The Ten Worst Scooby-Doo Guest Stars

By Jason Helton in Cartoons, Daily Lists
Thursday, February 14, 2013 at 6:00 am

5. Jerry Reed

When ghost invade the Grand Old Country Music Hall, one of the first people to encounter them is the Snowman himself, Jerry Reed. Before he was eastbound and down with the Bandit and getting chased by Sheriff Buford T. Justice, he was getting chased by scary ghosts and getting kidnapped by a pair of possessed mannequins dressed as Davy Crockett and a Viking whom I have named Tubbs. Now what Crockett and Tubbs have to do with country music is anyone's guess, but these two Auton rejects end up in possession of their very own Jerry Reed; that is until his friends Mystery Inc. show up for a visit. Jerry, rather than yell for help, decides to sing from his prison in the hall, getting the attention of the gang who find him and unmask the villainous plot of Ben Bing and Birtha, who would have gotten away with it if it wasn't for those meddling kids, their mangy dog and that sumbitch country singer.

4. Sonny and Cher

There was a time when Cher didn't believe in life after love, and Congressman Bono wasn't trying to blow up the first commercial space shuttle. It was called the '70's, and this pair of star-crossed musicians was one of the hottest items of the decade. Normally this is the point when I would make a Spaceballs reference about how they marketed themselves...ahh, what the hell. There was Sonny and Cher: The Hour Long Special, Sonny and Cher: The Comedy Show, Sonny and Cher: The Long Winded and Very Public Divorce, The Sonny and Very Absent Cher Show, Sonny and Cher: The Dolls, Sonny and Cher: The Public Reconciliation and New But Far Less Popular TV Show, Sonny and Cher: The Cancellation Due to Abysmal Ratings, Cher in Silkwood, Mask, Beaches and a ton of other chick flicks, Sonny in The United States Congress, Cher sings with Beavis and Butthead and tries to turn back time. Of course, in the middle of this period, thanks to getting conned or blackmailed by Casey "Shaggy" Kasem, they also appeared on Scooby-Doo.

Obviously Sonny and Cher need to fire their travel agent. On what should be the honeymoon of a lifetime, the pair of love/songbirds find the accommodations lacking far worse than a trip to Beaches. One thing the vacation is NOT lacking is an abundance of Shark Monsters. Granted, there is only one Shark Monster to contend with, but I'm guessing any number of Shark Monsters is enough to make a bad honeymoon even worse. Of course, also vacationing on Shark Island at the time is the gang who, while originally suspecting a woman named Matilda thanks to her suspicious behavior, eventually discover the mild mannered and almost grandfatherly Hotel Manager Milo Meekly was behind it all, desperate for gold hidden on the island. Mystery solved, the Gang and the pair of entertainers go their separate ways.

3. KISS

It's pretty much a universal axiom that Gene Simmons would do just about anything for money. Like a pimp trying to get every dime out of his best girl KISS, he will allow anyone to do any deplorable act to KISS so long as the money is right. So when Hanna Barbera was looking for a good time, Gene was happy to provide.

According to Scooby-Doo lore, by the 21st Century KISS had been reduced to playing for hire, like a painted up Morris Day and the Time (That's not a slight on Morris Day, but a slight on KISS. I would never say an unkind word about the Time. I model my whole fucking life around Morris Day and Jerome). Of course, trouble erupts when the Ghost of Hank Banning shows up at the gig they are playing at the Banning Junction Halloween party.

In a surprising twist, KISS opts not to use their superpowers to help. Instead the band decides to take a supporting role, continuing to play the concert to quell the panic of paranormal activity, like a '80s hair-band version of the Titanic musicians. When it comes time for the ever present chase/confrontation scene, the band, taking a page from numerous Final Fantasy games, plays music to inspire our intrepid heroes. The gang soon finds out that rather than a typical money/land snatch routine, the caper is actually the work of Velma's cousin Marcy, apparently pissed that her Halloween birthday was consistently forgotten from friends and family, outweighed by the need for cosplay and free candy. This makes Marcy the most trivial, whiny bad guy in Scooby-Doo history, and KISS the most expensive and useless decoration in animation.

2. Mama Cass

Long before rumors of death by ham sandwich, "Mama" Cass Elliot was a musical legend, having been an integral part of the Mamas and the Papas, as well as having one hell of a solo career. While after her death she became a punch line, until the late 1960s her fame was undeniable. A fall from grace late in the decade made her shift her career, leading to multiple talk show and variety show appearances and of course, her guest spot on The New Scooby-Doo Movies.

Ironically, when Scooby and the Gang run into Mama Cass, the notoriously overweight musician - in what is either a poor joke or ignorant screenwriting - is cast in the role of herself as a candy factory owner. When the villainous Green Globs invade the factory, workers are quickly driven from their sugar filled halls. Of course, Mystery Inc. and the musical superstar track down the culprits intent on driving out the workers and Mama in order to smuggle stolen gold wrapped in candy bar foil. Any caper involving food is a poor choice when Scooby-Doo's sensitive palate is concerned, and the Green Globs are soon revealed to be former factory worker Mr. Crink and his bank robbing sidekick. Sadly, Cass Elliot died of a heart attack (not a ham sandwich) only six months later, just as her solo career began to pick up once more.

1. Any Deceased (or somewhat deceased) Comedy Act i.e. The Three Stooges/Laurel and Hardy

As far as comedians of yesteryear go, the two troupes that spring to mind most quickly are The Three Stooges and Laurel and Hardy. Both team-ups were known for their physical style of comedy combined with sight gags which sound like they would be a perfect match for a Scooby-Doo format. In fact, the format for the hallmark Scooby chase scenes were specifically based on the comedy of such greats as the Marx Brothers and Abbott and Costello. So why do these two legends of comedy show up on this list?

By the time the New Scooby-Doo Movies began production, The Three Stooges had been split up for years. Original cast member Larry Fine had suffered a debilitating stroke in 1970 effectively ending his career, while fan favorite Curly Howard had been dead for twenty years. Replacement cast member Shemp Howard had also been dead for decades, and with the act essentially retired, Joe Besser and "Curly" Joe DeRita had moved on to other things. So when someone got the bright idea to use the Stooges as Scooby guest stars, Moe, Larry and Curly Joe were played by mediocre sound-a-likes.
The animated versions couldn't hold a candle to the true Stooges.

What should have been animated comedy genius endied up a desperate attempt to drum up ratings for the premier of the New Scooby-Doo Movies in what seems to be a pathetic cash grab, trying to squeeze a last few pennies from the comedy legends. Of course, this wouldn't be the final attempt to pick from the Stooges like carrion. Aside from two Scooby Doo appearances, some Hanna Barbara execs cemented their place in Hell by creating a Stooge series in the late seventies, converting the Stooges into bumbling cybernetic superheroes, The Robonic Stooges. The day that show aired, Satan was laughing hysterically while the rest of the world wept.

Even worse was the use of Laurel and Hardy, who were both long deceased when the show went into production. Again, they were shoehorned in with sound-a-likes playing the duo. Entertainer Larry Harmon, a.k.a. Bozo the Clown had somehow acquired the rights to the comedy duo and began pimping them out, producing his own cartoon series in the sixties, and followed by the appearance on Scooby-Doo. Thankfully theirs was a one shot, and Harmon opted not to crap on their legacy as much as Stooges management did.

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