Seven Hilariously Bad Animated Movies You Didn't Know You Should Watch

By Mark Hill in Daily Lists, Movies
Tuesday, August 20, 2013 at 6:00 am

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We all love good movies, but sometimes you just want to grab a few buddies, have some beers and watch an absolutely irredeemable piece of crap. It's fun to trade jokes about a production that went wrong on every conceivable level.

Fans of train wrecks will be familiar with movies like The Room and Birdemic, but may not know that the medium of animation has its fair share of hilarious disasters, too. So the next time you're looking for a dud to mock, why not check out one of the following animated spectacles?

7. Silver Circle

The year is 2019. The United States dollar has lost its place as the world's reserve currency. The Fed intervenes, seizing control of America's economy. Their intervention is disastrous, and America falls into shambles. One spunky group of rebels decides to fight back against their oppressive government the only way they know how: by minting their own silver coins to compete against the greenback. Star Wars, this ain't.

Silver Circle is more of a 90 minute rant about the evils of the government from a teenaged Ron Paul supporter than it is a movie, which would be boring if not for the hilarious animation. You have to admire the creators' dedication to their criticism of "worthless paper money," as they apparently paid their animators in gum and handshakes.

Political junkies will have loads of fun ripping apart the film's misplaced political paranoia and basic misunderstanding of economics, but even if you support the film's message or just don't care about politics you'll still crack up at the campy dialogue and animation that looks like a video game gone horribly wrong.

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And special guest star Barack Obama as The Love Interest.

The characters speak in strawman arguments and Internet debate talking points instead of real human words - in the trailer, the evil government (redundancy!) agent gives a speech about how freedom isn't important, while our hip, sexy heroine never misses an opportunity to ramble on about how awesome silver is.

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"Check out how evil I am! Can you even believe it?"

Combine that with facial expressions that make the characters look more like emotionally stunted robots than people and every conversation in the film is comedic gold. Er, silver.

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He's either about to be hit by a train, or he really needs to go to the bathroom.




6. Killer Bean Forever

There's a lesson in the making of Killer Bean Forever, although I'm not entirely sure what it is. A fellow named Jeff Lew made a couple of short films to teach himself animation, and they proved popular enough to earn him calls from movie producers. After talks fell through, he decided to just make a movie himself, and five years later he ended up with this:

So I guess the moral is to not give up on your dreams, because they will come true -they'll just be a lot crappier than you first envisioned.

You know you're in trouble when the opening scene is a break dancing routine. Break dancing anthropomorphic beans. As more and more beans join the party, it's like you're watching your own mind slowly break apart.

Our "hero" shows up and guns all the beans down for playing their music too loud, which is a sign of severe sociopathic tendencies. And that's the problem with Killer Bean Forever -it can't decide if it wants to be a serious action movie or a comedy, and so it awkwardly fluctuates between both.

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Meet one of the villains, Bean With Borderline Racist Asian Accent.

I have to give Lew credit - the animation is damn impressive considering he did it all himself (he actually works as a professional animator now). His singular artistic vision has been fulfilled in Killer Bean Forever, but that vision is insane. Watching a movie about sentient beans gunning each other down that took a half-decade to create is like watching evidence that will later be used in a psychiatric hospital.

5. Bébé's Kids

Bébé's Kids is based on a stand-up comedy bit by Robin Harris about his dates being ruined by three hell-raising kids that his girlfriend is stuck babysitting. Because bratty kids causing trouble for an inept adult is a hack comedy staple, turning an R rated stand-up routine into an animated family film was a logical decision for a Hollywood producer hopped up on cocaine.

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You can tell they have attitude because of the crossed arms.

Because this was a movie about black people released in 1992 it was legally required to be full of rap music. It's as gloriously awkward as it sounds - in an early scene, the trio run into some other kids and rap about how awesome and tough they are. They're "straight jackin'," yo.

The kids are taken to an amusement park, but escape the adults to go cause PG-13 trouble. No mascot goes unharassed in this movie! Later the kids find themselves in amusement park court, but are able to rap themselves out of trouble by winning the robot judge over to their side, despite the protests of the prosecutor, robot Richard Nixon. Robot Lincoln is there, too. I'd say it makes more sense in context, but that's a lie.

Bébé's Kids is every 1990s pop culture stereotype about rap music and black people rolled together. You've got sassy black women trading barbs over a man, kids that speak in dated slang more than real words and a bumbling, put upon man confused by it all. There's even a baby voiced by Tone Lōc who introduces himself as "Pee-Wee, the O.G." It's the only movie guaranteed to make even lily white nerds feel hip!

4. Kiara the Brave

Phase 4 Films are one the most prolific studios you've never heard of. Creators of cinematic classics like All American Orgy and A Talking Cat!?!, they specialise in low-budget schlock that runs the gauntlet from hacky to shameless rip-off. Kiara the Brave falls into the latter category, as the movie tries to cash in on the success of Pixar's Brave with all the subtlety of a sledgehammer to the groin.

Princess Kiara, aka Princess Smooshed Face, lives in the idyllic kingdom of Dreamzone, which despite its name is not a location from a Sonic the Hedgehog game. But one day King Maximus' brother, Badmis, banishes the king to the Neverworld and seizes the throne, leaving it up to Kiara to save the day. Damn, who would have thought Badmis would turn out to be evil?!

Kiara the Brave was animated by a single blind man and voiced by a group of aliens trying to blend in among Scottish people who haven't yet mastered who-man tongues. That's the only explanation I can come up with for why the animation is so incompetent and every character talks like a head trauma victim. Every scene is like a clip from a film school reject's demo reel.

The number of damns the filmmakers gave about their movie is so obviously zero that it's almost endearing. I'd like to think they'd enjoy the idea of people getting together to mock their movie, because at least that way they're providing entertainment. That's more than can be said for the poor kids who have to sit through this after their parents accidentally buy the wrong movie - watching this will be the day their childhood ends.

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Especially since they stole their villain from a Japanese porno.


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