Dear God. Just…Dear God

This thing is real…

In the ongoing quest to lure readers back to comic shops, stuff like this is not helping. From the press release:

There will be four exclusive classic collectible homage covers for the digital release of “15 Minutes: Honey Boo Boo” on ITunes, Kindle, Wowio and My Digital Comics released on Weds, Jan 9th for $1.99 each.

I’m not sure I understand how digital comic covers are “collectible.” You can’t bag and board them, and all it takes is one person downloading and sharing to create a perfect replica. Maybe Honey Boo Boo can be fooled this easily.

The ITunes exclusive will feature Honey Boo Boo in a homage to Sensation Comics #1 – featuring the 1st appearance of Wonder Woman. Jonathan Woodward drew the cover in conjunction with Cosmic Ray Gun.

The Kindle exclusive will feature the tiny tot in an homage to the 1st appearance of Supergirl in Action Comics #252. The cover was done by Michael Troy.

The Wowio and My Digital Comics covers by Michael Troy will feature Alana as a superhero with Glitzy the pig!

What did Wonder Woman and Supergirl ever do to you? Regardless, are all of the covers going to be at the same level of quality? Because I love how the guy in the lower right-hand corner appears to be playing “pull my finger,” and the stereotypical black gentleman on the left is apparently recoiling in horror at the prospect of gaseous release.

Listen, I can respect Honey Boo Boo’s wish to be a comic-book superhero, because all of us want that as a kid. If somebody makes a comic for her personally, that’s a nice gesture. But these things are best done privately – there’s a reason I’d prefer grown adults not own any images of me in my Boba Fett Underoos from when I was her age.

And if anybody gets the smart idea after this to make a comic book of that obnoxious, fat instructor Abby Lee from Dance Moms, I’m going to punch my monitor. Unless it costars Galactus and he eats her.