By Rob Bricken in Movies
Tuesday, May 1, 2012 at 3:09 pm
Alex Kurtzman and Roberto Orci, the writing duo behind Paramount's "Transformers" and "Star Trek" franchises, have signed a two-year, first-look production deal with Universal Pictures that includes plans to develop and produce a reimagined "Van Helsing" with Tom Cruise attached to star and produce.I repeat: UGH. I actually have no problem with Van Helsing as a concept, and I was actually excited by the Hugh Jackman Van Helsing at one point in time. I mean, one dude, fighting Dracula, a mummy, a werewolf, and Frankenstein's monster? It's like The Monster Squad with more violence. What's not to like?
Turns out: Quite a fucking lot. Van Helsing was so fucking terrible that just hearing the name "Van Helsing" fills me with a nerd rage, leaving me genuinely angry that someone would ever, ever try to make another Van Helsing movie, even if it's a reboot with all new actors and writers and directors and whatsoever. I'm kind of like Dracula in that regard, except instead of my hated foe being a famed vampire hunter whose family has defeated me throughout the eons, it's a movie that sucks shit.