My apologies for running another Herry Potter fan fic so soon after the unhappy feet saga that was “Harry Potter and the Room of Romance,” but when I read this story sent to me by Mr. No Name (possibly not his real name) I knew I couldn’t wait. It’s a story by GiantessLover — think there’s a tiny bit of foreshadowing there?
Hermione had always wondered what it would be like to be a Giantess.
She wondered if there were any potions that could help her become one so she decided to ask Harry for help.
Hey Harry, she said. Hi, he said back. I was wondering if you knew any potions that would make me into a Giantess, she said to him.
OH, IT’S MAGIC TIME. GiantessLover is no mere storyteller, he’s a storyweaver. Continue your journey into this epic world of imagination after the jump!
Harry was shocked because he had always wanted to see hermione as a Giantess. His pants already had a bulge in them but his robe luckily covered it.
Oh Hermione you know I’m no good at Potions, he said trying to hide his excitement.
Well maybe you can find someone in Griffindoor who is, she said.
Or maybe you can find someone in “Griffindoor” who is, you lazy bitch.
Harry went through the whole Griffindoor house and found a girl who was good at potions class. He asked her if there was a way for Hermione to become a Giantess.
See? These are the kind of details that lesser authors would just leave out, but truly make a story come alive!
Yes you just make a growth potion, she said.
“I feel like I should have figured that out myself,” said Harry.
How do you make one of those, Harry said.
Well I have one right here I’ll just give it to you, she said and she gave him a growth potion.
How big will this make a person, he said.
About 100 feet tall but why do you ask, she said.
Oh no reason, Harry said but he was smiling.
That Harry is one cunning bastard.
Harry went to give the growth potion to Hermione. She was very excited and took the potion from him.
Seriously, it’s Victor Hugo, Stendhal, Dostoevsky, and GiantessLover, as far as I’m concerned. We can burn all the other books.
How big will this make me, she said.
About 100 feet, Harry said.
How thoughtful the author provided this detail again, in case you’d forgotten it from when it was mentioned LESS THAN 50 WORDS AGO.
Hermione smiled and drank the whole potion in one gulp. Instantly she started growing. Harry was very aroused and his cock became hard watching Hermione grow like that.
Oh no my clothes are ripping, she said when she was about 10 feet tall.
“I feel like I should have seen this coming,” said Hermione.
It doesn’t matter, said Harry because he wanted to see her naked.
“And since I’m looking forward to see you naked, your discomfort at being naked and giant in front of all your classmates and teachers is totally irrelevant,” explained Harry.
Hermione’s clothes ripped completely off when she was about 25 feet tall and filling up the whole room. Harry was feeling in awe at her big breasts which were even bigger because she was a Giantess.
“I feel like I could have just presumed that detail,” said every reader.
She kept growing too, and her head broke through the ceiling of Griffindoor Tower.
Harry look I’m huge, she said.
“I’m very surprised that growth potion is making me grow,” said Hermione.
You’re going to get bigger, he said as the bulge in his robes got even bigger. He thought that was funny because they both kept getting bigger.
HYUK HYUK HYUK
Finally Hermione stopped growing when she was 100 feet tall.
WHAT ARE THE ODDS
The whole school looked up at her beautiful naked Giantess body.
“I say, Francis, is it me or is there a massive vagina in the sky?” “Goodness, Oliver, I do believe you’re correct. Or else that’s the weirdest bird I’ve ever seen.”
Hey I’m down here, said Harry.
We all kind of assumed, Harry.
Are you turned on little man?, she said sexilly.
Harry was very surprised. How did she know that he liked Giantesses so much?
Oh I see the websites you look at all the time when you’re at your aunt and uncles house, she said.
“OH MY GOD YOU RESPONDED DIRECTLY TO MY THOUGH YOU CAN READ MY MIND and also you’ve seen my browsing history, I guess,” said Harry. Speaking of, if that’s the shit Harry looks at on the Dursley’s computer, it’s no wonder they lock him under the goddamn stairs.
How do you see them, Harry said.
“It’s an option right under the History tab, Harry. You should really clear it once in a while.”
I use magic to spy on you silly! said Hermione laughing.
Hermione picked up Harry who was only about 3 inches tall to her and pulled his robe off. She was not surprised to see his dick getting very hard. She put the tiny little member in her giant mouth and started sucking on it.
Okay, if Harry is technically 3-inches tall, then his dick wouldn’t even get past the width of Hermione’s lips. Sucking it would be practically impossible, and if she sucked his groin area hard enough to actually get it in her mouth, it would probably pop off like a grape stem. SIR, I DOUBT THE VERISIMILITUDE OF YOUR GIANT HERMIONE FELLATIO FIC.
She could hear Harry moaning because he was aroused so much. He came in her mouth after about 30 seconds and she didn’t even feel it because he was so tiny to her.
Is there anything sadder than premature ejaculation in a fan fic? These are works of pure imagination, and the author still can’t conceive of their characters lasting more than a minute.
I think I should have some fun with the castle, she said.
Oh do that my Goddess, Harry said because he was in aw of her Giantess body.
I was actually having a good time with this fic until Harry called Hermione “Goddess.” Now I’m filled with scorn and hate.
Hermione smiled and went to the Slithering Tower.
Simple typo or Freudian slip? WE MAY NEVER KNOW.
She pressed her nipple against one of the windows and it broke because of how hard and big her nipple was. She put a finger in the window and pulled out Pansy Parkinson.
Because if there’s something you want to rub on your nipples, it’s broken glass. That’s a good time no matter what size you are!
Hello there you little slut, she said to her tiny enemy.
PLEASE HERMIONE DON’T EAT ME SAID PANSY
No I won’t eat you I’ll just use you to make me cum, said Hermione.
Hermione took Pansy’s tiny body which was screaming and shoved her into her pussy. Hermione felt really good because it was like a human dildo.
“Like”? Not… “was”?
Pansy was starting to get turned on too because she was secretly lesbian.
And if you’re a lesbian, obviously you desire to be inserted headfirst into a giant vagina. NOBODY DENIES THIS.
She took her clothes off while in Hermione’s vagina and started rubbing her own pussy.
?Being forced to imagine someone trying to disrobe while being shoved repeatedly in and out of a giant vagina is specifically going to fuel my booze-filled rampage tonight. Thanks, FFF!
Hermione took her out and started rubbing her breasts with her giant finger. Pansy came right when Hermione did and their juices mixed and fell on the castle.
But now I have to eat you, Hermione said to pansy.
Honestly, I’m not really Toht-ing that hard right now, but the Price Is Right fail theme is too perfect here not to use.
Pansy yelled and screamed but it was no use, Hermione stuck her in her mouth and swallowed her hole.
Simple typo or Freudian slip? THE MYSTERY ENDURES
Pansy landed in Hermione’s stomach and the acid killed her. Hermione went to Slithering Tower and pushed her breasts against it.
First the squid, now Hogwarts is getting titfucked by Hermione. Do you guys think Hogwarts is omnisexual, or is just a sexy, sexy castle that keeps getting assaulted?
All the men were jerking off but they screamed when she pushed so hard that the tower fell over.
?All joking aside, the image of every single male student of Hogwarts furiously masturbating at the sudden appearance of a giant Emma Watson, and being unable to stop when she pushes a tower on them? That’s one hell of a creative image. I’m never even imagined someone masturbating but simultaneously screaming in terror. Well-played, GiantessLover. I guess.
Then she took the Astronomy Tower and put it into her pussy. It was a bit big but she stretched it.
What is “it” in this sentence? Really, anything is possible.
She shoved it in and out.
Thank you for clarifying that vastly important detail.
Harry was very turned on. Then she poured all the people from the tower onto the ground and squished all of them. She turned to Harry who was between her tits.
How was that, she said.
It was so sexy, he said.
Are you turned on, she said squeezing her boobs together.
…crushing Harry into a fine yet horny paste.
Yes, said Harry because he was masterbating.
“I feel like I should have been able to tell you were aroused by the visual clue of you jacking off,” said Hermione.
Before they could finish talking McGonagall and Dumbledore came out and got mad. Hermione just laughed at them. They both tried putting Reducio spells on her but they didn’t work. Hermione took them both and crushed them against her nipples.
Man, I remember how mad I got when some jerk told me “Hermione’s giant nipples kill Dumbledore” before I finished reading The Half-Blood Prince.
Then the girl who gave Hermione the growth potion came out.
Oh no you used the potion, she said.
“I feel like I should have foreseen this possibility, seeing as I gave Harry a growth potion,” said the girl. “Honestly, now that I’ve said this, I’m having a hard time conceiving of what anyone would do with a growth potion other than drink it.”
Haha now I can play with you now, Hermione said.
No I brought a shrink potion so you will not be 100 feet tall anymore, the girl said showing hermione the shrink potion.
Hermione took the shrink potion and unexpectedly fed it to the other girl. The other girl shrunk to 3 inches tall. Then Luna found her.
Oh look a tiny girl, Luna said.
Help me, Hermione is huge and she will ruin the castle, the girl said.
I don’t believe you, Luna said.
…as the screams of the dying yet still masturbating male students wafted from the rubble of the fallen tower nearby.
Luna took her top off and put her already hard nipple into the tiny girl’s vagina.
She pumped the girl up and down on her boob. They were both turned on by it because it was like getting fucked but by a giant nipple.
Obviously, these girls are lesbians, because the only thing lesbians like better than being inside giant vaginas is having giant nipples inside them. Guh. Incidentally, I have a modest proposal — let’s never use metaphors or similes again. Because honestly, if they’re going to be used for this kind of shit, they’re causing far more harm than good.
Meanwhile Hermione had destroyed the whole castle except the place Luna was in. She decided not to destroy that part. She lay her giant naked body on the remains of the castle and did sexual things to all the survivors.
THE END. Jesus, has there ever been a more obvious case of the author jerking off while writing his own story and ending when he’s done? Most of the FFF authors at least try to wrap things up, no matter how horribly, but GiantessLover had his pants around his ankles, dropped a wad of freshly soiled kleenexs to floor, banged out that last paragraph, hit save, and closed the document. Ugh.
But you know what I find more infuriating about this nonsense? That it’s titled “Tiny Hermione.” HERMIONE IS NOT TINY IN THIS STORY, GODDAMMIT. IN FACT, EVERYBODY IS TINY EXCEPT HERMIONE. I DO NOT APPROVE OF YOUR BULLSHIT REVERSE PSYCHOLOGY TITLE, GIANTESSLOVER. Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to find a bottle of scotch that I consider neither big nor small.
Robert Bricken is one of the original co-founders of the site formerly known as Topless Robot, and its first editor-in-chief, serving from 2008-12. He brought the site to prominence with “nerd news, humor and self-loathing” as its motto, raising it from total internet obscurity to a readership in the millions, with help from his savage “FAQ” movie reviews and Fan Fiction Fridays. Under his tenure Topless Robot was covered by Gawker, Wired, Defamer, New York magazine, ABC News, and others, and his articles have been praised by Roger Ebert, Avengers actor Clark Gregg, comedian and The Daily Show correspondent John Hodgman, the stars of Mystery Science Theater 3000 and Rifftrax, and others. He is currently the managing editor of io9.com. Despite decades as both an amateur and professional nerd, he continues to be completely unprepared for either the zombie apocalypse or the robot uprising.