The 10 Most Undeserving Celebrities Who Got Action Figures
Posted at 5:04 AM Jul 23, 2008
By Brian Heiler
Being immortalized in plastic is one of the true benchmarks of being a celebrity; you might be a singer or actor or whatever, but being able to see your likeness in Toys "R" Us means you've reached an elite level of fame that sets you apart from your peers. Still, like any exclusive club, occasionally a bit of riffraff gets in—and toymakers find odd or low-tier celebrities who no sane, loved child would want an action figure or doll of, and then make action figures and dolls of them anyways. Here are then ten most inexplicable celebrity toys of all time.
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10) Vanilla Ice
Mattel raced this 12-inch likeness of pop culture skid mark Robert Van Winkle—a.k.a. Vanilla Ice—to stores just in time to see a nation grow bored of the white rapper and move on to grunge music. Even his box office non-smash movie Cool as Ice failed to raise his career.
9) Victoria Silvstedt
Although one of the most popular Playmates (thanks to her already doll-like body and platinum blonde hair), Victoria Silvstedt is really only famous for being in Playboy many, many times, with none of the mainstream crossover "fame" achieved by Pam Anderson or Jenny McCarthy. Still, Playboy did her right by having some toy company release a 16-inch, anatomically correct doll of her in removable lingerie. [Actually, I was working at ToyFare magazine when these things came out—it was exactly like a tiny fuck doll, complete with tiny but appropriately placed holes, rooted hair and dead eyes. It raised many disturbing questions and made us all feel weird and dirty. -Rob]
8) Redd Foxx
Redd Foxx is a comedy legend and some of his smuttier material could still make you blush. So it does makes you wonder what Shindana was thinking with this plush talking doll. Imagine your children curling up with the man who recorded the legendary comedy record “You Gotta Wash Yer Ass." Of course, if Foxx would have sold well, maybe they’d have moved on to Rudy Ray Moore and Richard Pryor. That would have been sweet.
7) Jerry Springer
There was a brief time when Jerry Springer was both popular and before he effectively created the genre of "watching extremely stupid people behave terribly," a.k.a. reality television. Even during those 3-4 days, it's hard to imagine who would want a Jerry Spring doll, or why. However, the toymakers did capture his likeness perfectly—tts smarmy, grinning head sculpt is exactly how Springer looks when his guests start swinging at each other.
6) Sonny Bono
Mego had huge success with their Cher doll line, but making a likeness of her comic foil and ex-husband Sonny Bono wasn’t really "necessary". Despite creating a number of embarrassing outfits for Sonny such as “Space Prince”, little girls didn’t think Bono was the new Ken, and Sonny was quietly dropped from the line.
5) Fran Drescher
The shrill star of The Nanny, Fran Drescher has one of the most grating, annoying voices in the history of civilization. So the fact that this action figure talks is a sure sign that Satan is alive and well working in the toy industry. I need to find several of these and give them to the children of people I don’t like.
4) Captain & Tennille
Known for their breezy radio friendly pop songs such as "Muskrat Love," light rock icons Captain and Tennille were released by Mego as fashion dolls during the height of their popularity. Kids really didn’t find the duo all that interesting and the toys sold poorly. It didn’t help that the Toni Tennille doll was released without ears. The Captain head sculpt was recycled into the KISS Paul Stanley doll, something neither of them probably appreciated.
3) Barbie Benton
In one of the greatest lapses in good judgment of all time, Mego attempted to sell a doll of this then five-time Playboy centerfold model as a competitor to Barbie. Shockingly, toy buyers, most likely fearing parental outrage, didn’t bite. Plus it’s hard to sell outfits for a doll that’s naked for most of the day.
2) Xuxa
Most people know this doll from the Soundgarden “Black Hole Sun” video than what it really is. A superstar from South America, where the lucky children have TV shows of hot women shaking their butts, Xuxa never made much of an impact here, mostly due to her non-mastery of the English language. Kids were left to wonder “whoxa” when they saw this doll in clearance stores.
1) Rodney Allan Rippy
In the mid 1970s, uber-cute child actor Rodney Allan Rippy was a sensation as the spokesperson for the Jack in the Box restaurant chain...so much so that Shindana Toys thought he needed his own doll. It’s a cruel, inhumane world when Rippy gets his own toy but the “Where’s the Beef" lady totally got the shaft.
Comments
The Victoria Silvstedt looks more like a statue than a doll or action figure. Actually, I wouldn't consider any of these action figures. They are all dolls to me.
Posted 07/23/2008 at 05:44:31 AMThe general rule of thumb is if you can take its clothes off, it's a doll. If you can't, action figure.
Posted 07/23/2008 at 06:03:45 AMGiven what the purchasers of the Victoria Silvstedt figure would hope to do to her, perhaps "action" is an appropriate descriptor. Or maybe the "Only in Your Dreams Figurine."
May I add the former pro wrestler, Jesse "The Body" Ventura to the list? Even though he miraculously won the governorship of Minnesota, I still don't think he was deserving of a doll. And certainly not one of him wearing awesomely bad Zubaz pants. I've got an image of it (still in the package, thank goodness) at my blog.
Posted 07/23/2008 at 06:25:56 AMHow did you manage to miss the 'MC Hammer' doll with the special
Posted 07/23/2008 at 06:45:18 AMpantalooned pants?
How did you manage to miss the 'MC Hammer' doll with the special
Posted 07/23/2008 at 06:46:01 AMpantalooned pants?
This is a travesty. I have a FRANK STALLONE action figure in my office as we speak. You're going to tell me he deserved it more than Vanilla Ice?
Posted 07/23/2008 at 06:54:07 AMLD — You have to send me a picture of that. Toplessrobot (at) gmail.com. Please, for the love of all that is good and true.
Posted 07/23/2008 at 06:58:54 AMThe general rule of thumb is if you can take its clothes off, it's a doll. If you can't, action figure.
Hasbro begs to differ.
Posted 07/23/2008 at 06:59:12 AMIt's Rodney Allen Rippy -- you misspelled his middle name.
Posted 07/23/2008 at 07:19:26 AMHasbro begs to differ.
Of course they do. What would have happened to their mighty G.I. Joe empire if kids knew the only difference between Joe and Betsy Wetsy was the ability to pee?
Posted 07/23/2008 at 07:27:05 AMXuxa is been on TV here in Brazil for over 15 years. It has always been a lame ass show: she's a lame ass host. But still hot. And she has a hundred thousand different action figures. All-so-very-lame. But you woundn't believe how popular her and her action figures are. Ah, and she's not a master of the Portuguese language either.
Posted 07/23/2008 at 07:44:46 AMYou included the Redd Foxx and Rodney Allen Rippy dolls, but what about the talking Flip Wilson/Geraldine doll from Shindana Toys? It had Flip on one side, in a groovy psychedelic suit, and his in-drag, alter-ego Geraldine on the other. Pull the string and hear some of Flip Wilson's funnier lines.
I was a skinny, lil' white boy in kindergarten when my mom got that for me as a birthday present. A few years ago I asked her about that, she simply replied, "You loved watching the Flip Wilson show." Thanx for a great memory and weirdly awesome toy, Mom!
Posted 07/23/2008 at 07:54:11 AMXuxa also starred in a porn YES PORN movie in Brazil.
Posted 07/23/2008 at 08:12:23 AMYou forgot the "Full House" Uncle Jesse doll.
Maybe that was intentional?
Posted 07/23/2008 at 08:12:30 AMMy personal list would include the Ann Coulter action figure. (I just can't bring myself to calling Ann Coulter a "doll"....)
Posted 07/23/2008 at 08:48:07 AMThe OJ Simpson action wasn't need. Mine had a bad "accident" and lost his foot. Come to think of it all of my action figures were missing feet, parachute accidents.
Posted 07/23/2008 at 09:09:29 AMRedd Foxx didn't deserve his own doll/action figure?
Hell, they should have made an entire Sanford & Son action figure line, complete with LaMont, Aunt Esther, Grady, and a Wal-Mart exclusive Julio/Goat 2-pack...
Also, all anatomically correct dolls based on Playboy centerfolds are automatically exempt...
Posted 07/23/2008 at 09:21:28 AMJeez - when you said "what Shindana was thinking", I thought it was some kind of lame racist joke about the name of the girl in the picture.
Posted 07/23/2008 at 09:28:55 AMThose talking about a distinction between 'action figure' and 'doll' need to realize a key point: this is nothing but a marketing construct. The term 'action figure' was created by marketroids who were pitching GI Joe dolls to Hasbro back in the day (boys don't play with dolls you see). Congrats on being a programmed consumer, and keep playing with your dolls.
Posted 07/23/2008 at 09:38:33 AMBack during the early proliferation of Star Trek: The Next Generation action figures, I kept on my desk Whoopie Goldberg (as Guinan) and Dwight Schultz (as Lt. Barkley). They have to qualify.
Posted 07/23/2008 at 12:58:39 PMPerhaps, typically action figures don't have removable clothes. But it must be remembered that no figure is inherently an "action" figure. It's the owner of the figure that adds the "action" to the figure.
Many G.I. Joes (most would agree are action figures) are left in their original packaging, like plastic and paper prisons, never getting any action. Maybe they should not be considered action figures.
Posted 07/23/2008 at 01:23:02 PMDavelog: The general rule of thumb is if you can take its clothes off, it's a doll. If you can't, action figure.
The original G.I. Joes had removable clothing.
Posted 07/23/2008 at 01:30:53 PMWhen I lived in Athens, GA there was a bargain store that had a Drew Carey "Action Figure". It was only $5 and that still seemed like waaaaaaaaay too much to pay.
Posted 07/23/2008 at 01:50:35 PMAnonymous said:
Davelog: The general rule of thumb is if you can take its clothes off, it's a doll. If you can't, action figure.
The original G.I. Joes had removable clothing.
Posted 07/23/2008 at 01:57:02 PM---AND thus, it was a doll. Later on in the 80s, they released the G.I. Joe ACTION FIGURES without removable clothing. Hence, they were action figures.
What about the personal action figure? Don't forget the www
Posted 07/23/2008 at 02:37:08 PMandgor.com/Personalized_Figures/personalized_figures.html
I see that the sociologists have come out to play, telling us that action figures are just dolls.
Yet "action figures" (dolls for boys) have quantifiable differences from "dolls" (dolls for girls):
First, as other have noted, action figures usually include clothing as part of the mold.
Second, action figures usually typify traditional male gender roles: soldiers, police officers, explorers, etc.
In fact, saying that the term "action figure" is just a marketing ploy then saying that it was concocted because boys don't want to play with "dolls" is inane. The consumer was the driving force behind the distinction, otherwise Hasbro would have been perfectly happy to just keep calling them dolls.
Posted 07/23/2008 at 02:57:19 PMRedd Foxx does not belong on this list.
Posted 07/23/2008 at 03:02:24 PMThe general rule of thumb is if you can take its clothes off, it's a doll. If you can't, action figure.
All the women I have dated in the last 12 months are action figures.
Posted 07/23/2008 at 03:34:07 PMyou guys didnt mention the matt leblanc action figure from lost in space or kevin costner from robin hood LMAO
Posted 07/23/2008 at 03:52:22 PMAll the women I have dated in the last 12 months are action figures.
+5. I'm still laughin'.
Posted 07/24/2008 at 06:53:03 AMLater on in the 80s, they released the G.I. Joe ACTION FIGURES without removable clothing. Hence, they were action figures.
Hasbro promoted the original 11" G.I. Joes (with removable clothes) as "action figures" right from their original release in 1964.
All the women I have dated in the last 12 months are action figures.
Brilliant.
Posted 07/24/2008 at 07:13:38 AMDid anyone else notice that the Sonny and Cher dolls are the same height? I seem to remember Cher being like 4 feet taller than Sonny...
Posted 07/24/2008 at 11:33:14 AMDave B. FTW. Larfing my Arse off.
Posted 07/24/2008 at 02:55:26 PMOH wow, I wonder if they were a big hit...nahhhhh...lol
Posted 07/25/2008 at 08:39:16 PMThe old "if you can remove it's clothes, it's a doll" rule just doesn't fit. My action figure vs. doll rule is this:
"If it has hands made to hold a weapon or has an action 'feature', it's an action figure."
Dolls typically have those semi-karate-chop hands or open hands that you actually have to clip accessories onto.
Regarding the original GI Joe figures from the 60's, they ALWAYS were called action figures or a variation thereof. They NEVER used the term doll. They were the FIRST action figures. "America's movable fighting man". The term in fact was created for marketing purposes due to the stigma attached to boys "playing with dolls".
And no. None of the above list are action figures.
Posted 07/28/2008 at 10:22:44 AMPeople who buy the dolls of Playboy playmates should instead invest in one of those lifesize dolls. I guess they wouldn't be called dolls but "action figures".
Posted 07/29/2008 at 02:45:33 PMDolls/Action figures are for faggots! Whats wrong with interacting with REAL people?
Posted 08/08/2008 at 02:48:30 PMspringer totally deserved that action figure
Posted 08/10/2008 at 07:33:17 AMI'll offer up the Herbert Hoover figure for this list:
http://www.wltc.org/dolls/HerbertHoover.htm
Posted 08/14/2008 at 02:16:42 PM