10 Disgustingly Awesome Slime Monsters

By Steven Romano in Daily Lists, Miscellaneous
Thursday, September 15, 2011 at 8:03 am
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Ever since the dawn of our existence, man has been terrifying the people of their tribes, villages and cities with tales of encounters and narrow escapes from grotesque creatures that defy explanation and inspire fear within those willing to listen. Naturally, I'm talking about monsters. Commonly used as an umbrella term, "monster" breaks down into an infinite (and complex) expanse of subcategories that cover a multitude of bases: ghosts, werewolves, vampires, zombies, and so on. The internet has certainly paid homage to these figments of our nightmarish imaginations in more ways than one, but of them, there's one little obscure group that has yet to have its moment and it's about time that they do: slime monsters!

What makes the slime monster so unique is that they come in all manner of colorful varieties. Some are sentient and blood thirsty globs of amoeba-like goop with an insatiable appetite for human flesh. Others can at times be heroes or -- on the rarest of occasions -- be a kid's best friend in an otherwise lonely existence. The rest, well, want to either take over the world or drench you in their own slime for plain ol' kicks. For the sake of clarity this list will highlight nearly every conceivable type of slime: sludge, grime, slop, glop, and goo, and cover only monsters made of and/or can make slime. So get ready to get nauseous, because the 10 disgustingly awesome slime monsters are slithering and oozing right from under you!

10) Slime, Dragon Quest
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Akira Toriyama (the creator of Dragonball Z) was a very busy man during the 1980s. When he wasn't devoting every waking moment working on his manga series Dr. Slump and Dragonball, the video game publisher Enix had commissioned that he design the characters and monsters for the Dragon Quest video game. With such a daunting to-do list it's no surprise that Toriyama may have rushed through a monster design or two. Case in point: the Slime. Looking like a blue drop of snot with a goofy grin and googly eyes, the low-level enemy you were callously cleaving in half with your sword quickly soared in popularity, becoming not only the endearing mascot for the Dragon Quest franchise, but also Enix as a whole. Soon, variations of the Slime -- from the mundane to the wild -- began to ooze their way into the game: Slime Knights, a patriarchal leader in the form of King Slime, Metal Slimes, and more. With so many Slimes it's not long before you have Slimes on the mind. And then before you know it you start sliming slyour slwords sland slime slime sl-slime. Slime? Sliiiiimmmmme...

9) Muk, Pokémon
For an organization vying to dominate the world using Pokémon as living weapons, Team Rocket grunts aren't exactly the brightest henchmen. Blame it on lax employment screening or the lack of aptitude tests, but grunts have the notion that the best method of dealing with a nosy 10-year-old trainer and his level 50 Blastoise is to throw as many low-level Rattatas and Zubats at them as feasibly possible. However, you do get one or two able-minded grunts that pack a high-level Muk to menace you. While not a real threat, their high defense in combination with the move "Minimize (an attack that increases their evasiveness) and penchant for poisoning your Pokemon can make for an unnecessarily drawn-out and grating battle that tests the nerves of even the most zen of video game players.

What makes Muk truly standout most for fans, however, is its unique way of showing its affections on the Pokémon anime series. Caught by Ash "School Dropout" Ketchum in a power plant, Muk was immediately sent to Professor Oak's lab back in Pallet Town where he discovered, to his chagrin, its -- to put it delicately -- randy nature; yes, Muk going to town on the professor and others that instantly struck its fancy became a hallmark of the show. But what really raises an eyebrow is that according to Muk's Pokedex entry, its body is made entirely of lethal and possibly radioactive toxins. So while Prof. Oak walks away unscathed in the cartoon, his body in actuality would be covered with severe chemical burns and cancerous lumps, not to mention numerous other symptoms of radiation sickness, if it were the real world.

8) Ivan Ooze, Power Rangers: The Movie
Ivan Ooze never made an appearance in the original Japanese Sentai series, nor the annual movies, but just because he's purely a Saban Entertainment creation doesn't mean he's one to be taken lightly. Imprisoned in an egg by Zordon 6,000-odd years ago, Ooze alone did what Lord Zedd and Rita Repulsa took entire seasons to do in mere seconds: take out his captor and reveal to children in theaters everywhere the anemic shriveled-up raisin of a man Zordon really was. But Ooze's grand march towards world domination didn't end there. Disguised as a carnival wizard, he handed out jars of purple ooze (whether he threw up into the jars or made it through other means remains to be seen) to the children of Angel Grove; which in turn placed all their parents under his control upon touching the gunk. With no adult supervision whatsoever the kids turn Ernie's (c'mon, you know who Ernie is!) snack bar into a Sodom and Gomorrah of ooze and broken curfews; as well as blasting Shampoo's "Trouble" at obnoxiously deafening levels (just in case you were on the fence about purchasing the film's soundtrack). In retrospect, Ooze's schemes -- while evil in theory -- aren't as grandiose as he made them out to be, but you have to admit he was a villain with charisma and quite the screen presence.

7) Gloop and Gleep, The Herculoids
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Just because you're born an alien gelatinous mass doesn't mean you're born intrinsically evil. Sometimes, your appetite for administering galactic justice outweighs the hunger for human flesh. Gloop and Gleep were the slimey saviors of the planet Amzot and counted themselves among the planets protectors: The Herculoids! While their monstrous teammates Zok (the space dragon), Igoo (the rock ape) and Tundro (the triceratops-rhino hybrid) spoke in incomprehensible snarls and growls, Gloop and Gleep actually had a language of sorts that -- though seemingly simplistic -- was understood by their human companions. And although they lacked the raw power of the others, Gloop and Gleep proved their worth by using their malleable bodies to form impenetrable shields, trampolines, snares, and other handy objects that pulled The Herculoids out of any scrape. Plus, you can't go wrong with slime monsters that can transform into cushioned seats on the fly -- with back support, I'm sure.

6) Mr. Swlabr, Monsters
Most people hope to find the solution to all of their problems at the bottom of a beer mug, but little do they know that salvation is only a box of sugary cereal away -- and it comes in the form of Mr. Swlabr! In the episode titled, obviously, "Mr. Swlabr," a young boy named Roy lives a miserable Cinderella-esque life doing innumerable chores for his verbally abusive mother and sister, all while pining for a runaway father he hardly knew and playing with a derelict train set. But life's a fickle mistress and she soon rewards the boy with a mysterious packet he finds at the bottom of a box of cereal. Heeding the instructions, Roy tosses it into a glass of water, only for it to turn into a tiny creature with an insatiable thirst for any and all liquids -- which he delightfully calls "lick 'em ups." Mistaking his newfound friend for a dog (?) and cornering him in the basement, Roy's sister and mother spray Mr. Swlabr with a hose which causes him to exponentially grow and give both of them the sliming of a lifetime. In the end, Mr. Swlabr becomes the father Roy never had and always wanted: a morbidly obese and sedentary lump with a smart mouth he can watch drink all day. Every boy needs a father; some just prefer the company of ones that vomit slime.

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