Ever Forget What You Put in a Jar? There's a Ridiculously Technological Solution to That.

By Luke Y. Thompson in Tech
Tuesday, March 3, 2015 at 11:00 am

"ITS...NAME...IS...NEO!"

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This is what we've come to - programmable jars that remember expiration dates and know how much of whatever is inside (assuming you get that correct the first time). It might be quite useful for dementia patients who forget things - presuming they still remember how to configure an iPad, which strikes me as a touch more complex than remembering what an ingredient you can see in a glass jar actually is.

On the other hand, if this jar really is smart, and it really does "think like me," I can think of some situations it could quite crucially help to avoid.

With Lake Placid vs. Anaconda, Syfy Combines Two Franchises You Forgot Existed

By Luke Y. Thompson in Movies, TV
Tuesday, March 3, 2015 at 10:00 am

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Both Lake Placid and Anaconda were fun, late-'90s movies that featured celebrities goofing around in monster movie scenarios, ushering in the era of both Betty White as foul-mouthed dirty jokester, and Jon Voight as somebody not to be taken seriously. They were Syfy movies before there even was such a term, albeit on much bigger budgets.

And somehow, on DVD, they kept going as franchises (yes, Anacondas got a theatrical release, but it was brief), although Lake Placid proclaimed its "final chapter" three years ago. And today, this press release from Syfy:

LAKE PLACID VS ANACONDA (ORIGINAL MOVIE PREMIERE)
Premieres Saturday, April 25 at 9PM - Killer crocodiles and giant anacondas clash in this thriller about corporate greed and science gone wrong, starring Robert Englund (Nightmare on Elm Street), Yancy Butler (Kick Ass) and Corin Nemec (Stargate SG-1). A production of UFO Films.
I don't know which is harder to believe - the notion that this is actually a "thriller," or the fact that it wasn't made by The Asylum.


If the Cyber-Brigadier from Doctor Who's "Death in Heaven" Had His Own Cartoon Show....

By Luke Y. Thompson in Cartoons, TV
Tuesday, March 3, 2015 at 9:00 am

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For many of us old-school Doctor Who fans, the best part of the last season finale was the way the day was partly saved by a revived Cyberman Brigadier Lethbridge-Stewart, finding a way to bring back the character despite the fact that actor Nicholas Courtney is dead.

Now, thanks to the Internet, we look at what the logical next step might be to capitalize on that popularity, because if there's one thing Steven Moffat never fails to do, it's cash in on - and overdo - something he knows fans already like. (Maybe not quite to this extent, but would you put it past him entirely?)

Presenting...CYBER-BRIG!

Adi Shankar's James Bond Fan Film Is Less Ambitious Than His Power Rangers.

By Luke Y. Thompson in Books, Cartoons, Movies
Tuesday, March 3, 2015 at 8:00 am

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Having finally settled things with Saban and re-uploaded "Power/Rangers" with more specifically negotiated legalese, Adi Shankar has dropped his new "gritty reboot": a James Bond fan film starring an aging Sean Connery Bond in the present day. Part RED and part Hollis Mason death scene in Watchmen, it's done in animatic storyboard form, and features Bond pining for the old days when he didn't have to pay for sex and could kill with impunity. Decent Connery impression too.

I typed this late at night when this video went up, so I hope it still appears below!

Blu-ray Today Says Hooray for the Mockingjay on Friday

By Luke Y. Thompson in DVDs
Tuesday, March 3, 2015 at 6:30 am

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The Hunger Games: Mockingjay Part 1 (available Friday) - I've seen Mockingjay Part 1 three times now, and I think it's my favorite of the Hunger Games movies. It's the least like Battle Royale, it's the darkest in subject matter, and even without context, it's a solid indictment of a political system that depends upon propaganda and media-savvy to win a war and a nation. I'm sure the inevitable series ending will be happy and triumphant, but I really hope there are still some off-notes about trading one kind of ruthless phoniness in for a newer, "better" kind.

The disc includes a commentary by director Francis Lawrence and producer Nina Jacobson, most of which focuses on what changes they made to the book and why. There's also a making-of documentary, a tribute to the late Philip Seymour Hoffman, Lorde's theme-song video and a making of for that too (though the producers backed the wrong horse on that tune, as it turned out Jennifer Lawrence singing "Hanging Tree" is what people remember), deleted scenes, and an extended trailer for the Divergent sequel that actually gives some indication of a plot.

I know we'll never see it onscreen, but a "Divergent Games" comic book in which Katniss battles Tris would probably be successful. Unless Tris won, and then it would be bullshit.

ROBOTIC GAMING MONTHLY - Revenge of the Budget Game

Tuesday, March 3, 2015 at 5:00 am

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Artwork by CitrusKing46

Hello, and welcome to another edition of Robotic Gaming Monthly, Topless Robot's monthly column devoted to the recent happenings, reviews of recent releases, and trailers in gaming! This time around we ask such questions as "Should the major players in the gaming industry think smaller?", "Does Life is Strange show any promise?" and "Do giant purple bunnies really make the best mayoral candidates?" Let's head in and see what the answers to those questions and many others are!

Gotham SPOILER Thread: Guys & Dolls

By Luke Y. Thompson in Comics, TV
Monday, March 2, 2015 at 4:35 pm

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Guy's named Dulmacher and he becomes a doll maker. What are the odds?

If you ever have the suspicion you're living in a comic book, name your son Richman Happyguy, for goodness' sake.

Cabin in the Woods Director in Early Talks for Marvel/Sony Spider-Man Reboot

By Luke Y. Thompson in Comics, Movies
Monday, March 2, 2015 at 2:16 pm

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...giving us another excuse to use this image

Latino Review broke it first, then Drew Goddard's reps denied, then the Hollywood Reporter confirmed: Drew Goddard, previously set to direct the Sinister Six spinoff, is now the top choice for the new Spider-Man movie set in high school.

Lation Review also adds that Spider-Man will likely fight Iron Man in the movie (Robert Downey Jr. teased some big news a few days ago, so maybe this is it), there will be no retelling of the origin story, and Sony is still hoping to spin-off a Sinister Six out of it, though there's no need for them all to be tied to Oscorp now. Presumably, though, story points are subject to change at this stage.

I liked Cabin in the Woods a lot, and Goddard has been working on the Daredevil series, so presumably he impressed Marvel too. No word yet on whether it's Peter Parker for certain, though if I had to guess, I'd say that even if a nonwhite actor is cast, they'll still call him Peter Parker - there's too much name recognition not to. And a Downey cameo seems like the best way to reassure audiences who feel burned by the last couple of Spidey movies that this is in the right hands now.

Do you still care about a Spider-Man solo movie?

Seduced by Doctor Bigfoot Is Your Amazon.com Horror of the Day

By Luke Y. Thompson in Books
Monday, March 2, 2015 at 12:30 pm

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There's really nothing I can say about this book that the synopsis doesn't:

On the eve of the biggest case of his life, attorney Mark Tucker gets some devastating news. The opposition has brought in a new lawyer, the notorious Nart Bulgok, who has never lost a case and is the mythical creature, Bigfoot, as well as a renowned doctor.

After completely botching his opening statement, Mark retreats to a nearby bar to nurse his wounds. But when Nart shows up to offer an olive branch, things take a turn for the unexpected.

Suddenly, the two of them find themselves wrapped up in a sordid night of erotic, gay desire, one that will change the shape of their hearts, and buttholes, forever.

This erotic tale is 4,200 words of sizzling human on gay bigfoot action, including anal, blowjobs, rough sex, and doctor lawyer love.

So who'll be the first commenter to pick "Nart Bulgok" as a username?

h/t Witney Seibold.

Jared Leto Got His Joker Haircut Today [Pic]

By Luke Y. Thompson in Comics, Movies
Monday, March 2, 2015 at 11:33 am

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David Ayer

I've amped up the contrast a bit so you can get a sense of how he'll look with white skin in the Suicide Squad movie, assuming they go the white skin look (hey, Christopher Nolan basically didn't, so it's possible).

I guess now the question is will we get the first cinematic Joker since the '60s without some sort of surgically altered mouth? Or will they go full modern and rip off his face? (Highly unlikely as far as the latter, I'd bet - you don't cast Jared Leto and hide his pretty mug all movie.)