Super Terrific Japanese Thing: Dental Doraemon
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I had a lot of possibilities for today’s STJT, but the minute I saw these horrifying plush toys on Kotaku I knew I had to inflict them upon you. That’s Doraemon, the robotic cat who is as famous in Japan as Mickey Mouse is/was here, and his sister Dorami, and OH MY GOD THEY HAVE TEETH THEY HAVE HUMAN TEETH AAAAUUUGHHHH. Presumably these nightmares are supposed to teach Japanese kids about the importance of brushing, but I imagine they actually prevent brushing, as children run from them in wholly justified terror, and then hide under their bed covers, refusing to come out to brush or anything else, for that matter. I have posted a lot of terrifying Japanese sex toys in STJT, and I can say with 100% certainty these things are still the most horrifying things I have ever featured on TR (that aren’t fan fics, I guess). The worst part about them? I’M PRETTY SURE THOSE ARE REAL TEETH IN THEIR MOUTHS WHERE DID THEY GET THEM AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
About The Author
Robert Bricken is one of the original co-founders of the site formerly known as Topless Robot, and its first editor-in-chief, serving from 2008-12. He brought the site to prominence with “nerd news, humor and self-loathing” as its motto, raising it from total internet obscurity to a readership in the millions, with help from his savage “FAQ” movie reviews and Fan Fiction Fridays. Under his tenure Topless Robot was covered by Gawker, Wired, Defamer, New York magazine, ABC News, and others, and his articles have been praised by Roger Ebert, Avengers actor Clark Gregg, comedian and The Daily Show correspondent John Hodgman, the stars of Mystery Science Theater 3000 and Rifftrax, and others. He is currently the managing editor of io9.com. Despite decades as both an amateur and professional nerd, he continues to be completely unprepared for either the zombie apocalypse or the robot uprising.