Cockmasters! The '80s Action Figure Line That Never Existed (or Did It?)

By Luke Y. Thompson in Cartoons, TV, Toys
Wednesday, April 23, 2014 at 12:00 pm


The satire may be lost on kids who don't remember the '80s, but literally, the way toy lines worked back then was that somebody would think up a gimmick - aliens riding dinosaurs, things that change color, skeletons that turn into vehicles, etc. - and then a usually feeble attempt to wrap a storyline around it to form a barely animated show would ensue.

A line of hero and villain figures with guns popping out of their crotch isn't just feasible; there was one that actually kinda-sorta happened. Yep, lest you thought this was a stretch, Toy Biz actually made a Punisher figure with a crotch rocket...who also transformed into a gun that fired out his ass. Let's see Disney turn THAT into a movie.

Meanwhile, fake commercial.

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