up for?' Bruce asked as he walked by.

Robin paused..

".... I have a date, sorry I didn't tell you." 

"Oh wow, whats her name?"


"Well have fun." 

Robin's elaborate subterfuge is a success!

Thank God he didn't dig further! Robin continued to get ready when he heard Bruce shouting.

"God dammit, let's go!" 

Robin looked out the window, the batlight was on. Oh great, what about his date with Ivy?

Goddammit, Robin, get on the internet or something. There are plenty of tits there. And fewer than 34% of them belong to evil people.

They started out from the batcave and received word that several mutant plants were coming to life in the botanical garden and starting to take over blocks of the city.Perhaps Ivy? What could she be up to?

AN UNKNOWN VILLAIN HAS TAKEN OVER THE BOTANICAL GARDENS?! I'm guessing it's Two-Face. Because it costs $2 to get into the Botanical Gardens, you see. Totally part of his motif.

Batman and Robin arrived on the scene. The plants had taken positions and had blocked off eight square city blocks. Batman decided to drive the batmobile  through to the middle, hoping he could grab the attention of all the plants at once, and hopefully defeat them quickly before they took over more of the city. The plants varied from vine-like plants to plants that emitted immense amounts of deadly pollen to flowers that looked like roses but with even more deadly thorns. Batman and Robin took right at it, chopping at one plant while dodging another. It was intense fighting. The plants surrounded them and although Batman and Robin always fight back to back, the plants had managed to divide them. 

As he fought, Robin saw something out of the corner of his eye, it was Bane, and it looked like he was walking towards the botanical garden. Robin fought his way towards Bane, past the plants and began to chase Bane. Batman didn't even notice Robin had begun a foot pursuit, but he was too occupied with the plants and thorns jabbing at him. 

Robin followed Bane for half a block and then froze in his tracks when he saw what Bane was running towards. It was Poison Ivy. 

She was directing her plants from what appeared to be her own version of a lectica. it was a giant rose, and she was lying comfortably inside, with the rose pedals opening and closing as she required her privacy and opening as she barked an order. She saw Bane coming and her prey that followed.

lectīca (genitive lectīcae); f, first declension

  1. litter, sedan, palanquin.
  2. A portable sofa or couch.
The fuck?

"Good job Bane, you led him right to me." She had planned on finding Robin later, after her plants captured him and Batman, but she since she already had a hold over the Robin she decided to play with her new toy.

"Hello my little Robin, I see you found me." She sat up so Robin could see her better, she looked so comfortable and relaxed in her flower, as if she had had to move in hours, her plants doing her will, she just relaxed and watched it happen. Robin wondered if that's how things were with Ivy all the time, completely relaxed, completely effortless.

Also: The fuck?

"Is this what you call a date? Ivy what are you doing here? These plants can't be here, this is the city!"

"You can't bring your plants in here! This is the Botanical Garden, for fuck's sake!"

Her plants carried her in her giant rose slowly towards him, she saw him start to freeze up as she got closer. He was nervous! How cute!

"Silly little Robin, what are all these buildings without the materials, that I, Mother Nature gave to the world? I'm just taking them back. That's all."

She was close enough for him to see her. Her rose turned as she landed in front of him sideways, that way he could look over her entire body. Her plants emitting her pheromones all around him, slowing Robin's senses. As she got closer she saw Robin's eye's widen as he noticed that she was topless inside of the flower. His gaze was caught on her breasts, she smirked at how easy this was becoming. Her tits were as hypnotic to him as a pendant on a chain, he was already in a trance, Ivy hardly needed to put any effort into this.

Look, I like tits as much as the next guy -- possibly more -- but this is getting a little absurd.

"Little robin, you look so tired! Why don't you come lie down with Ivy? You can look at my tits all you want from up here. Come. Come relax.... with me..."

"No... I..." Her grip over his senses was strong, but not quite strong enough. She snapped her fingers and the plants around them emitted even more pheromones, turning Robin's mind to mush.

Also killing him instantly, because he'd received a previously lethal dose of pheremones last night. Seriously: the fuck?

"Are you sure? You'd be up here with me..... come lay that tired head of yours down... down on my soft breasts, you know want to."

Robin stood motionless, oh how badly he wanted that. One of Ivy's vines came around and started to push him towards the flower, and he started to walk towards it. 

"No Ivy, really..." He managed to get out as the vine pushed him forward, he offered no resistance to its will.

Every foot felt like a mile, and Ivy got more attractive with every inch. He got to the flower, and one of the vines gave him a footing to get into the flower with Ivy. he started to lie down as ivy guided him in. She guided his head to land right on her tits.

"See how nice that feels? How comfortable it is to lie down and relax with Ivy?" She massaged his head as he lie on top of her, he was powerless.

"My tits are Seely Posturepedic, Boy Wonder. You'll never escape from their comfort!"

"Oh Ivy, yess it does..."

"Yes my pet. Just relax, breath in and relaxxxxx" She blew a handful of pheromone dust at him, it was extremely effective since he was so close.


You like Ivy's tit's don't you little Robin?" She continued to massage his head and neck.

"Don't you think you should Friend them on Facebook?"

"Very much...." Why wasn't he resisting? why was this so relaxing? Why couldn't he think? he needed out of this, Batman was going to be here at any moment! Why was this so wonderful? Her touch was like that of a goddess, her breasts were softer than a pillow could ever be. Robin wanted to lie in this position forever.

"Ivy... this is wrong.... I shouldn't be here. I thought we could talk..." He was trying to break free.

She ignored his plea.

"You know you can play with them if you want little Robbie. Go ahead, give them a good lick while you're at it" Without hesitation, he did as he was told. One lick, then another, and before he knew it, his tongue was all over her chest.

"That's right love, kiss them too."

He immediately obeyed, kissing and licking, he didn't know why he found this so pleasing but he did.

Because TITS, Robin. This is not a mystery of the fucking ages.

"But seriously Ivy.." He stumbled over his words as he was still trying to break free.

Ignored again.

"Now my little robbie, I want you to suck on them."

He started sucking on the left, and then switched to the right. 

Now... that's just good writing.

"Yes, suck on Ivy's tits! Suck on them, worship me, your mistress, Ivy!"

Robin kept licking and sucking on them as she mocked him. He couldn't get enough of them, he had fantasized all night about this and how finally it had become true.

"You know I know a boy with submissive, mommy issues when I see one. You just can't resist an older, attractive, dominant woman like me. You can't resist my tits, they suck you in begging you to suck on them. And now that you are finally sucking on them, they're sucking at your mind, making you obsess about them, an obsession that will make you mine."

That's... that's a lot of sucking. Humorously, there's a whole 'nother level of sucking going on here that neither Ivy nor Robin seem to be aware off.

She was right, Robin had an attraction to older women, especially dominant MILF's. He did what the Bat told him, and no more. He was a submissive male, and Ivy filled the void that was robin's sex life. Robin continued to suck on her tits as she gave him the speech.

The transformation of the word "MILF" from meaning "Mom I'd Like to Fuck" to "Any sexy woman over the age of 30 regardless of whether or not she has kids" aggravates me. I'm not sure why.

"That's right wittle wobbie, suck on Ivy's tits, suck suck suck! keep it up, such a good little robin! You know you wanted them, now get your money's worth. Let my tits overtake you, let Ivy in, into your mind and body. Suck. Suck Suck."

"Suck! Suck suck. Suck suck suck? Sucksucksucksuck suck."

Robin took the mocking and kept playing with her tits. Kissing, licking, sucking. Massaging her tits, playing with one as he sucked on the other, he was powerless to resist. She had full control and all he could do was obey. The sucking had done him in, any doubt in his mind had washed away, he wanted this to happen, and no training from the Bat could help him resist.

All that "Resist Big Tits" training Batman put him through has failed him.

"Yess ivy... " he barely got out.

"Keep going, suck suck suck on Ivy's tits!"

We... we got it. You want Robin to suck your tits. This has become clear to us. No need to keep repeating it. Settle down.

"I want more please." he whispered.

"What was that little robbie?"

"I want more please." He said.

Robin, all she's done for the last five minutes is demand you suck. You don't have to stop and ask permission when she's in the middle of continually giving it, you moron.

"No! It's: 'I want more Mistress Ivy.' Say it!"

"I want more.... Mistress Ivy" he blurted out, Robin was surprised he even said it.

"Go ahead my wittle wobbie, suck away.And just remember, the more you suck, the more of you I take away"

He didn't care, she could have him as far as he was concerned. Robin's sucking intensified. His kissing and licking was that  of a horny teenager, he had lost control of himself. HIs fantasy had come true and he took complete advantage of it. Little did he know that she wasn't actually bluffing, with every lick Ivy's hold over him got tighter. She had put a special plant extract on her breasts before this little encounter, her tits were literally addictive. 

REALLY? This is unclear to Robin? "Well, I no longer have any control over myself. Poison Ivy has continually told me that by licking her breasts, she gains more control over me, and that clearly seems to be the case. However, I'm sure she's bluffing and there's actually no problem whatsoever. I'll think about it in about three hours or so." ssssslllluurrrrrpppp

Somewhere, Batman is crying and he doesn't know why.

"Oh yes little robin! Suck on Ivy's tits! suck suck suck!"

Robin kept at it, "yes Ivy" he moaned.


Plants all around them started moving and running towards the street. The Bat had made his way further in, looking for Robin. 

"Well little my little robin, it looks like our first date will have to be cute short...."

Ivy practically had to push Robin away as she forced him off the side of the flower. "Till next time my pet." She smirked and her plants quickly carried her away.

Robin was kicked out of his trance, what had just happened? Why did he have a sudden urge to chase after her?

Again, I'm going to go out on a limp here, but maybe it's all the TITS.

These urges to be with Ivy were warping his thoughts. He stood in the street in complete confusion until he saw Batman. He joined in the fighting to help Batman, but his mind was elsewhere. Why did he have a sudden urge to suck on some breasts?


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