I... I have no words for this video. It was sent to me by GalvaTRION, and it apparently from a Sweidhs show/event called the Melodifestivalen held last week. After a minute of Swedish people talking to each other in the dark, this video contains more awesome insanity and insane awesomeness than I have ever witnessed before in my entire life. After bursting out with a torch, here is what Dolph Lundgren does in this video:

• Sings an Elvis song
• Dances
• Plays an awesome drum solo
• Breaks several wooden boards
• Breaks several blocks of ice... with one chop
• Returns to finish the song
• Has sex with all eight of his female back-up dancers, at once, and satisfies them all (I assume this happens immediately after they exit the stage)

And he does all of this in a tuxedo. You know, I've often wondered what the platonic ideal of awesomeness would be -- the most perfect representation of awesomeness that all other awesomeness is but a reflection of. I am wondering no longer.

Since Planet Hulk came out last week, a trailer for Marvel and Lionsgate's next direct-to-DVD cartoon movie was included, that being Thor: Tales of Asgard. It's about young Thor searching after the sword of Surtur and getting Asgard into a war with the frost giants or something or other. I'm trying to avoid my traditional bitchings nowadays (with a limited amount of success, admittedly) so let me try and bring up my thoughts through the new information this trailer presents to us.

• I'm not thrilled about watching a Thor adventure where he doesn't have Mjolnir. I mean, if I'm paying for Thor, I'm generally paying for hammer-time as well. Still, this movie is about young Thor, so I can let it go.
• I do like seeing Thor and Loki as brothers, before they were bitter enemies. That's cool.
• I am very concerned about Thor's line "That sword has taken its last life!"  and Loki's "We're royalty, we're not made for adventure!" These are Norse gods we're talking about here. The only thing more ridiculous than Thor not being ready for adventure -- even as a tyke -- is him worrying that a weapon is too dangerous. even if you take into account that these are the Marvel versions of Thor and crew, doesn't this seems preposterously out of character? Shouldn't Thor get rid of Mjolnir and stay home to watch the Puppy Bowl repeats if he's so worried about weapons and incapable of going on adventures? (Via Geeks of Doom)

​So there were nearly twice as many entries in this weekend's TR contest as the week before. I would have assumed that more nerds had gotten angry than could imagine a drinking buddy, but I underestimated the power of booze and the chance to talk to our icons, alive, dead or fictional. I'm particularly gratified by everyone who sucked up said they'd like to have a drink with me. Here's hoping you guys can make SDCC this year, because I'll be doing another TR meet-up, and we can all have that drink then. Now,I'm going to talk about how awesome all the entries were in a minute, but for now, enjoy some of the shorter, more quotable entries that made me chuckle:

SpiderHyphenMan said:

Robert Downey Jr., in full Iron Man gear.

Boyle said:

Once again, those of us who would like to deep throat Joss Whedon are headed off at the pass by unreasonable restrictions. Oh, the humanity.

JTtheConqueror said:

Not sure if this is substantially nerdy, but Hunter S. Thompson would be the greatest. He'd bring booze, guns and drugs. Dangerous, yes. Can you trust him, no. Would you wake up with a Z carved into you're forehead, possibly. Would the house be destroyed, obviously. Is he dead yes. Holy shit I just realized I am describing Zombie Hunter S Thompson. excuse me while I trademark that horrifying image.

pumpkinguts said:

I would want to be stranded with William Shatner. He's banged tons of chicks and I'm sure he has some great stories, so that when my penis finally gets working again I can jerk off all day; however the icing on the cake would be that wherever we were stuck for the weekend I know he would have gotten a great deal from Priceline.com. Priceline Negotiator!

badmacktuck said:

Bill Nye the Science Guy (Secretly I'm just hoping he lets me wear his lab coat)

Joey said:

without doubt Alan Moore. in addition to conversing about the pros and cons of anarchy, i could glean valuable insight in the arts of beard maintenance and ingenious story-telling at the same time.

Wade vs The World:

I would pay anything to have shots with Brian Blessed just so we could raise our shot glasses high and toast.....HAWKMEN! DIIIIIIVE!

Farmboy said:

I'd tie one on with Lois Lane. We can hash out all her Clark/Superman issues over Bloody Mary's...with celery. SUSPICIOUSLY. MOIST. CELERY.

Screampants said:

Peter Cullen. Because I really want to hear what Optimus Prime sounds like when he's totally plastered.

LadyIslay said:

Although an unlikely choice for most nerds, I would totally choose Kryten. Let me explain: I'm not much of a drinker. I'm not much of a housekeeper, either. If Kryten was snow-bound in my home for several days, he would clean EVERYTHING... and find it all very satisfying. Laundry would be folded, sock drawers would be organised, dishes would be washed, windows would sparkle and toilet bowls would shine! Even better, when he was all done, he would probably love to kick back with a pair of knitting needles or be thrilled to do some scrapbooking. All I would need to do is make sure he felt appreciated. As an unexpected bonus, per the contest rules, Kryten doesn't even HAVE genitalia.

Murphy's Law said:

Even though they were already mentioned, im going to have to go with the MST3K crew. Just so i can finally have my dream of getting drunk and making Mystery Porn Theater 3000. Im not saying just any type of porn though, i mean porn thats more like a horror/mystery porn. We'll probably just end up yelling, "Dont go in there!!!" a bunch of times.

JazzyChazzy:

It would have to Milo Ventimiglia... Ventimigla... W/E. SO I CAN SPEND ALL NIGHT PUNCHING HIS DOUCHEY FACE IN. And then spend a couple of hours thinking up "Your face is so douchey" jokes, and then I'd break for tea, and then continue to pummel and mock his face.
DEAR LORD I HATE THAT MAN'S FACE.

Winners after the jump.

Continue reading...

​
On Friday, DC's Source released two covers for the upcoming Return of Bruce Wayne comic written by Grant Morrison and about the adventures of Bruce Wayne quantum leap-ing through time. The first cover had that Bat-themed caveman outfit we'd already seen, but the second had Bruce as a bat-themed pilgrim. It's above.

Seriously. A cross between Batman and a Thanksgiving pilgrim. I'm pretty much ready to award Return of Bruce Wayne the Best Comic of 2010 award right now. If we get a Batman/Roman soldier hybrid later on, my pants may actually fly off my lower torso in pure joy.

It's true! So says Kotaku, who have announced that Travelers' Tales have announced they'll be making a Clone Wars game in the style of their popular (and very, very fun) Lego Star Wars games. Apparently they'll be based on the first two seasons of the show (season 2 just started a little while ago, right? With the Mandalorians?) and will come out this fall for pretty much everything. You guys have heard my rants about Clone Wars, but I'd play a Lego game based on the Star Wars Holiday Special if they made it. And as long as the characters look like Legos and not puppets from the '50s, my biggest problem with the Clone Wars will be utterly avoided. Keen!

​
From the mouth of Neil Gaiman himself, as told to SFX magazine:

"Over the years SFX, and its readers and their votes in the polls, have always been very kind to me. I thought I'd return the favour with what used to be called, in journalistic circles when I was a boy, a scoop.

As anyone who's read my blog knows, I'm a big fan of a certain long-running British SF TV series. One that started watching -- from behind the sofa -- when I was three. And while I know it's cruel to make you wait for things, in about 14 months from now, which is to say, NOT in the upcoming season but early in the one after that, it's quite possible that I might have written an episode. And if I had, it would originally have been called "The House of Nothing". But it definitely isn't called that any more.

Countdown. You've got about 14 months."

FUCK. AND. YES. Pic of a giant Neil Gaiman crouching next to a normal-sized TARDIS or a normal Neil Gaiman holding up a tiny, adorable TARDIS courtesy of Den of Geek.

​If you're a massive Ghostbusters fan and desperately trying to avoid spoilers about the seemingly-happening Ghostbusters 3 movie, I'd put your particle accelerator in front of your eyes, because this is a big, big spoiler. If it's true. Which it could be. So... you've been warned.

Remember when Sigorney Weaver said in some Avatar interview that Bill Murray was going to be a ghost? Well... now Bill Murray is saying he's going to be a ghost, too. From an interview with The Mail as summed up by Empire:

"I'll come back in Ghostbusters 3 only if I get to be a ghost," Murray told The Mail On Sunday in an exclusive interview. "I said to them, 'I'll do it if you kill me off in the first reel.' So now they are going to have me as a ghost in the film."

Fuck. Is there anyone who wants Bill Murray to be a ghost in a Ghostbusters film other than Bill Murray? I want him to bust some goddamn ghosts, dammit. Does this mean that there'll definitely be a new young team for the elder Ghostbusters to train? I have no idea.

Now, there is a not minuscule chance that this might be untrue, despite the seeming confirmations from both Weaver and Murray. First of all, the Murray interview was done back in last October, although The Mail has for whatever reason decided to finally publish it last weekend. That's 3-4 months where things could have changed. Also, we've all heard about the millions of GB3 scripts; maybe he and Weaver were referring to an older one. And last but not least, this is Bill Murray. He could be yanking our chains. I certainly hope so, but it certainly feels like I'm in denial over this. My question for you guys -- can Ghostbusters 3 be that enjoyable if Venkman is a ghost for most of it?

​My pals -- er, pal -- at ToyFare got the exclusive scoop on the figures in wave 14 of Mattel's DC Universe Classics figures, and man, it's a doozy. If you can't tell by the pics above (and I can't, so I'm not judging you), they are:

• Zatanna
• Tyr
• Green Lantern (Alan Scott)
• Hourman
• Obsidian
• Gold
• Kamandi
• Build-a-Figure: Ultra-Humanite

I've talked before about how Mattel seems to be making the most obscure DC superheroes it can for this theoretically mass-market toyline, but this is ridiculous. I guess there's a chance kids have heard of Zatanna from cameos in Smallville or JLU, and maybe they'll buy Golden Age Green Lantern because he's a Green Lantern, despite not looking like any GL they've ever seen. But the rest? Madness. Oh, and apparently this is the new Wal-Mart wave, so good luck, DC collectors -- I'm pretty sure no human being has ever found last year's DCUC Wal-Mart set. Still, if I ever see it, even I have to buy a Kamandi figure, just on principle alone. (Via Poe Ghostal)

This is the commercial for the Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time movie that aired during the Super Bowl last night. Since I'm still recovering from a great game and a great party, please just recall my previous comments -- looks surprisingly accurate to the videogame, Jake Gyllenhaal is so not Persian -- and pretend I also said something brilliant and funny. Now I'm going to get some coffee.