Building Darth Vader Armor out of Sex Toys

Wednesday, July 22, 2015 at 8:00 am

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File this under "because we can" - with the help of some special effects gurus, adult film actress Kayla-Jane Danger has created a Dark Lord out of a dick horde. 300-plus vibrators, butt plugs, paddles, latex fists and more went into creating this battery powered, vibrating Anal-kin Skyfucker - and like the real Vader, you're gonna want to keep him away from younglings.

Weirder still for me - one of the FX guys, Tom Devlin, once made me into a zombie on a movie set. Now I'm starting to worry where his hands had been before he stuck contacts in my eyes. Not blind yet, at least.

I can't embed the video for obvious reasons, but if you can claim to be 18, you can watch it online pretty easily. Umm...Yippee?

Clop Clop! Turn Your Hand Into a Small Unicorn or Horse, Because...We Know Where This Is Going

Wednesday, June 10, 2015 at 1:30 pm

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At first glance it may - MAY - seem innocent. Why, you get to have a little hand puppet, with individual horsey hooves!

And if you think that, you evidently are not a regular enough reader to know what certain people get up to "using their hands" with plastic pony toys.

They just came out with a regular brown horse one, too.

Much like the Handicorn takes your hand and makes it magical, the Handihorse transforms your plain old paw into a proud prancing pony!
Ummm...Beavis' hand is magical, sir...it disappears into his pants.

Don't tell me they don't understand the ramifications.

via Laughing Squid

How You Can Help Make Some Amazingly Nerdy Costumes for Kids in Wheelchairs

Friday, June 5, 2015 at 8:00 am

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Amazing parents Ryan & Lana Weimer, working with the Stan Winston School, have already shown their skills with the Toothless costume, above, to make children confined to wheelchairs feel like they're riding mighty steeds (and possibly remind them that Hiccup had a problem with one of his legs too, but was still the hero). Now they're asking for donations to make five more commissions, including a SpongeBob boat and an Avengers Quinjet. These outfits don't just make disabled youngsters feel better - they make them the ENVY of their peers.

Unlike most Kickstarters, the reward here is primarily the satisfaction of knowing you helped bring smiles, and maybe a thank-you sticker. Unless you pledge ten grand - then you get a dinosaur tooth or claw from a Jurassic Park movie. Well, that and the knowledge that you used your time better than watching either of the two sequels.

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New Muppets Trailer: Puppet Sex, Bear Bowels and 405 Freeway Jokes

Tuesday, May 12, 2015 at 12:08 pm

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You know, I like adult Muppet parodies as much as anybody - Avenue Q, Sad Kermit and Special Ed from Crank Yankers are all things I've enjoyed (Jim Henson's kids really don't like them, though - I've asked).

But I'm not sure how I feel about the actual Muppets making sex jokes and discussing their bodily functions. I do, however, know how I feel about 405 freeway jokes, and it goes a li'l sumpin' like this: I live in the Valley area of L.A. I have to take the 405 to get to the westside. THE 405 IS A GOD-FORSAKEN NIGHTMARE. Also? Nobody who lives outside of L.A. knows what the fuck you're talking about when you bring it up. So maybe best not to.

Another thing: could we maybe not just call the show "The Muppets"? Since they just did a movie called that? I promise, as long as the word "Muppets" is in the title, we'll know what it is - I'm just giving you the heads up that parents might want to know just by looking at a title whether they're about to put on the PG movie, or the TV show that talks about Fozzie shitting in the woods.

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Tags: ABC, Muppets

A New Muppet Show Is Finally Greenlit! Here's the First Image

Friday, May 8, 2015 at 6:00 am

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I didn't quite dare write about this when it was just in the phase of "Let's shoot a test pilot and see if anybody likes it and then wants to put it on the air." Given how the last two Muppet movies disappointed at the box office - turns out kids today are dumb and don't understand you're supposed to automatically love these guys - I thought we might only be in for heartbreak. "Hey, they're shooting a Muppet pilot you may never, ever see!" just seems like a mean thing to write, however you couch it, even for me.

But now I don't have to, because it's really time to play the music and light the lights again!

For the first time ever, the series will explore the Muppets' personal lives and relationships, both at home and at work, as well as romances, break-ups, achievements, disappointments, wants and desires--a more adult Muppet show, for kids of all ages.
I'm not opposed to this idea, actually: the original Muppet Show's formula of showing both a show being put on and the backstage drama behind the scenes has inspired such disparate successors as WWE Monday Night Raw and The Larry Sanders Show. Nowadays, the reality TV format is how you would show that kind of thing - think WWE's Total Divas. The real trick, I think, is to present these characters to kids again without assuming they know the whole history, while retaining the smart, referential appeal to their parents too.

What I'm saying is don't freak out if they bring in new characters like Clifford. Fans always dismissed him unfairly.

Tags: ABC, Muppets

Universal Studios Florida to get New King Kong Ride

Wednesday, May 6, 2015 at 9:00 am

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Much as the old "Kongfrontation" ride took the germ of its idea from the mechanical Kong on the Universal Hollywood backlot tour, so too will "Skull Island: Reign of Kong" take the current backlot tour's King Kong 360 3D and make it its own thing, adding giant sets, animatronics and unique vehicles to the screen-based adventure.

Interestingly, what it will NOT apparently be is a specific tie-in to the upcoming Kong movie Skull Island, which we don't know much about aside from it being set in a different time period from the original - this ride is set in the '30s, like the classic King Kong and the Peter Jackson remake. No word on reviving the old attraction's "banana breath" feature, sadly.

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Heather Henson and Toby Froud Present Full-Length Puppet Fantasy Yamasong (w/Amazing Cast)

Tuesday, May 5, 2015 at 11:00 am

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From the children of the guys who brought you The Dark Crystal and Labyrinth, with apparent influences from steampunk and Neil Gaiman/Dave Mckean stuff, behold the first trailer and poster for Sam Koji Hale's Yamasong, starring Nathan Fillion, Abigail Breslin, Whoopi Goldberg, Malcolm McDowell, George Takei, Peter Weller and SHUTUPANDWATCHITALREADY.

(Also, be sure to check out the official Yamasong Facebook for more)

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New Star Wars Creatures! And a New Character Name

Monday, May 4, 2015 at 8:08 am

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Vanity Fair

A space pirate named Maz Kanata and some new aliens are now revealed at Vanity Fair too, plus what appears to be a still indicating that Kylo Ren does indeed simply look like Adam Driver under the mask.

I'm not big on the new aliens, particularly - they remind me of that one CG bar patron from the beginning of JJ's Trek. And I've never cared much for Driver's unadorned face, but there it is.

The Hatbox Ghost Is Finally Coming Back to Disneyland's Haunted Mansion

Friday, April 10, 2015 at 1:30 pm

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For those not up on their Disney theme-park lore, the Hatbox Ghost was an effect for the Haunted Mansion ride that failed to work as planned, and was quickly removed from the attraction. The idea was that, using lighting effects, the ghost's head would disappear, and reappear inside the hat box he was holding. Though the animatronic figure was removed, a picture of him still hangs on the wall.

But in honor of the 60th anniversary of Disneyland, theme-park blog Inside the Magic reports that they're bringing him back, with today's technology having presumably long since caught up to what was originally intended. And the anniversary may not be the only thing they had in mind - Guillermo del Toro's long-gestating Haunted Mansion movie finally seems to be moving forward with Ryan Gosling in the lead - and the director previously announced, several Comic-Cons ago, that the Hatbox Ghost would be the focus.

Is it possible they held off on the movie until the character could be brought back "in person"? I wouldn't put it past the undisputed masters of corporate synergy.

Five Nights at Freddy's, the "Evil Chuck E. Cheese" Game, Gets a Movie

Wednesday, April 8, 2015 at 6:30 am

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Honestly, I'm not sure why some version of this pitch hasn't been made before. Hell, back in my film school days, there was a kid in my class who was pitching a horror version of Chuck E. Cheese as his student short (I've no idea where he would have found the money to build an animatronic - and in the end I don't think he made it. But still).

Five Nights at Freddy's, the game that has you working night security at a pizza place full of scary animatronics, has just been optioned for a movie by Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter author Seth Grahame-Smith, who intends to work closely with game creator Scott Cawthon. Honestly, Hollywood could easily have just ripped off the notion, so buying the actual IP feels like good sportsmanship. Now, how to expand the story so it's about more than opening and closing doors at the right time?

If it were me, I'd mash-up this franchise with Paul Blart, and have Freddy Fazbear's be part of a much larger mall at night. Just so long as Kevin James agrees to pull a Janet Leigh and get surprisingly killed off 20 minutes in.