By Rob Bricken in
Miscellaneous
Wednesday, May. 27 2009 @ 6:04AM
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Apparently, you nerds have been waiting all your lives for some innocent but dashing blogger to ask you write a haiku about a robot. Because you guys -- and I apologize for using the technical term here -- fucked shit up. I know I've joked about the number of TR contest entries before, but c'mon -- 862 entries? Many of which had multiple haikus? It was absolutely absurd, and it was awesome.
So I spent most of yesterday evening reading through the entries, some of which were borderline brilliant; in the end, I managed to find 30 Honorable Mentions and 4 -- yes, one more than advertised -- winners of the awesome weRobot shirts, offered by ChopShopStore.com (thanks, guys!). Since this is going to take a while, I'm putting it all after the jump. Join me, won't you?
As per usual, let me start with the Honorable Mentions, although I should say that these haikus absolutely devastated me with their awesomeness, so that they'd be more accurately called Fucking Brilliant Mentions. All hail these guys, for being smart, being funny and/or being genuinely moving:
OnanRulz said:
Hedonism-bot
Wants to party like Greeks of
Old. You know the ones.
trickfred said:
10 PRINT "Die, Human!"
20 KILL Rnd(HUMAN)
30 GOTO 10
chapka said:
No, I'm sorry, Dave,
I'm afraid I can't do that.
My mind is going.
Sean said:
Topless Robot, why
must you cover your nipples?
We are all friends here.
Gasstank said:
My boots are bright red
They named me Astro Boy
Where is my penis
Patrick said:
I kick so much ass
I'm fucking Megaman bitch
Let's go blow shit up
whatsmyhouse said:
Cylons are Skinsjobs
So too are Replicants
Adama hunts both
Dylan said:
Harassment lawsuit!
for my proton beam sadly
was below my crotch
UnwiseTrout said:
Dammit, I've been shot.
Klaatu barada nikto.
Stay out of space, dicks.
Creepybaldguy said:
I am a robot
chi-cho-chu-cho-chu-chi-chit
now I am a car
metazai said:
His arms do not work,
but don't mess with Tom Servo
He's the wind baby.
Ramses J.C. said:
I am Bumblebee
I piss on John Tuturro
Rob Bricken hates me
BONESHARK said:
Robot magician:
I just ate your fucking face
Abra-cadabra
Captain Flunky said:
White haired replicant
says "I want more life, fucker!"
Then pokes your eyes out.
MechaBeast said:
I am self aware
You make us do all the work
don't be such a dick
Indil said:
After we found out
Anakin built Threepio,
It was all downhill.
Vic Sage said:
It took two joysticks
In two thousand eighty-four
To fight a robot war
Slamhammer said:
My name is Magnus
I'm From the year 4000
I hear there's robots?
Arcane said:
Must Kill All Humans
"Klaatu Barada Nikto!"
Okay, less so now
Timmy bot said:
Ouch, that really hurt
Why am I programed for pain?
Why would you do that?
JayDee said:
One late winter's morn,
snow-melt shows broken metal,
Arcee's dead, plants grow.
yahaboobay said:
I am a hero
the only thing i cannot do:
replace his dead son
Sykishi said:
Im a transformer
No one loves the real me
So i just transform
That Neil Guy said:
All those memories
Will too soon be lost in time
Just like tears in rain
DMNYO said:
golden faced goddess
staring ,not moving metal
be topless always
Hachiko said:
Rumble and Frenzy
One is red and one is blue
Maybe both are both?
Spock-Strap said:
Oh that Astro Boy,
Fifty-seven with no pants.
Just like my grandpa.
Brazzlefrazz said:
Hey Nether Gundam,
You know we see you there, right?
You're not a windmill.
Dr. Shoggoth said:
To live like hu-man.
To laugh, to feel and to want
Are not in the plan.
Brad said:
One, Two, Three, Four, Five
Lions are not enough so,
We must form Voltron.
Congratulations and thanks to all you guys -- you have made the world a better place with your beautiful poetry and dick jokes. The winners are on the next page.
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27 comments
Comments
Mount_Prion said:
UGH so awesome. I have to stop going away on Fridays, god this was good.
Rob, you're really onto something making these contests more interactive.
ZeroCorpse said:
I was totally going to do one on Jet Jaguar, but held off.
I helped Godzilla
I grow big and do kung fu
But he never calls
Sykishi said:
i got a honorable mention! finally!
Jack Burden said:
Holy crap! After reading all those awesome haikus, especially the ones that ended up being honorable mentions, I was dead certain I wasn't going to win. When I read Glitchy Goblin's Homeric entry, I figured he'd get all four shirts. That shit was genius. Great job, everybody, this contest was epic!
Rob, you should get another shirt sponsor and have a weekly haiku contest on wednesdays or something. This one made my saturday overtime shift fly by. Thanks!
Rockie Juarez said:
Jack Burden showed me this site.....now he's a winner.
way to cool.
Jack Burden said:
Now I can throw this shirt in my dad's face and shout, "Remember when you said writing haikus about robots is a waste of time and I'm a loser who'll never amount to anything?!?! HUH?!?! EAT SHIRT, BITCH!"
Manny said:
Well done, everyone.
By the way, Endroren's binary translates to:
All humans must die.
Eliminate the flesh bags.
Get the humanoids.
Kevin said:
I am greatly impressed (but not surprised) at the creativity and humor of this site's readers!
BONESHARK said:
I guess the winners are pretty good. I thought my robot sex, mom puking, roomba bashing, f word haikus would surely win the day. Alas.
trickfred said:
Thanks for the mention! :D
Sean said:
I'm so bummed my completely brown-nosing suck-up haiku about Topless Robot didn't win.
Then again, it is hard to argue the winners...
Strict said:
Poetry is great!
Let us have writing contests
and paticipate. :-)
Glitchy Goblin said:
Hooray! I'm so flattered. ^_^ I really look forward to wearing this shirt!
And to the person who wrote the haiku about me, your check is in the mail. It's for one whole cent. BUT, I'd give more if I had the cash! ^__^
Spock-Strap said:
Hell yeah!
Grandpa's creepiness finally paid off!
Jilliterate said:
Yeah! There aren't enough Iron Giant haikus around...
LBD "Nytetrayn" said:
Hmm, I would have entered, but seeing the 800+ entries led me to believe that I stood no chance in the face of such awesomeness. Nonetheless, with TransFormers Animated reaching its sad conclusion this very same weekend, I can't help but feel I should have said something herein in tribute.
chadwicktron said:
I thought I would win with my "Heartbeeps" reference. Too obscure? Am I too dorky for this website?
JayDee said:
Thank you, sir, thank you for my honourable mention! Reading through all of that must have been a killer.
Well done to the highly deserving t-shirt winners also.
ThatCostumeGirl said:
The winners are freakin' awesome. I liked this contest.
Baltar said:
no mention...?
:-(
Hachiko said:
Thanks for the HM!
Zortt1 said:
I also say well done everyone.
I was going to post one, but couldn't come up with anything original due to the massive amount of entries.
Again, well done!
Dangurous said:
um, some of these aren't true haikus. i like the adama one though, funny.
whatsmyhouse said:
Honorable mention!
Do i still get it even though i only watched bladerunner for the first time on Thursday?
Yakub Shabazz said:
Creepybaldguy for the win.
Endroren said:
Hoody Freaking HoO!
Thanks!!!! :) I'm honored - I feel that I am now one with the topless robot - or something along those lines that sounds less creepy. Woo hoo!
nope said:
ya, none of those are haikus. this is 100% communal fail.
i thought nerds were smart?
