​So there were nearly twice as many entries in this weekend's TR contest as the week before. I would have assumed that more nerds had gotten angry than could imagine a drinking buddy, but I underestimated the power of booze and the chance to talk to our icons, alive, dead or fictional. I'm particularly gratified by everyone who sucked up said they'd like to have a drink with me. Here's hoping you guys can make SDCC this year, because I'll be doing another TR meet-up, and we can all have that drink then. Now,I'm going to talk about how awesome all the entries were in a minute, but for now, enjoy some of the shorter, more quotable entries that made me chuckle:

SpiderHyphenMan said:

Robert Downey Jr., in full Iron Man gear.

Boyle said:

Once again, those of us who would like to deep throat Joss Whedon are headed off at the pass by unreasonable restrictions. Oh, the humanity.

JTtheConqueror said:

Not sure if this is substantially nerdy, but Hunter S. Thompson would be the greatest. He'd bring booze, guns and drugs. Dangerous, yes. Can you trust him, no. Would you wake up with a Z carved into you're forehead, possibly. Would the house be destroyed, obviously. Is he dead yes. Holy shit I just realized I am describing Zombie Hunter S Thompson. excuse me while I trademark that horrifying image.

pumpkinguts said:

I would want to be stranded with William Shatner. He's banged tons of chicks and I'm sure he has some great stories, so that when my penis finally gets working again I can jerk off all day; however the icing on the cake would be that wherever we were stuck for the weekend I know he would have gotten a great deal from Priceline.com. Priceline Negotiator!

badmacktuck said:

Bill Nye the Science Guy (Secretly I'm just hoping he lets me wear his lab coat)

Joey said:

without doubt Alan Moore. in addition to conversing about the pros and cons of anarchy, i could glean valuable insight in the arts of beard maintenance and ingenious story-telling at the same time.

Wade vs The World:

I would pay anything to have shots with Brian Blessed just so we could raise our shot glasses high and toast.....HAWKMEN! DIIIIIIVE!

Farmboy said:

I'd tie one on with Lois Lane. We can hash out all her Clark/Superman issues over Bloody Mary's...with celery. SUSPICIOUSLY. MOIST. CELERY.

Screampants said:

Peter Cullen. Because I really want to hear what Optimus Prime sounds like when he's totally plastered.

LadyIslay said:

Although an unlikely choice for most nerds, I would totally choose Kryten. Let me explain: I'm not much of a drinker. I'm not much of a housekeeper, either. If Kryten was snow-bound in my home for several days, he would clean EVERYTHING... and find it all very satisfying. Laundry would be folded, sock drawers would be organised, dishes would be washed, windows would sparkle and toilet bowls would shine! Even better, when he was all done, he would probably love to kick back with a pair of knitting needles or be thrilled to do some scrapbooking. All I would need to do is make sure he felt appreciated. As an unexpected bonus, per the contest rules, Kryten doesn't even HAVE genitalia.

Murphy's Law said:

Even though they were already mentioned, im going to have to go with the MST3K crew. Just so i can finally have my dream of getting drunk and making Mystery Porn Theater 3000. Im not saying just any type of porn though, i mean porn thats more like a horror/mystery porn. We'll probably just end up yelling, "Dont go in there!!!" a bunch of times.

JazzyChazzy:

It would have to Milo Ventimiglia... Ventimigla... W/E. SO I CAN SPEND ALL NIGHT PUNCHING HIS DOUCHEY FACE IN. And then spend a couple of hours thinking up "Your face is so douchey" jokes, and then I'd break for tea, and then continue to pummel and mock his face.
DEAR LORD I HATE THAT MAN'S FACE.

Winners after the jump.

​In honor of the Smallville: Absolute Justice special airing tonight at 8pm EST, as well as my ill-advised live-blogging of said special when I know nothing about Smallville or the JSA, I decided to poke around for some Smallville fan fic for today's entry. Buried deep within the Clark/Lois, Clark/Chloe, Clark/Lana, Clark/Chloe/Lana/Lois, and Clark/Lex stories was this little gem from Superman181, which, to give it credit, at least takes place in the show's title location and not in Metropolis.

Lois Lane had been working hard on the farm all day and she stunk to high heaven. She put down the shovel and walked into the Kent house. She knew no one else was home, so she began taking off her clothes as she walked up the stairs. By the time she reached the bathroom, her tank top and short jean shorts had been removed, and she was just in her polkadot bra and panties. In a matter of minutes, those were gone too. She turned on the bath water almost as hot as it could go. Steam began to fill the room. Lois began undoing her braided pigtails. With her hair let down and Lois Lane in all her glory, she admired herself in the mirror. She had a damn good body and she knew it. Her large breasts were perky, and the nipples were a tan-brown and puffed out just enough.

Oh, lord. Puffed out enough for what? I'm truly glad my mind cannot provide me with answers (if you have some theories, feel free to not share them with me in the comments). You know, let's just continue this after the jump.

No, it's not a new faux literary classic -- it's a fan-altered trailer to add a bit of vampiric goodness into the classic film. It's a bit subtle, but it's incredibly well done, and extremely well edited. Here's the summary from the YouTube page:

The film tells the story of Scarlett O' Hara, one of the last surviving human beings, who is caught in the midst of a great vampire civil war. Marvel as she outwits the forces of the undead, while she flirts with her true bloo... er... love. Complete with heartaches and staked hearts, "Gone with the Wind with Vampires" will 'blow' you away.

Well, at the very least, no one sparkles. Thanks to Ivan for the tip.

Unless you're LARPing with these guys:
Holy fuck. After about a minute, when I thought things were getting a little too weird, things suddenly got really weird and I couldn't turn my head. Now, supposedly this is a Spanish game show -- any Topless Roboteers in foreign lands who can help us with this would be greatly appreciated -- but why the fantasy bent? Moreover, why the frog licking? The dancing midgets? What's with the weird orc guy who prances about? Is that girl crying? I think I'm going to grab a bottle of scotch +4 and see if I can make a saving throw to forget this little nightmare.

Not College Humor's best, but I still got a chuckle out of Sonic trying desperately to tell Mario about his recent slate of games. Also: "I knew a guy... who had a Dreamcast."

Last weekend in Astoria, a sci-fi burlesque show was held. Lovely girls dressed as Leeloo from The Fifth Element, Starbuck and Caprica Six from Battlestar Galactica, Catwoman, Silk Spectre and more danced and undressed, as you can see in this video (the band, which I believe is AM Preacher, playing "Science Fiction Double Feature," is a nice touch). FYI, this video contain a lot of pasties, so it's probably NSFW, although since there are no exposed nipples, it's technically safe for YouTube. It's pretty dimly lit, so maybe you can get away with watching it as long as no one's too close.

Normally, I know nerd guys -- and many nerd gals -- like the sexy acts of nerdery, and thus I'm happy to post these things. However, there's something more significant going on here. I would like to point out that Hazel Honeysuckle -- who's Leeloo and Seven of 9 in the video -- emailed me this video specifically, as opposed to someone else telling me and sending me a link. So. In summary: attractive nerd girls, in cosplay, are now sending me videos of themselves undressing.

My life is awesome.

Above is a short trailer for a CG zombie flick called A.D., found by Zombie Info. Despite the very poor zombie survival techniques displayed by the characters -- i.e., just sitting in the middle of the road and allowing themselves to get surrounded -- it's a beautiful trailer, especially the environments. I even like the extreme, Clone Wars-esque character designs, since they don't look like they're actually made of wood, and it looks extra cool on the zombies. Zombie Info has way more, er, zombie info on the makers and their hopes to turn this into a real movie; you should check it out. Thanks to Snoodle for the tip. (Via io9)

First, Lost fans. Our long wait is over and the final season begins tonight (you may have heard). I'm excited as hell, so for one last hurrah here's the "Lost answers Song."

Although a nerdy novelty song, it does work as a shockingly accurate checklist of everything I want answered from the show, if only for proof that these writers knew more about where they were going than the BSG writers. At any rate, this is a great day for nerds -- don't let anyone bring you down.

Now, Lost haters -- come on. Even if you don't like Lost, it's the biggest fucking nerd show on TV. Am I not supposed to cover it? I loathe Heroes, but sometimes there's it has news. Should I not cover it? Of course not. You guys need to chill. That said, now that the premiere is finally here, I don't think there'll be much news/nerd media regarding Lost until the finale -- but yes, I'm going to cover it again then.  Still, I want to offer an olive branch -- you obviously don't care about me ending the day with a Lost song, so you may enjoy this instead.

See? I wasn't joking. There's a wacky, zany, kooky nerd video for everybody. So remember: when life gives you Predators, you don't go around telling Predators they suck on internet comment threads. You make a fucking trap and drop a massive spiked log into the fucker. Metaphorically speaking, of course.

I don't think you have to be an anime fan to appreciate this utterly insane feat of stop-motion animation. Admittedly, the video of the "apple" existed previously -- you can watch it by itself right here -- but to print out all of the frames of animation and then have them move around like this? Impressive. Hell, I wouldn't have enough enough to print out all those goddamn copies. (Via AnimeVice)

Ladies and gentlemen, I post here not to mock Avatar -- nor does the brilliant perverted misanthrope behind that 70-minute Phantom Menace review, either. His two-part review of Avatar isn't actually crapping on the movie, but breaking down James Cameron's utterly calculated approach to making every single aspect of the film appeal to audience's basest emotions in the simplest way possible. It's not especially creative or artful, but as the dude points out, it's totally effective, which can be seen in Avatar's ridiculous box office. It's a great watch, whether you enjoyed Avatar or not. Really! Part two's after the jump; thanks for everyone who sent this in.