The 10 Greatest Dicks in American History
Posted at 5:00 AM Jan 24, 2008
By Mo Fathelbab
Ever meet a person who somehow fit their name, like a beach bunny named Sandy or an emcee named Mike? Cool, isn’t it? Well, here is a run down of notable guys named Dick who turned out to be the personification of their given name. Once hidden in the mists of time, we invite them to stand tall, proud...erect…knowing that their name has thrust them into the tight, wet hall of history.
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10) Dick Butkus
This Dick sullied his hallowed NFL career by taking the job of Director of Competition for the ill-fated XFL (what the hell is a Director of Competition anyway?). Thank goodness it only lasted one season, but this Dick’s work was enough to leave a bad taste in every football fan’s mouth.
9) Dick Van Dyke
This beloved TV Land fixture is on this list for his god-awful Cockney accent in Mary Poppins. It takes a real Dick to speak with a shitty Australian accent and pretend it’s British to Julie Andrews’ face. Plus, his name is one of the few times “dick” and “dyke” ever appear in the same sentence. Neat!
8) Dick Sargent
He took over the Darren role in Bewitched in 1969 (from another Dick – Dick York) and confused a hell of a lot of people. Plus, he could of used his real name instead of his stage name – Dick Cox. That puts him in an elite Dick league.
7) Dick Pole
In this former major league pitcher’s lackluster career, he had 25 wins and 37 losses, with a 5.05 ERA. And now, he’s the pitching coach for the pretty terrible Cincinnati Reds, which means he gets paid to tell current pitchers what to do. Since he’s not giving the money back anytime soon, this guy is a true Dick.
6) Bill O’Reilly
Okay, he’s not officially named Dick. But you know why he’s on the list.
Comments
Umm... no Dick Tracy? I thought this was topless robot?
Posted 01/24/2008 at 12:51:42 PMMy favorite, Dick Pound. He's the head of the World Anti-Doping Agency.
Posted 01/24/2008 at 06:07:54 PMDick Trickle? Dick Pole? (at least Dick Pole isn't as bad as "Dick Cox")
Posted 01/24/2008 at 07:32:01 PMFun list -- loved the inclusion of Dick Jones.
Note: it's "could've" not "could of." Sometimes I weep for our language. ;-)
Posted 01/24/2008 at 07:47:34 PMAnother vote for Dick Pound - come one!! It's hilarious!
Posted 01/24/2008 at 07:54:26 PMDick Pound is easily the best name of all time. How it is not included on this list I do no know.
Posted 01/25/2008 at 12:32:10 AMWe had a guy in New Hampshire named Dick Swett who ran for Congress a few years back. I always found that amusing.
Posted 01/25/2008 at 04:39:42 AMThen there was the legal case in Fla. years ago involving a gay man named Richard (Dick) Inman... no kidding!
Posted 01/25/2008 at 07:12:52 AMGreat list. But #2's last name is spelled A-R-M-E-Y
Posted 01/25/2008 at 11:31:50 AMNH had a Congressman named Dick Swett...ouch..what were his parents thinking?
Posted 01/25/2008 at 12:46:31 PMDon't you guys know about DICK STRONG of Strong Capital Management( Out of Milwaukee, WI)..though the Dick was not that Strong to keep his company as he was found guilty of insider Trading and had to sell his one man empire to Wells Fargo!!!
Posted 01/25/2008 at 12:53:23 PMBill O'Reily should be #1
Posted 01/25/2008 at 01:18:32 PMDon't forget Dick Swett.
NH house of representatives.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Richard_Swett
Posted 01/25/2008 at 01:25:08 PMUnjust that Cheney only made number 3, he's been working so hard for that number one spot.
Posted 01/25/2008 at 01:45:07 PMDick Durbin, Dick Gephardt, Ted 'the dick" Kennedy,
Posted 01/25/2008 at 01:52:04 PMWent to High School with Dick Beecher. And in the phone book, he would be.......
Posted 01/25/2008 at 02:01:19 PMAnd let's not forget conservationist Richard "Dick" Leakey. That's right. Dick Leakey.
Posted 01/25/2008 at 02:10:11 PMI once worked with a guy named Dick Petit. I am sure he was hit with the ladies.
Posted 01/25/2008 at 02:32:55 PMYour political vitriol ruins what could have been a funny piece.
FAIL....
Posted 01/25/2008 at 03:21:11 PMMy mom worked w/ a Dr. named Richard Head.
Posted 01/25/2008 at 03:30:29 PMAnyone remember the song by Sammy Hagar "Dick in the Dirt"
Pretty sure the inclusion of Bill O and the omission of Bill C and his witch makes it clear the poster of this list goes to the top of it.
Posted 01/25/2008 at 03:31:49 PMWhat about Dick Clinton?? How can you ignore the next president???!
Posted 01/25/2008 at 06:42:56 PMDon't think the name was real but I used to live in Maine. There was a town up north a bit called Holden. The joke was: Hi, Dick Hurtz from Holden nice to meet ya...
Posted 01/25/2008 at 06:48:43 PMWhat about Big Dick Cheney ??
Posted 01/25/2008 at 07:15:45 PMDick Van Dyke's atrocious Australian accent is actually an atrocious American one. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dick_van_dyke
Posted 01/26/2008 at 01:29:15 AMWhat? No Dick Solomon?
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Posted 01/27/2008 at 05:22:06 PMDick Jones was the Senior Vice President of OCP, not the President. He was shot up and thrown out of a skyscraper before he ever got to sit in the big chair.
Posted 01/27/2008 at 11:58:00 PMDick Sargent?!?!?!?!
Posted 01/28/2008 at 11:20:53 AMHe's a replacement dick! An artificial dick. Dick York gets my vote.
What? No Keith Olbermann? This list is a sham!
Posted 01/29/2008 at 08:48:42 AMI love how they squeaked bill o'reilly in there... Although i have to admit that douchebag should probably be up around cheney.
Posted 01/31/2008 at 02:01:04 AM=====================
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I think it deserves to be mentioned that RoboCop's Dick Jones was played by the actor Ronny Cox. I'm disappointed that the Dick and Cox jokes weren't exploited to their full potential.
Posted 02/16/2008 at 08:24:35 AM...Plus, he could of used his real name instead of his stage name...
Hey, Mo! "Could of" does not equal "could have"
Learn to use grammar and spelling, moron! And quit posting your thinly-disguised political views as weak attempts at dick humor.
Posted 05/08/2008 at 09:24:49 AM