By Rob Bricken in
TV
Wednesday, Oct. 7 2009 @ 4:03PM
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NBC released a screenshot of Claire Bear's lesbian kiss with her (evil?) lesbian roomate Gretchen Q. Lesbian, and I expect viewership to drop dramatically, because that's all anyone seemed to be waiting for. Rest assured, Topless Roboteers, that I am going nowhere, as I am contractually obligated to keep running the live-blogs until Heroes gets canceled or my liver finally fails. But if any of you wanted to skip out, since there's only the meagerest signs of improvement after the last execrable season (that being imaginary Sylar, who's already proven that he's a better cop than Parkman)... well, this is strike three. I don't blame you.
For anyone who's not watching Heroes -- and oh, how the dead envy the living -- I'd like to quote this wonderful summary of Ali Larter/Tracy's adventures in last Monday's episode, courtesy of Steve Heisler from The AV Club:
What's more tragic is that Ali Larter's "story" in the episode isn't even the most boring one in that episode; that would go to the countless scenes of HRG eating cereal. So. Lesbian kiss. Woo. You'll forgive us for being excited about it. We're not perverted, we're just bored out of our fucking minds. (Via Warming Glow)I know a lot of you are reading the recap and not watching the episode--how I envy you, little ragamuffins--but here is exactly what happened with Tracy tonight, no embellishment, no punches pulled.
1. She emerges from the bathtub as water, then becomes a person again who is wearing a towel that for some reason made the trip with her.
2. She dolls herself up to meet with her ex-employer, who is surprised to see her and tells her he'd like to get her back to work.
3. She meets with HRG and talks about moving on with her life, which HRG poo-poos and says something to the effect of, "You have to think about the past before thinking about the future," or something equally related to the formula, "You have to do this thing before doing the opposite thing as before the thing."
4. Flustered, she goes to meet up with the governor dude, who instead of putting her to work, tells her he wants to stick his barnacle buddy inside her watery lady cave (left purposely vague). But wha? She'd better go to the bathroom and turn her hands into water! Wait, what just happened?
5. And... she's gone.
Take all the time you spent on her, give it to the Haitian, have him sit in a chair and stare at a wall, and it'll be the best Heroes episode to date. (Free sweeps week advice.)
Tags: Heroes, Lesbianism
36 comments
Comments
SpiderHyphenMan said:
OH SHIT GUYS
http://www.eonline.com/uberblog/watch_with_kristin/b147839_hayden_panettieres_lesbian_kiss_really.html
WARNING SPOILERS
Blind AL said:
No I am really going to go with you being perverted.
I mean lets look at the history of nerds, drinking and watching the same thing at the same time, they all just dream of the moment there is some side boob or maybe a girl on girl hug.
So yeah
Snoodle said:
Hun, they pulled like 5.4 million viewers last episode. Trust me when I say there's no room for a dramatic drop in viewership.
I'm watching for Robert Knepper (Samuel, is it?) and Sylar basically. Plus this is most definitely the last season...might as well see it through.
If only they would kill most of the cast so we didn't have to deal with them.
MattK said:
What a pile of horse shit! I'm glad I didn't spend a single red cent past the first season.
TexasReed said:
Did Buffy's ratings drop when Willow turned lesbian? I don't think the show suffered, but maybe I'm wrong. Didn't really matter to me.
... Reed
Snoodle said:
Also, there's been heaps of (often creepy) sexual tension between practically everyone since the series started and we can't get a bit of boy-kissing as well? Even the creepy kind? Come on now Heroes, if you're going the fan service route, go all out. Give us something to work with here. I think the remaining fangirls deserve it.
Wyngarde said:
That's when you know a show is desparate. The resort to the lezbo kiss. This show was a joke from the first episode.
"Starman" Matt Morrison said:
No, I'd go with Hiro's story being the most boring. Because up until he teleported by accident in front of his sister, nothing happened to advance his story at all.
It was so boring that I didn't even care or notice until later that they basically confirmed that HEROES space/time physics create self-correcting paradoxes. I.E. Hiro can't save the suicidal man by changing the incident in which he shames himself, because if he never becomes suicidal, he'll never call Hiro for help in the first place.
If anyone needs me, I'll be rereading Saving Charlie and remembering when Hiro actually understood his powers somewhat.
Brion said:
Man, Rob why can't you have a cooler live-blog. Heroes is so pathetic.
DJRM said:
I don't know about anyone else but Heroes will always have at least one loyal viewer. That one loyal viewer is me. I am willing to admit that extremely lame things have happened on Heroes but there have been enough cool moments for me to be willing to forgive the lameness.
Do you have any idea how bad Heroes would have to be for me to stop watching?
It would have to be Stargate Atlantis levels of boring or even Earth:Final Conflict bad for me to stop watching it.
JPyke said:
I've (thankfully) missed this season so far. From the sounds of it, nothing has improved over last season. Is that a fair assumption?
Arsenal said:
I have to say I think this season is a marked improvment over the last season, but not as good as season 1. But I don't think it is really bad at all, a bit odd and it has lost what made it good but I still think it is a fun show to watch.
Geoff said:
Ye gods, just watch something more insane but with hotter women rather than suffering through Heroes. I mean, Gossip Girl is RIGHT THERE.
Bingo said:
WOW the audince will increase significantly after this.
Patracolos said:
@Brion
Rob has the heroes live blog because the show sucks and nobody will care if they miss a couple of things in the show while reading/writing snark.
People asked for a Lost live blog, but Rob likes it too much to miss most of the show reading the nerds theories of the three toed statue
Kaeli said:
WHOSE RESPONSIBLE THIS? I wanna know whose idea was this RIGHT NOW. Who did this on purpose, huh? I got a good job writing the new season of HEROES and we found this little secret and I’m so angry I wanna know who did this and why or I’ll report everyone here to NBC and have the one responsible BANNED FOR LIFE from NBC. NOW TELL ME WHO DID THIS NOW?
The show has its fans, and they lvoe my work.
Check out my Claire Bennett / HRG / Teddiursa / Treebeard fanfic on Yiffstar.
doc_ock_4mugen said:
@ Kaeli: now THAT was funny... somehow I need to go to yiffstar...
ninja6fett said:
Is it bad that I am looking forward to this? Despite the fact that it is a retarded ratings grab that really has nothing to do with Claire being a hero? Even if it turns out Gretchen is a pyscho lesbian with powers. Still. Retarded.
And yet I still wanna see 'em kiss.... sigh.
Snoodle said:
@JPyke
To be fair, it has gotten better. It's not a horrible and jumbled mess anymore. Unfortunately most of the characters were so badly screwed up in the past two seasons there's really little that can be done other than try desperately to make the now-coherent plot watchable.
Xenos said:
Holy crap. I think I pulled a muscle laughing at this post's title. It's like somehow you read my mind. Hell, I haven't watched it since the first ep this season and didn't even get through half of last season. Meh. I'm sure the video of the lesbiantronic scenes lone will be posted online so I don't have to watch the actual show. Then again, a female friend is watching solely for Spock.. er.. Quinto there.
Phil said:
I only watch this show still cuz my wife has it on, but even she's getting bored. There's no interconnectivity between the story lines. It's like wacthing a bunch of short shows but none are any good.
The Man With Two Brains said:
@doc_ock_4mugen: We all got "banned" on Judgement Day, remember? The site mods were on BHBunny's side, remember? And they know who big boss Rob Bricken is! *laughs ass off*
ACWraith said:
Heroes is a show that hands out plot holes like candy. Why is a character transforming clothes as she usually does, changing from experience, and having physical reactions to emotional problems something to comment on? That's the stuff that actually makes sense!
NixonianY3k said:
Of course, I saw this coming, since Smallville was nothing more then a sappy drama and nowhere epic, Heroes is really menopause to me.
shoroko said:
So, basically, the show has gone from pretty good, to bad, to ... fucking disturbingly bad, to outright trashy.
Was a show about pretty people with superpowers really that hard to write? Really?
Ian said:
Maybe I'm crazy, but somehow the idea of Claire and Gretchen hooking up is something I'm far more comfortable with as opposed to how it happened with Willow and Tara on Buffy. I guess maybe because unlike with Willow, it didn't fly in the face of established continuity with reckless disregard. (i.e. "Huh? When did Willow like girls all of a sudden? Weren't she and Oz in a pretty serious relationship a little while ago? And now Oz suddenly means nothing to her?") Claire never really had any significant long-term relationships with any of the other male characters (unless you count her real-life hookup with Milo Ventimiglia). And as others have mentioned boefore, the show's plotting hasn't been the most consistent. So I guess while both relationships kind of came out of nowhere, Claire's just seems to fit better if for no other reason than it's no less surprising than some of the other character reversals I've seen, and that Claire never had any other intimate relationships.
1punkmom said:
@Ian:
There are many bi people in real life who have straight relationships before almost completely switching to homosexual ones. I believe Joss has explained why he did this. And in season 8...
And it's a show people! I'd personally rather watch House.
B said:
Of course they also had to flash back to Tracy's scene from the prior season why she walked into the room in lingerie.
doc_ock_4mugen said:
@ The Man With Two Brains: I was able to check Yiffstar and BHB21 was merciful and didn't ban anyone from topless robot or yiffstar because the threat was called off.
But back on Topic. Zoophila! I wanna see Claire fucking a horse... It'll heal right? Since it seems that Heroes is becoming more like HEROES fanfic, let's go all out!
clark said:
When Heroes first came out I had several friends amazed that I wasn't watching it, they all said I'd love it. So I watched one episode, and was bored out of my mind. I decided to give the show another shot and watch some of last season and I have started watching this season. This show sucks.
DoctorSmashy said:
Nerd 1: Hey, you watch Heroes?
Nerd 2: Huh?
Nerd 1: You watch Heroes?
Nerd 2: Oh, no, I never really got into it.
Nerd 1: Huh.
*pause*
Nerd 1: Hey, you know that cheerleader?
Nerd 2: Oh, yeah, she's kinda hot, huh.
Nerd 1: She's a lesbian now.
*pause*
Nerd 2: So what channel's that on, anyway?
That was pretty much my friends' reaction. Sad how pathetic Heroes has gotten.... it was actually decent once.
reader said:
I am actually liking this season a good bit so far. Not sure about this as a ratings grab, but I'm willing to see how it plays out. The writers this season (unlike last season) seem to actually have a bit of a handle on who these characters are. I haven't enjoyed the show this much since season 1. (Not saying that this season is as good as season 1 yet by any means, but it is much much better than season 2 or 3 so far.)
I realize that there are still problems with the show. Some major problems, even. At the same time, I think it has become so cool to hate the show that people are predisposed to it now.
I don't know. Maybe I'm just not as jaded as most. Maybe I am blind. But I hated last season as much as the next person and I am really liking this season so far...
Mike said:
So the girl who can re-grow her hymen is a lesbian now. Guess I'll be tuning in again.
Hibiscus said:
I'm actually starting to miss Season 3. At least things happened each episode, even if those things were ridiculous, like Mohinder becoming The Fly or Parkman and his tortoise trying to get a 15 year old pregnant. It was something to laugh at if not enjoy.
This season is just boring. We're three episodes in and nothing remotely interesting has happened yet.
MadnessMonk said:
Maybe I missed something, but all I saw was weirdo stalker roommate surprise Claire with a kiss. Seems like a leap to declare "Ohmygod! Claire is gay!" Besides, it's college... a time for experimentation. :-)
What I'm wondering is what happened to all that talk about Brian Fuller being the salvation of the series? Didn't golden boy write this snooze-fest?
The only worthwhile bit for me was the end with --
*spoilers, but if you haven't seen it yet, come on...*
-- the dinner with Mama Petrelli and Swoosie Kurtz. Sa-weet.
Anonymous said:
WATCH BORED TO DEATH
SRSLY
TAKE MORE LSD AND JUST WATCH BORED TO DEATH
HAPPY FREE WILLY WANKING
