Now for sale at Toys "R" Us.
Christmas, if you celebrate it, means tradition. Some families give gifts on Christmas Eve instead of Christmas Day (Crash Davis does not approve of this, BTW), some sing carols -- although speaking personally, no house I have lived in since the 1970s has ever been visited by carolers -- and some watch their favorite holiday-themed TV shows.
Among holidays, Christmas is far and away the leader in TV specials, both in quantity (Lifetime seems to churn a new dozen every year) and venerability, which brings me to A Charlie Brown Christmas. The show has aired at least once (often more) a December since its debut in 1965, making it older than me and almost all of my friends.
It's been a good run, but at the risk of Scrooging things up, let me suggest it might be time to put Snoopy and the gang out to pasture.
For starters, there's the message. ACBC follows our hero, perpetual underdog Charlie Brown as he becomes increasingly dismayed/outraged by the rampant commercialism surrounding Christmas: cash prizes for best house decorating? His baby sister requesting cash from Santa? AN ALUMINUM TREE? All very distressing, to be sure.
And all old hat, unfortunately. If Charles Schultz's cautionary tale about runaway materialism was supposed to somehow rein in the country's annual display of greed, I'm afraid it has failed in a way that can only be described as "utterly."
What's the over/under on how many of these people make sure to watch both A Charlie Brown Christmas *and* The Grinch every year? Never mind that you can simply buy a facsimile of Charlie Brown's pathetic needle-dropping tree at your finest local retail outlets anyway, just in case you didn't feel like pulling a random branch off a nearby tree in true DIY fashion.
Then there's the animation.
Look, I grew up in what was possibly the shittiest era of animation imaginable: the 1970s and '80s. These were the years following the heydays of Looney Tunes and Disney and before the rise of Miyazaki and Pixar. Lots of Hanna-Barbera, in other words. And even by those standards, A Charlie Brown Christmas looks like crap.
Granted, Schultz's original artwork was pretty simple to begin with, but I was actually given a Blu-ray of the show a couple years ago. and it really does rewrite the definition of "polishing a turd."
And like I said, it isn't as if there aren't a thousand alternatives out there, from Spongebob to He-Man to Phineas & Ferb. Some of them are actually pretty good, but that's not the point. All of this is the fault of A Charlie Brown Christmas, because it was the first kids' property to "do Christmas." Whatever the message, it opened the floodgates for everybody else.
Forty seven years is formidable, but enough is enough. The Christmas shopping season now runs from before Thanksgiving to just after New Year's, with decorations going up before Halloween. Charlie Brown fought the good fight, but he lost, and losers need to step aside gracefully before they wear out their welcome. Like Bud Adams.
And maybe now we can return to some real Christmas entertainment:
This piece originally appeared in Art Attack, a Houston Press blog. While we wait for Luke Y. Thompson to start as editor of Topless Robot, we'll occasionally be publishing stories from Voice Media Group sites.
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265 comments
Pete Vonder Haar?! Going on a nonsensical pretentious rant?! Sticking his nose up at his readers?! Why I never would have guessed! I hope Mr. Vonder Haar and SWSNBN enjoy what nonsensical crap he has to vomit on to Topless Roboet. To quote Homer Simpson: That's my cue to Exit.
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Pete Vonder Haar is what they call the best of the best. Well-lvoed by his fans and entirely responsible this.
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Oh, I see . . . get the troll comments out of the way by making the article ITSELF be a troll . . . is Perez Hilton editing this site now?
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Man, I was out sick yesterday. I come in this morning, grab a cup of coffee, open up my browser and I find this crap. wow. Really? I'm sure someone pointed this out but, wasn't the He-man Christmas special on the Worst Christmas Specials list from Topless? Do you know your reader base. I always looked forward to my mornings with Topless, now, not so much. I'm sad.
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Is it time to retire Topless Robot? ...It's looking more appealing by the post now.
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Dear Mr. Pete Vonder Haar,
Based on the comments you make above, I would venture to guess that *you* are the audience that Charles Schlults was aiming for.
Dear Village Voice Media Holdings,
While I applaud your intent in continuing to try and supply content while Luke Thompson gears up, may I suggest that you refrain from reposting such articles. Yes, you may get short term page hits, but you will ultimately lose the readerbase.
Dear fans of Topless Robot.
We need to be patient a little while longer and see what Luke will bring to the table. Don't judge the site while it's in transition...
Dera Chris Cummins,
Thanks for holding down the fort.
A Merry Christmas to all, and to all a nerdy night!
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Some more of Pete Vonder Haar's literary gems: "Saw The Hobbit: AnUnexpected Journey last night. I can't tell you what I thought of it,because at the time I'm writing this, I have yet to actually go see it."(from http://blogs.houstonpress.com/artattack/)I think we've read enough.
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Wow. This is what the articles on this website have deteriorated into? An ignorant "writer" giving his two cents about what he thinks makes a good holiday classic. To say that the He-Man holiday special is in the same ballpark as "A Charlie Brown Christmas" truly shows how ridiculous Pete Vonder Haar truly is. Almost as ridiculous as his name. I don't know what Charlie Brown did to you sir, but you need to get over it. As a matter of fact, just stop writing articles all together. I know this article is an opinion and everyone is entitled to their own opinion, but for this website to post something this fucking stupid makes me sad for the new editor and the future of what was once an amazingly hilarious and entertaining website.
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@cab1013 My thoughts exactly. Thank you, cab1013, for saving me the time to write up a post like this of my own.
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No and no again.What was once a great site is now a shadow of it's former self.The fact that they're using articles from a toilet roll of a rag like the Houston Press speaks volumes.Please someone,do us all a favor and take this ailing animal called Topless Robot out into the field and put it out of it's misery.
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Waitwaitwait... I just re-read that - did he actually offer the HE-MAN special as an alternative? This is clearly proof of alien life present on our planet. The HE-MAN special. Really. "Geeks and nerds like He-Man, right? I'll put that in there." Patronize much?
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Please do not post that guys columns here anymore as honestly he needs to find another job. I don't know what hate filled, depressed and angst ridden life Pete Vonder Harr has had, but he needs some serious meds. Anyone who can try to bury a children's tale of overcoming the lure of commercialism , to try and find the real meaning of the Christmas holiday really is a douchebag and does not deserve the support of a site like this. He should go live in his misery and stop writing.http://www.google.com/url?source=imglanding&ct=img&q=http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_xgTBLhAi3X0/TOmnjlkK6_I/AAAAAAAAA8w/eCcGFN81nwI/s1600/douche_bag1.jpg&sa=X&ei=4d3HUJy2FqKRiQLxp4DADA&ved=0CAkQ8wc4XQ&usg=AFQjCNHOqhCWMUAHe0Kx5lJeQ-XKOxATMg
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Hmmm, how can I sum up my feelings on this matter? Ah yes, I know: please have a warm glass of shut the fuck up, .Pete Vonder Haar
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I think it's time to retire Pete Vonder Haar...........He can go back to sipping lattes while watching "The Big Bang Theory" and dreaming of finally meeting a woman with eyes like Zooey Deschanel
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i love the charlie brown Christmas the one movie i wish the would stop showing is that crappy Christmas story movie
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For the record, I will hold Pete Vonder Haar's arms behind his back while every member of the Peanuts gang kicks him in the nuts. If there is true justice, Lucy will be second to last, and will hold Mr. Haar's nuts while allowing Charlie Brown, finally, to get that one solid kick in.PS - Piss off Haar.
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Three years I've been a regular visitor to this once-great site. The last several weeks have been rough and I've been finding it harder and harder just to visit and have my hopes dashed once again. This article killed whatever chance there was for me to stick it out post-Rob. I'm cutting out and urge everyone to do the same. Don't let this steaming pile of crap be the last thing you remember about Topless Robot. Leave it at the good times and don't look back, never look back.
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I'm sure pete vonder would like to hear your honest opinions about his most recent article @
pete_filmthreat@yahoo.com
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If this is the kind of bullshit that will be posted to this once great site, It'll make for an easy resolution not to return. I'm terribly sorry that the ADD addled children of today can't sit still long enough to enjoy the slow pace of such a timeless story about selfless giving, but seriously, screw them. Let them go Tweet about how they are hating all Christmas ironically.
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@Jawbone Give it a chance my friend, read some of the other comments...we're trying to hold this thing down before we get some consistency.
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As we all froth at the mouth over this (and I'm a frothing just as rabidly as everyone else), I have to say that what I hate even more than this article is the long and varied history of Internet nerd-baiting that this is a part of. This "writer" has no real opinion on this, but is writing something inflammatory to get more 'net hits.
And that, above all else, will be what drives many from this site. Before, it was "one of us". Now, it's "poke the nerds and make them complain." Not a precedent that any of us wants here.
Please stay away from the Voice Media well, new editor. The water table's tainted.
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Saying that "Spongebob" is a better alternative to "Peanuts" is like saying Brandon Routh is a better alternative to Christopher Reeve.
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The author COMPLETELY missed the point in "Charlie Brown Christmas"... It was about how the MAIN POINT OF CHRISTMAS has been buried in a lot of other things. Christmas presents, plays, decorations, and Lucy's constant remark about being "Christmas Queen"... It was Linus that plainly stated what Christmas is all about: The birth of Jesus Christ! Everything else, like decorated pine trees, Santa Claus, and Presents, all came along long afterwards. Jesus spoke, and taught, of tolerance, forgiveness, and love for your fellow man, and Christmas is supposed to remind people that we SHOULD treat other people kindly and with respect. The same point is made in, among MANY other Christmas tales, "Scrooged", "How The Grinch Stole Christmas", "A Christmas Carol"- Which has been done and redone countless times, "The Ministers' Wife", and "It's A Wonderful Life".
Also, I and many others I personally know of have opted for small Christmas trees( Similar to the tree in Charlie Brown) for many different reasons... In my case, space. I can put up a small tree inside my house but not the "Classic" six foot tall tree. It IS small, but I will have presents for my family underneath it.
Also, articles like this have no real place here... This is a "nerd" site: Talk about movies, comic books, anime, etc. are the norm here... The average Topless Robot-er would have more interest in articles about a place that sells the Charlie Brown tree, a DVD re-release of CBC, ornaments, and the like. This article is just to rouse emotions, by a site most of us have never heard of, and would otherwise have no interest in.
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true maybe after so long charlie brown and crew deserve a rest now but retiring it would be like retiring frosty and rudloph and the grinch . who have been on as long as a charlie brown christmas for that is why the thing is considered an ever green show. that even after seeing it so long one can not help when its on like the grinch watch it plus sharing it with other generations. though sooner or later the time will happen when charlie will not have to put up with xmas any more. but not for a long time yet
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"Is It Time to Retire A Charlie Brown Christmas?"
No. It isn't. It's time to get in synch with your new fucking fan base before this once-proud site goes the way of the dodo.
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Edmund Blackadder, Esq.: "Shall I begin the Christmas story?"
George, the Prince Regent: "Absolutely, as long as its not that terribly depressing one about the chap who gets born on Christmas Day, shoots his mouth off about everything under the sun, and then comes a cropper with a couple of rum coves on top of a hill in Johnny Arab land."
Edmund Blackadder, Esq.: "You mean *Jesus,* Sire...?"
George, the Prince Regent: "Yes, thats the fellow! Keep him out of it. He always spoils the X-mas atmos!"
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@skrag2112 Amazing...Blackadder reference FTW
[IMG]http://i.imgur.com/lSl03.gif[/IMG]
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I still love 'A Charlie Brown Christmas', warts and all. Its like seeing an old friend who can only visit during the holidays.
A few years ago, my brother and I made our own version of ACBC for our family. Here it is if you'd like to check it out.
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@Canadian.Scott @jonap You mean, I can buy Miami Connection right now? Move over Charlie Brown, we have a new Christmas classic.
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Ted, Ice Age: Continental Drift, The Bourne Legacy and Dark Knight Rises came out last week.
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"A Christmas Carol" is so outdated. It's like Charles Dickens didn't even have the internet!
