A Battlefield Earth Comic Is Coming

Taste is an endangered species…

Take it from one who has actually read every page of L. Ron Hubbard’s tedious “epic” – the movie is actually better. I know, it makes no sense, has really bad science even by Hollywood logic-leaping standards, and the lack of a budget to create a race of giants resulted in the cheap-ass solution of giant fake foreheads and platform boots. But compared to 1,100 pages of taking all this stuff deadly seriously (even as key characters have names like Roof Arsebogger and Brown Limpor Staffer), John Travolta vamping it up at least gave you something to enjoy ironically.

The Church of Scientology is required to believe that it’s a good story, however, and that people other than Hubbard acolytes might find it entertaining if they only gave it a chance. So they’re publishing a comic-book version, by Joe Pruett, Mike Perkins and Laura Villari. Budget is no issue when you’re talking about drawings – I only hope that they get permission to draw Johnny Goodboy Tyler as a young Travolta. It’s the role the celebrity Scientologist had actually wanted all along, but in a rare moment of clarity on the topic, realized he was the wrong age.

I’m not going to say this is a bad idea, exactly – it will make life easier for anyone who’s remotely curious about the story to get it over with quickly.