There, Now We Can Stop Watching Heroes


NBC released a screenshot of Claire Bear’s lesbian kiss with her (evil?) lesbian roomate Gretchen Q. Lesbian, and I expect viewership to drop dramatically, because that’s all anyone seemed to be waiting for. Rest assured, Topless Roboteers, that I am going nowhere, as I am contractually obligated to keep running the live-blogs until Heroes gets canceled or my liver finally fails. But if any of you wanted to skip out, since there’s only the meagerest signs of improvement after the last execrable season (that being imaginary Sylar, who’s already proven that he’s a better cop than Parkman)… well, this is strike three. I don’t blame you.

For anyone who’s not watching Heroes — and oh, how the dead envy the living — I’d like to quote this wonderful summary of Ali Larter/Tracy’s adventures in last Monday’s episode, courtesy of Steve Heisler from The AV Club:

I know a lot of you are reading the recap and not watching the
episode–how I envy you, little ragamuffins–but here is exactly what
happened with Tracy tonight, no embellishment, no punches pulled.

1. She emerges from the bathtub as water, then becomes a person
again who is wearing a towel that for some reason made the trip with

2. She dolls herself up to meet with her ex-employer, who is
surprised to see her and tells her he’d like to get her back to work.

3. She meets with HRG and talks about moving on with her life, which
HRG poo-poos and says something to the effect of, “You have to think
about the past before thinking about the future,” or something equally
related to the formula, “You have to do this thing before doing the
opposite thing as before the thing.”

4. Flustered, she goes to meet up with the governor dude, who
instead of putting her to work, tells her he wants to stick his
barnacle buddy inside her watery lady cave (left purposely vague). But
wha? She’d better go to the bathroom and turn her hands into water!
Wait, what just happened?

5. And… she’s gone.

Take all the time you spent on her, give it to the Haitian, have him sit in a chair and stare at a wall, and it’ll be the best Heroes episode to date. (Free sweeps week advice.)

What’s more tragic is that Ali Larter’s “story” in the episode isn’t even the most boring one in that episode; that would go to the countless scenes of HRG eating cereal. So. Lesbian kiss. Woo. You’ll forgive us for being excited about it. We’re not perverted, we’re just bored out of our fucking minds. (Via Warming Glow)