The 50 Greatest Horror-Themed Wacky Packages Cards

By Chris Cummins in Daily Lists, Miscellaneous
Wednesday, October 31, 2012 at 8:05 am
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If you grew up in the 1970s or '80s, chances are that your first introduction to satire came either from Mad magazine or Topps' Wacky Packages card. Of the two, the latter was more of a gamble. When they were originally released in 1967, it seemed questionable at best that kids would want to shell out their hard-earned allowances to buy cards spoofing consumer products aimed at adults. But thanks to some great colorful art (including some jaw-dropping work from Norman Saunders, the man who helped define the look of the Mars Attacks line) and edgy humor, they quickly found their intended audience and continue to be popular today. For 45 years now, the most common way that Wacky Packages have poked fun is by giving real products monster-themed makeovers. Vampires, ghosts and other spooky creatures have been featured endlessly in each assortment of the sticker cards. Why? Because kids will always be obsessed with monsters. So for today's super-sized Daily List, Topless Robot will be looking at the 50 greatest horror-themed Wacky Packages. Check it out to discover what happens when consumerism meets creepy comedy.

50) The Real Gross Blisters
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Who ya gonna call? Hopefully a dermatologist.

49) Just for Wolfmen

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Grooming is very important to today's metrosexual werewolves.

48) Screamsicle

The first of two ice cream-related entries on this list, the Screamsicle shows us that Slimer isn't the only gluttonous ghost out there.

47) Gums
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See sharks? This is what happens when you don't floss after every meal.

46) Ghost Soap

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Haunting is acceptable. Smelling like the funk or 40,000 years while doing so? Not so much.

45) Arise

The preferred shaving cream of Bub from Day of the Dead.

44) Kleenaxe
Lizzie Borden gets colds sometime too you know.

43) View-Monster
Fact: This is Cthulhu's favorite toy.

42) Choke-Up
When I was a kid, I went to Universal Studios and was fortunate enough to be able to check out the park's Kongfrontation attraction. In it, visitors were treated to the site of a massive King Kong who, in a nice touch, had breath that smelled like bananas. As a result, I know assume that all simian breaths should share this fragrance. So even though this one has some brilliant art, I don't really know if "Fang Flavor" is quite good enough.

41) Playskull

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Better this than My Pet Monster.

40) Kool-Offs All-Brain Cereal
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Part of the short-lived Wacky Ads line, this cereal spoof from 1969 features some psychedelic monster art.

39) Count Funkula
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Of all of the monster cereal mascots, I totally would have pegged Boo Berry for the one who was pimping on the side.

38) The Saturday Evening Ghost

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If The Saturday Evening Post was illustrated by Famous Monsters' Basil Gogos instead of Norman Rockwell, the result would be the awesomeness you see above.

37) Coffin Mate

You may disagree, but I'd much rather have blood in my java than that powdered creamer whathaveyou.

36) Copperbone
Insert Jersey Shore joke here.

35) Air Witch
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Snips, snails and puppy dog tales smell like complete shit, so this is a much-needed product in the witch community.

34) Ghoul Humor
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It's a treat and a tool to kill vampires all in one!

33) Creep
This, well, creepy illustration of a ghoulish gentleman is a terrific example why Wacky Packages have retained their popularity across the decades. Monstrous fun never goes out of style.

32) Eviltime
I'm somewhat of an anti-pun guy, but even I've got to admit the "chokelate" chocolate gag here is inspired.

31) Hex-Lax
It's a little-known fact that having your head shrunk is an instant cure for constipation.

30) Fang Edward Exploding Cigars
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This takeoff of King Edward Cigars has vampires placing stogies on their list of dislikes alongside of holy water, garlic and stakes.

29) Kongsford Charcoal

Ape barbecues are cool. Just as long as Peter Jackson has nothing to do with them. Did you see his King Kong? Blech.

28) Sic Blood Stic

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Horror icons Freddy and Jason get immortalized as a Wacky Packages card in this, uh, sharp parody of Bic pens.

27) Yeti Wip
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Screw Klondike bars. I want a frozen Yeti for desert. Topped with ample helpings of this, obviously.

26) King O'Scare Nervous Sardines
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As someone who has never eaten a sardine, I must admit that this one earns its slot not because of how accurate a parody it is of King Oscar Sardines but rather due to my affinity for illustrations of vaguely European despots.

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