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The '80s was the decade of the arcade. And the early part of the decade was dominated by the Atari 2600. But even when these two juggernauts were at their heights of popularity, they were not two great tastes that tasted great together. Part of it was that the abilities of the two platforms were just too different. And there were some exceptions. Space Invaders worked fine, probably because the original was so basic. Asteroids looked crappy, and flickered like mad, but if you thought of it as its own game sort of based on the original, it was still fun. Same for Phoenix, Missile Command, Battlezone, Night Driver, and a few others. But coin-ops in general didn't fare well in their translation to 8-bit. Some worse than others... by which we mean these.
10) Amidar
Okay, it's tough not to attack the game itself (which is pretty nonsensical, since you're either a gorilla or a painter, chased by either headhunters and pigs... ooookay, fine), but the port itself is just as goofy. The pace is glacial, even for a relatively slow game like Amidar's arcade original, and worse, you can't really tell what the characters on screen are without referring to the box the game came in. Not an uncommon complaint for the 2600, granted, but still -- there's bad, and there's worse.
9) Gorf
Let's get this straight: Gorf in the arcade was awesome. Gorf on the 2600, though? True Gorfian doom. It's probably by comparison to the original that the 2600 version pales most--always true for 2600 ports, obviously, but there are some serious missing elements between the original and the port, in this case. Most egregious are the missing sound effects, which frankly was one of the main things that made the arcade version so compelling. But also, the absence of the ability to move up and down, rather than just left or right, makes this too much a simple variation on Space Invaders. Sad news for real Gorf-maniacs.
8) Breakout!
Unlike the 1976 arcade original, the port at least boasted actual colored bricks instead of monochrome bricks with a cellophane overlay on the display screen. Yes, seriously. (Video games? You've come a long way, baby.) But the arcade version had something that the designers of the Atari version didn't bother with: geometrics. For gameplay based on angles (the only way to direct the ball in a desired direction was to hit it back close to the edge of your "paddle"), Breakout! definitely broke some rules in coming to the 2600.
7) Defender
Fans loved this game in the arcade, and rightfully so--despite the fact that it was insanely hard to master. But the 2600 version took the basic graphic translation, and changed so many things that it almost becomes a different game. Seriously, if you have to go off-screen in order to fire a smart bomb, it's not serving the same function as having a button to frantically hit if you find yourself in trouble. More importantly, the port introduced a brand-new (and stupid) element to the game: the fact that your ship actually disappears for a second when you fire your lasers -- something that can be, and certainly was, exploited. Not a bad game, per se -- but also not Defender.
6) Pooyan
The arcade Pooyan had a silly name, bright and clean graphics showing off fairy-tale characters, and precision archery gameplay. The 2600 version settles for just the silly name. Are those wolves, or the Pitfall alligator heads coming back for revenge? And seriously, my digital calculator watch from junior high had better sound effects. The only thing the 2600 brought to the game was that the name made a little more sense -- it totally puts the "poo" in Pooyan.
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