Okay. I had really thought I was done covering the little bit of insanity that is fashion designer's Diane von Furstenberg's Wonder Woman comic, but then I saw what it actually looked like. That's the real cover up above—and now I'm wondering if "her artist friend Konstantin Kakanias" is still in the 7th grade, or if it's just a pen-name for when von Furstenberg draws with her own withered mummy hands. I have more, perhaps more important questions, too: Why are Wonder Woman's bracelets generating thousands of watts of electricity? I'm not sure. Why has von Furstenberg had herself drawn as a giant with the ability to stand at 45-degree angles? Why is giant DVF pointing to her bracelet, and why are the three women slack-jawed in awe at it?
But the best is yet to come. If you recall TR's previous post on it, the comic is about the adventures of Diva, Viva and Fifa—von Furstenberg's creations, and not Geoff Johns, if you were confused—three ladies who wear DVF's fashions and, here's a quote, who star in "inspiring tales about women and the life-empowering choices they face." Now Diva speaks up for herself at a meeting and gets mild recognition, and Viva sings a song at a bar and immediately gets a lucrative recording deal. But my absolute favorite is the incredible story of Fifa...shown in its entirety after the jump.
Fuck and yes. If that's not the most empowering thing you've ever read, I don't know what hope there is for you. Now admittedly, after seeing a bizarre vision of Wonder Woman and a giant Diane von Furstenberg in her window, I would think it might be better for Fifa to get empowered to go see a doctor about her obvious brain damage. But what do I know? I'm just a stupid boy. I'm sure this comic—of which you can see more empowering pages here—has immediately led all women everywhere to both score recording deals with major labels with zero effort, and/or hire babysitters. What a day!
Seriously, WHAT. THE. FUCK. If I'm DC president Paul Levitz and I read this, I'm going to empower myself to fire the jackass who let travesty this happen on his/her watch. Well done, whoever—you've simultaneously set women and Wonder Woman back 30 years.