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Schwarzenegger’s Penis Defeats The Governator


Okay, that’s not really fair. I should say that Arnold Schwarzenegger’s inability to keep his penis out of things he wasn’t married to — say, his long-time housekeeper, for instance — is what caused The Governator comic/cartoon/whatever multimedia project to be canceled. But you could say with equal accuracy that Schwarzenegger’s unwillingness to wear a condom when putting his penis in his family’s housekeeper of 20+ years is what caused all this, too. The bottom line is that now that Arnold’s affair with Mildred Patricia Baena has been revealed, as well as their 13-year-old son, The Governator in all its myriad forms has been shit-canned.

While my first inclination is to thank god above for his mercy, when I realized something. think about it: The Governator was about Schwarzenegger’s secret life fighting crime with the help of a handful of several young teens of various ethnicities. It didn’t make sense why these kids would be there at first, but now we know — they were all his kids! Arnold may have actually trained them to help him fight crime! How awesome would that be?

And if not, think about this: Arnold was pitching this premise while he knew he had a whole extra damned family. How ballsy is that? “Ja, so in dis cartoon, I fight crime. I ride a motorcycle. And some kids help me; they do computer shit, I don’t know. Oh. And dere’s a Mexican kid. He looks kind of like me but no one on da cartoon talks about it. I promise him for his birthd– NEVER YOU MIND VHY I WANT IT, JUST PUT HIM IN DERE.” (Via Warming Glow)