Matt Busch's 19 x 13-inch poster of a knife-wielding zombie E.T. confirms every suspicion I have ever had about the so-called cute space visitor. Space botanist my ass, that fucker is here for just one reason: to scare the living shit out of every human he encounters.
Cost? $19.99 Where You Can Get It: At Hollywood Is Dead (be sure to check out Busch's other zombified goods on the site).
9) Stay Puft Caffeinated Marshmallows
I'm not sure if caffeinated marshmallows are a brilliant invention or a conspiracy by the manufacturers of Nexium to give nerds everywhere acid reflux, but these Ghostbusters ones are such a wonderful idea that I hardly care. Cost? $19.99 Where You Can Get It:ThinkGeek. If you're all alone, pick up the phone and call. 1-888-GEEKSTUFF.
8) Space Invaders Drink Accoutrements
Inspired by Space Invaders, these two products (branded as "Ice Invaders" and "Space Intruders" in order to avoid lawsuits from Taito) allow anyone to make the arcade classic a part of their daily routine...as if it wasn't already. The Ice Invaders tray creates perfect ice replicas of the 8-bit villains that you can then destroy by plunking into your glasses of Coke or bourbon. As for the novelty mug, well it makes the Invaders appear when a hot beverage is added. Am I the only one who is still wowed by this primitive bit of drinkware technology? Cost? $7.49 for the ice tray and $7.99 for the mug. Buy them both for the retro gamer in your life. Where You Can Get Them: Available through Perpetual Kid and ThinkGeek.
7) Tiny Mego-Styled Marvel Figures
You'll never be able to afford the old Mego figures based on Marvel Comics characters, so these 3.5-inch vinyl mini-figs from Japan will have to be the next best thing. Each character comes in a window box inspired by the great superhero toy packaging of the 1970s. They make perfect stocking stuffers to boot. Cost? Between $6-$8 apiece, shop around for the best price. Where You Can Get It: Through Amazon and any online toy retailer that believes in happiness.
6) Nerdy Christmas Cards
A bit pricier than the usual Hallmark offerings, the above Christmas cards have an advantage by replacing holiday sentiment with sheer awesomeness. The Mr. T designs by Brandon Bird (the lovable maniac who also sells a Law & Order coloring book and a Colorforms-esque playset starring Nicolas Cage) pity the fools who don't receive them in the mail, while the Left 4 Dead ones remind us that zombies love the season of giving just as much as the rest of us. Cost? The Mr. T cards will set you back $10-$12 per set of five; Left 4 Dead's undead holiday greetings are $15.99 for a set of 20 (includes 10 different designs). Where You Can Get Them: Celebrate T-Mas at Brandon Bird's website and feast on the living over at ThinkGeek.
5) The Power of Grayskull Coffee Mug
Be it coffee, hot chocolate or Four Loko, this Masters of the Universe-themed mug is the ideal container for your favorite morning pick-me-up. Because most workplaces frown on having employees strip down to short shorts and throwing swords about, it's also the most socially acceptable way to show your devotion to He-Man in an office environment (apparently, asking co-workers to ride your Battle Cat is also looked down upon). Cost? $19 Where You Can Get It:Café Press.
4) Disaster Area Tour Shirt
The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy's house band gets their own tour shirt, complete with a Cosmic Cutie giving devil's horns. As a sucker for anything even remotely Douglas Adams-related, this black t-shirt printed with a shiny silver foil etched design gave me butterflies. Anyone lucky enough to get this on Christmas would be a hoopy frood indeed.
Cost? $15.99-$17.99 depending on size. Where You Can Get It: At ThinkGeek and any head shop on Kakrafoon.
3) Critical Hit LED d20 Die
The joy of inflicting more damage while role-playing is always worth celebrating, and now you can be downright obnoxious about doing so with this special die that flashes red whenever you roll a 20 (known as a "critical hit" amongst the Dungeons & Dragons faithful for its destructive aftermath when rolled). Here's a look at the die in action:
Man, is there anything that Jemaine Clement can't do? Cost? $9.99. Where You Can Get It:ThinkGeek has your saving roll.
2) Megatron Men's Briefs
If for no other reason, get these to make a joke to your significant other about how your junk is more than meets the eye. Cost? $13. Where You Can Get Them: Shop without shame for these at Web Undies.
1) Lando Calrissian Disguise Kit
Fellas, you don't need mistletoe to score this holiday season. Just slap on one of these Lando mustaches, grab some Colt .45 and stop on by your lady's for an evening of orgasmic Cloud City lovemaking. Works every time indeed. Cost? If you have to put a price on wonder such as this, that price would be a mere $6. Where You Can Get It: The nostalgia peddlers of 80's Tees.