The 10 Coolest G.I. Joe Ninjas

By Ethan Kaye in Daily Lists, Toys
Tuesday, September 14, 2010 at 8:05 am
5) Slice
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Slice has had six different versions of his figure made, and only one is not totally embarrassing. The first two were about 90% cool, with the red color scheme and the fencing mask (don't underestimate how intimidating a fencing mask can be), but with a stupid leopard print on his pants. The later versions were even worse, dropping the mask and red and making him covered in padding and with little sunglasses that look like he's going tanning. Still, he bases his martial arts on the movements of scorpions, which ups him a couple places in my rankings.

4) Vypra
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Cobra, for all its internal problems, has never had an issue with hiring women. If you want to do evil, and don't mind the occasional rally where you stand at attention and listen to a man dressed as a snake yell, you can do pretty well. Vypra is employed by Cobra, but also, according to one of her filecards, is also the protector of a forge where ninja swords are made. Despite her martial arts skills, Cobra has her driving a jeep. Really.

3) Jinx
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Aside from Snake Eyes, Jinx is the only ninja on this list to appear in the current IDW G.I. Joe series. She died in it, but hey, an appearance is an appearance. Hot female ninja were a rarity in ancient Japan (although they did exist), but Jinx fit in well on the Joe team. She made cartoon appearances, comic appearances, and had three action figures that were a must-have for kids in the '80s. Hot ninja girls...ah, that sounds like a Cinemax film I can get into.

2) Storm Shadow
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He's been voted the #1 Cobra villain by the old Action Force Weekly, one of the few G.I. Joe fan magazines that didn't try to hire out soldiers of fortune in their classified page. He's got so much backstory that it would take hours to go through it all, but let's just say he's more than a ninja in white pajamas. Those white pajamas take balls to wear, since you can see them coming from miles away, which just shows how confident he is in his ninja skills. You might see him coming, BUT IT WON'T SAVE YOU.

1) Snake Eyes
The US military took a big risk in hiring a ninja who doesn't talk, doesn't show his face, doesn't follow orders, often goes off on his own without telling anyone what he's doing, and has a shadowy history with dozens of now-criminals. He's still the most popular member of the team, with lips or without, and brings shadowy ninja expertise with him on every mission. But he's more than just a strong, silent master of the katana blade: as the above clip shows, he's also a breakdancer. Man, that show was weird sometimes.

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