I applaud your efforts here, but it seems like very few of these things are items that anyone actually buys, rather just things people like to make jokes about "Female Body Inspector" (also known as "Federal Breast Inspector") tee shirts have been fully vilified over the last 15 years or so and just about everyone agrees that fake tans are odious, to say the least. Things like Axe Body Spray and pukka shell necklaces are fantastic entries in the "douchebag" category, but some of this other stuff would qualify more as "comedy props" than as actual items that people really buy. I've never seen anyone wearing anything that proclaims their love for their penis, but I absolutely have seen people wearing assaholic tee shirts from Urban Outfitters that say things like "Everyone Loves an Irish Girl" and other wonderfully "cheeky" slogans that just make you want to vomit/cry/start swinging. That's the sort of thing that makes my douchebag sonar start pinging, whereas some of the items on your list (albeit well written) really don't seem like things anyone's ever going to come into contact with. Bluetooth headsets, yes. Bull's balls, no. Much like Bigfoot, I've heard of Bull's Balls- but never actually see them, ever.

Just my nickel minus three.

Jimmy,

I envy you for living in an area of this country where you have never seen a truck with these douchy things hanging off of it. I myself see at least three, and that's before I even leave the parking lot at work. Not surprisingly, all the guys that have these on their trucks are definetly douche bags of astronomical proportions. Accompanying the balls, usually a sticker(s): some Nascar driver's car number, Skin, NRA, Calvin peeing on some other Nascar driver's car number, or those weird stripper silhouettes. I suspect that maybe one of these douches might have a barbed wire tattoo, if not all three. I'm allergic to all of the things on this list, they make me break out in punches. Good post.

Damn! I failed to notice that Mr. Bull Balls also has those super cool fake bullet hole stickers on his truck. Balls on truck + fake bullet hole stickers = MEGA DOUCHE and/or 40 yr old virgin.

Well you got me on the Calvin thing, that's for sure. I want to take a baseball bat to back windows that sport Calvin pissing on anything. The only one I give a pass to is Calvin pissing on Calvin, which I've yet to actually see but which I'd enjoy driving behind on the freeway someday.

Anyhow keep up the good work, I'm a very large fan of the blog.

Yah Jimmy, Art is right. If you live in Southern California you're guaranteed to see these vomit-inducing balls on at least five trucks you see per day.

I envy you as well for living in a geographic region devoid of such horrid car accessories. You are blessed.

Actually, I do live in Southern California and I've yet to see those metal testicles (except in movies or the occasional auto parts store).

Though it occurs to me that I probably just wasn't paying close attention and if they really are prevalent in SoCal- I'll be seeing them all over the place from now on.

Hooray...

If I saw a decal of Calvin pissing on Calvin, I think the universe would devour itself.

@Jimmy Suggs: I see many of these items where I live all the time. It's definitely not a theoretical list - the FBI T-shirts are popular in my area, as are the Calvin stickers, the barbed wire tats, the bluetooth headsets and a few of the other items. Excellent post.

Erica Asahan on the 10 things:

Ha ha ha! LMAO! This is really funny! I don't have any of those, but I know a friend that does!

I do love my penis.... I just do not need a teeshirt reminding me of this.

you want to see rubber balls on a big truck? Just go to your local lake and drive the parking lot where the rigs they use for towing are stashed... while many boat owners are cool and I have no issue with them - I'm still betting that at any given lake in the US you will find a set somewhere...
Sadly in Arizona I've seen far too many... cut a pair off once... :) I just had to do it...

Some of the Bluetooth population do fall into the "Douche" category, however when you need to make a call and you're driving a manual transmission, I'd love to see you do it with a phone crammed to your ear.

I was right with you until I saw the Bluetooth headset. I have a Bluetooth headset and it makes me cool! Granted, I'm a girl, so having a telephone attached my head just makes sense. Just kidding.

This looks like a job for Mail-A-Douche: http://www.mailadouche.com/

HAHAHAH

Jimmy said

"Just my nickel minus three."

That sir, makes you a DOUCHE.

Let me say first this was a fine list. I would also add to the list anyone carrying a starbucks cup. the paper ones, not the insulated mugs. it just reeks of superiority. I should know, I work at one. I almost never buy drinks from Starbucks, and the few times i do get one, I feel embarrassed to bring it to class. I can just sense the implied douchebagginess that such a cup puts off.

Regarding AXE, it's funny to think that that product, clearly marketed to the low IQ side of the Douche-bag, is belongs to the very same company as the famous DOVE, with their "super politicaly correct" campaign about the real beauty... (remember? Dove "Evolution" Campaign - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iYhCn0jf46U)

That company has double standards, it seems...

Pat

"Bull's balls, no. Much like Bigfoot, I've heard of Bull's Balls- but never actually see them, ever."

He must not be living in the southeastern part of America. I see more trucks with them than not.

Although I found your list hilarious, do you even know what a douchebag is ?
It is a feminane hygeine device/product which helps keep a woman's vagina clean.
In point number 9, using the term, "steaming pile of douche", makes no sense ? Maybe 'steaming pile of shit' would be more appropriate.
Using language you understand would help the piece I think.

OK, I admit I own a Bluetooth headset, but I ONLY wear it in the car. I'm not one of those assholes wandering around Target who look like they're talking to themselves about last night's "American Idol".

The headset is necessary for driving, especially if you drive stick, and Mom always (ALWAYS!) calls while you're merging onto the freeway. And if you think that I should let my Mom just ring into voicemail, well, you don't know my Mom....

#3 makes fun of guys that don't know what acronyms are, yet you think FBI is an acronym. Not true. FBI is simply the initials of Federal Bureau of Investigation. An acronym is a word created by initials, like SCUBA, NASA, NATO, etc. Or, am I a douche for mentioning that?

I confess to being annoyed by the conversation police. Why is it rude to have a conversation on your cell phone in a public place, but not rude to have a conversation with someone in person?

Have we all moved into a library?

Well come to Texas and every other dbag in the world with a oversized belt buckle has a pair of those damn testicles attached to their truck. I got a pair and find it horrid to stare at as I am driving to work in the morning.

I take issue with:

8) Watches with an Enormous Face

First of all, it's called a "dial" not a "face". And more importantly, the average diameter of mens wristwatches has gradually increased over the decades from 28mm to approximately 40mm today. These "giant gaudy douchometers" that you describe are only 45-49mm. So why don't you wear a 28mm watch today? Because that's the size of womens watches and it would be too emasculating for you to wear such a tiny watch? I think your resentment towards larger than average sized watches is simply because only luxury watch manufacturers go beyond 40-42mm, and you can't afford one. There's no need to resent and insults people simply because some of us can afford to enjoy the products of Panerai, Breitling and Audemars Piguet, among others. I guess you're just behind the times.

Lost me on the "watches with an enormous face". Reason: it's good idea to have one if your badly farsighted. For many better readability is better usability.
Or perhaps I'm getting it wrong what is meant with that.

Oh shit, I can get balls for my badazz pickup? Whoohoo, my life is complete!

so what if i love my penis?

I own a blue tooth device.. Don't use it.. But I would have place "Gas gusling vehicles" at #1. That doesn't just include SUV's and Trucks. You don't need over 200 horse power or to spend more than I make in a year on car, just because you can - or you have a small penis or wtf ever.

the only thing worse than the peeing Calvin is the praying Calvin. I dig Calvin, and while I can totally believe he'd pee on Mo's baseball glove, he doesn't seem like a religious punk. Keep yer imaginary Gods to yerselves, tossers!

HOLY SHIT! This is hilarious and true.
The main caveat of being a douche bag is that douche bags don't know that they're douche bags. If they did, there would be a lot less of them.
SO...to the guys that are trying to defend their douchebaggery, face it: YOU'RE A DOUCHE BAG.
And if, by some slim chance, that you are NOT...you are DEFINITELY guilty of having REALLY, REALLY GENERIC AND HORRIBLE TASTES. at the very least.

funny...though it depends on how you use the headset. I'm on the road 1-2 hours a day and the headset is absolutely necessary if I'm driving

"While the technology is useful, the application pretty much consists of causing public disruptions and walking around leaving a verbal fart trail of self-importance in your wake." Touché Mr. Arango Touché

Having lived in the gay ghetto of Midtown Atlanta for a number of years, your list struck a chord. I'd like to add my thoughts.

Perfumes and colognes are made to attract the purchaser; Axe smells manly and bold because it's trying to attract men (to buy it). Take a sniff in a gay men's bar and you won't find any Chanel No. 5 that women use to attract men, you'll find lots of Axe and other men's colognes.

Calvin peeing on something isn't nearly as popular down here as Calvin kneeling in prayer: usually in front of a cross or a giant bible and usually affixed with other anti-choice, anti-gay, anti-evolution, bumper stickers. Please send all of your Calvin peeing merchandise to Georgia; we have a desperate need for them here.

For a while, the barbed wire tattoo had the association that one was HIV positive. I don't know if this is wide spread or just a regional thing, but when it was so difficult to talk about HIV (either to bring up the subject or to ask one's status) the barbed wire tattoo was a big clue to just assume the person was HIV+.

The Bluetooth headset is a great way to speak your mind without having to take responsibility for what you are saying (like that episode of South Park where Cartman pretends to have Tourettes). You can walk by someone in the grocery store and say "You have a hot ass." If they take it as a compliment and reply favorably, then that's great. If they turn and look like they want to beat you up, just roll your eyes, point to your headset, and say something else to the pretend person on the other end of the conversation "No honey, Even in that dress your ass still looked sexy." See someone who's being a jerk, walk by saying obscenities mixed with obvious phone conversation "You slimy %*#$&. You are going to rot in Hell. Don't put me on hold again!". Even if you don't have a bluetooth phone, having a headset is your "Get out of jail free" card.

The "I heart my penis" merchandise is somewhat plentiful among younger gay men and the newly out of the closet, but it's also great among lesbians and drag queens. Some variations have "My" replaced with "Ur".

While I don't know if I'd say these are past their prime, many of them definitely seem more popular in the gay community than in the straight world.

Jason Arango is a douchebag.

Wow. this is stupid. Everyone wears axe in highschool and spray on tan? maybe they like looking good instead of your whtie pasty nerd ass. and watches with big faces. maybe they can afford nicer versace watches unlike your poor ass plus that's very nit picky.

go fuck yourself nerd.

Here are a few more, FOX decals and "War is not the answer" stickers = Doochebag

Bluetooth headsets save lives. The real douchebags are the ones who drive with the cell phone plastered to the side of their head.

Have to agree with pretty much everything else though.

I can almost forgive "Joe Businessman" for the bluetooth headset, but the asshole blocking the aisle in Walmart really gets me. He obviously doesn't have a pot to piss in, but he has his damn cell phone and headset. Not only is he a moron who wastes money on shit he doesn't need, but he is truly a super-douche bag!

I think that some of the other useless douche-4-douche made accessories are the stripper mudguards, the stripper antenna attachments, the Apple decals/stickers(or any computer related sticker and/or tattoo, that then crosses the line into the nerdouche), one good indication of a douchebag is if the douche wears his baseball cap at a slight angle or skewed because the person is trying to be a little bit douchier.

Hey big breitling spender. Hope you are enjoying your relic of a bygone era. Enjoy suspenders as well? Buggy Whips come in handy? Why the fack does anyone need a watch today? The cell phone killed the watch, end of story. If you didn't sell your Rolex already you're too late. The only exception is out of country travel where you are out of service range.

The bluetooth is for a-holes because a person typically doesn't speak the same way over the phone as they do talking to the person next to them. People raise their voice talking over the phone because it's not as efficient afilter of background noise as the human ear. The headset mikes work so poorly the receiving party gets flooded by unnaturally amplified background noise. This gets the shouting match started. That and humans are hardwired to be concerned when someone else appears to be talking to themselves. Crazy behavior alarms and agitates people instinctively. So you have to stop and look to confirm the farker isn't crazy. It's like someone in the theater yelling John and waiting to watch 15 john's turn their head. Those Johns are agitated at being tricked. there's a joke in there somewhere.

And yet another top ten list from somebody I've never heard of.

http://www.hotchickswithdouchebags.com/

Wow, i just wasted 5 minutes looking at this idiotic article, if i had time to regfister in dig, i would digg this down, ..so tired of "top ten ..." articles .. easy way to get DOUCHEBAGS to your blog and make ad revenue... dammit
never again!!!!111

It's sad but I'm pretty sure like... 15 to 20 people at my school alone (about 2500 kids) have barbed wire tattoos. That and crosses on their biceps with awesome nicknames they have... God I live around some super douches.

this is funny- one of my ex's was a dumb ass, and wore a big watch... all of my friends call him "big watch" b/c he was a douche! talk about major loser.. he also had a big truck, and wouldnt be surprised if he has those hanging balls and the piss on iraq car sticker- what did i ever see in him?
I was laughing so hard at this site- thanks for the 5 minutes of hysterical laughter!

@Grammar Bastard: WTF are you talking about? NATO is an acronym and FBI is not? Even if it's a made-up acronym it's still an acronym. Confused? The merriam-webster site actually mentions both NATO and FBI: http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/acronym .
Even if I make up an acronym, it's still an acronym, e.g., EIIMUAAISAA FTW!
I think this about.com entry has a better definition: http://grammar.about.com/od/ab/g/acronymterm.htm : "A word formed from the initial letters of a name (for example, NATO, from North Atlantic Treaty Organization) or by combining initial letters of a series of words (radar, from radio detection and ranging)."

@John "it's a dial not a face". You have proved the truth of #8. You also need to check a dictionary. And though this is only scientific enough to prove your douchebaginess and little more, I give you google search:
"watch face" 589-thousand give or take
Results 1 - 10 of about 589,000

"watch dial" 29 MILLION
Results 1 - 10 of about 29,200,000 for watch face.

@John "it's a dial not a face". You have proved the truth of #8. You also need to check a dictionary. And though this is merely adequate to prove my point, it definitely disproves yours -- I give you google search:
"watch face" 589-thousand give or take
Results 1 - 10 of about 589,000

"watch dial" 29 MILLION
Results 1 - 10 of about 29,200,000 for watch face.

Actually, while arguing against the point in #8 you committed 3 cardinal sins of douchebaggery:
1) Attempted word usage or grammar flame, based on misused usage or grammar
2) Marshaling anecdotal and irrelevant but highly detailed details to bolster a claim only an asshat would make (45-47mm blagophones are only available to C-level execs, so that's probably why you haven't seen one)
3) Buying, owning, or defending a product which distracts from a small penis, small ego, or lack or brain cells -- AND THEN attacking a Factually Correct Takedown on it, basing it on the 10-year old douchebag-in-training's favorite phrase: YOU'RE JUST JEALOUS. This was the YOU'RE JUST JEALOUS because YOU CAN'T AFFORD IT variant. I hope few of us here need to price douchebag swag before determining it is douchebag swag.
4) There is a picture which prima facie (no pun intended) destroys your argument. Is it a luxury watch? It doesn't actually even matter -- call it what you will, whoever's wearing that thing: douchebag.

Good Lord I can't edit. I may in fact be a douchebag for spending all that time writing a reply and then pasting it incompetently into the page. It's still true, just harder to read than it's worth.

"bangor" was correct -- "The main caveat of being a douche bag is that douche bags don't know that they're douche bags. If they did, there would be a lot less of them.
SO...to the guys that are trying to defend their douchebaggery, face it: YOU'RE A DOUCHE BAG."

I live in California, and cellphone headsets are actually mandatory when driving a car and using a cellphone.

Sort of like seatbelt laws where if a cop sees you using a cellphone without a headset, you can get pulled over and ticketed.

However, this is the first time I've ever heard of these bull's balls accessories, maybe it's one of those everyday things you never notice until it's pointed out to you by someone visiting from another country.

This was obviously written by some feminist cunt, fuck you!

Hey that necklace looks pretty neat but then again I like strange freakish odd things so on me it would be just normal not outlandish.

BT headsets should not be on this list. What should be is lack of etiquette in USING them. IE its how you use them not the simple possession and usage of them that is douchebaggery.

I think the person who wrote this article is just jealous of these so called "douchebags". I'm not a douchebag, and I have axe body spray. I can safely assume that other non-douchebags have some of these stuff.

John up there gave a good example of what a typical upper-middle class douche would think about all this.

Watches used to be a status symbol. It was suppose to say something about your character. But as mentioned, the cellphone (which is a status symbol in itself) has replaced watches. I don't personally wear one because my wrists feel unbalanced. I really don't justify spending a lot of money on anything. It just doesn't make since in this world of uncertainty. If you do own a large, expensive watch, I'm sorry to say the only people who would be impressed are gold diggers and watch thieves.

A lot of people are supporting bluetooth headsets for "driving". I just think back to the 90's when not everyone had a cellphone. Remember when you left your house? You didn't get any phone calls till you got home. Believe it or not, you can live without making a call while you're driving.

Not that I really care, but I might as well clear it up: Acronym is now a generic term for any letter combination that represents other words, but it initially only stood for letter combinations (standing for other words) that was actually spoken as a word. Hints, FBI is spoken as F-B-I while NASA is pronounced.

Wow....when were you in Anchorage? My boyfriends is right, there are a lot of douchebags here.

How much you wanna bet......Anonymous has a tiny penis and 7 out of the 10 items on the douche bag list? That's the only reason why anybody would be that defensive about an indirect insult. Bet he's a Bush ass-licker, too.

You forgot to add the NUMBER 1 item to the list of lameness....

Creating this website.

People that spend their time identifying and classifying people as douchebags, and products as douchebaggy, and say the word "douche" all the time, are the biggest douche bags of all.

Define douchebag.

Because everyone's at least part douchebaganese by your standards.

Not that there's anything wrong with that.

Or is there?

I live in Ohio and Kentucky (back and forth a lot) and I've never seen those stupid balls. I will say, however, that it doesn't surprise me that people in SoCal have them. Bastards.

Short-pants should also be apreciated in their douchy factor. I find the lack of commitment to either shorts or pants truly infuriating. Throwing out gang-signs in photographs also falls deep into this category. Sunglasses at night. Arm bands. Bro-dudes with tongue piercings... i feel like i was meant to discuss this issue.

Big watch face? Douchebag? Have you ever worn a panerai? Don't confuse class with trash i.e. balls on your pickup.

1) I'm a paramedic. I've seen 20-30 wrecks in the last year - some of which were fatal - that seemed to be the result of someone with diverted attention, looking for a CD, messing with their IPOD, but most of all texting or using their phone. Talking on a bluetooth still diverts attention more than most would think, but it's still a serious improvement that saves tens or hundreds of lives a year.

2) I generally support the term douchebag. We never really had a term for the in-shape guy in the nice car who's too into gadgets and himself and behaves in ridiculous ways. But it's gone too far. Most douchebags are now freely using the word douchebag to describe others. And, let's face it. The ironic hipster may have eclipsed the obnoxious jock on the social pyramid, but they can be just as bad.

http://www.mightypotent.com for the best porn videos online!

WWW.MIGHTYPOTENT.COM

Calvin not a religious punk? Sorry, he's named after theologian John Calvin. Totally appropriate for him to be praying. Not sure about the miracle of changing water into urine, though.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Calvin_and_Hobbes

After all, he believes his tiger is real, too.

The people who have a taste in mid-end/high-end watches have more disposable income every month than you make in 6. Sounds to me like you're just jealous.

There are many idiots who buy gold Rolexes because that's all they know, but I've never met an Omega or Breitling owner who wasn't knowledgeable about the history and quality of the timepiece they were getting.

Great list. Once stipulation: Pukka shell necklaces *on straight non-latino/pacific islanders*

They're not so douche-y when worn by gay latinos or pacific islanders. And especially if they're solid white. That colored crap is really douche-y

I love Australia. Don't see any of this shit. But still manage to have douches. Mostly the wogs with the pink polo shirts, collars popped. As the standard douche bag way.

I agree with everything except for the Axe body spray. Its not for just douches. Its also Great for use stoners, as it allows us to smoke anywhere and quickly cover up the scent. Unless you say smokin weed is for douches too. Then in that case, we are all douche bags.

I've also seen another version of the FBI tee as Full Blooded Italian. Especially douchey when they don't really speak Italian.

AXE is cheap and available in every convenience store. I dare say that while some may purchase it because they are into the commercials, others buy it simply because it's the cheapest thing on the market...

a few more candidates:
- belly button piercings
- warrior tattoos of any kind, unless you are an established fighter
- "i support" .. whatever's trendy ribbons on cars

So, I live in Virginia. Pretty close to VA BEACH. I've seen plenty balls on trucks from the hicks around here, even a pair of neon orange, and hot pink ones. But, the fact that I live down here by the beach I get to see all sorts of men with their pooka shells, their slogan shirts and such since its all so cheap on the strip. And, a lot of the "douche" clothed are military guys just out of basic who've forgotten suddenly how regular people actually dress.

The only one I'd disagree with there is the bluetooth headset, which is a definite necessary evil in my job. I have a real need to have my hands free to save peoples lives while coordinating medical response with my support team.

Using a hand to hold my phone just causes problems in the biggest, baddest way possible.

Really, aren't those 'hot' skin cancer spots a true sign of self important 'douchiness' ?

We're talking about people who are just DARING the limitles energy from the sun the dare to burn their skin.

Face it, tans look good on just about everyone, even fat people look good with tans.

So, I have to lean away from the spray on tan. I see lots of people abuse it until they look unnatural, but the same goes with any type of tanning.

You can turn bronze or brown on the tanning booth also, which is truly more douche like since you have to actually go there a couple times a month or week and bask.

Spray on tans are safer, faster, and they allow fair skin people to have tans. It just makes sense, to accept and plan for the reality of photo aging.

The real question is would you rather be a wrinkled douche bag, a pale white douche bag or a mocha douche bag.

Unfortunately I think pale white pasty men need the spray on tan a lot more than pale white woman, who can look rather hot still.

For a man though, it just makes you look like you've never done a day of work in your life and you live in your parents basement.

Yet men will be the least likely to get them.
So, unless they find that stuff to be worse than skin cancer I'd say it's not too bad. Certainly looks better than be dotted with discolored half dead skin patches all over your body or wrinkly leathery skin and a full body case of freckles.

Man why even bother with a CAPTCHA so easy. Is it a power thing ?

I live in Rio De Janeiro and we do have many douchebags who use AXE body spray not to mention plenty of fat douchebags who wear speedos that are three sizes too small. Seems like the douchebag disease is universal!

You're an idiot.

i love the comments saying whoever created this site is a douchebag- if you can't just appreciate it for what it is don't read it and then spend time commenting on it!
also reading the comments and seeing how many 'douchebags' there are over there makes me glad i'm in the uk!

I have to point out a pretty solid bit of irony: the douche who wrote the first comment.

Anybody who ends a comment with "my nickel minus three" is a douche by definition. In fact, that should have been included in the list. Bet he owns a Bluetooth. What a douche.

@steve
why would your watchkiller cellphone only show the time when in service range?

@ ettu brutus
according to your statement, there is no such thing as jealousy, then? children excluded?

what about Calvin peeing on a truck with bulls balls, a calvin sticker, and a guy driving with a bluetooth headset smelling like axe and sporting a barbed wire tattoo? Acceptable?

OK- as a female I will agree that all of these items are "douchebag" items. However- have you ever really smelled Axe body spray? It really does smell good! I have jumped my bf before just for wearing it- it really does have that affect!

To Strikerzex911:

Yes you are.

I like the whole list except for the watch entry - I have huge hands and wrists, and small watches look like hard-to-read ladies' watches on me. I have to have a large watch.
I do think, however, that skinny little pukes with huge 'status' watches can go suck it.

To tell you the honest truth, much of that list very closely resembles my step-brother who is probably one of the biggest douchebags I've ever seen. Let's roll down the list of what he has: Bodyspray, yes and terrible cologne. Spray on tan and watch, no. Necklace, no. Calvin sticker, no BUT he does have other douchebag stickers on his car. The tattoo....no. However, he plans on getting a tattoo of his own last name in huge letters on his back. Now THAT I would place above the tattoo here anyday. Bulls Balls on truck YES! And it is soooo stupid. Silly shirts, no. Headset, no only because he can't afford it. The thing is, I would add other things to my personal list of douchebag items (which he actually has/wears, coincidentally). Flat brimmed stupid patterned hats, silly "ice" jewelry, mixing skate shoes and urban clothing, popped collar, ridiculously stupid sounding loud muffler attachment.

All of these products would be easily found in Douchebags-R-Us.

I've included this list in my own list, All Things Douchebag

Emily, Axe smells like piss. I submit this as evidence..
Do you use AXE/TAG body spray? Sorry, but you're an idiot.

Personally- I loved this list. This guy must have taken his notes at the Central West End of St. Louis. Big watches with thick ass leather bands, BT headsets, AXE, and barbed wire tats are a fuggin MUST to enter.

People have commented on "BT headsets save lives..." and "They are a must in California...". Fuggin step up and upgrade your radio to a hands free head unit. Not only will it "save your life" but it will make your fuggin 94 civic that much cooler.

This is for that Grammar Bastard way up there:

I think he was referring to the use of FBI on the T-Shirt....douche.

Oh and for Caitlan... Obviously you live a sheltered life away from foul mouthed bastards like the people on this blog that loved it. Douchebag is used in what we Americans refer to as a "slang term" much like calling someone and asshole. They aren't really just the sphincter that gets rid of fecal matter, it's slang for saying they are stupid/rude/angry/moron....etc.

holy fucktits, i love the list. although, i do have some additions:
1. hats with trendy frays and/or rips on them
2. those big aviator sunglasses
3. "Jesus is my homey" t shirts or fake mechanic t shirts with a redneck name like "earl" stitched on.

those thing make me want to connect stiletto heel with nutsack in an almost instinctual way.

Your list is quite great!!!

Well. Just to add something I think should be mentioned/clarified.

To David: I personally wear those long shorts that aren't really "shorts" or "pants" because I absolutely cannot stand shorts that don't at least go over my knees (OCD thing I guess).

The usage of douchebag all around this blog is ridiculous. Can we all not just accept that everyone is a douchebag at least at some point in their life? I think this is more aimed at those who are blatantly huge douches (e.g. the guy with the popped collar on the pink polo wearing a flat brimmed hat turned at an angle).

Bluetooth Headsets: For crying out loud people, it's meant to address people who are CONSTANTLY on them It's obvious they are great and a necessity for driving or if your job requires it. That's like saying wearing shoes to bed makes you a douche and having people say "well yeah but I wear shoes all the time outside....REALLY? Wouldn't have guessed.

Axe: I personally love it. It is great to use in addition to whatever else you use. However, people who overuse the shit are just ridiculous.

Support Ribbons: Hahaha, I fucking hate these. However, I did actually buy one cuz it's hilarious and I figured I'd share it and make others laugh. It says "Some asshole stole my support magnet". I'm actually waiting for the day someone steals it so I can say, "Some asshole stole my 'Some asshole stole my support magnet' magnet."

Tanning: Whether you use the booths, the sun, or spray on, it's the overusage of these that makes you a douche. When you come out looking like a damn Oompa-Loompa.... that's just bad.

Geez I'm not as big a douchebag as I thought I was...I never could afford a Rolex...I thought the truck balls were cool but my Dodge Ram only has a V6 and 2wd so I skipped those...Axe smells cheap, and most colognes give me a headache anyway...bluetooth headsets make one look like Lt. Uhuru, epecially if you're black...not to mention the talking-to-yourself crazy factor. But, I do love my penis and have been to a tanning booth a time or two.

That Breitling watch is very high quality, expensive, and although not my style, rather nice to look at. Most importantly though, it's not an oversized watch. Your "Enormous Face" title doesn't fit watches up to 42mm in body width with of course an even smaller dial/crystal size, unless maybe one is of small stature with very skinny wrists. Especially considering that modern styles of watches make the vintage watches of 38mm and often even more narrow widths look like a man is wearing a lady's watch. You may want to use something like an oversized PANERAI for your illistration. Now, wearing a chronograph without even knowing what those additional dial and function do could qualify for your list, as well as large diver watches for non-divers and super large and rugged military style watches for office workers. I would have used wearing a "bling" watch, particularly the ones coveren in glass chips that are supposed to be diamonds, and are cheap both in price and quality. Check one of the wrist watch forums, like the PMWF, and see if the concensus isn't the same as mine.

In reply to Rick Roberts post about being annoyed by the conversation police...

The problem with cell phone conversation is that it's some kind of perversion of normal conversation because you just hear one person talking. I've rode on a commuter train for 8 years, and I could have 3 girls sitting near me, yapping for about an hour -- and it doesn't really bother me. If I hear a cell phone talker, it drives me crazy in about 0.2 seconds.

Grammar Bastard is right. NATO is an acronym because it's a pronounceable word. FBI does not, so it's called an intialism. And yes, I am a douchebag.

To: Jimmy Suggs
Subject: Douche Baggery

I've seen tons of bulls balls. It's a Texas thing. Everything's big here, including our number of douche bags.

Dude ... you forgot to add Macbook Air to the list. What kind of douche would buy a Macbook Air?

BT headset not so much, I use it at work so my boss dose by see my phone on my head or when I'm driving (one because Its safe and 2 because i use my phone as my mp3 player and its to hard to un-dock)
whats mega doushe is the guys who talk on speaker and holding the phone to there face. They 99.7% of the time have a super gel helmet on with either a tanktop or shirt that's way tooo small screaming into their pre-paid track phone while his d-bag buddy is screaming back at him all for the HEB to hear.....

I'm in agreement with all items on the list except the Bluetooth headset. In some locations, it is now illegal to drive and speak on a cell phone at the same time, unless you use some hands free device. A bluetooth headset fits that bill quite nicely.

Using it outside the car is of course reserved for douchebags only :)

agree on everything but axe. yeah it's pretty cheap and douchebags often use the really "macho" ones and way, way too much of it but it's not all bad and a lot of girls do like it. I'd say extreme over use of macho / musky scents is more the hallmark of the douche.

11) People who make lists trying to make themselves out to be better than anyone else. Jason Arango, you are a bigger douche than any of those listed.

you need levels
so I want to know how much of a douchebag I Iam have at least 4 things on that list.

Oh no. Up here in WA state, using your cell while driving will be a crime. You CAN use a bluetooth headset tho. I guess the state is forcing us into douchebags.

For what it's worth, I found the phrase "steaming pile of douche" to be hilarious, regardless of it's error in definition. :-)

@ Ettu Brutus

An acronym is a "word" -- i.e. pronouncable. You say NATO as nay-toe and NASA as nah-sa, but you say FBI as F B I and therefore it's an abbreviation, not an acronym.

I see these things everywhere and totally agree. Most of the people who have these items are douchebags. But I am myself am guilty of the #10 douchebag item axe body spray. Although I can see the douchyness of this item I must say it has resulted in many smiles and winks from unexpected women.

The only thing I would add to the list are personalized license plates:

4U2NV = Douchebag in a Chrysler 300M and thinks its a Bentley
QTPIE = Douchebag ugly fat chick that wants attention
DAMAN = As in "you da man"...oh Jeebus does that ooze douche

This is to retrospects and gor plus anyone else who commented on the headsets:

USING IT IN THE CAR OR WHERE IT'S REQUIRED IS NOT WHERE YOU ARE DOUCHBAG. IT'S USING IT LIKE A POMPOUS ASS EVERYWHERE ELSE. GODDAMMIT YOU PEOPLE ARE STUPID.

Add 1 to this list to include people who say the word douche

oh and the stupid captcha wannabe for the force is dumb

Here's a douchebag you can add to your list: non smokers who think it's ok (or even safe!) to pester strangers who are smokers. You never see a smoker go up to a stranger and say "you have GOT to try this!". Why? Because it's stupid and rude and you're assuming they really care what you think.
It's not only being a douchebag, but it's going to get your brains stomped out some day. Don't smoke? Great, go hug a tree a move on. In the mood to nag someone? Find someone that knows you that will tolerate it.
And before you bother to mention "second hand smoke" just remember, douchebag research doesn't make it real.

Most of the douchebags that actually buy this stuff are the same one's still sporting lame-ass goatee's and wearing Oakley blades from the mid 90's. Lose the shades tool! Get an identity of your own and throw that red Fred Durst hat away.

I feel bad for you people who live in places where people drive trucks :(

I guess White females don't go pasty white? Your dumb. Go away.

If you've not seen those terrible, terrible blingy watches... they're pushing 6 centimeters. And covered in gold plate and cubic zirconia.

If you don't know why huge watches are douchey, you've obviously never seen them.

Also not sure about bluetooth headsets here... seriously, try talking on the phone while driving stick, without a headset -- as my mother does. Since she's my mother, I won't describe it as anything other than supremely annoying.

po

po

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Bluetooth headsets should have been #1. Unless you are flying an aircraft, these are not necessary. Unless, of course, you are a dirt poor douchebag.

Good article, funny and entertaining.But it would have
been even better without the potty-mouth.

I think this is the last post.

Completely on target, right down to the bluetooth headsets. Except bluetooth headsets may soon need to be in the own category - cyborg douchebags.

Headset? No, it's necessary in the car, and it can be useful if you're doing work that requires two hands.

I would have put gas guzzling SUVs like Hummers, athletic clothes and scrubs (when worn constantly, as if they own nothing else), and oversized ugly purses.

Although this goes through everyones mind and has some truth to it, the list combined with the comments just shows how our society has a problem with judging each other. This is part of the reason why people are so self-conscience, and why we have so many social barriers. It's quite unlikely I'm going to go talk to the guy arrogantly walking around in his striped pink shirt soaked with AXE and his hair spiked up but I'll try my best to be friendly because thats just the exterior, and who knows what my cloths say about me to others?

this means ya a douchebag? noway you wanna see real pricks come to britian and ask someone to show you a chav!

i dont think you have um in america coz stupid ppl in a america are taken in by ya many fast food restaurants.

we let them stand on the street n shag 14 year olds thats y britians got the highest number of teenage mums.

you need to add any "timberland", "Rockport" or "Stone Island" clothes if you see this on a british male dont make friends wit them!!

:D

Many of the replies seem to be from closeted douchebags...

I love the cycle of life...we all scrutinize others to subconsciously make ourselves feel superior by the virtue of coolness. people have different taste, thats what makes everything so awesome, if everybody was "cool" life would be dull. i like seeing people with tacky taste, it just makes me glad that im not like that, and then people look at me and think i have some tacky taste...so what, as long as im happy thats all that matters...right? isnt that what life's about? life is too important to waste on worrying about how "cool" we are compared to others. its funny how none of that stuff matters when people are in danger or hurt or need rescuing...we just help them because the are a Life and we respect that and not because they wear certain things or smell a certain way or act a certain way. i cant imagine a person thinking, after a major disaster, "how many of those people that died had certain tacky tastes?...boy, im glad we are rid of them".

Also in reply to Rick Roberts about why cell phone conversations are different:
People using cell phones tend to needlessly talk loudly.

Might not want to picture a breitling for your watch arguement, becuase they are very sleek and expensive. With prices ranging upwards from $1000 I doubt any douchbags can afford them.

You've only scratched the surface:

Any American made (Big Three) truck or sports car is douchebag material.

Anything item of clothing or hat with "FBI" or some other law enforcement or firefighting initials is douchebag material.

A watch with a big face that's Swiss made and expensive is NOT douchebag material. A Panerai has a huge face. Would you call them douchebag material? I don't think so.

didn't know barbed wire tattoos were products, but much agreed. do you have such a list for girls? if not and you do make one, please be sure to add the cliche above-the-ass tattoo...

AXE??

BT headsets are douchebaggy but are also useful for avoiding radiation. In 20 years we're all gonna have brain cancer from yapping on cell phones all day...

I'm going to agree on every point except the headsets.
Hands-free is the law in most states, and will be everywhere soon.
I don't use mine when I'm at the grocery store, but it's a requirement if I should need to answer the phone and I can't pull over right away.

And Juice, that's a myth. There is no brain radiation cancer.......

I've seen all these douchebag items around my town.
One however - was appropriately altered to make it less douchy - if that is in fact possible.
Calvin was pissing on the heads of Bush&Cheney.
That certaionly classed up that sticker!

i think it's reasonable to draw the douche line on Blueteeth when the phone call ends. if you leave it in your ear when you are not talking, INSTANT DOUCHE.

I hate bluetooth headsets for phones. People look like they're talking to plants and stuff.

WTF!!!!!!!!! who stole my stuff

I think Hummers should be on the list

For Caitlan,
I'm an Obstetrician/Gynecologist. I absolutely know what a douche bag is and I appreciated the "steaming pile of douche" reference. Your point is, of course, correct.

General response: Loved the list. I do have a Bluetooth but it's law in this state for driving and I have to be able to take emergency calls. I figure the people walking around the malls and parks wearing them are getting instructions from the Martians.

why are there not any apple products on this list?

I think you missed the A1 "I'm a douchebag and i want everybody in the world to know it!"

Do you drive a Hummer? Then you're a douchebag!

For Caitlan,

Hi! Guess what? Your a douche for not grasping the vernacular of the demographic this article targeted towards. Furthermore its b/fags like you that fuck up my internets. I didn't agree with the Axe part of the article (is good for covering up pot smells in your car) but I really disagree with you and your fucking inept grasp, combine with a need to correct people. You, miss "Fussy bitch" should take up a career as a sub par teacher who just got tenure thinks they are the shit but really sucks and deep down knows it.

sincerely,
Annon.

I meant to sing my post:
sincerely,
Bryan. not annon I'm just in that habit I guess.

OMG, once this total dork of a friend played softball with his bluetooth headset on. At first I told him "oh I think you forgot to take your thingy off". But sadly he left it on on purpose.

And no, through the whole game he never got a call.

They forgot fanny packs.

you must be a fat guy with no friends...oh yeah, one : your computer !

Axe is for the normal people who can't afford to spend 30 dollars on cologne. Granted it doesn't smell the best, it shows that they at least care, which is nice.

Completely agree with the fake tans. Graveyard tan is the new bronze!

I can honestly say that I have not seen one person who was wearing a watch in the last 2 months or so. I use my phone to tell the time.

Pukka shell necklaces are the strongest indication of douchebaggery(at least from what's on the list) in my opinion.

Calvin... I for one wish the cartoon never existed. I hate the comic strips, I deteste all the references, and I abhor the "Calvin peeing on "

It's not just the barbed wire tattoo that's tard-tastic, it's all wrap around tattoos everywhere on the body. Get something unique.

Truck balls... I wanna kick em! (And I'm not talking about the truck's)

If you actually HAVE inspected a female's body/breasts, you know better than to advertise it, especially if you want to ever again...

I can see the usefulness of the BT Headset, but the way the people use it is just to show off.

If you have a

You ALL are judgemental idiots...Go buy get a life.
To each his own...you ALL more-offs...you dont even qualify as
morons

I wonder if a set of those balls would look cool on my kia?

Great list. I would like to second Starbucks cup (or buying coffee @ Starbucks in general). Very douchebag-ish acitivity.

If it hasn't been mentioned, Calvin praying in front of a cross is pretty douched out by now.

Just my nickel minus three.

just for saying that... youre a douche too....

""I've seen all these douchebag items around my town.
One however - was appropriately altered to make it less douchy - if that is in fact possible.
Calvin was pissing on the heads of Bush&Cheney.
That certaionly classed up that sticker!""

Oh yeah, I guess that guy told them...........You are a douche.

living in sf said:

I feel bad for you people who live in places where people drive trucks :(

Please Just go die now.......DOUCHE.

wearing a bluetooth headset in public is showing off... but wearing one while driving is good sense.

The guy who left the first comment just isn't paying attention. Items on this list that lots of people buy:
1) Bluetooth headsets.
2) Balls on trucks (really)
3) Spray on tans
4) Shell necklaces.
5) Calvin pissing stickers (go to the Midwest, my friend)
6) Axe Body-spray
7) Bardwire tattoos.

Plenty. Of all of them. Lots and lots.

This is a great list.

I can well believe that phagadocious pseudo-men in Cali need balls on their trucks. In the Midwest, however, it would mark you as someone who doesn't actually use a truck other than as a status symbol, which is about like using your toolbox or tractor as one.

In lieu of the penis hoody, I'd have to say anything from Hot Topic or Spencer's qualifies as douchebaggery.

Second anyone who buys Starbucks. You're the epitome of douche.

And Caitlan, you're a douche for being pedantic about a douche. Incidentally, "Douche" is French for "Shower." It can have a variety of meanings.

It doesn't matter how many gay-ass status symbols you have, you're still going to die some day, and driving around in your H3 with a big pair of bull balls, while spraying axe cologne on, talking into your bluetooth about your new barbed wire tattoo isn't going to save you when someone puts two in the back of your head.

I'm a douchebag, and I approve this message.

~ Reverend Slaughter, Ph.D. in Assholentics, Masters in Douchebaggary, and a B.A. in B.S.

Fuck the list, the comments are hilarious and frightening at the same time.....the internets have made us ALL fucktards......(yes, I know, I'm a douche bag for over-using the little "......" so fucking what?

This is hillarious...i especially laughed at the "I Love My Penis" merchandise!!

Does having an extremely small penis qualify me as being a douchebag? Because, seriously, I have an incredibly small penis, Im talking teenie-tiny.

If your comment is more than one line, fuck you and the Ambercombe & Bitch shorts you're wearing.

I was born and raised in hawaii and i gotta say the only people wearing the puka shell neklaces are the haole fresh from the mainland, and axe is definately for douches, the only girls who like that smell are the wierd emo freaks

Not very accurate.

Wasting ur time deciding for other ppl what in ur opinion are douchbaggish and then taking the time to post it on the net is in it self in my humble opinion the epitome of duchebagg behaviour!! Get a life!! If ur so cool why waste ur time with all the shit losers indulge in!!

HAHA fag!!

Mike Wawrzynski said:
Some of the Bluetooth population do fall into the "Douche" category, however when you need to make a call and you're driving a manual transmission, I'd love to see you do it with a phone crammed to your ear.

You idiot. You don't *NEED* to make a phone call. Driving is a dangerous activity and if you want to make a phone call, pull the hell over. Or better yet, learn to plan your life.

Hmmm. I'd drop the BlueTooth & replace that with $ 200.00 jeans.

I'm far from being a douche, but I use my BlueTooth effectively; I'm a roofing contractor & for me, it's a safety thing.

Two Hundred Dollar Jeans, OTOH, are a travesty.

Okay just a few things.
first anybody who even thought the words "you're just jealous" is a grade a douchebag. You call it class, we call it gaudy annoying shit. no i'm not jealous, i could probabl afford i nice, big-faced watch but i don't because, as was previously stated, i have a perfectly good cellphone to tell me the time and i don't feel the need for a big shiny thing on my wrist to let everybody how mush money i have. if that's what you choose to spend your money on, good for you. i think it's stupid.

next the bluetooth devices. i don't think he was necessarily referring to people using them while they drive, he actually was pretty explicit that he was describing people walking around the grocery store annoying everybody. and no it's no much better to be on a normal cellphone but you don't have to speak as loudly and people can look up and see that you aren't yelling at them.

third, axe. i am not trying to defend douchebaggery, the axe marketing (as well as tag) makes me want to kill myself. the fact is that wossname is right when i run into CVS or Wallgreens (your rite-aid in the east) i just grab what's cheap and handy, which usually ends up being one of those tiny little cans of axe. i do try to buy the generic offbrands when i get a chance though.

i really doubt that this post was inended to cause people to argue it was just intended to be funny, which it is. i think with the advent of StumbleUpon i've noticed an increase in angry dumbasses that can't just take jokes. bring back the old internet when it was just us nerds.

About the only thing I see around here is axe body spray. Bluetooth headsets I doubt I will ever see.

Nice list of..ähmm.. stuff.

Bye ;)

P.s.
So maybe you are also looking for printable tattoo design ideas Check this out

The bluetooth thing is not limited to men. The blue-tard or, as they are sometimes called, the blue-holes come in both sexes. There is something about walking around the mall food court carrying a tray of corn dogs with one of those things stuck in your ear that just screams sophistication. Apparently, everyone of these idiots must keep their hands free in case they are required to defuse a bomb whiel simultaneously talking down a crippled plane

Lol why are people hating on the author of this? Hes just making a blog post not killing anyone

Another indicator of douchbaggery cubed is adult men and women who fucking use that GOD AWFUL test speak shorthand shit.

They write LOL on correspondence and TY for thank you and BRB for be right back and a host of other things that make me crazy. If you'd like to reach the penultimately dreaded combo status of being a douchebag AND a rectal suppository, then by all fucking means, use the word "like" incessantly. As in 24 times in one brief, two minute conversation.

Thanks for your post and for reinforcing the correlation between puka shells and abject douchbaggery.

White belts have to fit in there somewhere. They just scream "cockbag"

LK

Things that only douchebags do:

Write worthless list-blogs about mundane crap that no one cares about.

Number one on any douche bag list should be people who make lists like this.
Oil is over a hundred a barrel, terrorists are trying to kill us, our government appears to run by a cabal of the clueless - but what really pisses me off is a guy with a big watch, barbed wire tattoo, and fake gonads hanging from his truck wearing a bluetooth headset. OK then.

You should have included "Toyota Prius". Anybody who thinks a Jeep Cherokee with its minimalistic design and a choice of no more than 6 cylinders is worse for the environment than a Prius loaded with plastic, electronics, and batteries is simply a self-righteous douche who feels the need to have everyone look at him and say, "He's saving the world!"

this is a really shotty top 10
bluetooth headsets at number 2?
im sure theres better douchbag shit then deodorant and tshirts

this list is totally right, you're just bitching because you bought (and use!) one or more of this douche bag shit haha! kill yourslef

I disagree with Jimmy. There are waaaayyyy too many sets of truck balls out there. My daughter and I cringe every time we see them. She says they should be against the law, and I agree. Yes, anyone who buys them is a douchebag. This should be #1 on the list.

but but....what if i love penis then!?
http://katie.blogsite.org

You could also have added those fake "sports ball through window" things. The only thing that could have made the truck with the balls and the fake bullet holes douchier is to have one of those stuck on the back window.

ok, agree with all but the large watch. the eyes don't see the little things as they once did--soooo, i need a big watch with large distinctive marks. on the other hand-since i've retired i don't need to know what time it is anyway

You forgot to put a Hummer on your list. THAT is classic douchebagishness.

this is buull shit a douche is a douche with or without the axe spray

Very very arbitrary list based on what YOU think.

Except the watch, bluetooth, AXE, kind of okay. I like simple large-dial watches, smell of some AXE fragrances, and bluetooth - hell yeah - i even use my bluetooth headset as wireless headphones for my laptop.

HEY! What about the 40 year olds + with hair transplants who address everyone as "BRO" ?

Aren't there other meaningful pursuits in life more useful than determining if someone is a douche bag by what they wear, display, how they look, or whatever? Grow-up, look around you and find something to give your life meaning.

Great list, although the bluetooth headset is appropriate if you are a busy businessman. I think using the term "douchbag" should be on the list also. I've certainly heard some odd insults, and even used a few, but calling someone a plastic-bag-with-tube makes no sense at all. When you hear an expression that makes no sense, refuse to use it. Repeating stupidity is no less idiotic. Perhaps YOU might say, it makes you a douchbag. :-)

w.t.h. i like my bluetooth headset.

I bet i can bench press whoever wrote this article while talking on my bluetooth to my girl. Does that make me a Douchebag? And we can laugh about people that just dont like new technology at the same time or too "reserved" or "sheltered" to accept new things.

I saw the balls on a truck just the other day. I vomited in my mouth a little.

Why have the numerous vehicles, usually trucks, bearing "In Memory of..." statements spread across their rear windows, immediately adjacent to the number decal and Calvin image, not been placed on the list? I can see that replacing the Blue tooth device.

The big watches is definitely true! haha, even here in Scotland! my friend has one and he is a really big douche.. he used to boast about it too! I almost wet myself when I saw it on the list and sent the link to one of our other friends, his instant reply to the item was the persons name and several exclamation marks!! :P

Oh, I disagree so totally with most of these 'do not have' things. I possess several of them and I consider them to be essential to my well-being and lifestyle. i say that you should proudly have them. Who is it that's always making social trouble about petty things? Conservatives!! And we all know conservatives are totally bonkers. So are liberals.

If you think that barbed wire tat is bad you should check out some of the tats on my site.

The Bluetooth headsets are great. I love them. However, walking around the grocery store with the thing in your ear as if it's some badge of importance just makes me want to haul off and start slapping people. If you're not using it, put the bloody thing in your pocket. You look like a fool.

True, many people use bluetooth and cell phones in public,talk loudly, stand there oblivious to other people. However, not all of the bluetooth guys are just showing off or DBs.
My husband is self-employed and spends 40% of his time DRIVING. He has to take calls while he's driving from one job to the next.If you were to see him at the gas station in his WORK clothes, you'd think he was "poor" when, in reality, he earns a bit more than you'd believe. You can't judge someone by their clothes, their car, their "stuff".
BTW- Truck Balls are gross, and the guys who are old enough to drive the big trucks they hang from are emotionally 13 and unlikely to attract grown women.

Great post. Anyone that has issues with any of these are obviously douches themselves. I do agree with people that there is nothing wrong with the bluetooth in a car, but wandering around anywhere in public just screams look at me, I'm a self-important douche. Giant watches are pretty lame too. No one needs watches anymore...thats why we all carry cell phones.

The axe, I disagree with. I wear a couple of scents that they make just for how they smell with my brand of deodorant. It's when you wear enough of it to make a chain smoker gag and pass out that it pings DOUCHEBAG territory.

And I've known one guy to the do the necklace, but he actually doesn't look too douchebaggy with it. One you NEED to put on though, are the fecking visors. Wearing one upside down and backwards is about as bad as it gets.

(That is, except wearing it to a formal dance. And then complaining about having to take it off.)

I disagree with your watch comment- or at least the image you chose of the watch. Brietlings aren't that big, not as big as some of the fashion watches you can get at Fossil, Citizen, and Timex.
I'm not sure if your comment stems from being envious of not being able to afford a quality time piece or not. I have to say that most watches today, aren't much bigger then the calculator watches that were so daft in the 80's.

I'd add H2's and H3's to the list. I once saw a guy wearing a Hummer hat - so people would know he drives one of those monstrosities even when he's not driving it!

"The cell phone killed the watch, end of story. If you didn't sell your Rolex already you're too late. The only exception is out of country travel where you are out of service range"

Yeah, Steve, becaase I want to take out my fucking cell phone every time I check my watch. Bullshit. Cellphones are fucking annoying in general and need to die, and people who use the cell phone like that are douchebags.

I don't get all these people walking around talking on their cellphones all day. They are usually talking about really inane shit. What the fuck are they talking about? If I make a call, I'm off the phone in less than two minutes. I'm not using a cell phone to make chit chat.

"Calvin not a religious punk? Sorry, he's named after theologian John Calvin. Totally appropriate for him to be praying. Not sure about the miracle of changing water into urine, though."

Jesus Fucking Christ on a stick, Lord & Lady, did you ever read Calvin and Hobbes? Calvin never prays once in the strip. He expresses plenty of doubts about God. He believes and prays more strongly to Santa Claus than to God.

"Calvin... I for one wish the cartoon never existed. I hate the comic strips"

Yaria...DOUCHEBAG!

"She says they should be against the law, and I agree."

I hate the truck balls, too, but making it illegal because it offends you is a very douchebag-y thing to do.

I don't think we should be giving a pass to very large t-shirts (often on very large women) sporting Sylvester, Tweety and other Warner Bros. cartoon characters. I recognize the dilemma, however. Before they were co-opted by the zaftig style deficient, they were beloved characters. Same goes for Calvin.

Speaking of the Balls hanging off trucks, if you've bought/painted them blue, that makes you the King of Douchebags!

Number 11: Douchebag list-makers

The list is funny. Not going to comment on the comments.

Who thought a douchebag was a feminine hygiene product? It's a water tight sack with holes punched in it to replicate a shower in an environment where there is no plumbing - if yu want to stick one of them up your **** you must be a douchebag!

This list may have been a bit better about 3 years ago. Seems like a lot of the things mentioned here have faded out and you dont really see much anymore. The calvin thing was HUGE in 2001-03, but I really dont see it anymore, same with the puka necklaces.

Although, great list, I definitely enjoyed it.

Kinda funny, actually. I will say that Axe body spray is highly annoying. I used to work as a substitute teacher and y'all wouldn't believe the way these boys would dose themselves in this body spray, and leave the girls gagging for breath. Most of these girls really wouldn't even like the smell of this crap. Somebody is really running a scam, and a good scam. How can I get some of this cash. I wouldn't feel bad about taking a little money away from stupid naive boys.

While I agree with most of these (mostly the Calvin stickers since its copyright infringement on the highest level), I have to disagree with two of them. Axe Body Spray while no doubt is marketed towards the douche base, doesn't mean that everyone who uses it is a douche. Scent is a purely subjective and opinion based thing and I happen to like most of the scents as does my wife. I personally hate the marketing of the product but its a quick and easy solution to covering up body odor which no matter what your opinion on Axe's scents is worse. The next thing which has been brought up already are Blue-Tooth Headsets, I personally don't use one but most the time I do see someone using it it's in their vehicle which is far preferable to them using the phone, granted most who use them outside of the vehicle are self absorbed douches, but the product itself is invaluable when it comes to people who sometimes have to talk while driving. In fact in you assuming all people who use both these products are douches you prove yourself a douche of just as high a caliber. So congrats your are what you detest so much.

ONLY CUNTS MAKE SITES LIKE THIS. SO SADDO SITEMASTER THIS MAKES YOU A CUNT.

ONLY CUNTS MAKE SITES LIKE THIS. SO SADDO SITEMASTER THIS MAKES YOU A CUNT.

I think this entire thing can be replaced with one comment that douchebags write top 10 lists about what makes someone a douchebag. I mean, come on. Axe is no different than any cologne except it's spray-on. Ooooh, big douche there. Not to mention that many women DO like many of the scents. It's actually marketed quite well.

The big-face watches are a fashion fad the same as women's big sunglasses. Same with the necklace.

I think what we have here is some people who are too smart for their own good, think they know better than the rest of society, and don't understand that fashion actually does have an evolutionary purpose. Get over yourselves. Douchebags.

Added to this list- anyone who says:

"Just my nickel minus three."

Great list. I'm very happy to see axe made the cut.

Alot of stupid items here yes, but you dont have any right to call people for douchbags because you dont share their interest for some of these things. Some of these items might be fun for some to have while others are quite usefull, like the blutooth headset when your driving!!

So the "cellphone killed the watch" did it, Steve?
Maybe for the fuckwit generation that runs around today. Those who can't converse on a cellphone without yelling in the hopes of letting everyone around them know they are "at the movies" or "on the train, yo".

Watches are perfectly acceptable for those of us who don't feel like having our faces glued to a cellphone like some dumb fuck adolescent who can't go 2 minutes without texting the person they are sitting right the fuck beside asking them what they feel like doing.

Yes, there are hideous and ridiculously "blinged" out watches. There are also classy and functional ones that have quite a following in the adult crowd who has some semblance of maturity and don't spend their shitty little paychecks on their riced-out civic or at the Guinnie bars trying to pick up equally vapid skanks who've seen more rubber than half that highways in North America.

How come iPods aren't on the list? Mac computers? These MUST be on the list.

To anyone who says bluetooth headsets are good for talking on the phone while driving:

You should NOT be talking on the phone while driving. You're a douche if you put everyone around you in danger just so you can talk to someone for a bit while you're in your car. I hope everyone who talks on the phone while driving dies of a car wreck they caused.

how is dis stuff duecey i own all of them and i have 2 barb wire tats and i spray tan all the time u guys r gust jealuz i am so much more awlsome than u geeks and im rich i bet ur parents dont on a hollister do they i didnt think so

yo its skyler again i decided to add my nickname this time pretty kool huh i know anyway i am no douchebag cause wile im at the club pickin up chics u nerds are at home probally playing ur video games or online lookin at porn well guess what u see those porno gir1s i get chiks like that so inn yor face fuckos so if any of u nerds live near kountze,texas aka krash-town stop over at my place ill even give u my cell 409-781-3160 and dont prank call me cause i proballly won know its a prank and yull get me all pumped and shit man and u nutballs dont want that shit cause i am hardcore my dawgs u r obuouslie jealus thar i have a ford f-350 with a pair of balls on it and i only ride 25 inch rims or higher so peace

"yo yo yo whats tha seneario boyyyy!!!!!!!!"

and i bet u guys whised u could afford bling bling u doushbags hahahahahahahhahahahahahahhahahahahahahhahahahahahahhahahahahahahhahahahahahah................rotfl.......lol

would a doushbag no all the words to crank that (soulja boy) well i do need proof
Soulja boy off in this hoe
Watch me crank it
Watch me roll
Watch me crank dat soulja boy
Then super man dat hoe
Now watch me do
(Crank dat soulja boy)
Now watch me do
(Crank dat soulja boy)
Now watch me do
(Crank dat soulja boy)
Now watch me do
(Crank dat soulja boy)
[X2]

Soulja boy up in this hoe
Watch me lean and watch me rock
Super man dat hoe
Then watch me crank dat robocop
Super fresh, now watch me jock
Jocking on them haters man
When I do dat soulja boy
I lean to the left and crank dat thang
(Now you! )
I'm jocking on you bitch ass
And if we get the fightin
Then I'm cockin on your bitch ass
You catch me at you local party
Yes I crank it everyday
Haters get mad cause
I got me some Bathing Apes

Soulja boy off in this hoe
Watch me crank it
Watch me roll
Watch me crank dat soulja boy
Then super man dat hoe
Now watch me do
(Crank dat soulja boy)
Now watch me do
(Crank dat soulja boy)
Now watch me do
(Crank dat soulja boy)
Now watch me do
(Crank dat soulja boy)
[X2]

I'm bouncin on my toe
Watch me super soak that hoe
I'ma pass it to Arab
Then he gonna pass it to the low
Haters wanna be me
Soulja boy, I'm the man
They be lookin at my neck
Sayin it's the rubberband man (man)
Watch me do it (watch me do it)
Dance dance
Lets get to it (lets get to it)
Nope, you can't do it like me
Hoe, so don't do it like me
Folk, I see you tryin-a do it like me
Man that shit was ugly

Soulja boy off in this hoe
Watch me crank it
Watch me roll
Watch me crank dat soulja boy
Then super man dat hoe
Now watch me do
crank dat soulja boy
Now watch me do
(Crank dat soulja boiii
Now watch me do
krank dat soulja boi, Now watch me do
(Crank dat soulja boy)
[X2]

All too clean off in dis hoe
Watch me crank it watch me roll
Watch me crank dat roosevelt den supa soak dat hoe(yuuuuh)
Super soak dat hoe (super soak dat hoe)
Super soak dat hoe (super soak dat hoe)
Super soak dat hoe (super soak dat hoe)

All too fresh off in this bitch
Watch me shuffle watch me jig
Watch me crank ma shoulda work
Then superman that bitch(you)
Superman that bitch (superman that bitch)
Superman that bitch (superman that bitch)
Superman that bitch (superman that bitch)
(Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh yuuuuuuuuh)

Soulja boy off in this hoe
Watch me crank it
Watch me roll
Watch me crank dat soulja boy
Then super man dat hoe
Now watch me do
(krank dat soulja boy"
Now watch me do
Crank dat soulja boy
Now watch me do
Crank dat soulja bo
Now watch me do
(Crank dat soulja boi
I'm bouncin' on my toe
Watch me super soak that hoe
I'm gonna pass it to Arab
Then he's gonna pass it to don loc (loc)
Haters wanna be me
Soulja Boy, I'm the man
They be looking at my neck
Says their's no rubber band man (man)
Watch me do it (watch me do it)
Dance (dance)
Leg it to (leg it to)

Oo-kay...

Anyway, Oklahoma is the douchebaggiest state of all. Car balls all over the place.

MY OPION ON EACH ITEM
10.AKS-WHATS DOUCH ABOUT GETING CHICKS UVE SEEN THE COMMERCIALS HAT doushi about scoring
9.spray tan-wats doshsi about havin a sweet man tan
8.watchs with big face-whats douche about bling#
7puka shell- proff there not douchie i have 8 of them
6 calvin sticks-those are alsome of have one on each car
5. barb tats-i have 2 one on my right forearm and one on my left biecepte
4. balls-whats douches about ball on ur truck i have a pair on my f350 and my h2
3. fbi-ok how is gettin xhics doushey it means u inspect hoes bodys u ideots
2.bluetooth-its modern tech baby so u know i roll with it
1. i love my penis-what u are not supposed to love ur penis come on i love mine so i rock it out

First off, great list. But I do take issue w/ #8...

The watch pictured is a Breitling, which, as a brand, run larger than average. But they're also one of the best watches out there. Period.

An image of a crappy knock off with a ridiculously oversized face for the picture would have made your point a bit better.

First off, great list. But I do take issue w/ #8...

The watch pictured is a Breitling, which, as a brand, run larger than average. But they're also one of the best watches out there. Period.

An image of a crappy knock off with a ridiculously oversized face for the picture would have made your point a bit better.

I so totally agree with Bluetooth Headsets, but it should've been number one though! I laugh myself silly seeing people with them!

I couldn't agree more, check out the link for some other odd tattoos.

I have to agree with the "your just jealous" argument to defend my avenger seawolf (pictured). Just because you cant afford to look cool and appreciate something that took weeks and a lot of skill to make, doesnt make it a staple of douchdom. I suggest you do some more research and understand what work and craftsmanship goes into these watches

# 11: Anyone who uses the word "douchebag" most likely is one. It's up there with "Awesome" and "Dude" on the list of horrible US slang words that the rest of the world hate Americans for.

Truth.

Pretty funny list and some pretty funny comments. I would add using hackneyed phrases like "I threw up in my mouth a little" and "move along, nothing to see here." Not funny after 100 times.

i was at a charity fund raiser for kids and one of the main attractions (a semi) had the bulls balls thing going on... talk about tacky

omg you guys are tools im sittin hear listen to insane clown posse and thinkin wow I am so fucking alsome,and then it hits me I should go back to that site and check out the comments to see if the people love my style or are in love with my style and one or 2 gave me my props but the rest of you assclowns didnt write anything about a krash town balla was up with dat u guys just hatin that wat haters do they hate what they aint here is my playlist to prove im no dushe
lil wayne-all his albums i own the guy is the greatest of all time he is a poet
soulja boy-I already mentioned this sweet balla I picked up his album today and jammed out with a couple of homies
Insane Clown posse-There just 2 cool for school and we all no it what isnt cool about a couple of rapping clowns rocking out and I own every album they have released
limp bizkit-no explaination needed there so hardcor its unbleafavlaible.
coldpaly-just 2 deep for words 2 describe amasein geniusies at work
mike jones-who is alsome?MIKE JONES!!!!!!!
creed-us christian rockers look up to this brillant deep band im in a christian rock band and we no dobt look up to them there prob the greatest rock band ever next to limp bizket and icp
yung joc-have you heard coffe shop and if you have you know why he is amaving
silkk the shocker-he is so badass listen to his lrical talant and yoo n0 why he rules
master p-thats one smooth brother he rules
slipknot-there 2 in ur face for most there the heviest of the metal bands in the world!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
so hate now haters go ahead you tastless hater dusebag fucko posers now that I proved I am far from a ducebag I wanna see how jealus you idiots are

I work at a dealership that sells hummers and we havent had a person come here and purchase a hummer that isnt a douchebag but I will give you a story about a family of douchbags.
I live in north texas and rodeo is very popular and all these rodeo fans are huge jackasses.But the biggest clowns were a family that came to the dealership to purchase a hummer to use as a truck to pull there horse trailor thing around texas.The guy walked up to me wearing a giant cowboy hat, green cowboy boots,skin tight wranglers,a mustache,and a larry the cable guy t-shiry tucked in with a giant belt buckle.So needless to say I he was a dumbass then he talked to me with a bad steriotypical texan accent he told his wife to come over here and she was the female version of him then there son walked by me wearing a pink collered shirt with the coller popped and with stupid looking thick hair that went down to his neck and cargo shorts whining to his dad that he wanted to go to the movies with some dude named "tad".Then his daughter starting flirting with me and was about 16 (im only 19) while im normally never shy about flirting this girl turned me off immediatly she actually said "I love black guys so if you and a couple of your friends want to come party with me and my girlfriends thats cool" so that was when I officially tagged them as douchebags she had bleached out hair,a tiny mini skirt,a shirt that barley covered her huge tits,and thick make-up.So when I decided to give her the business treatment she turned to her lil brother and said(omg u think hes gay?) so I said no im married witch is a lie.she said "ohh cause I was bout to start trippen" in the typical dumb blond accent then her and the brother went to the car and started blaring that song "lollipop" by lil wayne witch is one of the most tastless songs of all time and my boss told them that they need to either turn it down or put on a clean song so they put on "yahh trick Yahh" by soulja boy and everyone in the office had a great time making fun of these idiots the entire time and they have to be the biggest douchebag family on the planet.And the girl also talked like she was text messaging she said omg,lol,roflol all damn day I wanted to kill that lil girl

u all are a bunch of fuckin douchebags

u all are a bunch of fuckin douchebags

hahaha this whole page is great.
i know a lot of guys who have those big ass watches and everyone trying to defend them needs to shut up.

im a girl. who is not a gold digger. THEY ARE SO FUCKING GAY. Orange ass fags with a big watch and talkin like LIL SKY up there make me want to set buildings on fire.

And all these guys being like WELL YOU ARE PROBLY PASTEY WHITE AND TOO POOR TO GET A GOOD WATCH.

just because you can afford it does NOT mean they arent douche-tacular

i would completely prefer the hilarious,(supposedly) white as hell, poor ass guy that wrote this to some materialistic douchey son of a bitch that thinks everyone is jealous of him. nobody is jealous. you are a flaming pile of shit.

lil sky is either joking or the world biggest douche. bullshit, hes not getting any girls--except complete white trash, so good luck with that fag.

10.Axe Spray
9.Popped Collars
8.Affliction or Ed Hardy gear
7.Pukka Shell necklace
6.Barb wire Tattoos
5.Any sort of "bling" on a white person
4.Faux hawk hairstyle
3.Bandannas
2.Bluetooth in public/bar/club

....and the number douche tendency....

1.being a club promoter

Everyone in my school's rugby team owns a Female Body Inspector shirt. What a surprise.

"Much like Bigfoot, I've heard of Bull's Balls- but never actually see them, ever."

Well, "Jimmy Suggs," you've obviously never paid a visit to the Western habitat of the American Douchebag--Southern California. Not so much Los Angeles, but in Orange County, out in the (so-called) Inland Empire and down toward San Diego you'll see them. There you will, in fact, get to experience the joy of being stuck in traffic behind some spiky-haired douchenozzle driving a horribly jacked-up 4x4 (usually a big, white Ford F-9000 Turbomax Cock Compensation Diesel) with the decorative testicles dangling from the trailer hitch. (And a Calvin pissing on... sticker in the rear window.) I never thought I'd say this, but I'm beginning to wax nostalgic for the days when all the latent homosexual fucktards stuck those oh-so-cute motorboat propellers in their trailer hitches.

Unfortunately, the balls are all too popular here in NY. In fact one of our young troops sported a set on his oversized pickup truck, replete with prerequisite camo paint scheme and antlers. Unfortunately, he drove said truck onto our military base and was genuinely surprised when we started getting complaints from some female troops. Alas, his truck was emasculated and in a fit of redneck rage he removed the antlers, too.

Wow.... sadly i think i know or have known more than one person that has all or some of these items. Being female, they are not the guys i would pick as a mate, my friends that do own these items (excluding the blueooth) don't take themselves too seriously and though yes they may be considered douschbags, they are a hell of alot of fun to hang out with.

Found this hilarious.
But I have to defend watches... I completely agree with all of you that knock-off, bling-tastic watches are idiotic, but those who buy them aren't necessarily buying them for their functionality. Some women like bracelets, and are willing to drop thousands on a Tiffany & Co. tennis bracelet. The same goes for necklaces, rings, and earrings. Watches are considered jewelry now, so the same rules that apply to necklaces, earrings, and rings apply to watches.
Even huge real watches are douchey in the same way huge necklaces are douchey. It's just a flagrant display of the money that you have.

I wholeheartedly agree with the bluetooth douche and have created a website dedicated to calling these douches out!
HandsFreeHomo.com

-James

As the saying goes: That barbed wire tattoo you get when your twenty? Yeah, by the time your eighty its a picket fence.

Yes world, its true, me and Eminem are in love, but you cant prove this is really us! so haha! only way u can catch us is to go to 205 Crenshaw Ave. Compton, CA, 90222 on a Saturday Night, and catch us making love! bring a video camera if u want to get the proof....... But i bet none of you really will.................

not a day goes by where i don't see another douche. i feel that this list doesn't mean u are one, but these items and actions are some of the characteristics of what we call douchebags. its pretty amazing that there is almost a douchebag hating society....i mean they are out there and not like by a bunch of people...i bet ive been a douchebag in my life a few times...but spay-on tans and spiked up hair with loads of gel, and general arrogance towards everybody gets old real quick...that skyler dude has gotta be the worst speller ive ever seen and im not the greatest...CHI-TOWN!!!!!!!!!

Man those barbed wire tattoos are so lame I totally agree! Affliction shirts should be on this list.

Definitely agree with the bluetooth headset/bluetooth earpiece.

I'm doing my part to help eradicate this plague:
http://BluetoothDouchebag.com