Somehow the Mortal Kombat Movie Reboot Has Gotten Completely @#$%ed

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When we last the Mortal Kombat reboot movie, director Kevin Tancharoen was so certain that a dark, violent, grown-up (well, so to speak) version of the beloved fighting game would work that he paid to make his own short film. This short film was so popular it led to a 10-part webseries, which itself was so popular that Warner Bros. actually greenlit a real film. A director who’s also a fan, with a proven vision for the franchise. What could go wrong? This (from Bloody-Disgusting):

Making a few phone calls and doing quite a bit of digging I was able to get some fresh information regarding Warner Bros. Pictures’ forthcoming Mortal Kombat reboot.

With Kevin Tancharoen still attached to direct from Oren Uziel’s screenplay, we’ve exclusively discovered that the live-action reboot will follow a lowly unlucky supermarket employee who discovers that he has out of this world powers and must decide between good and evil, even though the evil side has helped him discover his true potential and who he really is.

WHAT. THE FUCKING, FUCK. A… grocery store clerk? What the fuck happened? Mortal Kombat already has all the dumb characters a movie could need! Who the fuck thinks that Mortal Kombat fans want to see a single fucking moment of this movie in a fucking grocery store watching some jackass shelve the Hamburger Helper? And unless this grocery store clerk is also an amateur MMA fighter in his spare time, what sort of power would get him into the fucking Mortal Kombat tournament? Jesus christ. I feel like someone at Midway is still chasing after Capcom. “Well, Capcom made their new Street Fighter movie even shittier than their original one! They clearly know what they’re doing, so we better do the same!”