First of all, thanks to Topless Roboteer/editor Andrew “AndrewMtc” Carl for so kindly bestowing the prizes for this week’s contest, the excellent sci-fi fairy tale comics anthology Once Upon a Time Machine. If you didn’t win, remember, it’s 400 full color pages of fairy tales and such reimagined as science fiction, for only $13.50 over at Amazon right now — IT’S A STEAL. IT’S ALSO VERY GOOD. AND IT’S CHEAP. THAT’S WHAT MAKES IT A STEAL. Second, I’d like to thank everyone who entered — more than usual, because the contests have been low lately and it was freaking me out but you guys really came through. Here’s hoping I can maintain that. But that’s what I’ll worry about tonight, in my office with the lights out, crouched in the corner with a bottle of Cutty Sark. you guys just hit the jump.
In the future, Mentions will wander the galaxy, looking for honor.
The Lord of the Rings
The One Ring doesn’t just make you invisible, it also travels through time and space! So now Frodo, together with his zany buddies (Samwise is now a jive-talking black guy) go on an ADVENTURE THROUGH THE GALAXY! But Wait, Sauron’s Armada is pursuing them in his own spaceship!
Can Frodo and Company find the super-forge on Planet Doom in time? or Will Emperor Sauron and the Cyber-orcs take over the galaxy?!?!?!?!!
Gollum’s space ship is a bathtub with a propeller.
Modern day people are being turned into monsters by nanobots all around us. The world is in war between their planet and the Red planet, factions is the normal. A scientist believes he knows of the Necronomicon program can stop it and he knows the pass code to get it and has seen reports from the future that a specific user can access this. As prisoners are brought in, a crazy man is among them, rumored to have fallen from the sky. He is tossed into the prison with a infected human. When he is given his laser trimmers and portable rail gun he defeats the infected human. This human is a little crazy and thinks modern day humans are primitive screwheads. And he is the only one who can save them from the invading armada.
Evil Dead: Armada of Darkness.
He’s just a guy who likes his planet to be color coordinated, even if everyone else is against him.
Vin Diesal is Q-Bert
Jan Blackthorne thinks she sees wealth in an inhabited but not as advanced planet. When her Ship Crashes on a planet . Jan Blackthorne and her crew find a power struggle between two humanoid beings to become Supreme military leader under their emperor. She is thrust at odds with others of her race but who hold different philosophies and who help I-Shi-Do one of the beings in this struggle of power. Tor-A-Naga sees Blackthorne’s advanced technology as something she can use to survive and maybe even thrive to become Military Leader of their planet. Blackthrone wants to build a ship to return home. Blackthorne is thrust into this new culture. She is paired up with a teacher, Ma-Ri-Ko to educate her in the culture she finds herself in. She falls in love with Tor-A-Naga but they is betrothed to another. Can she survive to see who will become Shogun.
I can’t tell you how many times I went typing stuff to discover I typed an episode of Star Trek.
Tuesdays with Morrie: In the vein of UBIK and The Christmas Carol episode of Doctor Who (Smith era), this story follows a mentor and his mentee. Every Tuesday, Mitch comes to visit with his mentor, Morrie. They trade stories, reminisce, and Morrie imparts his decades of wisdom to what we originally think is a rapidly aging Mitch. We later find out that those Tuesdays aren’t one per week, but more like one per year: Morrie is in suspended animation for his terminal illness, and Mitch enters a virtual reality comprised of Morrie’s memories.
Dances With Wolves, in SPA– oh, they did that one? Well then, how about POCAHONTA—oh, really? Dammit.
Cthulhu and the Caulfield in the Rye.
Meet Holden Caulfield mercenary and bounty hunter. Things just haven’t been the same since his little sister was possesed by Cthulhu’s agents. Now he’s on a mission, he’s going to kill Cthulhu and every one of his lackeys so that the innocents of the galaxy will be safe again. He will save everyone whether they want it or not. and if he has to destroy a few corrupt planets along the way then so be it.
Sam Spade was a good detective, But when she walked into his office reason flew out the window. Originally accepting a contract to located Mrs Wonderly’s missing sister, Sam finds himself pulled into a deadly game of interstellar intrigue, as they hunt down the location of the Mysterious Maltese Millennium Falcon all the while avoiding the clutches of the treacherous Joel Cairo and Alien Mastermind Guttman
Come along as Sam travels to exotic locals, far away planets and meets strange new races. All the while trying to discover what exactly is the………
Maltese Millenium Falcon
A Game of Planets.
The Starks hail from a system far from the galatic center, on the edge of dark space. It’s always cold and the ships that wander too close the borders of known space either don’t come back or come back with terrible stories.
King’s Landing is a core world, equally advanced and debauched.
And the Dothraki? They ride giant space dinosaurs bred to have a dozen back-up systems, faster, stronger and more vicious than anything the galaxy has seen.
Don’t get me started on the dragons. […]
Actually, Rob, I wish to add that the dragons are predatory living ships, and instead of eating sheep and farm kids, they eat stars, not particularly caring if the solar system they’re in happens to be inhabited or not.
Fantasia – a Daft Punk Special
with such segments as:
Toccata and Fugue in DeRez Minor
Nutcracker Short Circut
The Rite of Spin
Dance of the four hours – Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger
Miami Florida, 1992: Dorothy, Sophia, Blanche and Rose visit the alleged site of Walt Disney’s alleged Cryo-tomb. An explosion on the site Cryogenically freezes the girls. The year is 2992 and the Golden Girls are in a brand new world. Alien Science has been able to rejuvenate them into their teens.Golden Girls: The Next Generation!
A brilliant young genius alone having taken shelter in a remote village to survive the apocalypse turns to gene splicing to try and save life on this world and ease his crippling loneliness. Successfully splicing human DNA into the genetic structure of the abandoned zoo animals that remain: a pig, two kangaroos, a tiger, a rabbit, and a bear he calls Winnie.
Taran is a young star-cruiser pilot tasked with keeping watch over a semi-sentient computer called HEN/WEN, which when used properly, has access to an unlimited cache of knowledge, but most importantly has the coordinates of the fabled “Black Cauldron”, a device of incredible world-destroying power, stored in its memory banks. For this reason, the evil planetary dictator Arawn seeks to steal HEN/WEN, and sends his right-hand man, nicknamed “The Horned King” because of the Satanic decals drawn on his personal star-cruiser, and also because no one knows his real name. HEN/WEN unfortunately is spirited away from the planet, and it’s up to Taran to rescue her, along with various friends he makes in his pursuit across the stars: Don Gwydion, Prince of the planet Prydain and famed adventurer; Eilonwy, a plucky young girl who possesses a cybernetic implant that unfortunately shorts out from time to time and causes her to speak rapidly and without pause; FFLAM, a robot who desperately wants to be a musician, and is cursed with a lie detector built into him that beeps when he embellishes the truth; Gurgi, a swamp-dwelling alien that wants to be human despite its frightful appearance; and Do-Li, a cantankerous old man who is trying to invent cybernetics that grant invisibility, but can’t seem to get it right.
I call it—Star Chronicles: Prydain.
The Six Million Dollar-Mech
“St3V3 AusSN, Astro-mech. A unit barely alive. Gentle-mechs, we can rebuild him. We have the biology. We have the capability to make the world’s first Biologic-mech. St3V3 AusSN will be that unit. Better than he was before. Better . . . emotional . . . caring.”
After a horrific accident, Governmental Medi-Bots used experimental biological parts to replace St3V3 AusSN’s damaged servo units. One eye unit – now able to cry tears, his arm unit – now able to touch and feel, his motivator units – now replaced with “Legs” that allow him to climb stairs. Watch in awe as he brings emotion and caring to a mechanical world every week, one exciting story at a time.
Join the band of misfits that live on Sesame Deck located in the Inter-Galactic Space Station PBS. Learn life lessons from around the Galaxy as the inhabitants of Sesame Deck teach each other about life, love, the Inter-Galactic Alphabet, and Periodic Table of Galactic Elements.
Today’s program is brought to you by the element Dilithium.
An international contest exposes the universe to a horrific conqueror princess. She is forceful, gigantic, and utterly ruthless, commanding a family of monsters. She rules through fear, and makes the galaxy behold every moment of her life. Beware, those living all throughout Alpha Centauri in the year 2450, for Here Comes… Honey Boo Boo.
Law & Order: Space Victims Unit
In the criminal justice system In Spaaaaaaaaace!,
the people are represented by two equally important groups In Spaaaaaaaace:
the police, who investigate crimes In Spaaaaaaaaaaaaaace!;
and the district attorneys who prosecute the offenders In Spaaaaaaaaaaaaaaace!
These are their stories… From Spaaaaaaaaaaaaaace!
Deep in Space, in a station known as Camelot-01, a Coldhearted professor toiled to engineer the most powerful array of Ursine Super-Soldiers known to the universe. They were engineered with powerful psychic abilities, and preprogrammed with very specific personality traits–in hopes of making them more easily controlled.
His creations rebelled, and booted him off the station. Now these creatures explore the universe in search of the meaning of their existence, in hopes that they can learn to be MORE than just Grumpy or Tenderhearted.
Are they more than just what their tattoos name them to be? Will The Professor recapture them? Will they be forced to meet his employer, a man they say has No-Heart? Stay-tuned next Wednesday for Care Bears!
Ch’Harelly lives in the distant Canoid star system, a rogue and conman hiding a heart of gold. But when his former partner, the crime lord Ve’Hicle Visajj double crosses him and leaves him for dead in the Alpha Centauri cluster, he is rebuild as an android by a human girl who teaches him that the most powerful force in the universe… is love. All that, and a random singing alligator in…All Dogs Go To Alpha Centauri
The larval years can be tough, unless you have friends to spend them with. Chucky, Tommy, and the Twins will delight viewers young and old as they learn about friendship, sharing, and good old fun along with their family, and bratty older sister Ripley, who thinks she’s too cool to hang around the “dumb alien babies” in Nickelodeon’s Facehug-Rats!
In the distant future, the entire solar system has been heavily terraformed and colonized. The various planets have fierce rivalries over the increasingly scarce resources of the asteroid belt and are often at the brink of hostilities. After the horrors of the 27th century, the decision was made to avoid large scale warfare with starfleets and instead settle things via champions who use rocketpacks and melee weapons. On Phobos, a young man comes of age and travels to Mars to follow in his father’s footprints by joining the retinue of the similarly young and newly crowned Emperor of Mars. Upon reaching the capital city of Pavonis, he quickly runs afoul of several of his would-be colleagues and is challenged to duels by all three of them. The duels are interrupted by the Provost Guard, whose loyalty lies not with the Emperor but his chief advisor and former Regent of Mars. The trio becomes ensnared in a plot that seeks to begin an actual war with the King of Callisto as a excuse to depose the King and replace him. The only hope for peace lies with the young man and his new colleagues: the Three Rocketeers.
They thought they had it all. Three friends living the high life in New New York City; good careers, a great life containment pod, and steady double X companions. But that all changed the day the B.A.B.Y. (bionic and biological youthling) arrived. Now they’re tangled up with mob, and trying to keep the B.A.B.Y. alive will be the one thing that brings them together. From acclaimed director Leonard Nemoy and the studio that brought you Pitch Black and Honey I Shrunk the Kids, comes this summers’s biggest blockbuster – Three Men and a B.A.B.Y.
In a quadrant of our galaxy where life has evolved differently two Italian astronaut brothers from Brooklyn get sucked in to a worm hole and crash land on a distant planet infested with what can only be described as mass amounts of fungal growth. Armed with nothing but their flame throwers, Power Suits that enhance their strength, speed, and height, and one lucky raccoon’s tail they must fight their way through the hordes of reptilian creatures that inhabit this planet while searching for their lost A.I. Navigational device that broke off their ship during the crash landing. In one of these reptilian creatures war bunkers lies their hope of finding the Proto-1 Navigational Space Exploration System; also known as the “PR-1NSES”, and making their way home. They are Commander Mario Mario and Mission Specialist Luigi Mario. In Space, no one can hear the burning reptiles scream. Now THAT’S Star Power
In the galaxy known as “Middle Earths”, a young alien named Frod from the planet of Shire is given a strange ring by his uncle Bilbo. Turns out it is the key to restarting a massive warship known as “SAURON”, whose A.I. is still trapped onboard, desperate to conquer. His millions of minions begin scourging the galaxy searching for the key, while Frodo, his friend Samwise flee their home with the help of the wandering timelord Gandalf to gather a crew to man the vessel “The Fellowship” to take the ring back to the factory to learn the rings self-destruct code. A race then ensues between Saurons forces and the Fellowship, with massive space-battles happening across the galaxy.
A simple data farmer, Westle, falls in love with his bosses beautiful daughter, B’tterc’p. He departs on a voyage to the new terraformed planets to make money but before he can arrive the ship is attacked by the Dread Cyborg Roberts, who never leaves any survivors.
This is the start of a story that will range from the Asteroids of Insanity to the Black Hole of Despair. When B’tterc’p is kidnapped by a band of robbers, lead by the Szillian scoundrel Vizz’ini, on the eve of her nuptials to General Hun’pdink the sector is sent into a chase as to who will reach her first. Will the General find his betrothed? Or will Vizz’ini and his men, the alien giant Adre and the revenge seeking AI ING10, kill the princess? In the race to the Gilda Frontier Space Station, Vizz’ini is sure he will succeed and start a war between the galaxies. But he has not counted on the Dread Cyborg Roberts and the fastest ship in the galaxy being on his tail. Will Vizz’ini succeed? Or will true love never die? Tune in for fencing, fighting, torture, revenge, robots, aliens, chases, escapes, true love, miracles…
Come and listen to a story about an earthling named Jet,
A poor rocketeer, barely even a cadet,
Then one day he was phasin’ at some gas,
And up throughout space came a bubblin’ mass.
Black hole that is, dark matter, celestial tea.
Well the first thing you know ol Jet’s a pioneer,
Kinfolk said “Jet get away from there!”
“A wormhole ain’t the place you ought to be”
So he fired up the starship, but got ported’ to Beverly.
Galaxy, that is. Cosmic pools, protostars.
The Beverly Galaxians
It is the year 2179. Following the Fourth Civil War, which shattered families and destroyed nations, Earth’s great societies have been segregated into separate districts designed to keep human “Naturals” and artificial “Imitants” apart. Los Angeles undercover cop Dan Hillard is devastated to discover that his wife is really such an Imitant, as are their three children, and as a result they have been forcibly moved to an Imitant-only section of the city. In an effort to defy the tenuous Truce of Santa Clara, Hillard utilizes advanced masking technology to give himself the appearance of an elderly Imitant caretaker and crosses into forbidden territory to spend time with his kids. His disguise works, but an ill-timed promotion forces Dan to shuttle between districts with frequency, threatening the fragile stability between humans and machines. How far would YOU go to reunite your family? Would you go as far as…Mrs. Doubtcyborg?
The day of the meteor shower was the day it landed. At first it was tiny. A speck. A spore. But its alien physiology adapted well to our planet. As it ate, the creature grew. And grew. A ravenous beast, the alien creature soon devoured entire cities. For the love of humanity, will it ever stop eating?!
THE VERY HUNGRY SPACE-CATERPILLAR
Two lost children wake up alone in a crashed escape pod, the outside world is completely barren so they have no choice but to remain inside. With no idea of who or where they are, their only hope of rescue is the escape pod’s artificial intelligence who details with painstaking accuracy How it met (and was lost by) their Mothership.
Two ewoks solve crimes and flirt outrageously for two seasons. Then they get together and people lose interest.
She’s a white suburban undergraduate from NYU and he’s an alien space jockey who narrowly averted two previous attempts to wipe out all human life with a xenomorph infestation. Falling for each other was the easy part. Now he has to meet the parents in Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner! Disclaimer: directed by Ridley Scott and he will never actually answer the title’s question with any degree of certainty.
Little House on the Plane of Existence. A close-knit family wakes up one day to find their humble home has been teleported to an alternate reality, where they are forced to deal with aliens who won’t trade furs, neighbors who won’t lend salted pork, and a heckling Land/Overlord that may or may not be a descendant. ‘See what adventures await in Laura Ingalls Wilder blue yonder than you’ve ever seen before!’
The Fresh Prince of Cloud City…
It’s an exceptional tale of How Lando Calrissian, a smuggler, was caught and was forced by his parents to move to a much richer and nicer society with his Aunt and Uncle. The city is Cloud City. After lots of turmoil and hi-jinx he eventually becomes the Administrator and tries his best to keep out of trouble until one day his best friend from the smuggling world makes a visit…
On the edges of the civilized galaxy, in a space station named for its unusual biconical design, a young woman is found dead. After following a lead from a tiny datachip embedded under the victim’s fingernail, cyberdetective Dale Cooper discovers her secret second life in the station’s computer networks, a life filled with debauchery unrestrained by physical limitations. Cooper, gifted with psycho-technical powers after an experience with mystical alien drugs in his youth, goes into the network to find out the truth behind her murder. In the meantime, residents are dealing with strange malfunctions in their station’s Basic Operating Binary v9.0 (BOB 9000), that seem to cause bizarre and violent behavior. Will Cooper be able to defeat the malicious code, and keep his own sanity?
Through the darkness of future past
The magican longs to see
One chants out between two worlds:
Fire, blog with me.
The magican longs to see
One chants out between two worlds:
Fire, blog with me.
It began with the making of the Machines. Three to the elves, wisest and fairest of the forest worlds. Seven to the dwarflords, miners of the great asteroid belts. And nine to the race of Terra, who above all else, desired power. Within these machines came the ability to guard and preserve the three races for aeons to come. But they were all of them deceived, for another machine was made. In the depths of the dead system of Mordor, in the fires of a great supergiant, the Machine Lord Sauron forged a great war-machine. And within this he gave his cruelty, his malice, and his will to destroy all life, until only cold metal remained. One by one, the free races of the galaxy fell to the shadow of the War-Machine. Until a last alliance plunged into Mordor, and defeated the Machine Lord. However the great War-Machine was not destroyed, and was lost. For three thousand years the One Machine, housing in it a copy of Sauron’s cybernetic mind, waited to be found. And found it was by the most unlikely creatures imaginable. Now, a simple East System lad, a halfing, must go on a quest with many unlikely allies to destroy the War-Machine, in the great Supergiant that it was forged in.
Fellow Roboteers, I give you: Lord of the Machines!
Macbeth in Space: okay not exactly a fairytale but I have an idea. In the future space is ruled by a space aristocaracy. Macbeth and Banquo are two up and coming young aristocrats who are scouting the moons of Jupiter where they discover a mysterious object floating in space. It is some sort of ancient alien supercomputer that can predict the future and likes to alternate its speech between three different female voices. Macbeth and Banquo use this device to predict the future and gain higher status but before long Macbeth turns against his friend to sieze power for himself.
There’s a lot of funny in the HMs above, but also a lot of legitimately great ideas. But now for the winners, who are receiving a signed copy of Dark Horse’s excellent Once Upon a Time Machine…
‘You’re A Space Marine Charlie Brown’
Recruited to fight against the evil Galactic Overlord Baron Rhedd and his army of vegetable monsters, the Ravenous Trees of Khiite and the Pumpkin Beasts of Paatch, Charlie, Linus, Schroeder, Peppermint Patty, Lucy and Snoopy embark in their interstellar Sopwith Camel Mk MMXXVIIIs to do battle. It all falls apart when Lucy, in a moment of stupidity, yanks the F.U.T.B.O.L. (Fissionable Uranium Tactical Bomb, Orbit Launched) from Charlie’s firing tube.
Someone seriously needs to make this a nerd shirt at the very least.
Three robots have been unleashed upon the kingdom of Fredonia, initially assigned to act as a puppet government to hide the actions of a shady corporation. Instead, they have plunged the country into a civil war, and only Maggie Teasdale and her partner, the renegade robot ZEP-0, can defeat this triumvirate of evil- GR0CH-0, CHI3-0, and HAXP0. Ladies and Gentleman. This is D.U.C.K S0UP 2200.
A meeting is called by Cyrus, lord of the gangs that now run rampant across the various solar systems neighboring our own. At the gathering on a planet orbiting Pollux, Cyrus is assassinated by the Alderamin Rogues, but the representatives of Earth’s ‘Warriors’ gang are accused of committing the murder. Running for their lives — outnumbered and out-gunned — the Warriors know that their only hope for survival is to make it back to the safety of Earth and their interplanetary defense systems. This means travelling the 33.78 light years from Pollux to our own solar system, crossing the galactic ‘turf’ of the Denebola ACs, Arcturus Lizzies, Procyon Furies and Sirius Riffs, all while avoiding the patrols of the savage Interstellar Police.Will the Warriors make it back alive? Or will their death lead to open season on Earth’s people and resources???Ben Kenobi is an alcoholic who decides he’s going to drink himself to death in the most wretched hive of scum and villainy in the galaxy. There he meets and forms a friendship with prostitute Leesub Sirin. Love and co-dependence blooms, though each know the other is on a one way trip to personal destruction.
“Leaving Mos Eisley”An aspiring — but terrible — cook on board the Starship Enterprise learns lessons of cuisine and love with the help of a talented furry little friend.
“Rata-tribble”Earth’s dogs no longer need his whispering so he’s heading to a galaxy far, far away . This January, Nat Geo presents “The Nerf Herder with Cesar Millan”
Earth 2389 : The planet is a horrible wasteland due to various environmental changes – tornadoes, tidal waves, drought, earthquakes and hurricanes have driven man underground and made life a living hell. Everything is in short supply food, clean air, medicine… the only bright spot is that science has developed the means to place the conscious mind into one of your relatives in the past – if they can be found. A lottery is held to choose the lucky few who get to live in a better time, the “Happy Days” as they are known. Follow the story of the Cunninghams as they get to leave the cursed earth and be transported into a simpler time, where life was good, and the future was still far, far, away. The family, with their guide “FONZIE” (Family Oriented Nanobot – Z1 Edition) get to deal with the simple life of the ancient 1950’s.
It is 300 hundred years into the future and humankind has made contact with an alien race from another world, a race that’s hard to fathom, yet not so different from our own. The world government sends four women to live among them in the central urban hub of their civilization. Their mission: to learn how the aliens form interpersonal (and physical) relationships. One of them, Carrie, is tasked with documenting the whole ordeal, while also falling in love with an alien whose name is unpronounceable (she just calls him Mr. Big.) Another, Samantha, has another (secret) directive from Earth: to covertly collect as much alien DNA as possible. The other two…have different colored hair and also do things maybe. See all this and more in… Sex and the City in the Stars!Corn farmer Ray is hearing voices in his cornfield, voices from the past. Apparently his land is more than just fertile soil; it’s a temporal anomaly. People who go into the field sometimes don’t come out in the same era that they entered in. Some don’t come out at all. Baseball players from the past are stuck in the space outside of time, phasing in and out of existence, invisible to some but not others. Ray must recreate the conditions that they were lost under (i.e. rebuild the baseball field they were playing in, crowds and all) in order for their bodies to align once again with the Earth’s temporal matrix and rescue them from timeless oblivion. It’s… The Field of Time.In a galaxy populated by thousands of different alien worlds, most things about the evolution of life and civilization are known, except for one thing: language development is largely innate but no one knows why. But a brilliant scientist and his ever-helpful assistant have discovered something in the brains of sentient creatures that might hold the key: heretofore undiscovered elements. This discovery sends them on a quest to understand the origin of these elements and the ancient being that created them. Join Professor Strunk and Mr. White in The Elements of Sty-El.Humanity has finally figured out how to travel in hyperspace. However, regular exposure to hyperspatial radiation can be deadly. It is discovered, though, that the effects of the radiation are mitigated by high amounts of estrogen in the system, leading to an increase of women in fields that regularly require interstellar travel. This leads to an upending of patriarchal societies across the human empire. Against this backdrop, two different women, a detective and a medical examiner, solve off-world murder cases for Interpol (which is now Interstellar Police). Meanwhile, male resistance to the new gender paradigm mostly manifests itself as a lot of gossip about how these two space-cops are probably totally doing it. It’s Rizzoli and Isles In Space.Genetic engineering has become a luxury of the wealthy. Two regular men, sick of the genetic disparity between the wealthy and poor, enter a genetic engineering facility, hoping to steal its technology and democratize it. They assumed that, since it was Christmas, the facility would be empty. They weren’t counting on the fact that one child was left there unattended, in the middle of the process of having his intelligence increased one hundredfold. They unhook him too soon and it drives him insane, causing him to slap his hands to his face and scream madly. Soon, he escapes and starts hunting them, setting elaborate traps for them to fall in. Will they escape the clutches of the superchild or will they die in a Rube-Goldberg-esque fashion? Is the child even human anymore, or something else? He’s no longer Homo Sapian. He’s something separate. Something all to himself. He’s…Homo Alone.