What You Do With a Manicorn Hand-Puppet Is Your Business

Monday, December 8, 2014 at 10:00 am

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Forget Manos - "mani" is the REAL hand of fate. And I think we all know what people might do once they get them "in hand." According to the description, "Unicorn Man," well, "Runs the biggest corporation in Fantasyland." I would assume he therefore has a firm grip on its operations, running up and down the long, hard, corridor of power to ensure a decent output.

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Super Terrific American Thing: Shittens

Tuesday, December 2, 2014 at 2:30 pm

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For use on babies, pets AND adults? Well, I mean, I wasn't gonna buy it if it were only two out of three.

No One Wants Poop On Their Hands... Clean Up Any Mess With ShittensTM

Dammit, you trademarked that? I was going to.
Shittens are disposable, mitten-shaped moist wipes. While old fashioned, square wet wipes put your hands at risk for all kinds of accidental fecal contamination, the genius mitten shape of a Shitten provides not only safety from poop, but on a larger scale, emotional peace of mind.

The GENIUS mitten shape, you say? And emotional peace of mind? How ever did you survive wiping your own ass these many years, you presumably grown-up person, you?
If you turn them inside out they are perfectly reusable for a second time wipe.

That would seem to defy the point.

Oh, but then we get to the Amazon customer reviews...

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The Nightmare Before Christmas Remade With Funko Reaction Figures and Kitten Heads

Tuesday, November 11, 2014 at 4:00 pm

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True, this film parody from the Pet Collective features annoying narration, bad voice-acting, and is best watched with the sound down so you can just be mesmerized by the bizarre images...but can't you also say all those things about the ACTUAL Nightmare Before Christmas?

Please note that the cats are alive. Nobody decapitated any feline friends to make this happen. That's just what we call movie magic (and I'd buy toys of these versions in a meowtherfucking heartbeat).

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91 Things We Saw at the Hello Kitty 40th Anniversary Exhibit in Downtown Los Angeles

Friday, October 17, 2014 at 6:00 am

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Hello Kitty turns 40 this year - but just like you're not supposed to call her a cat, don't call it a birthday. Sanrio is very persnickety about semantics, and would rather you called this the 40th anniversary of her first appearance.

In honor of their meowing mascot hitting the middle-age mark, Sanrio is hosting several celebrations, including an exhibit at the Japanese American National Museum in downtown Los Angeles. Yes, we were there, and yes, we have a cat-ton of pictures to show of this part-history, part-art-inspiration exhibit. Let the cuteness commence!

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Finally, Inevitably, There Is a Porn Haunted House Attraction

Thursday, October 16, 2014 at 2:30 pm

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It is, of course, in San Francisco. Billed as something that might scare you and give you a boner, or both (or for Abraxas, Tuesday), Kink.com's Halloween attraction is a

BDSM-inspired, immersive theater/haunted house experience through the basement sets of the world's largest porn studio in the historic San Francisco Armory

Over-the-top production featuring contortionists, nude models body painted by the city's top talent, prosthetics, animatronics, interactive art and a menacing cast of characters
60-minute tours with photo opportunities unlike anything you have seen before. An event sure to become an annual favorite for 18+ fans of horror and adult content

So who's going to be the first to create a fan-fiction haunted house? You know there has to be one coming somewhere.

h/t Julie Scott


The 18 Strangest Versions of Dracula

Wednesday, October 15, 2014 at 6:00 am

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Could Bram Stoker ever have imagined, back in 1897, that the character he created would one day be used for everything from pornography to breakfast cereal? It's hard to imagine that even Bela Lugosi could have guessed that the accent he gave Dracula would still be in use, more than 80 years later, spoofed by George Hamilton, or teaching kids to count, or marketing everything from car insurance to debt-consolidation loans ("because debt sucks!") to throat lozenges. Thus Dracula Untold, the title of the Drac movie that opened this past weekend, seems almost impertinent. Can there be a variation on the Dracula tale left untold?

Here are 18 strong contenders for the most peculiar takes on Count Dracula in popular culture. Note: These aren't just vampires in the Dracula mode; all of them had, at minimum, to have either the title "Count" or the prefix "Drac-" or the suffix "-ula" somewhere in their name.


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TR Interview: Automata's "Visionary" Director Gabe Ibanez on His Asimov Riff

Friday, October 10, 2014 at 9:00 am

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When I first saw the trailer for Automata, I assumed that it was a big-budget studio release that I'd just somehow missed out on hearing about. It stars Antonio Banderas, and it has top-notch special effects and a fully realized future world. But no - this is a scrappy indie from a first-time feature director, and is probably too weird and brooding for a studio, which is a good thing. Like a kinder, gentler, Blade Runner, it has Banderas going around fixing rogue robots rather than killing them...but it's all against the backdrop of humanity gradually going extinct.

I spoke to Ibanez on the phone during Fantastic Fest. As he is a fast-talker with a thick accent, I cannot vouch for every single word, but I'm pretty sure it's essentially all there.

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Gerry Anderson's Son Is Reviving Firestorm...in ULTRAMARIONATION!

Wednesday, October 8, 2014 at 11:39 am

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Real explosions.

That's one of the major takeaways from Jamie Anderson's Kickstarter pitch video - he will build puppets and sets, and he will blow them up for your enjoyment.

It worked - Firestorm has only been on Kickstarter a couple of days, and it's already fully funded. Originally conceived as a puppet show but sold as the anime series Storm Force in 2003, this Firestorm will be returning to its roots and terrifying a new generation of kids with those weird marionettes that always creeped me the hell out. I mean, people talk about "uncanny valley" in CG, but marionettes had dead eyes from day one.

I'm down to see some get blown up.

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Week-Starter: Vinyl Guardians, Cowboy Game of Thrones, Bob's Burgers Porn and More!

Monday, October 6, 2014 at 6:00 am

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If you-ooooo-oooo...are hooked on the vinyl! Then there's a version of the Guardians of the Galaxy soundtrack for you.

Here are some other stories you might have missed, if not for the compiling assistance of Kyle LeClair and the tipster powers of Patch999, Gallen_Dugall, SlyDante777, skrag2112, RegularStormy, Rx79immigrant84, troi. Also, I'm experimenting with titles other than Weekend Hangover, just to see if they get better traction. Feeling like maybe positioning this as a kickoff rather than leftover might be more pro-active. We'll see.


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TR Review: Annabelle Burns With the Passion of Tommy Wiseau

Friday, October 3, 2014 at 10:00 am

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Annabelle Facebook page

Oh hai audience! I am Amurrican director. I make typical Amurrican horror film about how normal people like you and me use sewing machine and buy dolls, haha. We are all so normal! But sometimes when people espress themselves they hurt each udder, and the doll become the Satan. Anyway, how's your sex life?

If I didn't happen to personally know director John Leonetti, I would assume that the above was his mission statement, and his name a pseudonym for Tommy Wiseau. "Leo," in fact, is a great cinematographer, and one of the nicest guys you'll ever meet. But when it comes to directing, let's just say that the best-case scenario for Annabelle is that drag queens embrace it as a midnight show to yell at.

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