Let’s Talk About the G.I. Joe Movie Poster and Title
Hey, it’s the official live-action G.I. Joe movie poster! It’s a big picture of Chanum Tatum in his black body armor as Duke! And look, it’s the full title: Rise of Cobra! Say, let’s play a game! Let’s pretend we don’t see the logo on the bottom, and count all of the things that make this poster just scream “G.I. Joe!”
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5) Well, fuck.
There’s nothing?nothing?that is G.I. Joe in this picture. Since Tatum is neither blond nor 30-something, he looks zero percent like the Duke character from the toys and cartoon. Perhaps making him younger would be fine, but in that totally generic black body armor, he’s also dressed nothing like his original character. And maybe even that would be fine if there were AN AMERICAN FLAG OR SOMETHING THAT EVEN VAGUELY SUGGESTED THIS ASSHOLE IS A REAL AMERICAN HERO SOMEWHERE. If you take away the logo, there is absolutely nothing that would indicate this is a G.I. Joe flick?it’s just some generic action movie. And that, my friends, is what we’re going to get.
About The Author
Robert Bricken is one of the original co-founders of the site formerly known as Topless Robot, and its first editor-in-chief, serving from 2008-12. He brought the site to prominence with “nerd news, humor and self-loathing” as its motto, raising it from total internet obscurity to a readership in the millions, with help from his savage “FAQ” movie reviews and Fan Fiction Fridays. Under his tenure Topless Robot was covered by Gawker, Wired, Defamer, New York magazine, ABC News, and others, and his articles have been praised by Roger Ebert, Avengers actor Clark Gregg, comedian and The Daily Show correspondent John Hodgman, the stars of Mystery Science Theater 3000 and Rifftrax, and others. He is currently the managing editor of io9.com. Despite decades as both an amateur and professional nerd, he continues to be completely unprepared for either the zombie apocalypse or the robot uprising.