Owen should've just let him pick up power converters at Toshi Station.

just confirms what everyone suspected, that Han Solo is the real hero of star wars..And yet, there are no Han solo vests or boots to purchase, but plastic lightsabers out the wazoo...

The Star Wars movies are the most over-analyzed movies of all time (the prequel trilogy is rightly deserving of over-analysis though, especially with all the plot holes they created). All of these plot devices were used to make more compelling movies and in the end it all worked out. Besides, we all loved the original trilogy and all of these points helped make them so beloved. Having said that, you are dead on about everything (well, except Luke turning to the Dark Side because it's convenient)...I just try to love the movies as they are and not worry so much about things like this.

These are only the big points where Luke is a dumbass. There are a million little instances where he blatantly ignores logic or good advice from others. Like in Jedi when C3PO tries to warn him he's standing on a trap door. I guess, "Master Luke you're standing on..." isn't enough warning for a Jedi. That or he's too busy using his dropping a deuce face, um I mean the force to actually hear 3PO's advice. Let's face it, Luke's a prick.

What may have happened is when Lucas was writing Star Wars he thought of the original trilogy in individual scenes that lead to end rather than as a collection of stops in an overarching idea. That's how come Luke is getting saved all the time and why some of the scenes are just wonky.

Fortunatly, most people who watch TV only see them as individual scenes and only really remeber the flashy parts. I include myself here sometimes which is why I can watch things like Daredevil and Robot Jox and get enjoyment out of them.

This author is obviously a dirty bastard Sith son of a Twi-Lek whore who sold his dick to the dark side. You are totally wrong about everything ever. Except for that stupid rescue plan, that really was idiotic.

This is the sort of thing that happens when your characters make decisions that are nothing more than set-ups for action sequences.

But hell, at least it was fun, right?

What in the world was AUNT BERU cooking rememebr she is putting some strange looking things in the cooking pot

You forgot the part where the Sarlaac pit, as described by Jabba, must be the worst form of execution in the galaxy. I expect Luke's plan had another step of "And if we all fall in, we just hang tight for a while until Wedge sends a crew with heavy blasters to just shoot off the tentacles, climb down with a rope, and cut us free! Because an acid that takes ten thousand years to dissolve you is probably less caustic than WATER."

I wish George Lucas would go away, already. Actually, I kinda just wish he would die, but that's rude and I don't want anyone to know that's what I'm thinking...

Kudos on a fantastic list.
One of the best in a while!
"a mystical power you spent a few hours learning yesterday afternoon"
That almost made me piss myself.
Good stuff!
Thanx again TR, you clever bastards.

*Dark Side FTW

The scary part is that these 3 were the movies that were WELL written.

I think the targeting computer thing is a bit false. Red Leader proved that the targeting computers weren't worth shit because he actually used them to fire at the exhaust pit and they exploded on the surface. Sucked for him.

I think even if you take out Obi-Wan's voice telling Luke to use the Force, Luke will realize that the computers were all programmed and calibrated by Jon Cryer's character in Hot Shots!, so they wouldn't help one bit.

It runs in the family.

The best way to get Luke to join you in the Dark Side and take over the Universe?

Cut off his arm *then* tell him you're his father...

Am I the only one who saw this as a horrible example of timing?

I hate to admit I know this, but Luke eventually goes on to kill way more people than Vader and the Emperor did and actually takes over the Empire. Eventually though he founds a Jedi temple on some now desolate planet with, suprise, already a Jedi temple. Procedes to teach many a new Jedi, including his new niece and nephew, Leia and Han Solo's twins(backing up the boinking like bunnies thing you said).

LOL, nice article. Humor aside. I gotta defend the plot of the story as it follows the Hero's Journey. Of which every f-ing story follows in-part or in whole. IE Harry Potboy, Frodo's 9 hour walk, Ben-hur, Wizzy of Oz, the matrix, the bible...So, the comments stretch to these films/stories as well as Star Wars.

I hate to admit I know this, but Luke eventually goes on to kill way more people than Vader and the Emperor did and actually takes over the Empire. Eventually though he founds a Jedi temple on some now desolate planet with, suprise, already a Jedi temple. Procedes to teach many a new Jedi, including his new niece and nephew, Leia and Han Solo's twins(backing up the boinking like bunnies thing you said).

I hate to admit I know this, but Luke eventually goes on to kill way more people than Vader and the Emperor did and actually takes over the Empire. Eventually though he founds a Jedi temple on some now desolate planet with, suprise, already a Jedi temple. Procedes to teach many a new Jedi, including his new niece and nephew, Leia and Han Solo's twins(backing up the boinking like bunnies thing you said).

This was lame as shit.

Wow, what an amazingly pointless article. How it got to IMDB is anyone's guess. Slow news day?

You guys consider what Luke and Anakin have in common? They both started their Jedi trianing late, according to the Jedis that trained them. Luke going to the dark side wouldve been predictable. Theyre both stubborn and unruly. Besides the fact that the end of the the triology came before the beging...

I remember loving those movies when I was a kid, but recently when I watched them I was struck by how much of a whiner Luke is. He compains about everything.

Here are the problems with this articles:
1.Not joining the Dark Side.....well this one is pretty much and opinion thing I guess but from all evidence of the movies, joining the Dark Side makes you either deformed and ugly, part robot, and/or dead....so I'm not sure how bad an idea it was not to join.

2.Throwing away his lightsaber in front of the Emperor.....you seem to have missed the whole point of the Star Wars movies...Luke was trying to save his father...he put his faith in his father not taking him to the Emperor...he was wrong, Vader did...but then Luke thought they were going to die anyways..but the Emperor set up a trap....so then Luke gets pissed off, starts fighting...and starts a path towards the dark side....realizes what he's doing..doesn't want to end up like his father...and decides to put his life in his fathers hands once again...and his father comes though for him....good choice if your main goal was to save your father (which his was).

3.Plan to rescue Han from Jabba the Hutt...ok you have a point here...but then again Luke is a Jedi..maybe he forsaw how everything was going to turn out and thats why he set up everthing the way it did...I mean, it worked didn't it?

4. Refusing to listen to the only living Jedi....Yeah that was pretty stupid....good point.

5. Trusting the Force to blow up the Death Star...well as others have pointed out..the targeting computers sucked...allready failed once...also, Luke may have just learned about the Force earlier but he allready had Jedi instincts as he explained he was able to bullseye wamp rats in his t-16 and they weren't much bigger than 2 meters...plus, you get mad at Luke for not listening to Obi Wan and Yoda but Obi Wan instructs him to use the Force...so is he only supposed to listen to him sometimes?

Luke also took the homing device off of R2 which allowed him to escape...while escaping to the falcon at the end of new hope he stops in the middle of the massively open room to watch the saber fight...he goes down with the team on the shuttle to Endor, allowing Vader to know he's there, thus almost killing his team...he hooks up with his sister...he gets caught in a snowstorm...and he goes to the cloud city with (not unlike in Jedi) absolutely no plan... Luke might have had the force, but he also had a 65 IQ

At least Luke was willing to die for the cause, actually everyone puts their life on the line at one point or another, except the green coward, Yoda.
There's a big war coming, I'll go hang out with the Wookies like some British officer in Africa.
Yoda sends Obi Wan to fight Vader because he's not strong enough to fight the Emperor, and what does Yoda do,
Yoda gets bounced around by the Emperor a few times and runs away like a rat.

You are a moron! 5) Someone else already tried to use the targeting computer to blow up the D.S. and it didn't work. 4) Luke is a teenager, of course this is what he would do. 3) You have a point here. 2) Throwing away his lightsaber shows that he won't succumb to the dark side. Plus its not like he can't use the force to snap it right back to his hands like all the other times he does it. 1) Your opinion, but obviously the dark side didn't leave Darth Vader nor the emperor in too good of shape, but Obi Wan looked great for his age.

Fantastic article!
Way to piss off the fanboys!

Go Phillies!

You know what I never got, after Vader and Palpatine are dead, why not kill himself? Not to sound morbid, but I find it hard to believe that in ALL the history of the Star Wars Galaxy nobody ever thought to themselves, "maybe, just maybe, nobody should be that powerful. Good or Bad."

Seriously, he had a chance to end that cycle then and there, but didn't take it.

Mad mad mad. But Stumbled.

eh expected.....Luke is a pussy.......Han solo made those movies!

eh expected.....Luke is a pussy.......Han solo made those movies!

Star Wars was based on Common Myths of almost all Cultures. I appears that most of Humanity shares the same subconscious Myths.

Carl Jung. Albert Camus. Lucas openly admits his sources.

Good Vs. Evil. Love. Freedom from Tyranny. Right and Wrong.

These are all major concepts that each individual with a Soul has to experience for himself.

But sit there in front of your computer screen eating Pringles and swallowing coca-cola. Don't worry about important things... just watch more TV and obsess about trivialities.

I was watching Jedi yesterday and had a thought along these lines. Obviously the original trilogy was made without much thought with regards to the prequel trilogy, so I can excuse a bit of this thought in that regard. Why does Vader keep referring to Obi-Wan when talking to Luke? He says "Obi-Wan has taught you well". Obi-Wan was in direct contact with Luke for what, 2 days, tops? They meet in the desert, find the burned out Sandcrawler, go to Mos Eisley and find a ride off Tattooine. We have no way of knowing how long the trip to Alderaan was, but it obviously wasn't long enough have anyone change clothes or eat anything on the trip, at least from what we see. They get to Alderaan, find it blown up and get captured by the Death Star. A bunch of misadventures later Obi-Wan gets iced by Vader.

So then we discover that Vader is in fact Luke's father in ESB. Don't you think Vader would at least do some investigating into Luke's life, given he's his son and all? Vader only had 10 years of Jedi training, then another 25 under Palpatine. Luke had a spaceship ride and a week in the swamp for training, yet Vader keeps talking like Obi-Wan raised him as his own and trained him in the Jedi ways.

Great article. Thanks for the info.

Hey, I'm a fanboy and I laughed my a$$ off. That was a great article. I even have my own questions:

1. Why use a rock to activate the door in the Rancor pit? "Use the force, Luke."
2. Can't you use the targeting computer AND the force? I mean why not double your chances? (BTW - next time you watch the movie check out the look on the two computer console jockeys back at rebel base when Luke turns off his computer - priceless "Oh #$^t" moment.)
3. Again with the force - why not suck the lightsaber out of your belt when you get caught in the Ewok net? Why beg Han to grab it?

Ah I could type this all day. There have to be 1000 "Use the freaking force" moments in those movies. Still love em though.

I agree with most of this, but number 4 - "Refusing to Listen to the Only Living Jedi in the Galaxy" - is actually probably one of the few intelligent thinks he ever did.

I mean, we're talking about a supposed "Master of the Force" who managed to totally miss a Dark Lord of the Sith working for twenty years in the office next door! Missed it so badly that he managed to get almost every single Jedi in the galaxy killed and the galaxy he was "protecting" itself under the boot heel of that same Sith for another twenty years until it was proved you could destroy him with nothing more dangerous than a mildly dim farm boy with father issues.

No offense, but ignoring his advice seems pretty darn smart to me...

i like how annoyed some people are getting, best part of the article

5.The guy below has the point of it showed a pilot trying to destroy the Death Star with the targeting system and it didn't work. Next, because Luke was so new to the force this showed how adept he had already become at using it.

4.The only one I disagree with is the last part where he decides to leave for Bespin, had he not left to help his friends he would not have found out that his Father was Darth Vader. Luke probably would have figured out eventually but how many movies would that have taken?

3.I think he just wanted to show that he could do that.
I have no idea. Yea it was a dumb plan.

2.He was believing that his Father would help him in the end. Which he did.

1.Completely agree. Had I been Luke I would have been like Fuck Yea I want to rule the galaxy.
Only thing that I don't agree with is that when did it ever say he was in love with Leia?

That's why Han Solo is the man

Only thing you got wrong? You said Hammill could act.

Sure, Luke was stupid, very stupid. But, it's a movie, right? And aren't most movies STUPID?

It did not have to make sense, just entertain. It has always been that way, even to the weekly serial movies I used to watch as a kid.

It's funny. This all sounds like I'm watching a movie with my wife. Like when we watched "Childs Play" and she gets all "yeah right" when the monster doll jumps 6 feet to stab a full grown man in the neck. Then I look at her and ask "So you're cool with the talking, running, body-swapping monster doll, but when he can jump like Kobe Bryant, you call BS?"

Point being, 5 Reasons Luke is an Idiot, but yet you're cool with all this Force crap? Sure, a man can move objects with his mind, and another can be a parapalegic in what appears to be a Rubbermaid suit, and you're cool with a rolling garbage can that can launch a sword made from light 200 feet across moving ships with more accuracy than Greg f-ing Maddux... but for the love of God, it's all BS once he turns off the targeting machine. Oh no!

But yeah, funny article anyway. :)

One thing I'd like to point out about the whole turning to the Dark Side thing...the Sith are not partners. They're a master and slave relationship, with the slave always plotting to overthrow the master, and the master always willing to destroy the slave if he thinks he's plotting against him.

If Luke had succumbed to the Dark Side and chosen to overthrow the Emperor with Vader, things would be right back to where they started, with Vader as Emperor and Luke as his enforcer. And just as before, they'd both be scheming to do away with the other if the time came.

I'm sorry, but Obi Wan is the Star of the Entire Sexology. He just lays in the cut.

5) Trusting the Force to Blow up the Death-Star.

Luke was Right, you're Wrong.

While you were fisting to 4chan CP did you miss the FREAKIN ENTIRE SEQUENCE (and point) where we learn that the targeting computer DOESN'T WORK/ISN'T RELIABLE/MISSES THE EXHAUST PORT WHEN IT'S USED.

4) Refusing to listen to the only known living Jedi in the Galaxy.

This line is Followed directly by this spectacularly oxymoronic (and yet one of the only accurate lines in this entire diatribe)

"Luke gets a vision of his dead mentor Obi-Wan telling him to go to Dagobah to get training from the Jedi Master, Yoda. Luke obeys"

Yes, because according to your version of English, obeying is refusing to listen.

Luke gets frustrated that he can't master the force as readily as he would like. That's not disobeying. That's being frustrated. Next time use a dictionary.

3) His Insanely Stupid Plan To Rescue Han Solo from Jabba The Hutt.

Virtually every point listed to support this argument here is WRONG.

1. You can't Jedi-mind-trick Jabba. He's impervious to it.

2. Having an INSIDE man/woman is the number one way that infiltration behind enemy lines is accomplished IN THE REAL WORLD. Having two is EVEN BETTER. The More the better your odds, it's called SURPRISE INSIDE BACKUP. You can't get enough of that, when you're outnumbered in enemy territory, behind enemy lines.

Insiders are also the number 1 way companies get robbed.

You know why? because INSIDER INFILTRATION IS A SMART TACTIC AND IT WORKS.

Does anyone really need to explain how Luke hiding the lightsaber in a droid was smart?

that if he'd entered with one, it would have been confiscated?

and this way he has effectively infiltrated WITH HIS LIGHTSABER, instead of without one.

2) Throwing Away His Lightsaber in Front of the Emperor

did you even watch the movie?

THE WHOLE POINT WAS THAT HE WAS TRYING TO GET HIS FATHER TO INTERVENE AND SAVE HIM.

You should have got a clue from "there's still good in him, I can feel it". He was trying to save Vader by offering himself as a sacrifice and giving Vader one more opportunity to search his feelings and turn back to the good side.

I'm sure you might think

"hey Daddy turn to the good side, oh c'mon pleeeeeease"

or

"tell you what, if you won't turn to the darkside, I'll KILL YOU AND THE EMPEROR AND TURN TO THE DARKSIDE MYSELF MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA"

would be the proper Jedi thing to do.

1) Not Joining the Dark Side.

If your not understanding why Luke was willing to sacrifice himself/put himself in danger, in order to

1. Refuse to turn to the Darkside himself.

2. save his father by allowing his father to surface the good within him, and save Luke.

If THAT wasn't a dead-give-away that YOU HAVE COMPLETELY MISSED THE POINT OF STAR WARS, then your #1 point, is.

The real problem with this list

(even though it is obvious even to the functionally retarded that it's nothing but a poorly thought out set of poorly disguised excuses to trash Star Wars/Lucas or try to get a cheap laugh)

is how many people mindlessly agree with it, without noticing that not a single point made in this list holds up to any sort of even basic scrutiny.

regards and MTFBWY,
George Lucas 2.0

5. He used the force to guide the torpedoes into the exhaust port...I thought everyone who watched Star Wars knew that?

4. So....Luke was a little too sure of himself. Most people in there late teens/early 20s are normally. Give them some force powers and watch their egos inflate.

3. Pretty sure Luke was playing it by ear at that point. Did you think that he was just the last resort in that plan, in case Leia didn't work. Also, the plan ultimately worked, didn't it? How did Han visiting Bespin turn out? Far worse, methinks?

2. Ok...that was dumb. Making a point

1. Meh, Sith are basically Emo kids with telekinesis. Plus, Luke's Green Lightsaber > any Sith piece of junk (yes, even Maul's).

I love how fanboys ruin everything. Like Star Wars or not, this was a funny article. Instead of just unclenching and laughing a bunch of fanboys have to run in and insult the author because his article made fun of their precious little trilogy.

I like Star Wars but come on fanboys. Learn to laugh at your obsession once in a while. You'll live longer.

Ok so Number 5 says that he should use his targeting computer, but Obi-Wan is telling him not to, so he listens to Obi-Wan, but your saying he shouldn't of listened to Obi-Wan because a targeting computer is better, ok point taken, I can see how a targeting computer might be better than Luke with the force at this point of his training.

Now we proceed to number 4, it says he doesn't listen to Obi-Wan and Yoda, yet in number 5 you were blasting him for listening to Obi-Wan. Yes it's jsut one example but isn't that very contradictive?

Fucking Hilarious. Come to think of it? He is a fucking idiot.

So the writer's intentions here were not to be super correct, nor is this his college thesis. He wrote this to be funny, ultimately to make Luke like an idiot with what he perceived to be his faults.

Everything the fanboys have said have been correct. They are pointing out the flaws correctly, but this was not written for that reason. This is for good laughs, whether is it 100% correct or not. It is like saying, "Oh, I didn't like this one part" and you going over the top saying, "What? This is awesome!"

All a matter of opinion and more importantly the reason he wrote this: Entertainment, not for a star wars encylopedia.

Yep, The author of this list is a fucking idiot alright.

Photoshopped. I can see the pixelization.

Photoshopped. I can see the pixelization.

i agree with many people. han solo was definitely a main character who, even when he's not moving, can attract your eye. he was the only person who's career was not killed by this trilogy. KUDOS HARRISON FORD for being in almost every classic there is

cdog, darth maul's saber rules. actually, if i could invent light saber technology, i would make a light knife that toasts bread as your cutting it

You Sir are uninformed...

You have saw the movies and have not read the rest of the canon. The Emperor did't die. Luke fell to the darkside, like his father and came back. He aslo started a Jedi Academy. There so many holes i could punch but your blog is just not worth it. You need to do some serious READING. Before you make statement like that.

Dude! Jangles WTF man!? Daredevil and Robot Jox in the same sentence!? Go shoot yourself for your transgression. Go on, I'll wait. Hot dog stew stomps Blind Afleck hands down.

"Carl Jung. Albert Camus. Lucas openly admits his sources." - Oh please, like the man has read a book EVER. "Duhhr I know! ninja monks with laser swords! Star Wars = Fodder for the LCD Star wars is shitty science fiction without the science.

If anything it was straight stolen from Frank Herbert, whos probably actually has read a pile of masterworks given his level of articulation, historical knowledge, and governmental systems in the pre-google/wiki era.

Put moon gadget origins dune in google and hit I'm feeling lucky. Then of course there's the gay ass flash Gordon crap he stole. I hate Lucas he's a criminal hypocrite, blatantly plagiarizing ideas and then making tens of millions off selling those ideas and aggressively defending the franchise rights.

How much money does one guy need? And how much does he deserve when its all stolen? And don't feed me that shit about genre wide archetypes, Lucas' money grubbing story rapery clearly discloses his personality. The benefit of the doubt has long ago been spent.

The end.

Luke's refusal to kill Vader when he had the chance was by far the dumbest thing he's ever done. Why spare him? Because he's your father? Your "father" ordered the killing of your aunt and uncle, tortured your sister, tried to kill you, mutilated you, skull-raped you, and tried to turn you into the same kind of monster he is. Filial piety only goes so far.

Or maybe Luke spared Vader because Jedi don't kill indiscriminately. That argument would carry more weight if it weren't coming from the guy who blew up the Death Star AND EVERYONE ON IT. Are we supposed to believe everyone on the Death Star was irredeemably evil?

OH MY GOD ARE YOU PEOPLE SERIOUSLY ARGUING OVER THIS?!?!?!

It's funny. End of story. Do not bust out your customized light sabers and choke everyione via the internets with the Force. You all are a bunch of Jawa's in the end anyway. xD

Hahaha... i never saw it like that... I'm a big star wars fan, but I've always thought there's something a bit off about Luke.

I DO work at my local library. It's not all that bad. I get paid to sit around and surf the net all day and help hot college chicks with their homework.

lol great list! But I'm still a luke fan!

Yah! And remember when Luke was like talking to that snake but didn't tell it to get back in the cage! And why didn't he just use the force to get back the memory ball thingy rather than have to ride his broom stick after it.

Luke is dum!

5) The whole point of switching off the targeting computer is because it failed miserably. That whole sequence takes place not even 3 minutes before Luke successfully blows up the Death Star. That's the simple justification. If you want to analyze it further, you could make a connection between these scenes and man's dependence upon machines, or something. Like when Vader explains that the Death Star is some straight up, pussy assed shit in comparison to the Force. And that other guy tells Vader basically what you've said here, that he's just a crazy Wiccan and the Force is gay as hell, Death Star is the bomb. That guy is dead as fuck right now.

Furthermore, I think the scene solidifies Luke's trust in the Force, since he's only talked about how awesome he thinks it is and how he wants to be a Jedi like his father. By the end of the movie, it is clear that Luke will go on training to become a great Jedi.

4) I don't know. I guess you're right? I think the Dagobah scenes are just illustrating Luke's transformation from a boy into a man; the whole movie, really, being that in A New Hope he's just a kid, and in Jedi he's all regal and shit about his barely sub-Jedi status.

3) Yeah, that plan to rescue Han was pretty fucked up. I never thought Luke was using Force suggestion on Jabba, though. I just figured he was trying to be a bad ass, and he's all like, "hey, I want my homeboy back, motherfucker."

2) Okay, what the fuck? Reading this part made me a little annoyed. In my opinion, Luke discards his weapon in front of the emperor for several reasons:
a. to illustrate that he won't succumb to the aggressive, violent tendencies of the Dark Side.
b. the important bit: because he believes that his father will not allow him to be killed.
c. just straight up thugged out

Practically the whole movie, Luke keeps repeating that his father really isn't such an asshole, and he's got to be good, somewhere deep down in his deformed, cyborg body. So Luke throws his lightsabre away, and he's like "what now?" When the emperor is using the Force lightning on him, Luke begins calling out for his father, and therein lies the message of the scene. Luke goes to either save his father, or get fucking killed.

In fact, the more I think about it, this was all set up and foreshadowed perfectly in the movie. Luke tells Obi-Wan's ghost that his father isn't a jerkoff; he tells Leia that if he doesn't come back, she's the only hope for the Alliance; he tells Vader like 800 fucking times in the final sequence that Vader could never destroy him; and so on... Luke was not underestimating the power of the emperor; if anything, he was overestimating the goodness of his father, but clearly it paid off in the end.

1) No doubt about that. Light Side is some chump shit. Sith pride.

It's not Luke. It's not Han. R2D2 is the real hero of Star Wars. Totally.

That was funny!

Some comments were even funnier, looks like the sense-of-humour-force isn't strong in some people :P

Suck it up fanboys and doubters - it's my creation - what I say goes - you opinions are all worthless to me!!!

buhahahahahahahahaha

I can't decide what is funnier...the article or the comments from the fanboys frothing at the mouth to tell you how absolutely wrong you are about EVERYTHING.

Wait, I've figured it out...the funniest part are the comments that begin with "Ha ha, this article was funny buuuuut let me tell why you are totally wrong and educate you on the greatness of Star Wars and show you that I really lied when I said it was funny because I don't actually get it."

I've got news for you. If you have continued on in the star wars saga novels, you would have learned his stupidity continues; that he actually ends up training all this potentials that end up becoming Dark Jedi, including his nephew, who is currently wreaking havoc all over the galaxy and trying to become the new Sith Lord. Yet, his power has exponentially grown. He has fallen to the dark side, come back to the light side; embraced the philosophy, guns dont kill people, people do -- using emotions with the force to make you more aggressive. Then he thinks that perhaps it is a mistake.

I think either the authors picked up on just how numb skywalker's mind really is, or perhaps someone, *cough* Lucas *cough* may have had some control over the continued saga of star wars. Either way, yeah, Luke Skywalker's "fumbling" or "hey i just got lucky" through all these events have caused more harm in the end then good. Unless of course by some miracle, someone else ends up saving the day.

The Skywalker men are a bunch of whiny bitches.

And let's not forget Luke's lame brain plan to rescue Princess Leia (didn't have a way to get out), and blasting the control panel to the bridge.

And in RotJ...he was blabbering aboard the stolen shuttle "I shouldn't have come aboard. I'm endangering the mission" PERHAPS BECAUSE DEAR OLD DAD AND THE EMPEROR WERE THERE AND THEY COULD SENSE YOU!!!!

The article was priceless...the comments even more so. This was the best waste of 10 minutes in quite a while. Two points I'd like to bring up though.
First of all: Luke doesn't suck as much as Anakin because Mark Hamill can act?!?!? Did you not see The Big Red One or Corvette Summer? (Ok, that was a cheap shot, but you seem to appreciate those.)
More importantly: I think you are all missing the real strategy behind Luke's plan to rescue Han from Jabba. Sure he could've just walked in there, light-sabered his way through the guards and took Han home...but if he'd done that, he'd never...and I repeat NEVER would've gotten Leia into that gold bikini. Coincidence that a box from Victoria Secret Tatooine showed up a Jabba's palace from a L.S.Walker just a day before Leia went undercover? I think not!

Let's not forget Luke's (and "Ani's") most glaring fault... HE'S A FREAKIN CRY BABY!!!

"but I was going to Toshi station..."
"it's such a long way"
"why didn't you say something before"
"I can't believe he's gone"
"It's Han, I really thought he changed his mind"

Really, Jedi (and Sith Lords) don't really fit in character when they cry throughout their training.

Star Wars is not all about Luke Skywalker and how he saved the galaxy. The movies revolve around Anakin/Darth Vader. Anakin is the only main character who has a large part in every movie. The movies follow Anakin from his childhood, to his becoming a jedi, to his fall from grace, to his redemption and eventual death. It is not Luke who brings balance to the force and saves the galaxy, it is Anakin, just as the prophecy foretold. Who was it that killed the Emperor, and brought balance to the force. Anakin.

@JVance: VICTORIA'S SECRET TATOOINE!!! Funniest Thing I have read in some time, mah man!!!

Well done! oh I needed that laugh...

Hilarious, both the article and the comments. I'm not a fangirl, but my husband has repeatedly pointed out that the entire existence of Tatooine is a case of idiocy. As he notes, once you become dark lord of the galaxy, why not just blow up the s**t-hole planet that is a complete dump and that gives you nothing but bad memories? It's not like the universe NEEDS a planet like Tatooine anyway. And why on earth did anyone, much less Jedis, think "We have totally got to hide this kid from his dad at all costs. We have all the known universe at our disposal....eh, let's just drop the rug rat off on dad's home world and forget about it. He'll never look there."? Really, how stupid ARE Jedis?

did not read all the comments---but the reason Luke did dumbass things is because he is a TEENAGER who think he knows everything and the world is all about him...same as Anakin....besides R2D2 is the true hero of the movies..almost every time lives are at stake..the R2 unit comes through

did not read all the comments---but the reason Luke did dumbass things is because he is a TEENAGER who think he knows everything and the world is all about him...same as Anakin....besides R2D2 is the true hero of the movies..almost every time lives are at stake..the R2 unit comes through

I am amazed and amused at how many people think that Luke's throwing away his lightsaber in the Emperor's throne room had anything to do with influencing Darth Vader to rescue him.

If you really think that then you totally missed the point of the films.

Luke refuses to FIGHT the Emperor BY ANY MEANS, because it's just flat wrong. The mistake the original Jedi made comes from ancient Greek and its called hubris, and it basically means having the damn arrogance to think that anything YOU do can overrule Fate. First off, this is why Yoda doesn't fight anymore. Second, it's why Obi-Wan says "There are alternatives to fighting" and then lets Vader strike him down. And finally, when Luke tosses his saber, he REDEEMS Vader (and the entire Jedi order) by inviting the Emperor to kill them both. This is pure Gandhi: You can kill me, but you can't coerce me. The paradox of Vader's intervention is that he finally realizes that Luke must be saved because Luke just made the heroic choice, and yet that intervention requires that someone take down the Emperor. For Luke to do it would invalidate his redemptive choice, and so Vader steps in and shoulders the burden because, as he told Luke earlier, "It is too late for me" anyway.

You can't apply consequentialism to Luke's action. He doesn't do X to bring about Y, he does X because it's right, regardless of the consequences.

(Funny post btw, totally sarcastic, I assume.)

Luke does not fall in love with Leah. He only plays to like her so Hans Solo will be jealous. In truth, he just sees her as a sister.

Be strong. Never give into the dark side.

"the Top 5 reasons why the point flies completely over the author's head"

The true queation is: After discovering that Vader was his biological father; why did Luke not sue for back child support?
You know that's what would have really happend.

Come to the Dark Side....we have cookies.

Very lame article by someone who didnt pay attention to the movie...

5) he was using the force to 'see' the exhaust port
4) didn't yoda say that luke was restless? he was still a kid who was still learning about the force
3) i think luke assumed rescuing han would be easier than it turned out and that lando, leia, and the droids were 'backups'... so actually he was pretty smart
2) the dark side requires hate to gain power... obviously luke was showing that he would not kill in hate
1) ughh... just like the rest of the article, you're reaching for a joke and never quite reach it

Not to pick on this particular poster, but this is a preeminent example of dumb humor. It relies on superficial "Who does that? Am I right?" points that actually have ANSWERS for anyone who bothers to think past the scenarios for more than two seconds. People who laugh at these points are stupid.

If you laugh and two seconds later you feel guilty, you're on the path to self-improvement.

Solo lost out by marrying Princess Leia, Luke dodged a bullet there. Let me tell you, being married to a princess only makes a royal servant of a man.

Lets face it: Luke was a little too white bread to make it on the Dark Side. He's heard things: they are inherently violent, uneducated, better at sports than he is, and they have rhythm. He just wouldn't fit in.

Look: Luke can't dance, its true, but at least he's not having to run across town every night to pick up some gourmet take-out for Princess Leia only to get harangued upon arrival when the meal is rejected as too spicy or not hot enough... and then resorting to chasing 20-somethings on Facebook for solace.

Not that such a thing could happen in real life.

I love it!

My favorite part of this article is, of course, all the Star Wars fanatics who feel the need to argue against what is obvious internet sarcasm with severe anger and, finally, name-calling.

Almost as good as the actual article! Thanks for the entertainment.

I'd have to say this is a funny list and this is coming from a fanboy of all the movies.

I have another one to throw up here into the mix as well. How about in ESB when they're attacking the ATAT's and Luke comes up with this GREAT plan about grappling the legs to bring em down cause the armor is to tough for blasters.

He then gives out the order to move into "Attack Pattern Delta" which is essentially fly DIRECTLY AT THEM!!! So what Luke, Plans Alpha, Bravo, and Charlie have already been tried, and this really is the 4th Best Plan we've got? Um, if i'm flying shotgun, I'd suggest to red leader we go around them and hit them from behind cause they CANT fire at us from that direction.

That being said, so the plan eventually works, but once these behemoths are on the ground what happens to that armor, does it miraculously turn into paper, cause they fly right over and hit it with a couple of blaster shots and B O O M !!!!! the whole thing blows up.

And we can pick apart almost every seen in Return of the Jedi that has look in it, since by then he is a skilled jedi master, he should have used the force at every turn, like on the speeder bike chase, why didnt he just use the force to stop the bikerscouts. Or My 2 cents!!

If you're looking for plausible reasons for some of Luke's actions from within the story (as opposed to Lucas needing to move the plot forward somehow and offer us drama/excitement):

One of the reasons Luke made so many stupid choices is that he was young and therefore was also immature and inexperienced (and impatient). Many people do make stupid, illogical and rash decisions when they're in their teens and 20s.

I think in some situations, Luke was thinking with his heart, not his head, as when he defied Yoda (or was it Ben?) and went to Bespin despite their warnings.

He was worried about his friends and didn't care if he wasn't quite ready yet to face Vader or other dangers (emotion trumps logic or the wisdom of what adults have to say).

As far as not joining the Dark Side, that boils down to ethics and character.

Ideally, people will choose to be and do good, which involves hard work: sacrifice (including putting the needs and desires of others before your own), showing mercy, empathy and compassion, and being more concerned with how others are treated, than in being wealthy, famous, or powerful. I think it was a matter of principle that Luke rejected the Dark Side.

Sometimes evil and bad can be lame: witness "Chad Vader," Satanists, Neo Nazis, the original Nazis, and Marilyn Manson: all lame!

I think Luke actually deserves credit in one instance: before he entered the cave on the Swamp planet, Yoda told him, "You won't need your weapons."

However, when Luke ventured into the cave, he was confronted by Darth Vader. I don't know about you, but if I'm going to have to face Vader in any sort of guise or circumstance, I'd want to be equipped with some sort of weapon.

By the last film, true, Luke did toss his light sabre aside while he was with the Emperor, which does seem at first glance to be an unwise thing to do, but by this stage, he was trying to win his father over from the Dark Side, which could be done through love / words (propaganda), and not butt-kicking.

I think when Luke refused to fight his father any further, that it made an impact, it caused Vader to stop and re-evaluate everything he thought he knew.

And hey, it worked: Vader saved his son from the Emperor; his son's love changed him. Love won over power and hate.

Someone above wrote,
"Obviously the original trilogy was made without much thought with regards to the prequel trilogy, so I can excuse a bit of this thought in that regard. Why does Vader keep referring to Obi-Wan when talking to Luke? He says "Obi-Wan has taught you well". Obi-Wan was in direct contact with Luke for what, 2 days, tops?
....Don't you think Vader would at least do some investigating into Luke's life, given he's his son and all?"

But the movies made it clear that Luke (and Leia) were hidden from Vader, which would explain why Vader didn't know about Luke's past.

From Vader's perspective, he'd have no idea how long Luke trained with Obi-Wan.

Same person wrote,
"Luke had a spaceship ride and a week in the swamp for training, yet Vader keeps talking like Obi-Wan raised him as his own and trained him in the Jedi ways."

As stated in some magazine articles at the time the films were released (1970s, early '80s), Lucas wanted the audience to assume that time had elapsed between films, esp. between Empire and Jedi, if I recall correctly.

We were to assume that Luke resumed his Jedi training during those times.

I think Luke even promised Yoda during 'Empire' that he would return to resume his Jedi training after he finished his trip to Bespin.

To 'The Mayor of Awesometown:'
I understand this article was meant in jest, but it doesn't mean people can't use it as a jumping off point to have a more serious discussion.

The Shadow wrote:
Luke's refusal to kill Vader when he had the chance was by far the dumbest thing he's ever done. Why spare him? Because he's your father? Your "father" ordered the killing of your aunt and uncle, tortured your sister, tried to kill you, mutilated you, skull-raped you, and tried to turn you into the same kind of monster he is. Filial piety only goes so far.

I suspect it has something to do with Lucas wanting to inject the concept of forgivness into the storyline.

Lucas borrowed heavily from various ancient mythologies, including Christianity, which is, of course, quite strong on the forgiveness aspect.

As Jesus was hanging from the cross, He prayed to God the Father regarding the very men who had tortured Him, nailed Him to the cross, and who insulted Him: "Father forgive them for they know not what they do."

Jesus did this out of love and because He wanted to reconcile a sinful humanity to a Holy God.

The Shadow wrote:
"Or maybe Luke spared Vader because Jedi don't kill indiscriminately. That argument would carry more weight if it weren't coming from the guy who blew up the Death Star AND EVERYONE ON IT. Are we supposed to believe everyone on the Death Star was irredeemably evil?"

If they were stationed aboard something called 'The Death Star,' do you really think they were warm and fuzzy lugs who collected 'My Little Ponies?'

You honestly don't see the difference?

This is like liberals who try to equate America's (justified) war on terror to evil acts by actual terrorists (the fundamentalist Muslims).

There is no moral equivalence between Americans, the American goverment, the American military and the extremist Muslims who use violence to overthrow the world for Allah.

In the same way, there's no moral equivalence between the Rebel Alliance (which includes Luke) and the Empire, and so there's nothing immoral about them trying to put the Death Star out of operation, by whatever means they must.

And how else do you expect the Rebel Alliance to accomplish that, may I ask?

I would guess the rebels were out-numbered (both in man power and space ships), so if they tried to get aboard the Death Star, they would not have stood a chance.

Didn't the Death Star have defensive shields, etc, so that they couldn't just fly up alongside it with their biggest attack ships?

How were the rebels to board the Death Star (so that they could more "discriminantly" kill) without being slaughtered first?

If they could get aboard the Death Star, how were they to tell the "really" evil guys apart from the "not so evil" guys? Hold trials for them all?

(Movie-wise, that would've been impractical, and it would've taken 100+ movies for Lucas to get through all the court cases and defendants - talk about boring entertainment.)

Do you seriously think the Death Star crowd would've accepted a "dialog," that is, peaceful talks with the rebels, that they would've had the leaders of the Rebels come aboard to talk out their differences with the Emperor and Vader?

If so, you're just as naive as John Kerry and Barack Hussein Obama supporters who think violent, nutty thugs such as Chavez or Ahmadinejad can be reasoned with, appeased, or trusted. You are living in La-La Fantasy Land.

Peace is good and is to be strived for, but sometimes you have to use force and war to bring about peace.

There are (and were) idiots in the real world, such as Ahmadinejad, fanatical Muslims, and Hitler who do not or did not respect peace and negotiations, and who respond only to force, and who only *respect* force.

A group who thinks it's acceptable to murder small children (kids in Jedi training), little Jaws and Ewoks, and humans (Luke's aunt/uncle) would probably fall under the umbrella of 'group that can only be dealth with via violence.'

Forget Luke. Anyone else think that green chick who dance for Jabba was a hottie?

Forget Luke. Anyone else think that green chick who dance for Jabba was a hottie?

Visit my blog:
lordwhatsmymotivation.wordpress.com

FYI Typo: Last paragraph,
"And ou can comment all you want about the Dark Side being a path to pain and suffering and a loss of humanity..."

Thanks for the laugh :D

A) How hilarious you are, obviously a bit of a sceptic though and also just for all you guys getting annoyed and the original author...

IT'S JUST A DAMN FILM GET OVER IT!!!!!!!

genuinely entertaining hearing the debate though some people seem to have all the time in the world, when I'm bored I watch porn ;) !!!

...and watching Han have almost constant sex with Leia.

What?!?!? Han Solo didn't have no sex with Princess Leia in The Star War!

(Can't believe no one's said that yet)

Luke Skywalker
First and foremost, i do all of this, 'cause it's in the contract, i should do or go to jail

...and for point 2)

The fu%$%ing batteries runout, if you can read lips you can see me whispering verybadwords about it, then have to trick the mummy (also know as the emperor) to use the lightning to recharge mi lintern, for this i throw it, after this i was planning to use it again, once recharged by the lightning, and i have to 'scream' "fatheerrr" in hopes of distract the attention of paltatine to vader, then i can easily get my green lintern (no the hero) to terminate him.

Shaun, hilarious article! I think it's funnier after reading all the comments with hard core fans shitting bricks!! Keep them coming... Maybe the next one can be
"5 reasons C3-PO is a total fag".

I luv how much the diehard starwars fans flip out in the comments. seriously, u guys sound like republicans. Dark Side forever. peace.

2) Throwing Away His Lightsaber in Front of the Emperor

"Soon, I'll be dead. And you with me."

Unlike everyone else, I don't believe Luke's only plan was for Vader to save him. He HOPED he would, certainly, but his backup "plan" was that his friends would destroy the Death Star, thus killing the Emperor. As far as he was concerned, he was dead either way.

That said, he's still an idiot: http://starwrongs.ytmnd.com/

It seems to me that it's George Lucas who's the real idiot for foisting this bozo on a impressionable public. If Lucas was a better writer, Luke would have been a more believable hero!

Haha, Luke is a tool.

5) Trusting the Force to Help Him Blow Up the Death Star

I have never really figured out what was so special about Luke using the Force in attacking the first Death Star. As far as I could tell, it did nothing but give Darth Vader a slightly higher level of difficulty in blasting his X-Wing, which he seemed to aptly overcome as he blew up R2-D2, and proceeded to almost blow the crap out of Luke’s X-Wing had Han Solo not saved his ass with the Millennium Falcon. Some might say his use of the Force involved him turning off his targeting computer and trusting himself to shoot the exhaust port. If that’s using the Force then I am using the Force every time I turn off my cruise control in my car. I mean, they make targeting systems for a reason, Luke—and chances are, the Rebel's would prefer to trust your X-Wing's highly sophisticated on-board computer than a mystical power you spent a few hours learning yesterday afternoon.

The Red Leader did try once with the targeting computer perfectly locked on, but it just impacted on the surface (Like a Peter North droppin' loads on his co-star's rump). I'm pretty sure the Rebel ships were equipped with Windows based targeting computers, and cannot be trusted because right when you need them, an error comes up saying something about your Norton Anti-Virus being out of date.

4) Refusing to Listen to the Only Living Jedi in the Galaxy

Luke gets a vision of his dead mentor Obi-Wan telling him to go to Dagobah to get training from the Jedi Master, Yoda. Luke obeys, goes out to Dagobah, finds Yoda, and then proceeds to ignore him at every important turn. Yoda tells him not to go into the scary cave with weapons, Luke doesn’t listen. Yoda gives him a lesson about overcoming great obstacles, and Luke doesn’t take it to heart, can’t lift his own X-Wing and gets all pissy. Yoda and the Ghost of Obi-Wan both tell him not to go running off to Bespin to save his friends as he’s going to endanger everything they fought for. Luke doesn’t listen, goes off to Bespin, helps nobody and gets his damn hand chopped off.

Well done, Luke. Why should “Obi-Wan coming back as a ghost to give important instructions” convey any significance to you? Why should not pay attention to the one muppet who knows how to use the Force? You're just a jerk who nearly turned into a Hoth-sicle—you surely know better than both of 'em!

Actually, Kermit has been known to throw down a Force-Bang once in a while.

3) His Insanely Stupid Plan To Rescue Han Solo from Jabba The Hutt

Let us imagine that Luke Skywalker is trying to tell you his plan to rescue Han Solo from Jabba the Hutt.

Luke: “Okay so, first we get Lando Calrissian posing as a guard inside Jabba’s Palace.”

You: “How do we do that?”

Luke: “We just get him a costume and he—just walks in.”

You: “Um, okay, say it’s that easy. So then Lando gets Han out of the carbonite and we pick them up and get away?”

Luke: “No. What happens next is that I put my lightsaber in a hidden compartment in R2-D2 and send R2-D2 and C3PO to Jabba the Hutt as gifts.”

You: “Wait, why-“

Luke: “Just listen. Next we have Leia pose as a bounty hunter arriving at Jabba’s palace with Chewbacca captured. She’s going to hand over Chewbacca to Jabba.”

You: “Wait, why? Wouldn’t that mean we would now have to rescue Han Solo, Chewbacca, R2-D2 and C3PO? That just makes it more difficult, right?”

Luke: “Just go with me here. Next, Leia is going to sneak around at night and get Han Solo out of the carbonite, but get captured.”

You: “What? Why would we get everyone captured like that?”

Luke: “Now I’ll show up, use my Force powers to get in to Jabba’s fortress, get past the guards to an audience before Jabba and then use my Jedi mind trick to get Jabba to release everyone. If that doesn’t work, then I’ll get captured.”

You: “Okay, if you can just use your Force powers to get in to the palace and all the way to Jabba, then let's just have you go in right now and get Han out."

Luke: “No, that's stupid. I’m going to get myself captured. Because then you see, we’ll be taken to the sarlacc pit and then, when we’re on the skiff, I’ll get sent out first and then R2-D2 will manage to get to the top of Jabba’s sail barge and shoot out my lightsaber, and then with Lando’s help, we’ll just—rescue everyone and then everything will be fine!”

You: “That is the stupidest plan I’ve ever heard of.”

Luke:“I’ve thought of everything.”

You: “Clearly you didn’t.”

I believe that this was all Luke's elaborate ploy to get Lea into a skimpy S&M bikini. However, he should have used the Force to look into the future to see that Lea would not age well, and would look like a dried up car shammy, with a voice like Barry White.

2) Throwing Away His Lightsaber in Front of the Emperor

So Luke decides not to put his lightsaber through Darth Vader’s head once he realizes that he’s going along the same dark path as his father. So what does he do next? He tosses away his lightsaber and then proclaims to the Emperor that he is a Jedi. Thus, he has no way to defend himself when the Emperor blasts him with lightning and if it wasn’t for his Father saving his butt (please note how many times Luke gets saved by someone else) he would have been a charred piece of Tatooine bacon. Okay, yes, tossing away the lightsaber makes a definitive statement of renouncing Father-killing, but what did he think would happen other than the Emperor kicking his ass? Did Luke think that perhaps he would proclaim “I am a Jedi, like my father before me,” and the Emperor would suddenly shout “No! You are the purest good! I am nothing in the presence of your light!” and then fling himself backward into the chasm? Why didn’t Luke just try to give the Emperor a big hug and kisses and call him a ‘snookle bear.’ He’s a master of the Dark Side, so of course he’s going to kick your ass. Luke was warned not to underestimate the Emperor...so of course, he does exactly that.

Yeah, that was kinda lame. John McLean would have had a spare lightsaber hidden in his back pocket. Or he could have summoned a small army of Jedi squirrels.

1) Not Joining the Dark Side

No, seriously! Luke gets dumped on his whole life—his adoptive parents get killed, all his friends get injured or killed, the girl he falls in love with turns out to be his sister, his father turns out to be one of the most evil people in the galaxy, his hand gets cut off. Then he gets a chance to co-rule the galaxy. Who wouldn't take that offer at that point?

What has Luke had to look forward to after the original trilogy? Mostly trying to start up the whole Jedi Order by himself, which is a ton of work, and watching Han have almost constant sex with Leia. Between that and ruling with Vader, it's not unlike a choice between working in your local library and becoming President. Not really much of a choice there. And ou can comment all you want about the Dark Side being a path to pain and suffering and a loss of humanity, but let’s face it—the Dark Side is simply cooler. Members of the Sith have neat custom lightsabers, get to slap everyone around, and just plain look cooler. For Halloween, how many Luke costumes do you see people wearing nowadays? Zero. How many Darth Vader costumes do you see? Still too many to count. Bad is good, baby.

Agreed.

Wow, number 5 is about as stupid as it gets. Did they suddenly forget the targeting computers FAILED on their first run? Yeah, between a targeting computer and the Force that does all sorts of crazy shit? I'll take the Force.

Why couldn't he use both the force and the targeting computer? That's what always got me.

The whole legacy of the skywalker family was to provide "Balance" in the force. The jedi were too strong, so we get Darth Vader to counter them.

Since the dark side is too powerful they need to be defeated, but since they all die while being defeated, they need a idiot to be the only one left. Sure he's a Jedi, but an ineffective one who makes bad plans and must be rescued by his friends. Dark side is gone. Balance achieved.

One point many people seem to miss is that Anakin/Vader did bring balance to the force. You had what, a couple hundred Jedi and only two Sith. By the time he cleaned out the pre-school, betrayed Mace, and helped out with any additional Jedi killing duties there were only two Jedi (Yoda and Obi Wan) and two Sith. Yin balanced to Yang. The problem was the arrogance of the Jedi who kept thinking that he was going to kill off the Sith for them.

I love how all the morons that digged this insanely stupid list try to defend all its inaccuracies by saying,

"um, it's a joke!"

What are you, 12?

No it's not a joke, YOU'RE an idiot.

sure, you would say that it's a joke because you got taken in by this idiot list, and now you're trying to defend your idiotic NON-fact-checking sheep mentality.

right, here's why it ISN'T funny SHEEP, it's like writing a list called

"WHY JAWS IS AN IDIOT" and putting

5. Jaws is an idiot because remember the time in Jaws when he stood up and walked on the beach? that's just stupid.

You know why it ISN'T funny? because it isn't true.

Just like this list, it's 5 BAD observations.

They're not funny because they have nothing to do with Star Wars. If you took 5 seconds to think about any of them, you'd see why they're not true and therefore not even funny.

They should set up a section at Digg for MORONS WHO DIGG ARTICLES.

We can put all the bogus Obama and McCain diggs in there that are just as stupid, like the 1500 diggs on articles that were also completely false.

I will BET that a lot of the diggs on this article came from brain-dread 12 year olds, and that MOST of the diggs came from those FAKE political accounts at digg.

You know, the ones that are normally used to digg up their political agenda, only they need to have other diggs in their list, so they don't look so obviously like fakes, and it's those politicos that dugg this article.

It's either that, or a lot of people really ARE incredible morons. And humanity is pretty well much doomed if you people breed.

This isn't funny, it's STUPID.

Yeah, Top 5 reasons why George Lucas's Indiana Jones is Crap.

5. Remember in Indiana Jones when Count Dracula sucked Smurfette dry and he was prescribed medication by Doctor Who for blue balls?

George Lucas didn't do his homework!!! because any doctor would have noticed that the rest of Dracula was blue too.

Ha Ha, so funny.

See it isn't funny, even if it makes you laugh, because it DIDN'T HAPPEN, it has nothing to do with the actual movie.

or it's just poorly thought out.

Uhg. What a bunch of sheep defending this moronic list.

Galactus has spoken.

Oh my god is there anyone here without acne and virginity, anyone whose mother is not even now calling him up from his basement room to supper, anyone over twenty five without a comic book collection?

Funny stuff. My buddy and I (both huge SW fanboys) used to love to laugh and come up with things like that. Yes, you can be a big SW geek who delves deeply into the meanings and themes of the movies and still know funny when you see it.

But I have to say that the Victoria's Secret box from L.S.Walker comment was by far the funniest thing I've read in a while.

5. Trusting the force to blow up the Death Star. Two words:

"It worked." enough said.

How is he a complete idiot for doing that, especially when the targetting systems had ALREADY proven to be unreliable?

4. He is headstrong exactly like Obi-Wan was when he was younger, and he cares more about his friends than himself. Thats admirable. Its a good point but he isn't a COMPLETE IDIOT for doing that.

3. Luke never intended to get taken to the sarlacc pit, he thought his mind trick would be sufficient, did you not notice how after it failed he decided to take Jabba by force? With a gun? Not idiotic. Miscalculation.

4. Throwing away his lightsaber in front of the Emperor. Man, this is blatantly obvious. He was saying, I'll never turn to the darkside, even if I have to die. Hell, he even said to him right b4 he did it, "I'll never turn to the darkside." "You've failed."

5. Not joinin the darkside? Well, Darth Maul is in two bits, posibly three or 4 depending on the height of that pit, Count Dooku is missing both his hands and his head, Vader is 70% robot, and the Emperor, well, he got his face melted by his own lightning and now he looks like his face has been ironed and tie-dyed. The darkside isnt heaps cooler, because s**t happens when your a Sith. Unless, you know, that is your idea of being heaps cooler than normal

Tossing the lightsaber in Jedi was dumb. Sorry guys. It just was. I understand and agree with most of the things people have said to try to defend it. Yeah, on some level he had faith that his father would be redeemed and save him. Sure, he was emphasizing his rejection of the dark side by relieving himself of an instrument of violence. Neither of those things make what he did any less stupid. How much sense does it make to trust you defense against a sith master to a some dude whose ass you've just kicked? Vader was on his ass with no weapon holding the stump of his freshly severed hand barely able to stand up. And as far a emphasis was concerned, he could've spoken more forcefully, made some kind of emphatic gesture with his hand, or anything but toss the weapon. Hell, I believed him when he said it. I'm sure the emperor did too. No matter how much try to dress it up to make it seem meaningful sentimental or noble, it was just stupid.

LOL! Oh man, that list was hilarious and true. Good job! Especially the RotJ rescue 'plan'. Han was right, Luke has delusions of grandeur.

i was gonna type a list of why you are wrong in so many ways and that you obviously don't get the plot or didn't pay attention to the movies, but apparently many people already did that so instead of reinstating the same point already made, i will just say this: THE PERSON WHO WROTE THIS IS A DUMB ASS.

yea me again. i just wanted to point out that i am not a fanboy nor have i watched any starwars movie in several years. But notice i still managed to tell HOW MUCH OF A DUMB ASS this guy is.

Hey I happen to like Luke Skywalker. He's not perfect nobody is. Give the guy a break.

Well, I'm glad I'm not the only one who thinks there's something slightly suspect about the whole "Star Wars" thing..
For example.. Han Solo and Chewbacca..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G9xibgxMEc8

And whilst we're at it, the Imperial Stormtroopers..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gjMK6mtryVY

5. The Deathstar can blow up planets. If I blew up the Earth with thermonuclear force yields in a mass roughly 10,000nm diameter, would the moon, 240,000 miles away survive? No. If I blew up a gas giant the size of 90,000nm Jupiter would Io, 450,000 survive? No. If you have a planetoid something like 60 miles across, would there be more than like 5 TIE fighers in it? Yes. More than '30 fighters' could handle? Yes. Stupidity in the Yavin attack starts a long time before Luke reaches the trench and chooses to use a _laydown_ attack on a _vertical_ target shaft.
'Nuf said.
4. Nothing Luke could ever do, as an individual would change the course of a 50,000,000 world galaxy become an interstellar Empire. NOTHING. If Yoda couldn't do it and Obiwan couldn't do it. Both of whom had five times the power at a point when the Empire was just getting started. It _does not matter_ what Luke does. Added to which, failure to remind him of his father's insanity before Luke engaged in his own is akin was an act unworthy of the most base person, let alone an 'enlightened' Jedi. While worse than this was the assumption that Luke /needed/ all this mumbo jumbo BS nonsense when clearly Yoda knew 'something about' Force Lightning.
3. The raid to recover Solo was stupid on it's face for one reason before all others: Han Solo would be dead (and deservedly so) within five minutes of arriving at Jabba's location (and I sure wouldn't live in a desert rat hole if I had the cash to move elsewhere...). Jabba won't take Fett's word for it. Nor can Jabba, wealthy as he is, -afford- to have Solo be anything but a bloodstain on the wall. So that all of Jabba's underlings-in-good-standing 'get the message'. Screw the Hutt and he'll BURY your ass.
Beyond this, Tatooine was not the first example of Luke screwing up but rather the first of three 'sequels' whereby he is allowed to do exactly what Daddy (selfish angst queen) did yet, 'because he is the hero' gets away with totally stupid moves.
Luke would not have been able to avoid capture for an instant after hypering into the Bespin system. Not with seven Star Destroyers and something like 300 fighter ALL OVER HIM. Nor would he have been able to do squat against upwards of 50,000 Imperial Troops who could meet him as soon as he stepped off his ship. Vader holding Leia on one knee with the other's secured by a hundred guns would also have "Surrender or she dies!" worked. Bespin was stupid and you would think losing his arm would have taught Luke better.
Indeed, Bespin was the chance for Luke to prove how DISCIPLINED he was so that Ep.IV could let him rescue Leia from Imperial Center using Ninja type tactics where it would have actually been unexpected.
2. Is George Lucas secretly gay? If not, then why must Jedi males be effeminized while Jedi _females_ (Jaina Solo butchers her brother while he is all but comatose in a delusional state) get all the glory? Is society -so afraid- of the White Male power symbol that they cannot feel empowered as individuals unless, as a herd, they do unto us that which we have -never- done to them?
The reality here is that Luke would never have been more than a moment's distraction to Palpatine or Vader who had a MAJOR BATTLE to plan for. And after it was over, his choices would have come down to 'a bullet or a uniform, you choose'. Since Palpatine could clone his corpse just as readily.
OTOH, once Luke commits to 'saving his sister' he cannot stop until the threat is dead and if Anger in achieving that end is so terrible, then why do Yoda, Obiwan and Mace all -successfully- employ that emotion, at need?
1. There are better ways to commit suicide. Play Rambo and make them chase you up hill and down dale /wasting time/ on Endor while the attack commences.
This is tactically no different (in outcome) than walking into their arms to surrender BEFORE the strike commences. The problem here is one of complete unrealism in other areas which again would have made it unlikely that Luke's presence mattered, one way or the other.
Specifically, Han and Leia would have come into the Shield Generator with an armful of suitcase nukes and at the -slightest hint of trouble- (something a Jedi might actually be useful for predicting?) they would have pulled-pin and smiled as the sky turned bright.
Thus the idea that they would ever get CLOSE to the installation, once their shuttle deviated from course, is ridiculous, whether Luke is there or not, the Imperials would never be that stupid.
Which brings me to my last point. Vader and Palpatine are all hot and horny over 'The Dork Side'. But what does it ever really bring them? I mean, here they are, stuck in what are basically bureaucratic roles, /minding sheep/ whom they clearly despise. Yet neither of them has the 'Unlimited Power' to just take what they want. Surrender to something that weak for the purposes of being another pencil whipped paper chaser trying to manage a 50 MILLION world Empire 'by hand'? Uhhhh, Gee, No.

MPl.

You're just a stupid jerk with nothing better to do than bash the Grand Master. If you ever meet person with multiple personalities, ask to borrow one, because you need some help, you kriffing moron.

ur all nerds

LOL, love the Discussion, I have one for you all, the funniest thing i've seen in the trilogy is If you watch Return Of the Jedi, when Darth Vader comes into Emperor palpitines chamber and says a small rebel group has penetrated the sheilds and Landed on endor. and then Palpitine says Yes i Know, And vadar says bla bla bla MY Son is with them, then Vadar get s a Ass chewing from Palpatine about his feeling not being clear. and then after that ass chewing he says to Vadar go wait for him and then bla bla bla he will come to you, and then at the end of that Conversation he says I have forseen it, If he's so damb Powerful why did he give Vadar a ass chewing. and then all of a sudden just change his mind, Like what was said Before I think those to took to maney lightsabers to the head and started to go Insane.

Luke was a Dips*^& to throw his lightsaber ob-wan didn't throw his when Count Doukoo, Came at him with lighting, i think his father still would have helped him since the emperor was starting to treat Vadar like crap in Episode 6.
OHH Last thing whats the Deal with the Lightsaber Duels In the old Trilogy, I can see OBI-WAN in episode 4 because he was OLD. But luke has no excuse he should have been way quicker than Darth vaders mechanical ass.
I think they could have planned out the Fighting a little better.

I am glad that people brought up the fact that Luke does to the dark side eventually, but the was only dealing with the movies. So, you all are right. Luke has been more of a gray-sider than any particular side in my opinion.

In short, he's the typical teenager.

Star wars isnt real?

wow the poster is an idiot.. all i read was the first part, lol but that was good enough for me.

Let's argue about starwars. Yaaaaay! My lightsaber is the biggest of them all!

First of all, very funny article, well done!

Secondly, to everyone who posted an entire essay arguing that this whole article is retarded, and that the author is equally retarded, please GET A LIFE! There are far more important things to do in life than shouting "OMG SOMEONE MADE A JOKE ABOUT MY FAV FILM!" and spending about half an hour turning that statement into a ridiculously long post. It's funny because you try and make it seem as if you're somehow better than anyone who took this article as a joke (as its meant to be), and you end up sounding like a bunch of raving idiots.

If you really want to defend star wars that badly then why don't you go and make you're own website, you can call it www.kissing-george-lucas'-ass.com

Let's start with - Its obvious that you're an idiot.

5) Trusting the Force to Help Him Blow Up the Death Star
* The ENTIRE point of this was to use the force. The Jedi order is a religious order and he had to BELIEVE in the force to use it. Only through channeling it would he succeed. (ALSO - remember? It computer WAS used before by the guy who died! Why in the world would you make the same mistake twice!)

4) Refusing to Listen to the Only Living Jedi in the Galaxy
* I'll give you this one...although - he's young. Either you're a 12 year old or you haven't grown up. Most people make mistakes.

3) His Insanely Stupid Plan To Rescue Han Solo from Jabba The Hutt.
* It's called strategy. In fact this was PROOF of his skill. He probably used the force to foresee possible problems and then planned for it.

2) Throwing Away His Lightsaber in Front of the Emperor
* Again proof of his skill as a Jedi. It was Anakin's CHOICE to join the dark side. Therefore it NEEDED to be Darth Vader's CHOICE to come back from it.

1.) Not joining the Dark Side.
I guess you really are stupid so I'll give you a hint.
(The bad guys lost---they always do)

Jangles is right! Robot Jocks RULEZ!!!!

(I've been waiting 23 years on the internets to say that)

this is f-ing gay, why does everyone have to be a critic these days? just watch the movie and enjoy, or dont enjoy it. who cares? its just a movie. get a life you momma's boys.

I am amused by the riled-up responses of guys (and gals, maybe) who are outraged and/or claim the writer is an idiot. Let me spell it out for you whiny little retarded pussies: I.T. I.S. A. H.U.M.O.R. A.R.T.I.C.L.E. F.I.R.S.T. A.N.D. A.N. O.P.I.N.I.O.N. P.I.E.C.E. S.E.C.O.N.D.
YOU are the morons putting way too much thought into this. While you sputter and rage at my dissing you by proving I have a better understanding of this article and of yourselves than you have (not that hard I assure you), I will be reading Machiavelli and laughing my ass off at your worthlessness as human beings.

tl;dr: I'm better than you fanboy whiners, so shut up. XD

Neil Whistler said:
"You Sir are uninformed...
You have saw the movies and have not read the rest of the canon. The Emperor did't die. Luke fell to the darkside, like his father and came back. He also started a Jedi Academy. There so many holes i could punch but your blog is just not worth it. You need to do some serious READING. Before you make statement like that."

Not trying to be a dick, but the movies are the only true canon. George Lucas saw to that. There was a well established universe in the novels (and yes I have read a lot) That ol Georgie boy has undone with the prequels. C-3P0 was built by a company called Cybot Galactica...nah I'll have Anakin build him to show what a skilled little turd he is. Boba Fett was a Mandalorian Super Commando named Jaster Mereel before becoming a bounty hunter...Nah I'll make him a doofy little clone kid. I could go on and on, but in his mind the expanded universe stuff is basically fan fiction that gives him a paycheck. If it wasn't in the movies, it didn't happen.

This was a trilogy of movies to promote a cartoon voice actor as the lead charactor. I also agree with previous posts that Harrison Ford is,was,& will always be the true star of Star Wars,all the Indiana Jones movies,even the one with Transformers lead actor Shia Labeouf that got mixed reviews,all that happens when Mark Hamill goes to fan coventions, i.m.h.o, is people constantly badger him to voice the Joker as that is his favorite voice acting role,George Lucas should use Mark Hamill's Joker voice in all the clone wars cartoons.

I think the problem with the article is that it's not nerdy enough. The examples given are superficially amusing, but only to someone who doesn't really know the movies. It reads like something written by a non-fan, and this is supposedly a site for nerds. Look at the 5 examples of Luke's supposed stupidity:

5) I've never had a problem with this. Not only is it clear that targeting computers weren't working, the fact is that (as a few people have pointed out) using the force results in the destruction of the Death Star, so it's hard to understand why this proves Luke is an idiot. Also, the moment when Obi-Wan says 'use the force, Luke' is one of the most iconic in the original trilogy, and it seems a bit pointless to be pedantic about it.

4) The whole thing about Luke apparently not listening to Yoda is explained in George Lucas' commentary (as any true Star Wars nerd would know). Ultimately, Yoda was wrong and Luke was right - by abandoning his training and going to rescue his friends, Luke learnt the truth about Vader and eventually redeemed him (Yoda had insisted that Luke wasn't ready for the truth). The underlying message isn't particularly complex (listen to your heart, don't trust authority - remember Lucas was a product of the 60's), but it does work.

3) It's not really clear how much of Han's rescue was planned; it seems more a case of Indy-style making-it-up-as-you-go-along. There's no way Luke knew he'd end up walking the plank over Jabba's pet sand monster, so presumably R2-D2 had his light saber 'just in case'. It actually works fairly well as an example of Luke over-estimating his own abilities (he didn't realise that Jabba was immune to Jedi mind control).

2)Again, this makes perfect sense in the context of the films. Luke would rather die than join the Emperor. This is one of the few aspects of the original trilogy that gains resonance from the (inferior) prequel trilogy, as the prequel trilogy shows how Anakin made the opposite decision.

1)Okay, there is a good point here, which is that the bad guys get the best looking stuff. But it's not particularly original or funny. And Jedis get to be immortal while Sith just end up dead, so rejecting the dark side isn't as stupid as it's made to look in this article.

So, this article falls down for (a) not being nerdy enough, and (b) missing the point. For a really funny (and truly nerdy) piss-take of Star Wars, nothing beats the Robot Chicken stuff. They go much deeper into the movies' mythology, and manage to extract a lot more humour in the process.

I think whoever wrote this is a Moron. The 5 reasons that make Luke an idiot don't make any sense in themselves, You clearly know nothing, and you are retarded. don't comment about things you know nothing about and watch the movie more closely.

Don't have to be a fanboy to disagree. I just am not an idiot.

Takes an idiot to know one, so thanks, for shedding the light on your personal issues.

Hillarious.... But the nerdery is actually a bit scary! Not joking. Females will probbaly find this freaky.

I have now found a perfectly good reason to never date a nerd, I will just laugh at them and read these funny commentary pages. No offence, just trying to protect myself from the madness here^^

Thank you Topless robot! It's alway funny seeing what happens here. By the way, I am one of your silent female readers.

Theres a book out there called starwars and philosophy, go and READ THAT before you MAKE ANOTHER BOREDOM SPAWNED ARTICLE FROM THE LACK OF JUDGEMENT.

@Mike "I just am not an idiot"? I really hope this was sarcasm, otherwise you've just managed to destroy your own arguement.

In Luke's defense, he DID get Mara Jade, who's totally badass and hot to boot.

Whether he's deserving of her or not is debatable.

Ha ha ha! Great post. (But I'll ignore that "library" comment.) ;-) Everyone knows that Darth Vader was the sexiest character in Star Wars.

Rule of thumb for the Star Wars Universe: Everybody is a jerk or retard, except Han Solo and Chewbacca.

As for the Jabba-plan: It might have been stupid, but it did work out. Maybe it was a special learn-to-be-a-Jedi-task of "Come up with the most convoluted and idiotic plan that still might work".

LOL.. funny good point ( I do accept this as humour) accept the resscue Han from Jabba.. That I think a lot of you are missing the point on both sides.. Lukes idea was never to get everyone caught... Duh! He had a plans and and he had back up plans, just as any good commander would have. I think that Lando infiltrates was part of plan A in which Liea as a bounty Hunter simply walks in and rescues Han.

The Droids were part of Plan B.

Unfortunatly it was Liea that screwed that up by going all lovey dovey and not just trying to get his butt out of there.. so we go with Plan B. Enter the Jedi..

Well we all know Luke in still not a Jedi Master and his self proclaimed Jedi Knight status may have beena little pre emtive, but then again who was going to argue with him?

This is where you can call Luke an idiot.. He didn't quite do all his home work. Like why did he not know Hutts were quite immune to the Jedi mind trick. but if you really want to blam someone for bad intel... try Lando.. (I'm not rracist) but come on how long has he been there and why would he not tell Luke about the Rancor/ Rancor trap...it's pretty obvoius Jabba has used it before since even 3PO tried to warn him he was standing on it.

Now we get back to Luke being an idiot. As you all know luke can do some pretty awesome jumping (as seen in Empire in his fight with Vader)so why then did he not just jump out of the way of the trap door? This would have also been an great time to use R@ and his secret compartment. With Jedi rreflex's he should have been able to walk right thru most if not allthe criminal scum.. all but Bobba would have been pretty easy even for a self proclaimed Jedi Knight.

I think I have made my point and this should wrpa.. thanks for listening..

Didn't fuck Leia.

I as a SciFi/Fantasy Nerd,I love StarWars And this list was a riot. Suck it up Nerd Nazis other people see things differently.You think the author cares what you think about his article? He bothered to type this for fun and to entertain the bored folks perusing the topless robot what a waste of time to try to repress and correct his opinions!!!

Keep Up The Good Work Shaun C You Rep TR Well.

Star Wars is not about Luke. Luke does not bring balance to the force.

Star Wars is about Vader. In the end, we realize that Vader brings balance to the force. Luke is just the son of Vader around whom the story of episodes 4-6 can be told.

The only one I can really disagree with is the first.

Luke turned off his targeting computer and listened to the Force instead because of timing. Through the Force he ends up with a better sense of the best time to fire at the exhaust port. As seen with the first person to take a shot, using the targeting computer got him close, but either through the computer being slightly off or the delay between the 0 count and pulling the trigger, the shot only hits the outside of the port. So, with the Force, Luke is supposedly able to better judge when to fire.

Though, about being able to dodge Vader better. Vader, also having the Force should have been able to adjust. Though, if I remember correctly, I thought Vader fires at Luke just before Han gets there, meaning Vader probably would have killed Luke.

Aside from that, you pretty much nailed it.

I must have read this article 3 times now, and it's funnier every time I read it. What's funniest, however, are the comments that Star Wars fans post in rebuttal. Hilarious. I thought I was a nerd (and rightly so), but there are far, far nerdier out there. Unbelievable.

Re: Targeting computer.

We have a targeting computer that, on a starfighter traveling in a straight line, can't hit a target that is stationary, and actually quite close by.

And they use the thing in dogfights...??? The starfighter is maneuvering violently. The target is maneuvering violently. The distances are much greater. The size of the target isn't much greater than the small hole. Given the inaccuracy of the targeting computer, the pilots would be better off turning the damn thing off and firing with their eyes closed...

Nice read also a WALL of comments!

OHSHI-

This article just made me cracked up. How everything here is getting heated up. And having said that, this doesn't mean that I think Luke is a total idiot. But c'mon. Who cares what the author wrote here anyway? Obviously this had been written down for entertainment. There's just no valid justification. Plus, it's a funny article. Just laugh, kiddies.

You have spent way too much time thinking about this.

This is hilarious. You pointed out some things I never noticed before. Personally I think Luke created the worst rescue plan in the galaxy to see Leia in a metal bikini. :P

I have always thought that the real hero in the films is R2-D2. Sure he gets in a lot of trouble, but he always gets himself out and gets everyone else out as well. He is definitely the most under appreciated character. I can't count how many times he saved his human charges. And he gets the entire ball rolling when he goes out to look for Obi Wan himself. Since he was around for all it, it's tragic he can't talk. Could have saved a lot of trouble.

I think you are wrong. I am in LOVE with Luke Skywalker. Yes...he is a little bit of an idiot, but give him a BREAK! What would you have done?! Yes he didn't listen to yoda and obi-wan kenobi but he didn't give himself to the dark side because to a true jedi never gives in: to him, it was either get his father to kill the emporer and restore his father's goodness inside of him, or die. He was noble and brave. Again, what would you have done?!

I agree totally with Johnson's Johnson; it's just a movie\book! I mean, you try to make such a creative little thing! Luke skywalker and Darth Vader are the real heroes, done and done!

As a hard core Star Wars fan this article made me laugh like crazy, especially #3. It did get me thinking though, what was the plan to rescue Han originally? How was that supposed to go down? I see it happening something like this:

Leia: Lando will go in and get a job with Jabba and feed us information. I'll bring Chewie in as a prisoner while disguised as a bounty hunter. At night I'll sneak around and free Han and Chewie with Lando's help and then we'll all get the hell out.

Luke: Ok, WHEN that fails how about this... I'll send 3PO and R2 in with my light saber hidden in R2 before all this goes down. I'll say they're a gift or something. After you're captured, and you will be, I'll come for a visit asking for Han's release. I have nothing to offer so I'll just hope he's feeling generous. He'll either hand Han over, along with you since you've been captured (gives Leia condescending look) or he'll say no and ask me to leave. If no I'll have to do this the hard way. R2 will have to find a way to stay close to me. If I'm captured I can only hope he doesn't just shoot me in my cell, along with the rest of us. If he does let you and Han go I'll try and make a case for getting Chewie and the droids too but we might have to leave them.

Leia: Why are you such a jerk?

Luke: Cause I'm a Jedi and you need me.