Fan Fiction Friday: Godzilla and some Lion King characters in "Godzilla, King of the Rainlands"

Posted at 2:10 PM Apr 04, 2008

Most of the time, reading erotic fan fiction for this weekly feature is pure pain and misery. Today, however, it's different. I thought I was going to be stuck reading "Bart the Ripper II: Mothersnuffer," which is described by its author as "Ten years into the future, Bart Simpson returns to teach Marge a brutal lesson in rape, torture and death." I was not looking forward to it. But then I spied a Godzilla/Lion King crossover, and my friends, it's so much more than I dared to hope for.

Like Joyce's Ulysses, the story is stream-of-consciousness, eschewing most punctuation, but from an unseen, third-person omniscient viewpoint. The prologue with the stars of the Lion King mourning the death of Mufasa and Simba (stay with me), introducing two lionesses named Sarabi and Ziara to hang with Nala. It picks up in Chapter 1:

Ziara: See i told you Sarabi was not going to succeed in this task the whore is probably slacking Off!!. The Other lioness named Called Nala in barely restrained rage growled out Stop Insulting Sarabi Ziara! she is an good hardworking lioness whom is likely being delayed by circumstances that are not her fault!. Ziara snorted and said in an mocking tone Sarabi is too weak anyway to do "ANYTHING" Necessary for us to get welcome here why she is likely going to reject using her body as an bargaining chip!. Gasps Of shock came from half of the lionesses while nods came from the other one(they were divided between the two leaders) an look of rage was on Nala's Face All right bitch you asked for it!

Cat fight, indeed! Meanwhile, Sarabi who has gone to negotiate something for some reason, runs into trouble in the form of a lusty lion from a neighboring land.

He swatted sarabi down and watched in glee as she looked up helpless, terrified and obviously distressed said What Are You going to do? She had an feeling she already knew but asked anyway he answerd Rape You!

Admittedly, if a stranger screamed "Rape You!" to me, I'd be pretty terrified, too. After an hour (!), Sarabi is rescued by a mysterious stranger who says this:

Never though i would save anyone but if thier is one thing i hate its rape...

More wonder after the jump!

That's right, baby—it's Godzilla who saves the day! But after Godzilla takes Sarabi back to his cave, Sarabi learns that Godzilla is not a kind and loving god...

An lioness was pleading with the creature known as Godzilla to spare the lives of her pride mates. suddenly Godzilla's Reptilian head spun around and his eyes narrowing stated in an calm tone that barely hid the anger behind it. What do you mean by PRIDE MATES?!. The lioness cringed and said please try to understand sir that we where starved and they likely had no cho(SMACK!)she was cut off by Godzilla's backhanded strike on her cheek. That left an black mark on it. LISTEN GOOD LITTLE LIONESS THE ONLY REASON I SAVED YOU FROM YOUR RAPIST WAS BECAUSE YOUR INTRUSION WAS SECOND TO THE FACT THAT THEIR WAS ANOTHER MALE ON MY TERRITORY AND I DO NOT TOLERATE RIVALS OR ANY OTHER CARNIVORES ON MY TERRITORY SO SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!. the stunned lioness watched helplessly as the now enraged god king of the Rainlands stormed off towards the her sisters 'oh spirits of kings past please help them escape his wrath' she thought/prayed.

Now that's pretty much the entirety of Chapter 3, and the author's only up to Chapter 4. But the magic does not end there! See, the author—who, I should probably add, is named Godzilla (interesting!)—has included a score for his masterpiece. Ready?

1. I am Comin by Sikk the Shocker aka MVP's entrane theme

2. Man In the Box by James A. Johnston aka tommy dreamers theme song

3. The Game by motorhead aka Triple HHH Theme Song

4. Ric Flair Entrance song

5. Rest in peace undertakers theme song

IT'S ALL THE ENTRANCE MUSIC OF PROFESSIONAL WRESTLERS. FUCK AND YES.

You can read the whole thing here, but rest assured I will be keeping a close eye on Godzilla and his masterpiece-in-progress.