By Rob Bricken in
Nerdery
Wednesday, May. 5 2010 @ 5:00PM
I was unaware that the Charity to Give Stephen Baldwin Your Money Because He Spent All His existed until a few hours ago, and now I can think of nothing else. The idea that 1) Stephen Baldwin compares himself to Job (a man who had all his children die and was covered in boils and sores) because he's a shitty actor who no financial management skills is fucking outrageous, and what's even more outrageous is that he's asking you for your money so he can be rich again because that's what he thinks god wants you to do. No, don't donate to the hungry or flood victims in Tennessee or the diseased orphans in Africa, what god really wants is for you to make sure Stephen Baldwin gets rich again without having to star in a movie or anything. Honestly, I'm not trying to knock Christianity here -- I'm pretty sure any good Christian would think Stephen Baldwin is an egomaniacal asshole who has no concept of the tenets of his own religion. Go ahead, watch his video. It's astounding in its awfulness.
What does this have to do with nerdery? Not much, actually, except that someone -- and I wouldn't put it past Jesus -- is giving you another charity to invest in that might be somewhat more preferable to Baldwin's (you don't have to watch Baldwin's video first, but it doesn't hurt).
Stephen, why don't you let us know when you're covered in boils? Not because then we'll believe you're similar to Job and give you our money, but just so we can point and laugh and say, "Good." Thanks to chudleycannonfodder for the tip.
What does this have to do with nerdery? Not much, actually, except that someone -- and I wouldn't put it past Jesus -- is giving you another charity to invest in that might be somewhat more preferable to Baldwin's (you don't have to watch Baldwin's video first, but it doesn't hurt).
Stephen, why don't you let us know when you're covered in boils? Not because then we'll believe you're similar to Job and give you our money, but just so we can point and laugh and say, "Good." Thanks to chudleycannonfodder for the tip.
72 comments
Comments
DoctorSmashy said:
I once read a great description of Stephen Baldwin, saying that he looks and sounds like a serial killer who killed Alec Baldwin and is now wearing his face and posing as his brother. Everytime I think of this I laugh, and the scary thing is it's so accurate.
FadR said:
Not that he dosn't had work for years, or in example right now.
here some examples from
http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000286/
# Power & Pride (2010) (in production) (rumored) .... David Fletcher
# I'm in Love with a Church Girl (2011) (pre-production) .... Agent Jason McDaniels
# Mate (2010) (pre-production) .... Agent Bradley
# To the Wall (2011) (post-production) .... Mansfield
# Loving the Bad Man (2010) (post-production) .... McQuade
# Let the Game Begin (2010) (completed) .... David Carroll
# Shoot the Duke (2009) (completed) .... Max Rockinsky
# Shark in Venice (2008) .... David Franks
Crowbar said:
Man, what an ass-hole.
Doc said:
If this were actually a charity I'd donate everything I could to it.
Which isn't much, but I believe in this message with all my heart
EVula said:
Hot damn for the Tennessee flood mention. We got fucked pretty hardcore down here.
Uh, actually, almost literally: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tjnklAMt-_c
Scooter Atreides said:
I think I'm gonna start a charity to raise money for a medical procedure to reduce the size of Stephen Baldwin's balls. Sweet Robot Ninja Jesus! The man must walk through doors sideways with a pair like that!
Oh, and speaking as someone who's read the Book of Job and isn't brain-damaged, it was GOD who restored Job's wealth, property, and health after he got bored with pissing in his Cheerios, NOT Job's friend's and neighbors. If Stephen Baldwin really is the 21st century Job, then helping him become disgustingly wealthy again would realy piss off God, who's probably got all manner of tortures and trials to put little Stevie through before he's done.
Jack Faust replied to Scooter Atreides:
That's some good bible.
Brokehart replied to Jack Faust:
Damn you beat me to it!
I'll be in my bunk!
landrewc said:
Where was Buffy in the list of the smoking hot ass kicking girls? She was the first.......All bow down.
Timothyen said:
If he pulls this off and becomes rich again, can I start a charity asking Stephen Baldwin to help settle my loans for university?
nick replied to Timothyen:
Yes you can. You'll have to wait in line together with a couple of unemployed single moms, a sick man who can't pay his medical bills, a few homeless men and women, and just about every other suffering soul that deserves financial help much more than Stephen.
SvenRedbeard said:
I've read the bible cover to cover and I can't think of a scriptural basis for giving money to one person because they want to be rich. There is a scriptural warning against poor money managment, more or less stating if you squander what you get, you don't get more. Yeah, I hope god smites this guy with fire.
Third Impact replied to SvenRedbeard:
I seem to remember something about "if you don't work you don't eat." So essentially, this website is set up to help Steven Baldwin sin. Honestly, I think that would have been a much more popular name for the website.
MKUltra said:
Old news, Rob. To be fair, Stephen Baldwin himself did not create the website nor was he involved in its creation. I don't have all the details, but the Washington Post had an article on it a couple of weeks back. You can just do a google search or something for more info.
me said:
To be fair, although you don't really need to be, Stephen Baldwin supposedly doesn't have anything to do with this charity except taking the money. It was set up by some stupid fucking creepo fan or something. This may not be true, nut I know many crazy-ass Christians who would think this is a good idea.
Besides, in Haiti and Tennessee and other disaster areas, those people are already dead. Crazy-ass Christians are much more interested in saving the souls of beautiful people which is totally not hypocritical at all.
MKUltra replied to me:
So... there are no Christian charities helping out in Haiti or Tennessee? Not sure I buy that one.
The Stephen Baldwin thing is totally weird, but do you actually have a problem w/ people donating their own money to a person they believe is in need? As far as I can tell, the guy who founded the site wants to see Stephen restored for reasons of credibility related to his ministry work. I'm guessing the logic is that if Stephen Baldwin is in financial trouble, his ministry also suffers, thus the donations website. I guess I don't really see a problem w/ a donations based fund set up by an unrelated party. Still doesn't mean I'm going to give him my money...
Scooter Atreides replied to me:
Even if he didn't create it he seems perfectly fine with sitting back and reaping the rewards of appealing to the subnormal.
If he'd denounced the charity and refused to accept any of the donated money, like any remotely ethical human would have, then I'd be a bit more worried about "fairness".
Psycow replied to me:
Don't think for one minute his super fan created the site out of the goodness of his heart either. With any charity there is always tons of "administration costs" involved wich the charity skims of the top, Stevie probably only ends up with 10% of what the idiots donate.
Arsenal said:
oddly I would think Rob would want you to donate to Joss Whedon over crippled orphan babies that get spit on my battlefield earth fans
Serpentor said:
So Stephen Baldwin is the new Dustin Diamond? At least Dustin loved He-Man...
Boom said:
Joss Whedon wrote Alien Resurrection. Therefore he sucks. Sorry.
MKUltra replied to Boom:
A mere blemish. One episode of Firefly easily makes up for the lameness of Alien Resurrection.
Third Impact replied to MKUltra:
I'm sorry. Nothing can make up for Alien Resurrection. NOTHING.
Boyle replied to Third Impact:
Alien: Resurrection touched my heart. Also, eminently more watchable than the Alien vs. Predators.
Psycow replied to Boyle:
He only wrote it, he didn't direct it. Firefly shows he can write and direct space epics. Nothing against the director of Resurection either, his French movies are great, he just wasn't the right person for Resurection. However, whoever decided to go with CGI instead of animitronics in that movie needs to be publicly flogged.
yo replied to Boom:
I think I speak for at least half the readers when I say: no you suck. You suck hairy dog nipples.
Hagan replied to Boom:
The original script for Resurrection was fine. It was butchered in rewrites.
Greg replied to Boom:
Watch Resurrection again. Now replace every character on the Betty with their corresponding characters on Serenity. If Joss hadn't written A:R we probably never would have even GOT Firefly.
And Ron Perlman SO should have been Jayne.
Third Impact said:
In Stephen Baldwin's defense, "The Usual Suspects" was a pretty good movie so I will always hold that in his favor, even though that was to make up for "Biodome" more than anything else, so actually, he still is a terrible actor.
Oh wait... I'm sorry. I meant to say that Stephen Baldwin isn't the one who started the website comparing him to the most righeous man in his day. If it were me though, and I screwed myself over financially AND became a Christian, it might not be a bad idea to contact the website and ask them not to make me look like (more of) a joke, since the only "persecution" I've received is not managing my finances and not being a good actor.
Scooter Atreides replied to Third Impact:
The Usual Suspects was great because it had actors like Kevin Spacey, Gabriel Byrne, Benicio Del Toro, and Chazz Palmintieri in it. All Baldwin had to do is show up on time and remember his lines.
To put it another way: Gene Hackman is still a Hollywood legend despite Superman IV. If one or two bad movies doesn't destroy our esteem for a great actor, why should one or two good movies improve our opinion of a lousy one?
jolly bitch replied to Third Impact:
there is a difference between a movie being great because of a certain actor or being great DESPITE that actor. i think we can all say this was the case.
copperhead said:
am i the only person in the world that "doesn't get" Joss Whedon?
i think the only thing worse than Joss whedon is his circle jerking fans.
C replied to copperhead:
Look, just accept that you're wrong and move the fuck on already. If you don't like it, ignore it.
copperhead replied to C:
ignore it...y'know, i wish i could.
But it's impossible.
I can't go in a comic store or go on the internet without hearing you fucking nerds drone on about how awesome joss fucking whedon is.
There's just something pavlonian about you people.
If they announced tomorrow that there was a live action Turbo Teen movie going into production, and joss whedon was going to direct it, you fucking nerds would be ecstatic, even though you knew god damn well that it was a horrible idea.
I don't get the appeal, i've tried, but it's just not there.
Anonymous replied to copperhead:
Live Action Turbo Teen by Joss Whedon! I don't even know what that is and I still just came in my jeans!
Boyle replied to Anonymous:
Me too! Oh my God!
Madness Monk replied to copperhead:
I feel your pain having to deal with all these fucking nerds. Quick fix? Keep out of the fucking comic shop and away from the fucking nerd blog. Problem solved. You're fucking welcome.
MKUltra replied to Madness Monk:
This!!! Your wit has made my night!
Brokehart replied to MKUltra:
Double-in-my-pants!!!
copperhead replied to Madness Monk:
wow, musta really hit a nerve for you to get your stupid orange and yellow knit hat all twisted up like that...
Denjiro replied to copperhead:
No no. You were merely wrong on the internet. That demands correction. You should be used to it by now.
RobP replied to copperhead:
Speaking as a Joss Whedon fan... I hate those gorram Jayne hats at conventions, too. Especially when it's like 90 degrees outside in Atlanta. It's a knit hat, for Stephen Baldwin's sake! You wear them when it's cold, like, you know, when you're in space or it's winter. Actually, no, only Jayne should wear the Jayne hats. Same with all you jibronis who wear Mal's browncoat... just stop. We, none of us, will ever be able to pull either of those things off. So, just stop. Please, as a fellow Whedonite, I beg you. Stop.
Don't even get me started on those leather jackets modeled after Logan's in the X-Men movies. Ugh.
StormSigma replied to RobP:
What, you don't like seeing fat nerds dressed up as in-shape people?
RobP replied to StormSigma:
That's actually not what I was thinking of, but you're right, and it is related. I just think, unless you're going for the full outfit or costume, it's silly. Everyone looks ridiculous.
But, yeah, I also don't get a kick out of fat people dressing up as non-fat characters. Do what you want, but as a fat person, I try to dress up (on Halloween) weight-appropriately. Unless I'm going for something ironic-- like the year I dressed up as a washed-up Daniel Radcliffe still clinging to his Harry Potter character years after the movies ended. Granted, it was far too convoluted to work right, but I didn't try to force people to imagine me as the real deal. Another favorite, and one that worked, was dressing up as Bruce Campbell's Elvis from Bubba Ho-Tep. Of course, I and other fatties who want to dress up could buckle down and get in shape. But that's not the point.
Matt replied to copperhead:
It's not that difficult to figure out:
Season long story arcs + hot chicks + lots of action + lots of comedy + scifi/fantasy elements = big cult following among nerds.
Complaining that places like this love him too much is like complaining we push Star Wars too much. It's probably true, but it's also half the fun of these sites.
suz replied to Matt:
Don't forget the hot guys. Lots of hot guys in the whedonverse.
Dr Zanzabar replied to copperhead:
Nah, you're not alone, copperhead, I don't really "get" him either. Then again, I know there are lots of things that I get that others don't that all fall under the wide umbrella of nerditry/geekry, so I don't really worry about it.
Zac replied to copperhead:
It's like me and Star Wars. I don't care for Star Wars at all, but, I have to live with it.
It's the general consensus that he's good, and you'll just have to get the fuck over it, like I have.
Ace of Knaves said:
Haha, the site redirects to the guy's youtube channel. Nice touch.
JOE said:
Why don't the other Baldwins help him out. What's wrong with Alec?
Kuma42 said:
I think Stephen and his managers should have read the Bible a little more closely before they put this up. Job 42:11 doesn't say "restored by all who knew him", it says that all his brothers and sisters and close friends had dinner with him, consoled him and each gave him a little money. (collectively accessed from 5 different translations). If he is following the line of Job, his family would restore him financially, not the internet anonymous.
Scooter Atreides replied to Kuma42:
Really? I thought God just sprinkled some fairy dust or whatnot and everything was hunky-dory. I shouldn't rely so much on memory when I rant about what is or isn't in the Bible. I am properly chastened.
lou-bert vs. q-bert said:
I didn't hate Stephen Baldwin UNTIL i saw this stupid video, not because he sucks, but because this stupid video spoiled the end of Serenity for me, and I still haven't seen it!
boo replied to lou-bert vs. q-bert:
If you haven't seen it by now, too damn bad.
Dr Zanzabar replied to boo:
No kidding, I've seen it twice and I don't even like it.
Greg replied to lou-bert vs. q-bert:
Hey stupid, the movie came out YEARS ago. Wash and Book die. There. Now it's spoiled for everybody.
Boyle said:
I kind of like the made for TV scfi movies Baldwin makes. Earthstorm! Starring the bloated brother of Jack Donaghy! And the first draft of the script from Armageddon!
"There's an asteroid about to hit the moon and then blow up the sun with dark energy!"
"Get me Stephen Baldwin!"
Red Gamer said:
Stephen still owes a few more years of penitence to make up for "Bio-Dome", arguably the worst movie ever.
We'll let him off around 2015.
Psycow replied to Red Gamer:
Don't see Pauly Shore going around asking people for money and that movie screwed his career way more than it did Stephen Baldwin.
Red Gamer replied to Psycow:
Last year Pauly Shore came begging to Melbourne and played "The Palms" at Crown Casino in a 30 min show.
The Palms? 30 mins? That's just an excuse for us to donate him $35 for doing bugger all.
The Palms is a venue for hack caberet acts such as "A Tribute to Louis Armstrong" who are barely tolerated even by the retirees who make up most of the audience. And half an hour? What leading comedian stays on stage for just half an hour?
He would have been better to set up a website. At least it's more honest.
nick said:
Tell me this Stephen Baldwin website is a joke? It has to be a joke. No one can be that stupid and that selfish. It's got to be a joke.
Anonymous said:
I'm an Atheist
Samuel said:
Dear friends, do not be surprised at the painful trial you are suffering, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice that you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when his glory is revealed.
-1 Peter 4:12-13 (NIV)
So then, those who suffer according to God's will should commit themselves to their faithful Creator and continue to do good.
-1 Peter 4:19 (NIV)
For such men are false apostles, deceitful workmen, masquerading as apostles of Christ. And no wonder, for Satan himself masquerades as an angel of light. It is not surprising, then, if his servants masquerade as servants of righteousness. Their end will be what their actions deserve.
-2 Corinthians 11:13-15 (NIV)
(source http://www.biblegateway.com)
rickicker said:
well, the simpsons did mentioned that the baldwins are considered national treasure, so for somebody to start a charity for one of their members is definitely not a surprise for me. XD
FuryOfFirestorm said:
The only thing missing was Sally Struthers, weeping at the camera. "Please help Stephen, the Baldwin that's almost as fugly and untalented as Daniel. Please call now, or he'll be forced to make Bio-Dome 2, but without the redeeming hotness of Kylie Minogue!"
FuryOfFirestorm said:
The Job story in a nutshell is: "If you're a devout follower of God, he'll totally fuck you over to win a bet with Satan, whom God should've pimpslapped for tricking Adam & Eve out of Eden, and in the end repaid Job for killing his wife and kids by giving him new ones, even though God had the power to bring his original family back to life in the first place." What a fair and just entity this God is, huh?
ZeroCorpse said:
You all know me. I'm not Whedon's biggest fan (that's an understatement). And yet, I have to say this:
-
If the choice were between giving $100 to Joss Whedon, and giving Stephen Baldwin $20, I'd give the money to Whedon. Because Stephen Baldwin is an ass.
-
But then, I have a serious problem with Hollywood legacy families. I think the notion that being born into a famous family is enough reason to put someone in movies is insulting. I may not love Whedon, but at least he's not the talentless brother or son of someone who actually does have talent.
sfhatter said:
Wow, URL works.
Jones said:
which one is Stephen? The one who was in Backdraft or the goofy looking one?
