Yuck. I hope this is an eloborate Photoshop job ;)

A large, radioactive dildo.

This is worse than the Combat Heroes....

Basterd! For a moment there, with that picture of the kid, I thought that all was to be ok with the GI Joe motion picture. Instead, I get a picture of someone that Vince Russo would've invented during the dying days of WCW. I like, thought, that it come with a mini spring-loaded gun that I can presumably use to shoot myself in the head with.

AND HIS HEAD IS A GIANT CRUNCHBERRY.

HAHAHA!! YES! Couldn't have described it better myself.

"HAS TUBES CONNECTING HIS HEAD AND CHEST, TO EITHER TRANSPORT CHESTJUICE TO HIS SKULL, OR SKULLJUICE TO HIS CHEST."

Wrong. Obviously he is the recipient of a 21st century, Michael Bay style cyber-tracheotomy. :)

so they didnt have the original Cobra Comander as it was too scary for kids... yet this disfigured skull mask is better?

please someone tell me I got it wrong.

...*Sob*

what was so friggin hard about just doing this:
http://i141.photobucket.com/albums/r59/kingpsyz/1353028403_abfe22b61d.jpg

cosplayers making better costumes than movie studios with multi million dollar budgets?

WTF IS THIS SHIT!!!???!!! I THINK THESE GUYS ARE GIVING THAT HACK MICHAEL BAY A RUN FOR HIS MONEY IN THE 'THIS GUY RAPED MY CHILDHOOD' RACE. OMFG THIS IS HORRIBLE THEY ARE DISRESPECTING THE SOURCE MATERIAL THEY SHOULD ALL DIEEE! THEY SHOULD HAVE RIGIDLY STUCK TO THE SAME SHIT WE'VE BEEN SEEING FOR YEARS I DONT LIKE CHANGE WHO CARES IF THE MOVIE LOOKS LIKE ONE BIG COSPLAY FEST I WANT AN AKKURATE COBRA COMMANDER FUCKING HOLLYWOOD EVERYTHING FROM THE 80'S AND JAPAN WAS BETTER HUR HUR HUR!

...Christ.

That looks like Scorpius inside one of Indy's Crystal Skulls. Was this the result of another brilliant idea by the Deadpool redesign guy? Good job, douche. Have you ever encountered your source material before? I think not.

Fuck! How hard is it to just cut a couple of eyeholes in a piece of blue cloth. It's wayyyyy more cost effective than this garbage! Fuck!

Why does he come with what looks like a metal foot (or foot-print). WHY GOD WHY!

This sucks, they should have just stuck with the hod but oh no looks tomuch like the KKK, I would prefer the KKK look to this piece of crap.

Oh sweet a jason X Sequel!

@Grenadier: come here often?

Also, holy fucking shitfarts- not only does that not look like Cobra Commander at All (i.e., it's not an 'adaptation', it's Completely different), it's just incredibly, incredibly UGLY. Like, not "Cool! Fucking Gross!" but, "...what? Ew."

However! the new game sounds Like something akin to the old arcade GIJOE game: http://xbox360.ign.com/articles/966/966049p1.html

(emphasis on "Like something akin"!)

I'd fucking rather have a Jason X sequel. Least that movie knew what is was.

Fuck and This.

You're right... I can never unsee what I have seen.

But I can damn sure gouge my eyes out so I will never have to see it again.

Seriously, I agree with the above comment - how is this LESS scary than the hooded Cobra Commander?

That's not okay.

My god, it looks like they were trying to make the most awful version of "cyberpunk early 90s action movie" ever.

They have succeeded. Christ he looks like he should be an extra in the Stallone Judge Dredd movie (no oubt credited as "nightclub patron #2"), not COBRA F'ING COMMANDER.

I would have said his head looked like a stimulated clitoris but then I realized I didn't know what that actually looked like.. crunchberry will work though.. oh and doesn't the guy in the picture look like he's right out of the live action HE-MAN movie?

I was considering, borderline excited about, seeing this movie...Until this moment.

Paramount, I will not tolerate let a lone encourage this behavior by giving you my hard earned money. I will not be watching it in the movie theater or buying/renting the DVD. I will however buy the video game so I can kill your sorry excuse for a Cobra Commander time and time again.

Fuckers.

*shoots self*

At least he will be able to steal all the ADAM he needs.

I'm so ashamed...

GOD. DAMN. IT.

Seriously... They should have gone with a hooded Cobra Commander. So what if he looks like a KKK member. That's a GOOD thing! He's a villain bent on world Domination! He's supposed to be really evil. But then again, there's a lot to the production design that's very lame.

A- Frito don't bring bioshock into this mess. Bioshock is awesome this is....

B- You just got kicked inthe nuts.

Words cannot describe what I feel looking at that.

Actions on the other hand can... *lights torch and grabs pitchfork*

Be seeing y'all I'm off to visit Paramount!!!

I don't even think I will illegally download this movie now let alone pay to see it.

I will bet anyone(up to a whole dollar)that this is happened for the same reason Spidermans mask tears off every time he sneezes and Iron Man had that stupid in-helmet view, the actor whined about having his face completely covered up.

CO-BRA-LALALALALALALALAAAAAAAAAAAA

WEARING A SLEEVELESS TRENCHCOAT.

Actually, I'm pretty sure it does have sleeves.

Oh, and he's packing his original "dustbuster" handgun from 1982, interestingly enough.

I believe the Commander himself once put it best:

"Useless. It's all useless. I was once a man. A MAN!"

And now Roadblock isn't even there to console him...

I'm no Joe fan, but what was so hard about replicating this look?:
http://www.sideshowtoy.com/?page_id=4489&sku=26141

I think the metal foot is actually a communication device of some kind. I actually have to sort of admire an action figure that can even lift a dildo that huge. Cobra LALALALALALALA indeed.

This has to be hands down the most gaytarded shit I've ever laid my eyes upon.

Oh I can't wait to hear the reasoning behind making what was once a rad looking villain into a Bane/Mysterio looking doucherific twit.

I would've broken out the rum bottle as soon as I woke up this morning if I had known that this shit was getting thrown my way today.

God, that sucks. If they're not going to give us helmeted Cobra Commander, I'd at least prefer Mushmouth Hooded Cobra Commander, obviously.

i knew they were going to F*CK this movie up from the start so i stayed away... but i'll be damned if i can't stop staring on in complete horror at that hideous Cobra Commander. WTF were they thinking? what's wrong with the guy's classic costume as is?!

Guys, guys, they've got this. I totally get it. Its so obvious:

This is what he starts out looking like, then Destro or someone tells him "God, you're disgusting looking, and who designed that fucking mask?" and then Destro grabs a blue towel or something, cuts out some eye holes in it and then forces Cobra Commander to wear that over the ugly mask.

The reason given in Wikipedia for the mask redesign should make all of our collective heads explode.

"Levitt wore a mask – which was redesigned from the comics because the crew found it too reminiscent of the Ku Klux Klan – and prosthetic makeup underneath."

Source: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cobra_Commander

WTF????

It's one thing to fuck around with the less popular characters. But you don't take a character so iconic that even non-fans recognize him and mess up this much. As crappy and different as the Transformers looked in their live action movie, Michael Bay knew enough to at least make Optimus Prime recognizeable.

Can we forget about our sadness and just concentrate on how awesome jason x was? Cause that's what I'm doing right now.

why's everyone pissed at michael bay? he's doing transformers NOT gi joe. STEPHEN SOMMERS is who you should start blaming. he's the director of this crap.

"Levitt wore a mask – which was redesigned from the comics because the crew found it too reminiscent of the Ku Klux Klan – and prosthetic makeup underneath."

God that is such bullshit

so, what exactly was so wrong with any of the previous incarnations of the past 26 years of c.c. that the retards making this movie just HAD to "blow" our "minds" with a character design so "cool"?

I wasn't blaming Michael Bay, I was making a comparison.

Although I do blame Michael Bay for the crapfest that was Transformers.

I think, deep down, it comes down to these guys needing to loudly make their own mark on whatever movie they make. Not every director has the respect for the material like Zack Snyder, sadly.

"Levitt wore a mask – which was redesigned from the comics because the crew found it too reminiscent of the Ku Klux Klan – and prosthetic makeup underneath."

Because we wouldn't want to unfairly make a terrorist king pin look evil.

That is the worst fuckin' Cobra Commander that has ever been conceived. I thought the one in the Snake Unitard was bad...and what's with the Lando trench cape? I just hope it has Manglor type features so I can rip it to pieces and put it back into the the slimy mountain it rose from. Fuck!

When I saw the pic, I immediately thought that his head looked like Krang, but kinda stuffed into a jar much too small for him.

The frak is this? Anakin Commander?

I seriously doubt Gordon-Levitt said, "No hood, please, I'd rather wear a clear mask over some horribly mangled prosthetic flesh -- you know, so everyone knows it's me!" I think he's just excited to be involved.

That said, I would have been fine with crazy new Joe designs if I thought the movie would be any good. Same with Transformers, but Bay did a lot of goofy shit I didn't appreciate, and I'm not sure Sommers' wacky style is going to lend itself well to Joe, although the possibility exists.

I really think that Hasbro is the main culprit. I was reading in ToyFare that the production designers rejected their "toylike" vehicle designs, but I think they are totally cool with the studio doing a complete redesign on the characters, because it requires collectors to buy all-new figures -- no re-using the old ones.

It's like Bane meets the Jem'hadar. Hideous.

GAH! MY EYES ARE BURNING!!! WHAT THE HELL IS THAT THING!!!

When I saw the pic, I immediately thought that his head looked like Krang, but kinda stuffed into a jar much too small for him.

You may find this amusing then:

http://www.joebattlelines.com/phpBB3/download.php?avatar=27_1238010055.gif

NOOOO this insolence shall be known no longer COBRA attack the movie studios

Wait. Isn't that the point?!!? Isn't Cobra Commander supposed to look a bit like a Nazi commander? I mean, it's not even a veiled reference. His uniform has always looked Nazi-ish, so why would they decide to make him look like a man whose head has been cooked in an unfortunate microwave accident?

This is terrible. Fuck Hollywood for "re-imagining" everything. Transformers that don't look like Transformers, female TMNTs, and Cobra Commander without his iconic mask or hood... It's like they just want to show what they would have done if they had been the creators of the originals.

And we can all collectively say "thank goodness they weren't."

This really sucks. I'm not even a big G.I. Joe fan, but even I know that a movie like this is made for the fans, and that the fans will piss all over it if you change someone as high-profile as Cobra Commander into a freak-show display of some idiot's design skills.

Fucking Hollywood.

Also, why is COBRA Commander wearing a skull mask?

Shouldn't it at least be a snake mask?

Oddly, the photo doesn't have the head-neck-juice tubes in the costume.
I think the foot measurer is supposed to be a COBRA walkie-talkie.
He bears a vague resemblance to Serpentor.

"Levitt wore a mask – which was redesigned from the comics because the crew found it too reminiscent of the Ku Klux Klan – and prosthetic makeup underneath."

After this movie bombs everyone involved will need to wear masks.

I don't know what he's holding but I'm pretty sure he's doing it wrong....

So...

Ugh. So many words. And they all fail me.

Well, the good news is that the movie doesn't have a giant mechanical spider.

The bad news is that a giant mechanical spider would have been entirely appropriate and faithful to the source material.

But it makes up for it by having Cobra troops driving Hummer H2s ("Scarabs," IIRC) with weapons and spikes welded on. Because, y'know, that's not only much more marketable as a toy (not that that had anything to do with it, I'm sure), but is obviously better suited for driving over obstacles like curbs and speed bumps, and much more practical and fundamentally scary looking than a Range Rover made into a Technical.

*soft, quiet wailing*

I'm not spazzing yet. My guess is this is an early incarnation of Cobra Comm. sorta like priordial Optimus Prime and Starscream figs when the Transformers flick came out. Real Prime didn't show up on shelves until just a few weeks before.

Main characters usually get a few versions per flick, so I'm not convinced this is how he'll look throughout the entire film.

Calm down. The auctioner is in Shanghai, so there's a chance that it's fake.

eh, this movie looked like it was gonna S D from day one. i'm not surprised by any of this anymore since i wasn't expecting much. just sit tight, i'm sure in twenty years the future equivalent of christopher nolan will come around and give us a joe movie that's gritty and down-to-earth and all that good crap.

by the by, the rocket launching dildo - that's all hasbro. every movie figure comes with a huge spring loaded phallus...you know, for kids!

and i could actually see the design working, at least from the packaging photo. it's not TOO far off from a battle armor CC type helmet.

however, as far as the figure goes, i can't even tell what i'm supposed to be looking at. it's a mess.

to be fair though, the filmmakers let all you guys know from the outset that this movie wasn't going to be, you know "good". if you had high hopes after they said they were turning one of the most trusted american icons into a futuristic live action (aka CGI) version of team america: world police, then i don't know what to tell you.

I could at a stretch buy that as destro but NOT EVER cobra commander WTF!

Its not as bad as the movie combat heroes made him out to be.

Although I never did collect Joes as a kid nor read the comics, I did watch the cartoon and collect the trading cards.

My favorite part of GI Joe is Cobra Commander, and I actually think it looks pretty cool. Then again I'm a fan of not only the new TF movie but movie TF designs as well.

Dont hurt me.

Unless you're a lady... or Oat.

Great. Now I HAVE to buy the figure. So that whenever I look at it, I'll be reminded of skulljuice/chestjuice and laugh my ass off. Every damn time.

As Templar said, he has his original fucking gun! Why do they think it's so fucking cute to wink at the original after shitting on it?
As CC himself said, "I was once a ma-a-a-a-a-n, once a ma-a-a-a-a-n....."

Damn. Looks like The Blob (from the movies, not Fred J. Dukes) is attacking his head.

Come to think of it, that may actually be an improvement over what the movie apparently has in store.

That's some sad shit man

If they gave him a helmet, I'd be fine with this. At least then it would look like his third costume somewhat. Not that I liked that costume, but at least it would have looked like an incarnation of cobra commander.

I think it's now official. Between this and Jetfire (with AWESOME CANE!) both the G.I. Joe and Transformers movies are going to suck.

Thank you, Hollywood. I still have more childhood memories you can destroy, though, so keep trying and one day you'll get them all.

I...

There was still a little piece of me, a small piece of my childhood I always clung to, deep down, to remind myself to have fun and enjoy the world with that childlike wonder.

That piece has just died.

@Temporal Sword -- "That piece has just died."

Wait until you see the movie and get to watch as that piece gets brought out, beheaded, and paraded around on the end of Jetfire's cane.

I miss Crunchberries. Now I'm sad.

Wait, they're making a GIJOE movie?

bah... who gives a flying fuck...

G.I. Joe and Transformers are both subpar cartoons anyway. Who would expect the movies to really be any better....

fuckkkkk offfffff

Ok 1- I think, cause it's "The Rise Of Cobra" there are going to be secuels, so...maybe we will see the Helmet look in the second movie or in the ending of this one,...(hopefully). 2- The stupid director needs to read this blog, maybe he'll come to reason for the second movie (if there ever will be one due to the foreseen failure of this one). 3- KKK? that is so fucking lame,... 4- There are some characters that are iconic Cobra Commander is one of them, they fucked it all up. 5- Any (HED)p.e. fans?

Absolutely shameful! After being optimistic that Snake Eyes' look lived up to my expectations I am now fking pissed off. The character I cared about the most has now been destroyed. F U, A Holes!

That wasn't enough of a vent. I'M SO FUKKING PISSED OFF!!!

1. I pray this is a FAKE or DESTRO.

2. I really don't want to see a sleeveless trench on ANYONE!

3. I am convinced that Hollywood, Michael Bey and Hasbro are out for blood and trying to eradicate the G.I. Joe / Transformers franchises and the childhoods of anyone from the 20th century.

Mommy...I'm scared...make them stop.

you know, everyone knocks the transformers movie for being awful, i thought that they did pretty good. personally, i would have liked a hotheaded rebel iron hide to that Charles Bronson sounding cat faced pickup but hey, we got the original optimus voice actor. that did it for me. I remember reading somewhere that they changed bumble bee to a camaro because 90% of serial killers drive beetles. i don't know how they came to that conclusion, maybe they hired the same people that said the commanders hood looked like a Klan hood. however, I'm being optimistic that this may be a teaser image to test our reaction. if not, it is possible that since this is supposed to be part of a trilogy that maybe when these executives are shocked by fan outcry (they actually have the balls to act surprised)they'll quickly re-write older ideas into the plot. look at gi joe the movie and operation Dragonfire from dic. sure there were enough plot holes to play a days worth of golf but they tried to fix the fuck up. apparently they listened to the fans with transformers as this summers movie has a little surprise in it. and no, i won't spill. just wait till movie time.

I hope they listen to the fans, cause there are a lot of angry dissapointed fans out there me included.
I mean,...who really cares about the stupid actor anyway, who cares if we see the actor eyes? the dude from "V for Vendeta" seemed to be fine with it,...for example Dr. Doom, the Rise of The Silver Surfer could have been a cool movie, instead of that bullshit plot of Dr. Doom helping them build the trap for the surfer, they could just pit them in a "fantastic" battle, where we see WHAT WE WANTED TO SEE, and not just the final battle, the movie would have been a lot cheaper because they would be not paying that NipTuck actor, just some stunt man, the movie could have made a lot more money,...just because the battles made it so...and not just the "POP PLOT".
So it comes down to one simple thing,...Hood or Helmet(mirroed face plate) for Cobra Commander or defeat for the movie and director (hope you take it personal Steven Summers)

this movie will SUCK, i dont know why these idiots have to change the characters to make them 2000s "cool", you idiots the reason you make a gi joe movie, a transformers movie or a star trek movie is to see the originals, not your shitty bastarderized versions of it, make your own movie dont screw up classic characters you dumb pieces of shit.

Fuck this. I refuse to let these bastards ruin my fond childhood memories. Now they're remaking Ghostbusters. Unoriginal hacks. Fucking gay.

I concur with this movie will suck. this movie will really suck. I was expecting something sort of dumb any ways, but it looks like they fucked up cobra commander big time. pretty lame.

booooo! not even close to good

It appears that this movie is gonna suck!!...Come on! Pls cut the crap about saying "Cobra Commander with his hood reminds me the KKK!" If that bullshit would have a little bit of basis!..George Lucas would never aproved the concept art or the design of Darth Vader!! (a kind of reminiscence of the Nazi uniform) and the naval soldiers of the empire too!,,Lorenzo di Bonaventura!..I have an advice for U!!..Don´t try to "reinvent" everything! We are JOE´s FANS DIE HARDED FANS u are fuckin our childhood! And Cobra Commander an iconic Villan of the 80s lke Megatron, Skeletor, Mun-Ra etc!! I AM SO GODAMN PISSED ABOUT THIS BULLSHIT!! Like almost every Gi-Joe Fan!! FUCK!!!

i just saw the movie and was really dissapointed about how he looks the REAL cobra commander was waaaaaaaaaaaayyyy more cool or even desent to this cheap disrispecting rip-off