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Somehow the Mortal Kombat Movie Reboot Has Gotten Completely @#$%ed

Somehow the Mortal Kombat Movie Reboot Has Gotten Completely @#$%ed

By June 19, 2012 Movies, Video Games 0 Comment

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When we last the Mortal Kombat reboot movie, director Kevin Tancharoen was so certain that a dark, violent, grown-up (well, so to speak) version of the beloved fighting game would work that he paid to make his own short film. This short film was so popular it led to a 10-part webseries, which itself was so popular that Warner Bros. actually greenlit a real film. A director who’s also a fan, with a proven vision for the franchise. What could go wrong? This (from Bloody-Disgusting):

Making a few phone calls and doing quite a bit of digging I was able to get some fresh information regarding Warner Bros. Pictures’ forthcoming Mortal Kombat reboot.

With Kevin Tancharoen still attached to direct from Oren Uziel’s screenplay, we’ve exclusively discovered that the live-action reboot will follow a lowly unlucky supermarket employee who discovers that he has out of this world powers and must decide between good and evil, even though the evil side has helped him discover his true potential and who he really is.

WHAT. THE FUCKING, FUCK. A… grocery store clerk? What the fuck happened? Mortal Kombat already has all the dumb characters a movie could need! Who the fuck thinks that Mortal Kombat fans want to see a single fucking moment of this movie in a fucking grocery store watching some jackass shelve the Hamburger Helper? And unless this grocery store clerk is also an amateur MMA fighter in his spare time, what sort of power would get him into the fucking Mortal Kombat tournament? Jesus christ. I feel like someone at Midway is still chasing after Capcom. “Well, Capcom made their new Street Fighter movie even shittier than their original one! They clearly know what they’re doing, so we better do the same!”

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About The Author

Robert Bricken is one of the original co-founders of the site formerly known as Topless Robot, and its first editor-in-chief, serving from 2008-12. He brought the site to prominence with “nerd news, humor and self-loathing” as its motto, raising it from total internet obscurity to a readership in the millions, with help from his savage “FAQ” movie reviews and Fan Fiction Fridays. Under his tenure Topless Robot was covered by Gawker, Wired, Defamer, New York magazine, ABC News, and others, and his articles have been praised by Roger Ebert, Avengers actor Clark Gregg, comedian and The Daily Show correspondent John Hodgman, the stars of Mystery Science Theater 3000 and Rifftrax, and others. He is currently the managing editor of io9.com. Despite decades as both an amateur and professional nerd, he continues to be completely unprepared for either the zombie apocalypse or the robot uprising.