Blu-ray Today: Crap, Crap, Stuff I Didn't See and JCVD

By Luke Y. Thompson in DVDs
Tuesday, March 11, 2014 at 8:00 am

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This is officially, the worst week for nerdy/geeky Blu-ray releases since I started doing this. I mean, there have been some weak ones before, but usually there's at least one in there I wouldn't mind owning if someone gave it to me.

Today, though, the best I can say is that some of this momentarily raise an eyebrow of interest, and if you gave me one I'd put it on The Stack, to be looked at once if I ever find the time. But no rush.

Now, in genres that are outside our wheelhouse, you get Inside Llewyn Davis and some James Dean and John Wayne classics. But as far as the stuff we cover, well, consider that I thought the best choice to lead off was, in fact...

Enemies Closer - In which Jean-Claude Van Damme reunites with his favorite director Peter Hyams to play a wacky, evil environmentalist nutjob who squares off against park ranger Tom Everett Scott. Yes, the guy from That Thing You Do is now considered a worthy opponent for JCVD, but no longer worthier of anything better than DTV action stuff. Seems a bit of a comedown for Mr. Scott, but for Van Damme, it's...wait, what day of the week is it again?



Winnie the Pooh: Springtime With Roo, Hippity Hoppity Roo Edition - Because you've always wanted a remake of A Christmas Carol set at Easter and starring Rabbit. Wait, shouldn't Eeyore be the one saying "Humbug"?

The Hungover Games - Not to be confused with the Friedberg/Seltzer parody The Starving Games, this is a more direct mashup of The Hunger Games with The Hangover, which would probably only be worth watching if said Games were real, and had Jennifer Lawrence shooting poison arrows at Ken Jeong.

In the Name of the King 3 - Yes, they made a third installment to an Uwe Boll franchise you thought nobody liked. Now that you know, continue ignoring, please.

Dogs - "Don't pet them...Fear them!" Okay then.

Beyond Outrage - Sequel to the ultraviolent Takeshi Kitano yakuza flick Outrage, which is pretty damn good. Haven't seen part two, but even if it's more of the same, it should not disappoint.

Thirst - In this 1979 Australian horror flick, a group of vampires abduct the descendant of Elizabeth Bathory to try and help them create a master race. Not to be confused with the 2009 vampire movie by Oldboy director Park Chan-wook.

In Fear - A highly praised horror indie from last year's Sundance, in which a couple on their first vacation together take a wrong turn, get lost, and then because they're apparently complete morons, pick up a mysterious hitchhiker.

If you know of something better today, please, let me hear it in comments below.

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